this is where I'm meant to be

CHULANE

He'd been existing in a fog, falling into a role a step below Chief, providing Halo with food and supplies to get through the coming season. It was a full time role, it took everything he had - and between his guilt and grief and everything else, he had let himself be simply fulfilled with it, let himself fall into the routine of farmwork and… not much else.

He had let himself be defined by nothing more than the farm, had suffered through visions and memories and found himself unable to face them full on - so he had reclused, folded in on himself and done his civic duty to the region that had welcomed him.

And then the season turned, and Chulane looked to the lightening skies outside his office, and reflected on the year that had been his first in Caido. Keeping a distance from the Festival (he couldn't bear to face the intensity of it all), he had ensconced himself in his office, had fallen asleep in his chair and had woken to Auni's bleats at the door.

With a quiet sigh, he stretched the awkward night's sleep out of his tired bones and muscles, yawning all the while. Then, in a few long strides, he opened the door and shrugged as the pelt of his moose shift covered what would otherwise be exposed skin on his limbs. His bearded face was cover enough.

Deepfrost was here, though it's shift in the Citadel was more subtle than the previous year - there was a magic in the air, a protective cushion that meant life could continue on as it would during the rest of the year - cold, but survivable. A small, absentminded smile touched his lips, as he watched the little luxere push his snout about the pile of memory snow that has guarded the ningo establishment since its construction.

The only true wisdom is in knowing
you know nothing

KIADA

i'm sorry to interrupt, it's just i'm constantly on the cusp
of trying to kiss you, i don't know if you feel the same as i do

She’s alive.

She doesn’t breathe anymore. She doesn’t need to eat anymore. But she’s alive. And it’s great, because she wasn’t finished yet. She’s found Deimos, she’s learned of what all has happened, what has changed, recollected the last few things she remembers before peace had swept her away for gods knew how long…

Until she’d been called to return. And she has, for Deimos, for Chulane, for Amalia, for all of them. Only… There had been an absence of Chulane at the Festival – how could she blame him? Once she knew that he was alive, well, he’s on her list. Speed overtakes her, a surprising addition to the upgrades within her body, with the system she now has scans to run. It’s different, but she’s still her. She thinks, at least.

It’s night time, first checking where Chulane lived, finding nothing but perhaps a few tracks in the snow. One of hoofprints and boots, and she follows it. She follows it until she can see the light in the distance, a luxere so familiar her heart aches with its absence, and beside him a man she’d know anywhere.

She moves the last few steps until she’s sure she’s in range of his hearing, her nostrils flaring as her eyes shine in the dark, voice trembling as she speaks. “Chuy?” She’s hardly wearing anything at all, tight fitting clothes that blend her into the night, her dark hair falling around her shoulders and her chest, not bundled up like she should be in Deepfrost were she not Ascended.

But it’s unmistakably and entirely Kiada.

but we could be together, if you wanted to
do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?

CHULANE

'Chuy?'

How often had he heard those tones in his dreams, and even while he was awake this last season? How many times had his heart leapt at the voice, only to be bitterly disappointed when the apparition turned out to be nothing more than that - an illusion, a trick, a cruel and heartless phantasm.

And yet he responded as he always did initially, with a broad, welcoming smile. He'd never forget her, and he'd never not welcome her presence, trickery or no.

"Kia," deep intonations return, as he turns to behold her, raising a brow in appreciation of her beauty in this particular vision. Auni, meanwhile, had gone very still, and was staring at the woman with an unreadable unsureness.

"Ludo makes you more beautiful in every vision he delivers," the farmer continued, stepping closer to her, unaware of the oddness behind the fact that Auni could see this vision, when he couldn't ever see her in previous ones. He was ignorant to his companion's plight, instead focussed entirely on her, eyes twirling to adopt that of his eagle shift, to see if he could discern what made this vision so different to the others, before he was overcome with an unreadable stillness as well - entirely unsure on what to do next.

