From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
12-01-2020, 03:26 AM (This post was last modified: 12-15-2020, 07:22 PM by Aisha.)
AISHA
she grabbed a razor for me and she did it, just like that
Evening was falling, the sun lowering and whispering it's goodnight to the frogs and crickets, signaling to begin their lullaby. It'd been another long day, she was moving to Halo tomorrow morning, and Aisha was on her way home from the ruins when a face across the street caught her eye. Well not a face at all; in the paling evening light, stood a woman silhouette who's head was shrouded in nothingness.
The woman's face was a circle of night, where it should've been there was instead a complete absence of light. It was unnerving, horrifying almost, but it wasn't what had made the leopardess stop. It was the dress she wore, gold and fiery and oh so beautiful, hugging her figure just right and shimmering sun rays in even the weak illumination of twilight. Aisha wanted that dress, she'd always wanted it. To wear it to parties, around the house, to simply stare at herself in the mirror with it on.
How many times had she admired her mother in it, how many times had she toyed with the ribbon made from it's hem?
She was frozen, Aisha suddenly as cold as the woman across the way. This couldn't be real, there was no way this was happening. Her mother was not here in Caido, her mother had a face, beautiful eyes and dark skin and lips to kiss her daughter's forehead and comfort her. This was a trick, a cruel trick. Aisha knew why the face was empty, this was a recreation of the doll she'd made for the herald of death. The little figurine of her mother in the dress, the face she'd left unpainted.
Knuckles turning white as she clenched them tight, Aisha snarled and roared, breaking free of her human flesh to become the leopard, barreling across the street to tear the false memory to shreds. How dare it mar her eyes with it's depiction, something she loved so dearly turned to a joke, a toy. Right before she reached the figure it shifted, turning into a leopard as well and darting through an alley behind it.
In a blind rage Aisha was following her, it, through the ruins and to somewhere she hadn't been before. It stopped at the edge of the entrance to a thorny garden, or labyrinth more like, she could see where the hedges twisted and turned up ahead. Aisha was finally on it, lunging to destroy the vision. But it was just that, a vision, and she leapt right through it, dissipating the ghost leopard and sending it back to damned realm from which it'd come.
The cat stood there for a moment, frozen again, lowered to the ground with her teeth still bared and her tail still lashing. After a few moments reality sunk back in, and past the rage she felt, the betrayal and confusion; she felt lonely. Gods, so lonely. A whimper left her throat as she stood at the edge of the labyrinth, the sun disappearing beyond it's wicked brambles, leaving her to feel empty in the shadows.
I miss you so much.
when she want something she don't wanna pay for it
She might hear a familiar beat of wings descend from above her. The eagle stopped to perch upon a lower tree branch, folding his wings back against his flanks. His talons clutched the branch underneath, sturdy and unbreakable. He could see much of the maze, spread out before him, figuring out the gist of its winding paths with a single sweep of his sharp eyes.
He'd followed the leopard into the labyrinth, a silent observer as she appeared to trail after her personalized spirit. He'd watched as the ghost dissipated beneath her desperate paws, took pity on her as he watched her frustrations flare against empty promises. Henry was all too familiar with Ludo's trickery, knew too well how the swordmaster must have felt...
He parted his beak to gently yelp down at her, eagle gaze wide. His wings, massive as they were, quietly shifted to bring him down to ground level. His talons struck into the ground and, maybe then, upon closer inspection, she might recognize this bird, this pillar.
It's okay, Aisha, he murmured out to her, his dark wings shifting into broad shoulders. Feathers gave way to skin and he leaned towards her, a gentle, strong hand stroking the tense muscle along the leopard's shoulders. "Hey, don't let them get to you," he said into the frigid air, voice a confident whisper, brows pressing forward in concern, "you're stronger."
Aisha wasn't left to boil in her rage and sadness for long, the silence was broken by the call of an eagle. At first she snarled, her lonesome melt bubbled back up to anger. She didn't want help, she didn't want anyone. Lies, you just don't want them to know you're hurting. At the sound of talons meeting the ground and a placating voice she whirled around, teeth bared and tail flicking wickedly.
She made a few threatening steps towards the bird, though she knew who he was. Scare him away, he can't see you like this, the damned voice chided and bruised her, urged her to roar. Then he was moving forwards, hand outstretched and reaching towards her spine. She backed away, proof that it was a front, that she was no rabid beast, just a broken one. Henry stop, she managed down the attuned bond, but only because she knew he couldn't hear her anymore. She didn't know what to say, or do.
