I can tell just what you want

you know i'm gonna change, things just don't stay the same no more

“You’d better.” Sunjata rumbles – but it’s an empty threat, given the child in his arms and the panic that remains. All he can do is talk, offer hot air in lieu of consequences should Ronin have said the opposite. But still, there’s a half smile that crosses his face, something much younger appearing as Ronin’s hand ruffles his hair – so far so good.

The question is aired, uncertainty still lacing through him with sharp jabs, only flaring further as the child wiggles and moves, clings to his clothes and Sunjata’s heartbeat thunders in both part fear and worry. He peers down in time to see Mateo open his eyes, yawning, small hands balled up against his chest, and all Sunjata can do is continue to internally panic, letting a slow exhale out through his nose. “The second he cries you’re taking him back.”

you know i'm gonna break your fading heart

SuNJATA

the baffled king composing hallelujah

"Oh I will," Ronin assures him, his expression warming considerably as Jata looks less like a deer in headlights, even if it's just for a second or two. Letting the subject go so they can better concentrate on Mateo, the Star can't help but grin as he watches the infant clutch at the Flood's clothes and kick tiny feet in his blanket. "Alright, if you're sure. As babysitters go though, you're doing a pretty great job." He nudges him (very gently, of course, not to jostle the child).

Mateo seems content for the time being at least, cooing and drooling and doing all the usual baby stuff designed to melt hearts and make grown adults want one of their very own. It has already hooked Ronin, of course, given that he's his son, and the expression on the Star's face says as much. "Y'know, even with the screaming panic in you right now, I think you'd make a good father," he says.

you know i'm gonna change, things just don't stay the same no more

The assurance is all Sunjata needs really, and it fares as a good enough distraction until Mateo starts moving. Ronin’s words and slight nudge have him clutching the child a bit more, keeping his gaze trained on Ronin with daggers forming in the steel – as if to say ‘if you make him cry so help me’. But it’s a gentle nudge, and with it the boy seems fine. It gives Sunjata the moment to focus on the words that leave Ronin’s lips – instinctually shaking his head. “You say that now.” Because the second Mateo does something Sunjata will have literally no idea what to do.

Already Sunjata can feel the drool that begins to pool and smear along clothes, the quiet coos, Sunjata finds himself at a crossroads. On one hand, he hates every second of it. On the other hand, his mind manages to filter through the blacked out pit of his memory, recalling something of Nate mentioning that a child was something he wanted. He doesn’t know if it were real or not, something he may have to ask later, that he only comes back to the moment when Ronin mentions he’d make a good father.

“I don’t know.” He offers honestly, jaw clenching briefly, letting his gaze focus back on his friend. “Nate would. He’d be perfect. Me on the other hand? I don’t…” He sighs, wanting nothing more than to shrug his shoulders, but he refrains if only to not disturb the child. “I went an entire fifteen years of swearing off ever having kids because of what I had to deal with.” Until he’d agreed to that doomed marriage with Phoebe. And even then, it wasn’t what he wanted. He was adamant about it.

you know i'm gonna break your fading heart

SuNJATA

the baffled king composing hallelujah

"Yes, I do," Ronin says sunnily, meeting his friend's gaze with complete trust. "Put it this way, Jata - it's one thing not to know what to do with babies. But this isn't a baby. This is my son, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he's safe with you." Something else stirs on the tip of his tongue, something he wants to say but that he really ought to discuss with Remi first, so he keeps it to himself.

Mateo, gurgling his merry way into wakefulness and becoming thoroughly entranced by the fabric of Sunjata's shirt, is none the wiser to this conversation. He'd probably agree though, Ronin thinks. "Fifteen years is a long time. You've changed a lot since then. Even if you don't decide to become a father, I'd say you can at least hold your own around kids. Look at him, he barely notices I'm gone." He scoffs, like he's offended (he isn't).

you know i'm gonna change, things just don't stay the same no more

The amount of trust that Ronin puts in Sunjata, the faith that he’d be able to do whatever necessary to keep Mateo safe is sweet. It’s a surprise to the Flood, one that he knows to be true the moment he spies the bright look from the Star. And if there’s something that Sunjata does know about himself, he knows how to do his damnedest to keep those he cares about safe.

It might not have worked too often, but gods if he didn’t at least try.