The only true wisdom is in knowing
you know nothing

KIADA

i'm sorry to interrupt, it's just i'm constantly on the cusp
of trying to kiss you, i don't know if you feel the same as i do

He smiles at her like he’s expected her, like he knew when nobody else did. She doesn’t know why, but it leaves her speechless, unsure, watching as he turns, her eyes glimmering in the lowlight to spy his beautiful smile. She’s half tempted to take a step forward, the muscles in her body moving to take a step closer when he beats her to it. One step, one as Auni remains still, part of her wishes to reach out to the Luxere, to ask if he remembers her, or if she’d been forgotten to the creature as well.

That strange, empty hole in her heart and soul seems to grow again. “Ludo?” She repeats, brows drawing together. But then he becomes still, too, and she doesn’t know why. Her lips purse, chewing on the inside of her cheek, letting him look at her for however long as necessary. “No… I'm not a vision, Chuy. It's me.” She explains, brows drawing together again before she takes a step forward, reaching a cold hand out – one that might remind him of Neron’s cooling touch – before trying to press her fingers to his arm even if she can’t feel it hardly at all.

“I missed you.” She breathes, iceberg eyes lifting to his face, her brows pinched together as she tries to keep herself together.

but we could be together, if you wanted to
do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?

CHULANE

Something was… different. A shiver rattled through Auni, and Chulane felt its tremors vibrate down the bond that linked them. Try as he might, his eyes could not see through this vision as it had so many before, could not discern it from reality, and that simple fact seemed to trigger a malfunction within him, whereby he simply stood, silent and shocked, before his lover.

"What?" the word tumbled from his lips as she spoke, but then she was touching him -- actually touching him -- and a great many thoughts cascaded through him.

The culmination of it all though, was for him to pull her into a tight embrace, to feel her against him again -- even if she was different, even if was some trick that would lead to his doom and death. He didn't care, because all this time, all he had wanted was her to be back, to be real, and he was all too ready to accept it when it was offered to him. Auni, finally shaken from his stillness, stepped forward too, pushing his snout against legs and hands.

"Kia," the word was said around a sob that caused a shaky breath to exit him as he pressed his face against her hair, unable to voice the why's and the how's, choosing instead to focus on the now - because in the now there was her, and that was all that mattered.

The only true wisdom is in knowing
you know nothing

KIADA

i'm sorry to interrupt, it's just i'm constantly on the cusp
of trying to kiss you, i don't know if you feel the same as i do

It’s almost a whisper, the what that leaves his lips, the realization as it settles in him so deep, she wonders if it hits his bones. But she reaches for him, she touches him, a hand resting over his arm, over what should be soft fur. She feels him pull her in, in so tight of an embrace it should be hard for her to breathe. But she doesn’t need to, she could stay like this forever, feeling the dull sensation of Auni’s nose as it brushes along their legs.

“Chuy, I’m so sorry.” She breathes to him, arms wrapping tight around him too, pulling him just as close as he pulls her. She buries her face into his chest, unable to keep the tears from falling, the shimmering fluid alighting her cheeks and sinking into his fur and chest. “I didn’t mean to leave you.” She didn’t want to leave him, leave any of them. And yet she had, in circumstances they hadn’t quite expected to be so dangerous.

She hadn’t expected to tell him to not worry about her, that she’d be fine when it all ended in destruction anyway. So she keeps close to him, a shaky breath she doesn’t need, inhaled sharply. Her arms tighten around him to the point where it almost seems crushing, almost afraid that if she lets him go he’ll disappear.

but we could be together, if you wanted to
do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?

CHULANE

Seconds trickle by, and the months of taunting, teasing visions have him reacting instinctively, bracing for a disaster or a heartbreak as he said goodbye to her over, and over again -- but it didn't come. Instead, he had her, in his arms, real and whole and different -- but still Kia, his Kia.

"You came back," he murmured into her hair, a low hum, a repeating whisper as he willed it to be true, as he believed it with every passing second. And he felt her, her strength, her tears -- it was a few delayed seconds where he realised he didn't feel her like he had before though, the bond that attuned shared.

But then she wasn't attuned any more, was she?

He wouldn't have been able to explain how the thought came to him, but when it did, everything else fell into place -- why she was here, before him, with barely a covering to protect her from the cold that was Halo. Why he couldn't feel her. Why she felt different, even though she was the same.