The blank face on her mother's body was burned into her eyelids, every time she blinked.
Aren't the gods cruel for this? She'd worked so hard to move on, but her life was just a game to them. This life she used to know, that she'd never see again. Expected to just start over, telling herself to forget and move on and care about all these people here. She used to have her own people, she used to have a kingdom. Everything leaves, everything is taken-
And she was spiraling, letting all the pain that she'd kept hidden over this past year consume her mind, as tangible as the hand that reached for her now.
His finger's met her fur, and for a moment the storm stopped. She didn't know at which point she'd shifted back, but his hand now rested against her tanned back, slick with a sheen of sweat. She was repulsed by the idea of being seen in such a vulnerable state, of being touched, but she didn't leave. Because something not destructive inside of her wanted to be seen as more than strong. She wanted to be seen as the girl she was, and she wanted to be understood.
"Sorry," was all she managed, unable to steel up a smile or a quip or some sarcasm to hide the tears that hit the ground from beneath the arms she used to hide her face. All she could say was sorry, something she'd taught herself over the years; apologize for being weak, be ashamed.
fear has the sharpest teeth, it eats and eats and eats
12-13-2020, 02:15 AM (This post was last modified: 12-13-2020, 02:15 AM by Henry.)
wherever I am, you'll always be
The eagle only met her snarls and sharp teeth with a still, unreadable look before he was swooping down to stand beside her.
Henry crouched down beside the leopard. His gesture, though meant to be comforting, was hesitant at first. Even without touching her, he could feel the anger came off from her in waves. She backed away and that was when he felt bold enough to make contact. Fingers only ran through fur for a moment, though, because then Aisha was back and the strong, angry shift was gone.
He could see her broken face then, although she quickly hid it. Her apology hung in the air for a moment. Henry knew why she'd tried to chase him away at first.
"Was it someone from your old life? From before..." Caido. His dark blue eyes broke away from her, tilting his chin up and away to stare out into the dark. The shadows crept in, reaching out for them with clawed fingers cast by the branches around them. He sighed, hanging his head, "The ghosts have haunted me, too. It's always the same person for me, though." The muscle along his jawline fluttered as he clenched it.
Her apology wasn't taken, was she wrong for apologizing? Or was she not sincere enough? She wanted to back away and disappear, create the shield that was the blinding light of Aisha Khai, strong and confident and poised. Not this damp-eyed shell of who she should be. Henry was still there, she could feel his presence near and soon a question was asked. She released a shaky exhale, trying to engage and break this anxiety stricken spell.
"It was meant to be," she conjured the words, chin jut out in furious defiance, trying her best to hold back the tears. Trying to imagine her mother's face, afraid that she'd only ever see that dark hole staring back.
What finally brought her a little clarity was Henry's confession, that he'd seen ghosts too. For that moment it wasn't about her anymore, but who she could help. It was an outlet to deflect, an outlet to worry about something else. Stop falling, get up. She finally brought her gaze to meet his, staring at his blue eyes and following the line of his face to his lips.
"It's not real. It's just those fuckers up there," she snarled, glancing up to flip off the night sky and the gods. For all she knew they were here on the ground with them now, laughing away at their little mortal problems. The thought made her angry, and somewhat cynical, an incredulous humph lost to the tones of the crickets and the night.
fear has the sharpest teeth, it eats and eats and eats
12-21-2020, 11:03 PM (This post was last modified: 12-21-2020, 11:04 PM by Henry.)
wherever I am, you'll always be
Henry's head lifted and his gaze raked back over to her, to her gaze as it rested along the lines of his mouth. He let out a soft breath through his nose and rubbed his hand on the back of her shoulder before letting it fall to the ground beside her. He leaned on it, leaning a little closer, a soft smile on his lips as he turned his face to the dark sky overhead. "Yeah, fuck off!" he shouted with irritated vigor, which was unusual for him.
Scratching the back of one thumb along his brow, he glanced back over at Aisha and sobered at the tears in her bright eyes. "It's okay, Aisha. C'm'ere," he blurted out, voice gentler now. He brought that same hand up to swoop her into a tight hold. He wasn't really thinking, wasn't considering if it was appropriate or what she wanted, only concerned with it being what he thought she needed. "You deserve better. It's okay to be sad. Be upset about it. I know your instinct is to fight but, you don't have to all the time..."