The coos turn to gurgling, the child’s hand fiddling with the fabric of his shirt – a distant thought as Sunjata continues his small panic, his admissions, drawing silent as Ronin speaks and he takes a moment to look back at the boy. He does seem content enough, but a few minutes didn’t add up to a lifetime spent, days and days on end. He chews on the inside of his cheek, calming down if only to think about what it all meant. “It is a long time.” He agrees quietly. “I’m afraid that I won't be stable enough.” Mentally, to handle it, really. An easy switch between him being himself and turning into his father, with barbed words and carelessness that he hates. It’s been a while since he’d done it last, but it still lingers. Like a monster in the shadows.

you know i'm gonna break your fading heart

SuNJATA

the baffled king composing hallelujah

"The brutal truth is that sometimes you might not be," Ronin says with a sympathetic smile. "You think Remi and I don't have our own hangups and traumas that we bring to the table? The difference is, if it happens, you'll catch yourself in ways that your father never did. If you snap, you'll apologise. If you're too harsh, you'll make up for it. And your kid, if you ever have one, will grow up learning that instead. And it'll make them a much better person." He winks, before glancing down to Mateo with a sudden and knowing look in his eye.

"Don't panic, but he's about to scream - he's just hungry," he warns him - the infant is more fidgety now, the cooing replaced by small noises of frustration. "I can either take him and you can learn how to warm up milk, or you can sit with him and I'll do it. Either way there's going to be-- yep." And then the kid starts crying.

you know i'm gonna change, things just don't stay the same no more

Honestly, if it weren’t for Ronin’s words – the Star understanding what it had been like in Korofi, if only to a degree, helps in far more ways than he knows. Sunjata’s tension relieving – the fact that he would make mistakes only to apologize for them later – something he’s done a lot of. All he can do is nod, letting the words soothe the fear that creeps into his heart. He supposes there’s a difference from the resentment Sunjata feels toward his father, the fact the man had never apologized, had been cut-throat and ruthless without anything to make up for it. It had fallen on his mother, and even then his father had taken her away too in the end.

But Ronin glances down, Sunjata following suit and seeing the way Mateo begins to fidget, Ronin’s words hitting him a few seconds later, long enough for a split second of panic to flood in again. Especially when Ronin points out the options and then the sharp ringing cry hits his ears, amplified ever so slightly by the earring in his ear. He winces. “Oh fuck. Uh.” He begins, stumbling, not knowing how to warm up the milk, how warm to even get it.

He silently curses Ronin to himself, shifting so he might run a hand up and down Mateo’s back to try and soothe the tears. “Go get the milk.” He rumbles, highly doubting it, but doing his best. He tries everything he can think of instinctively to try and soothe the tears, trying to rock the child, soothe him with soft motions on his back.

you know i'm gonna break your fading heart

SuNJATA

the baffled king composing hallelujah

Raising his eyebrows at the sudden rumble of his friend's voice, Ronin can only bite his lip to stop the shit-eating grin from spreading across it, and he nods and rises to his feet before disappearing promptly into the kitchen. There's no doubt at all that he'll be telling Remi about this later, the Star wondering if they'll return to Torchline in a few seasons to find Sunjata and Nate with a child of their own. He's gone for a few minutes, all in all, and in that time Mateo has almost gotten into the full swing of his tears, before they suddenly start to quieten down.

Snug against the Flood, soothed by rhythmic rocking and the soft touch of a hand, the boy's cries have reduced to grumbles and hiccups, his little cheeks red, dark curls in an utter mess. Ronin offers out the bottle with a raise of his eyebrows, fully expecting Sunjata just to take it. "He knows the drill - I'll take him back from you once he's finished, because I doubt you want to get sicked on." He scoffs.

you know i'm gonna change, things just don't stay the same no more

A few thoughts run through Sunjata’s mind. The first and foremost being ‘holy shit this is a nightmare’, followed closely by ‘how long does this last’ and lastly, ‘when the fuck does it end?’ Luckily, Ronin’s already gone, disappearing to warm up the milk while Sunjata tries his best to soothe the boy, a bit of rocking, a bit of patting on the child’s back, a bit of ‘shh hey, it’s okay, really’ though Sunjata doesn’t know which part has more success. His voice is different from Ronin’s, so he doubts it’s that extra tidbit.