They held each other for what felt like an eternity, but eventually, he needed to shift - to breathe, and to see her better. Hands moved to cup her face, to wipe away the tears (the fluid?) from her face. "You came back," he repeated, leaning down to simply press his forehead against hers, to rest gently close to her, to hold her in his sights for as long as she would let him.

The only true wisdom is in knowing
you know nothing

KIADA

i'm sorry to interrupt, it's just i'm constantly on the cusp
of trying to kiss you, i don't know if you feel the same as i do

“I came back.” She murmurs, repeating it to him, kept held close until she can recover, even if her mind feels like a hotwire that’s ready to surge with all the electricity of everything they’ve been dealing with, the realization of her having been dead for seasons. But she’s here now, a lot to catch up with, and she needed him and his familiarity. She only hopes he doesn’t hate the choice she’s made.

All those dreams of having a family, a cabin somewhere in Halo or the Grounds, to raise with one another… Gone. But she supposes those thoughts and plans died with her. And all she can do is sit there, stunned, wrapped in his arms in a tight embrace she can barely feel but knows is there.

They break away, his hands cupping her face, wiping away the tears while her own arms remain latched around his middle, bright eyes unblinking as she stares up at him. “I missed you so much. I’m so sorry.” She repeats herself again as her words mesh together, brows twitching as her face fights to keep from scrunching up. But she holds his gaze, lets him see the tears that well up in her eyes, to feel the slight tremble in her body as she remains in his grasp.

“Can we go home? There’s… So much to talk about.” She asks, one hand releasing him to reach up and run through dark curls, ones that she can remember to be silky and smooth, even if it feels nothing more than air. She could explain it all, at home. And she’d rather explain it immediately, just in case he decided to pull away from her, if he decided that it wasn’t something that he wanted.

She knows it would destroy her.

She knows it couldn’t be any worse than what she’s already done to him.

but we could be together, if you wanted to
do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?

CHULANE

I believe that dreams are sacred

Their plans, their hopes and dreams - he had done his best to push on, to exist in a world without her, and he'd survived, but certainly not more than that. He'd bonded to Auni, found that link to her memory that could speak to his very soul, which had been a literal lifeline in these seasons without her.

"Hey," he said as he had so many times before to her, a lightness in his voice that hadn't been heard since… "You came back," he insisted again, pressing a kiss to the tip of her nose, unable to conceal the sheer joy that was almost making him giddy as the dawn slowly but surely rose up over the horizon - it was his way of telling her that he had forgiven her a long time ago. "I've missed you too Kia," he supplied, but he was distracted from more words as Auni pushed his way between their legs, his short and bouncy tail wagging, demanding attention affection.

Chulane chuckled softly at the luxere's antics, before nodding in agreement - slightly unaware of the concern that flowed through Kia, the fear that he might reject her.

Such a thought could never cross his mind.

"I got a new shift," he supplied, showing her the thick brown pelt that covered him, before winking as he took a step back and let the shift shimmer itself over him - change him, make him grow immensely in height, so that he stood towering before her, antlers still intact this early into the season, deep breath fogging the air before them. Naturally, he tried to reach out through the bond to her - but corrected himself soon after, instead simply bowing down before her, a foreleg tucked as he invited her to sit astride him, that he might take her home.

Take my darkest fears and play them

KIADA

i'm sorry to interrupt, it's just i'm constantly on the cusp
of trying to kiss you, i don't know if you feel the same as i do

Hey. He says, and she listens, her brows pinching just a bit more before she relaxes a fraction when he leans in to press a kiss to her nose. He missed her, she’d come back, and now? Now she can see the light slipping over the horizon, some deep rooted anxiety coming over her to add into the mix of everything else. Auni is a welcome distraction, Kiada’s resolve falling away as the luxere finds his way through their legs, a soft laugh leaving her lips as she pulls away  from Chulane to run her hands through the luxere’s coat. “I missed you too Auni.” She murmurs softly, before she’s looking up at Chulane’s comment.

A new shift? How does she put it lightly that she’s lost hers? All of hers? All of her abilities and everything, only to be remade and reborn, brought back at her choice of options. Perhaps it was selfish, for she knows that she’d be unable to meet him in that warm embrace of Mort’s realm again. But while it had been peaceful, it still wasn’t what she wanted, what she was ready for. And she shoves those anxieties away to be dealt with later as her lover becomes something more, something large and horned and perfect.