Aisha appreciated Henry's shared sentiment, his gesture and shout. It felt good to feel understood if only for a moment, but then the thoughts slipped back in. They always did, they always would. How could she be rid of the pain without being rid of the memories? She couldn't say goodbye, her past was her everything, as much as the life she led now. But when it could be corrupted this way, she feared what her everything might become.
Her nostrils flared and she looked down again, covering her face as all the thoughts circled her. It was at that point that she was swept into a hug, something tight and meant to be comforting, but that frightened her. She was already trapped in her mind, she didn't want to be bound this way. But she stayed, frozen because she knew if she moved she'd have to explain, the words wouldn't come out right, she could be cruel on accident; or worse, she could sink deeper.
She waited, letting her fears swarm her brain, until she couldn't take it anymore. She pushed out of the embrace, instantly feeling terrible and with that emotion came an anger. No no, it's not his fault, but that voice was whispering, Aisha was burning, "You don't know anything about me! Nothing!" she shouted as tears began to streak her face. Why was she crying anymore? There were too many reasons, just too many.
Deep breaths, she closed her eyes, lip down turned obstinately. Angry because she was sad, sad because she was angry, horrified because Henry was here to see it all.
"I don't want it," don't want what? There was once again no definite answer, just a girl who was cracking for the first time in months, and her desperately pumping heart was on full display.
fear has the sharpest teeth, it eats and eats and eats
Henry's arm wrapped around her, holding her against his shoulder, but his muscles grew tense. He tightened his grip, could feel her freeze in his arm, could feel her tears dampen his shirt, could feel her anger boiling underneath her skin and clenching her own muscles in response. He knew this would get ugly, he didn't expect her to give in so easily to the very thing she fought so hard against.
When she pushed away, forcing herself out of his arm, he let her - for a moment. But he shifted, leaning forward and grabbing her by her shoulders, as she erupted. His eyes were grim but there was a flash of uncertainty in them, which softened as he saw the tears roll down her face. His brows fell, feeling moisture surfacing in his own eyes, tears building that he fought, too.
"Aisha," he started, and she refused. Firmer, he snapped, "Aisha!" Hoping that would return her attention to him, he softened his voice again, "Let go, hon'. It's okay! Take it out on me if you want to, I don't care. But you can't drown out your feelings. They'll eat you alive."
"I'm not gonna walk away. I'm right here, and I see you, the real you..." He kept his grip on her shoulders, urging, "If you want to get angry, then get angry. Just let it out, Aisha."
12-26-2020, 01:24 PM (This post was last modified: 12-26-2020, 01:24 PM by Aisha.)
AISHA
and now we're breeding a feeling of animosity
She noticed the tears in his own eyes even as she was clouded by her own rage. It fed her fears, the cruel monster that gnashed it's teeth and swallowed her whole. She'd made him cry, this is what happens when you let go, you let everyone down. In the grand scheme of things the only person she was really letting down was herself, but her actions were no longer under her control. Panic and anxiety is just another suit of armor, once adorned it is so difficult to remove.
The second time he snapped her name she brought a hellfire gaze up to meet his own, listening and changing with every word. In such a harried state she was so prone to twists and turns, her mind firing off every charge. In his calming words she held on to one specific phrase, agonizing over it; "I see the real you". No, this wasn't her was it? She had to correct this - prove him, that nagging feeling, wrong.
Shaky hands rose before her, as though to shield her, to cut through the notion that this was who she was, "No no no this isn't me. I don't want to be this," she caught her words with a hand to her mouth, holding it there as the tears dripped down around. "I just want to be happy," she managed, closing her eyes for a good long time, his hands still clasped at her shoulders.
The beat of the fox's wing was heavy inside her mind, it begged to be set free, to help her escape this moment. Maybe she should give in, go far away from here and steel once more. Or she could stay for just a bit longer, in Henry's arms.
fear has the sharpest teeth, it eats and eats and eats
01-02-2021, 07:55 AM (This post was last modified: 01-02-2021, 07:56 AM by Henry.)
wherever I am, you'll always be
A long breath left his nose, his grip on her shoulders laxing until he ran his hands down her arms. Eventually, he let go. And in that instant, as he tried to think of the words she might need to hear, of words that might ignite the hungry blaze within her, he saw something in the corner of his peripheral. Over Aisha's shoulder, his gaze hardened as it fixed on the ghost. That face, youthful and dark... it came into existence, shifting, morphing, taking form from the shadows that leeched out towards them. Everything about him was identical, even the way he stood there, staring at Henry. Everything except for those eyes; cold and hard with the fact that his friend was long-dead.