But the child seems to calm a bit, despite the bright red to his cheeks, hair a wild tangled mess, and when Ronin returns back, Sunjata’s gaze shoots daggers at the Star for having put him in this position. But he takes the bottle, shifting a bit as holds it for the boy, hoping it’s what Mateo wants. All the while, in Ronin’s disappearance, a few navy feathers flicker down his neck, disappearing under the fabric of his shirt – the only outward sign of Sunjata’s anxieties. “That is the worst.” He rumbles back to Ronin, one eye still partially squinted from the cries he can still hear ringing in his ears.

you know i'm gonna break your fading heart

SuNJATA

the baffled king composing hallelujah

Oh, it's exactly what Mateo wants, and Sunjata will know that almost immediately as the baby latches onto the bottle. Ronin can only shrug at the daggers sent his direction, draping a cloth over his shoulder in preparation for Mateo deciding that the milk should make a reappearance shortly. He's smiling as he sinks back down onto the couch with the Flood, snorting at his assumption that the crying is the worst. "You're adorable," he informs him. "You've never had to deal with what comes out the other end of him."

Though there's always time, if you want to stick around, the look in the Star's eye suggests, and he watches the two with something almost like pride. "You did it, though. He cried, and you made him stop. And you'll never have to be that worried about the crying again, because it's already happened." He shrugs. "You're welcome."

you know i'm gonna change, things just don't stay the same no more

“I do not want to stay for that.” Sunjata replies, glancing away from the child that latches onto the bottle, if only to let his gaze prove his point with Ronin. The smile that sits on Ronin’s face has Sunjata sighing as Mateo quiets down, too distracted by the bottle to cry any longer. And when the Star continues, only then does Sunjata’s jaw clench briefly, a slow shake of his head. “You're a bastard.” It comes out in a quiet hum, a low laugh leaving him, a weak accusation.

It really hadn’t been that bad, all things considered, but gods if Sunjata didn’t want to deal with it again in the near future. He can’t imagine waking up in the middle of the night to those full-on tears, trying to figure out what the child wanted if only to appease its tears. “I really am happy for you, even though you’ve done this to me.” He grumbles, glancing back toward his friend, an amused smile splashing across his face.

you know i'm gonna break your fading heart

SuNJATA

the baffled king composing hallelujah

"Yes, I am," Ronin agrees. "But you put up with me, for reasons even I don't fully understand sometimes." Still, he's grinning sunnily across at his friend and his son, Mateo completely blanking them both now in lieu of enjoying his meal. And he softens, as Jata continues, Ronin rubbing at the back of his head and relaxing further into the couch. "Thanks. It's... not something Remi and I ever expected to have again. Never mind together," he admits. After Aoife, it had been difficult to say the least.

"How does it feel, anyway, being Governor now? Is it everything you wanted it to be?" He's grinning all over again now, only to glance down to Mateo and nod at the Flood encouragingly. "He's just about done, I think. You sure you don't want to do the next part too? You're doing so well." His exaggerated wink suggests that he knows he's walking on thin ice.

you know i'm gonna change, things just don't stay the same no more

“I have no idea either.” Sunjata half mutters, a roll of his eyes toward Ronin that’s met with a half smile. Mateo’s calmed down, Sunjata settling in halfway decently much to his surprise. “Must be because you throw a decent punch.” Definitely not because the two of them could be peas in a pod getting into all sorts of trouble. Nope, definitely not.

A slow nod is given toward the mention of having a child again, Sunjata having missed out on Aoife entirely, only having some sort of involvement when it came to the mud monster and his attempts to stop it, followed up by fixing the temple after Ronin’s rampage. But he has nothing to add, just a soft smile of agreement crossing his face.

“Feels like a lot, honestly, Nate and I only just got well and now we have all the governing and building a house and a council to do, and…” He trails off with a sigh, only pausing when Mateo begins to squirm again and he’s hearing Ronin’s words for what they are, immediately moving to hand the baby back to Ronin with a look that seems to scream “no fucking thank you.” “I think he wants his father for that.”

you know i'm gonna break your fading heart

SuNJATA

the baffled king composing hallelujah

Oh, absolutely not. It's a ridiculous notion that is entirely true. "A decent punch?" Ronin echoes. "Those sound like fighting words. Maybe I'll drop by the boxing ring before we leave for one more punch up with you. I can leave you with a shiner before I go on my adventures." He grins, already feeling a pang of sadness that he and Sunjata won't have those regular sparring sessions any longer. And the new surge of protectiveness over the Flood doesn't help things either.

It's with a knowing smile that he understands the stress of leadership - and the joys of fatherhood, in fact, and Ronin reaches over to take the baby from his friend. Mateo is gurgling and hiccuping his way onto the Star's shoulder, already protected by a cloth, luckily enough. "My only advice to you is to get it done as quickly as you can, and then relax every second you can manage." He winks. "That goes for having a child as well, if you ever get there."