He towers over her, and her eyes flicker up to meet the blue of the moose’s, a soft smile finding its way onto her lips as she reaches up to scratch at his cheek before he bows. “It’s beautiful, Chuy.” She hums to him, moving to step around his lowered head, to stand on his other side and take up the offer. “It suits you.” She adds on, playful in the hopes of masking her anxieties.

But she swings a leg over his side, shoving her hands into the thick fur along his spine to hold her in place, to tuck herself close to him so he can take them home.

but we could be together, if you wanted to
do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?

CHULANE

A deep rumbling laugh echoes through the barrel of the moose, and while the full realisation of what she has lost along her journey to coming back to him would hit soon, right now he was too pleased to have her back to let it get him down. He hadn't felt this simple, pure, contentedness in so long - he was high on it, and fully willing to embrace it, despite the (for-now) quiet anxieties that kept trying to rise up at the back of his mind -- the visions of her falling into flames, the hope shattering and breaking his resolve as every vision Ludo sent over the last season dissolved in a taunting memory…

The moose rose again when he felt she had found her place, standing still for a moment as he just relished the feel of her, before ushering Auni on before him to the path home.

It was a sobering walk, as those realisations slowly crept up, as he kept reaching out to her across the bond and not finding her there anymore. But he brought her home - to the place he'd been given when he had joined the Council, a place slightly bigger than the one they had shared during the last Deepfrost, positioned decidedly further from the Kraai and closer to the ningo farm and storage facility. Despite him stepping back from his role as a council member proper, his standing as provider of food and means of survival for Halo had proven enough to deem him worthy of keeping it.

Mostly though, it had been host to a ghost of a man, tormented by visions and nightmares.

When they arrived, he bowed low once again, waiting until she was safely on the ground before returning to his mostly-human form, a small smile still on his lips, a hand seeking hers to lead her inside - to bring her home.

"Welcome home," never leave, he silently added, as he led her inside, to sit by her on the soft lounge he had - Auni made himself quite comfortable on his usual pile of blankets. "Tell me everything," he invited after a pause, as he slowly processed everything that had happened on this first day of Deepfrost.

The only true wisdom is in knowing
you know nothing

KIADA

i'm sorry to interrupt, it's just i'm constantly on the cusp
of trying to kiss you, i don't know if you feel the same as i do

She wishes she could say it made her whole, too, but she doesn’t let it settle on her just yet. Not until she’s told him, not until he’s accepted what she’s become, does she dare to give herself that hope again. But she can relish in the way she sits atop him, fingers tight in his fur so she doesn’t slip off, kept close and content enough as the walk back is taken. It’s quiet, unable to chatter and chime as they once had, unable to send all those feelings to open him up as they had once before.

It saddens her, so much more than she’d ever thought it could.

Home is different than it was before. But what should she have expected when it came to her death and revival? That things would stay the same? That he’d still be in that cottage he’d got to rent while she stayed with him last Deepfrost, tending to the Grounders who arrived for Deepfrost? She supposes she doesn’t need to do that again, knowing little to nothing of what’s occurred there since her departure from this world.

Iceberg eyes focus on it, watching as he comes to a stop and she slips off of him to better focus on the home – when he shifts back into himself and takes her hand. Immediately, she slips her own into his, letting him take her wherever it was he wished. The lounge is comfortable, and would be if she ever felt the exhaustion in her bones, but for now she sinks into it and pulls him close when he sits beside her.

Where to start? She could start with the moment it ended, but she doesn’t think she needs to subject him to the flame brought death. So instead, she clears her throat, turns and tucks a leg under hers, pulls her jacket off and hangs it on the back of the couch – all trying to push away the obvious, to prolong it as if it might help. “After…” She pauses, a muscle feathering in her jaw as she clamps her jaw shut hard enough that it clicks.