Years ago, when they were teens, when neither of them had known better, they'd gone into the darkness of LongNight - and only one of them lived to tell the tale. He'd watched the monster, a thing only a nightmare could conjure, rip his friend to pieces. Frozen, paralyzed by fear - and he could only move when it had been too late. Maybe not too late for him but... his life didn't matter more. Why? Why hadn't they taken him too? Sometimes, he truly wished they had.
Henry stood up, drops falling from his eyes onto the ground as he blinked them away. He turned to Aisha and extended his hand down to her, prompting. Even if he had to duck down to grab her hand, he would. "Come on," The words fell from his lips like a whisper, and then he pulled her away from the growing shadows, the creeping ghosts that clawed at their souls. "I can't stay here anymore, and neither can you," he stated firmly, not looking at her as he led her through the maze.
"They want to get us lost in here."
He looked back once, only once, his eyes seeking out shadows beyond Aisha. But then he refocused on her. He slowed to a halt, finally releasing his grip on her hand. It had grown tighter than he intended it to. "Sorry- I-" he stuttered, "I saw him..." And his heart was starting to beat much faster, his mind racing from her to those horrific visions of a night he tried hard to forget.
"You can be happy. What you want, you can go out and get it. This is Ludo's bullshit! Aisha. It's not really them. They're not real, they're not, and this'll all be over soon-" and he began to lose focus on whether he was trying to convince her, or himself - whether he was trying to be there for her, or if he was spiraling into sorrowful anger. He placed his hand to his chest as he felt a hole bore itself there, an invisible void that invoked real feelings of pain. He turned away from her, in time for her not to see the stream of tears that flooded down his cheeks. But he couldn't quite hold it together, letting out a shaky breath, "I'm sorry. I wasn't strong enough,"
01-02-2021, 03:05 PM (This post was last modified: 01-10-2021, 12:22 AM by Aisha.)
AISHA
and now we're breeding a feeling of animosity
She looked back up to him as he reached for her, noticing the fear, the urgency that had crept into those blue eyes. What had he seen? A ghost? She wondered if his ghost was at least given a face, that the memory might still be there. Oh fuck, how she hoped she hadn't lead him right into the same grief she felt now. She wanted to scream, but once again and if only for a second, she grasped onto the need of the moment, quieting the sadness that sat so poised, potent and waiting.
Aisha stood, allowing herself to be dragged along. The vines of the labyrinth crept in and around them, and as her sorrowful gaze trailed along the hedges she began to wonder how they'd even ended up this far. Another trick of the mind, Ludo? Or just her own anger and panic blinding her.
Finally they stopped moving, Aisha the ragdoll dropping his hand the moment he stopped pulling. Back into the empty space around her, the nothingness of a broken heart. The usually spirited girl looked so tired now, her eyes held the last spark, focused so intently on Henry as he spoke his own truth. It was horrible to see him distraught this way, but she didn't know the words to help him now. She could only listen, and something about their shared pain seemed to ease her own. She wanted so bad to ease his too, but she perhaps needed to start with herself.
"It hurts," she murmured, taking deep breaths. Don't fall anymore. You have something to stand for. Please, you can. "But, we- we can be happy," she repeated his words, pondering and letting it soak in. That was what they had to work towards, it wouldn't come easily like she wanted, but she couldn't give in like this, not so fully. Even if all the chemicals in her brain shot and fired and burned like acid, Aisha was more than that.
I'm more.
There was another long blink, a long breath. In the exhale there was a wisp, something so hot that it could've been blue fire, but so cold that it turned her cheeks red. Something evil, something that'd weaseled it's way in out of necessity and played its course. And now she let it go. The anxiety that'd built throughout the year released in one fell swoop, one outburst. The doll dropped on the bonfire, straw curling and burning.
Focused on being there for Henry now, as the wisp had worked it's way through his lips. "Thank you, for being here for me. I know it was hard, I know I'm a lot, but you were strong enough to hold out for me. That's something I think," she said, fighting for eye contact with the boy, and though her cheeks were still wet with tears, there was something more hopeful about her features.
fear has the sharpest teeth, it eats and eats and eats
01-02-2021, 05:27 PM (This post was last modified: 01-02-2021, 05:28 PM by Henry.)
wherever I am, you'll always be
It hurts.
It hurts like hell. Letting it out, letting go. For years, he held it in. A shudder fell across his shoulders, the sob racking his body. His hand moved up from his chest toward his shoulder, almost as if to hug himself, to hold those pieces of himself together - not to let them fall away from him. The blame that he shouldered, the weight he carried, the shame he felt in his soul. It all came rushing out in terrible, silent tears.
He could feel Aisha resolving beside him, though not in the same way she had wanted to before. Something felt different in the air that she breathed out; something released. He fought against that feeling, the tug of that invisible wisp against his lips. He bit down on it.
Aisha moved to meet his gaze and, for a moment, he wanted to hurl himself away from her, to take to the sky and leave. He didn't want to be seen like this, either.
But he stayed put, locked down by feet that felt like stone and a gut that wrenched at the thought of leaving her here alone. His fingers clutched tighter around his shoulder, until finally he let go of his hold. His arm slid down until it fell to his side, and his gaze finally leveled with hers. Those warm, hazel eyes of hers met his hurt, bruised blues. He shook his head at her.
"Don't thank me," the words came blubbering out, quivering, "I'm your friend." And this is what friends are for. Not for leading you into the darkness, never to return. Another sob pulsed through him and he simply let it. "He was my friend, Aisha... and.." his voice raised, at first, and then lowered as his grit faded, "and I failed him. They ripped him apart right in front of me, and I- I couldn't do anything... I wish they'd taken me in-instead-" He choked on the last words, not because they were a lie but precisely because they were the truth. That's a hard truth to live with.
Aisha watched the pained tightness of every muscle, the tensity rippling under the skin on his arms and brow. If she could take back that little spark, that issuance of chaos that'd exposed her bare, she would. She would take from him the hurt and grief and fear, because she somehow felt responsible. If she hadn't followed the ghost, he wouldn't have been here. If she'd just held onto the wisp for a while longer, she could've burst alone, where the fire wouldn't spread to it's next host.
But that was just another feeling to deal with, another needle in her mind to pinch and prod with later. Not now; she couldn't wallow in the causation rather than deal with the effect. Usually a physical person, prone to hugs and pats shakes, she couldn't bare to touch him now, even calmed down the fear still growled and gnashed it's teeth. But she did finally catch his eye, and there she refused to let go.
Strength, that's what you are, she reassured herself, because that was what everyone saw, expected, and that was who she wanted to be. In this moment, strength was resolve. A steady gaze to hold his own aloft. He spoke, responded, sadness cutting through his words. I'm your friend, something in that made her want to break again, if only for a second. Because he was her friend, and had just tried so hard to send him away.
The only indication that what he said had hit a chord was a quiver at her lips. Strength still, she listened as he poured. And as he finished more tears had welled in her eyes, the words stinging the most because he believed them. "But they didn't," she started, firm and bold, "you're still here without him," I'm still here without any of them. "and that fucking sucks."
In an act entirely defiant of the cage that protected her heart, she reached out to gently place her hand against his cheek, "I'm here with you." Because if Aisha and Henry couldn't have those who they'd lost, they had each other.
fear has the sharpest teeth, it eats and eats and eats
Henry released the tension that welled up in his shoulders, up along the nape of his neck, into heavy sobs that tossed and pulled at whatever resistances he had left. He felt his heart flip as Aisha's eyes found his, all wet and suddenly pouring like unforgiving rain. He attempted to suck it up, both literally and figuratively, sniffing and stopping the flow of his tears. He shook his head at her quivering lip, sad, bitter, regretting. He hadn't meant to hurt her with those words, but that sentiment was lost between his parted lips.
Her words cut right through him like a knife and his body shook limply with resistance, wrestling with the growing urge to turn away. He felt like a child. A tender touch along his wet cheek made his own lips falter, sucking in and stifling another sob. His hands reached up to grab Aisha's shoulders, steadying himself there with her, his fingers suddenly clutching tight to her heated, sweating skin. He stepped, leaned, went toward her, finding comfort in her golden, shining aura, but, he came up short.
It would be clear to her that he wanted so badly to turn their misery into something sweeter, something more impassioned. Carnal instincts, egged on by his blurry eyes and aching heart - that wanted nothing more than to feel something more - were so god damn tempting. His gaze drifted across her lips, his hands reaching up to rub his thumbs along the edges of her jaw. Ragged breath pulled in, pushed out in a strained moment of self-control. Instead of giving in, he lifted his chin and pressed a soft kiss to the center of her forehead, right where the lines of her brow creased.
The heaviest of sighs breathed through him, the grief finally snaking its way out of his heart, where he had held it like a hostage.