Her gaze seeks him out again, hoping to find his gaze on her just the same. “After I died… There was  this… Darkness, I think. It was warm, nice, and peaceful… I don’t know how long I was in there for. But I… I heard a voice, it told me to follow. And so I did.” She admits, working so tough to get her voice to remain steady. “And I was given a choice… To remain there… Or to Ascend and come back.” Her gaze shudders as she admits it, her lips clamping shut again as if she’s preparing to hear him tell her to leave.

But she doesn’t give him the time to, yet. “I… I wanted to. I wanted to come back to you and Deimos and Amalia and everyone. It was the only way and I wanted it.. I wanted it so badly, Chuy. I’m sorry.”

So selfish of her, to become this immortal thing when everyone she knew would be long gone in a matter decades.

but we could be together, if you wanted to
do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?

CHULANE

It was now, after, that he noticed her nervousness more, that he felt her anticipation not through the bond, but by mere observation. He'd always been a rather empathetic individual, able to read the emotions of others fairly well, but the attuned bond had changed that - it had made him lazy almost, as he had unwittingly come to rely on it to know what she was feeling and know how to help her. As he watched her shift and shuffle needlessly, he waited for her to settle once more, and then wrapped his long arm across her narrow shoulder, getting as close as he could to her, to hear her tale.

Ascend, he heard, a choice that she made, to be with him, with all of them.

And he holds her, his hand idly drawing circles on her shoulder, feeling how she was different, slowly understanding the full implications of her choice -- swallowing as he processed through all of it.

And then he was angry, the emotion rising up quickly, as he wanted to lash out at the Old Gods, for holding her soul in the great beyond, for teasing and taunting him with visions of her all this time, and never restoring her to him like this. A frown touched his brow as the thought cascaded through him, but he smoothed it over in a moment as he did his best to construct a reply.

"Kia…" he began, before shifting so that he was able to look at her face on. "My biggest regret after you died," he stumbled over the word, and as she had done, worked hard to keep his voice steady. "I never got to tell you how I felt, properly, even though I had ample opportunity. Kia, I love you, more than anything else in this world, and," he held onto her a bit more tightly than before, though he knew she could hardly feel it - it was more for him than for her at this point. "Recent developments have not changed that fact."

A hand rose to cup her cheek again, to share his warmth with her chilled skin. "You have my love, and my forgiveness, if that's what you want. You never need to doubt that."

The only true wisdom is in knowing
you know nothing

KIADA

i'm sorry to interrupt, it's just i'm constantly on the cusp
of trying to kiss you, i don't know if you feel the same as i do

It is rare for the Harpy to fracture. It’s rarer still for her to essentially crumble, as she does when he holds her, when she explains what she’s done just so she could come back, just so she could hopefully spend more time with him and those he loved. It was selfish, and she quietly curses herself out for it, knowing that nobody else could hear her but herself. And she’s content to sit there in her own spiral. She’s content to sit there as the words fall from her lips, imagining the scenarios of him growing upset, of pulling that warm arm from around her shoulders and telling her to leave.

She mentally prepares herself for it, over and over and over again. She spies the frown and she almost stops, almost pulls out of his arm, almost moves to get away from it all when he addresses her and she cant help her glittering eyes from peering at him, to purse her lips together to keep them from wobbling as he looks at her.

This is it, she thinks, unable to do anything but listen and stare.

And she could interrupt him, she could tell him that it was okay, that she knew that the moment she died anyway. But she doesn’t, instead choosing to focus on what comes next as he keeps her tight in his embrace. ”Recent developments have not changed that fact.” Her eyes shudder, some hidden piece of relief spiraling its way out of her chest, through her limbs, about the only thing she can feel now.

His hand cups her cheek and she tilts her head into it, closing her eyes hard enough that the tears fall down her pale cheeks, her arms instinctively reaching for him – she’s needy now in ways she wasn’t before, fragile in ways where she used to be so strong. Perhaps that’s what death does to you.

Her eyes open, swimming blues searching his face as she digs her fingers into his clothes and keeps him from pulling away. “I love you too, Chuy.” She breathes, her voice trembling and shaky, before she pushes herself forward to wrap her arms around him and bury her face into his chest. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Truth be told, she was afraid what would happen to her if she did.

but we could be together, if you wanted to
do i wanna know if this feeling flows both ways?