From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Perhaps it is because Finn dances along that line himself, between acceptance and not. Or perhaps it's because lately, they've been focused so hard on the Ascended, on the active debauchery and horror of people destroying themselves and becoming Other... it doesn't hit as hard as it might.
Of course, there's still no love in Finn for Abandoned, but... Tobi is not an Abandoned. He tells himself that a few times, over and over again, until he can gaze at her not as the Spyglass, but as Finn. Maybe there's hurt there... but there's understanding, too.
"...I would have liked to have been told," he says slowly, the admonishment more from her decision to act upon him without permission than because of what she had done. "And I would appreciate it if you did not do it again without my permission."
He manages a faint smile. "Do you not believe it was ruined from that moment in the Celestine? I did not hate that creature for helping me. And I do not hate you, Tobi. Besides..." Finn nudges her foot with his own, the one that's squashing the tennis ball beneath her shoe. "That other shift is not as good at fetch, I bet."
It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind
Tobi bites the inside of her cheek, nodding immediately and too vigorously. By the time I need to heal you magically, you'll be too far gone for permissions. I'm a doctor, I did what was best. That's what she might have said. What someone else would certainly have said. But Tobi? Here in Caido? It was not so cut and dry. And so she simply swallows hard, her throat dry and tight, picking at her nail polish.
She doesn't see his smile, concentrated on her fingers as she is, but she hears the softness it lends to his voice. Glancing up as she's nudged, it takes her a moment to see through to Finn's actual expression, rather than the one she's built up in her mind. Her smile is slow and small, though perhaps somehow still more radiant than her beaming-smiles are. "I am sorry Finn. Being a doctor...wanting to heal and having the ability to fix almost anything, right away, with no pain..no rehab, but knowing that I can't.." Her head tilts to the side as she sucks in an unhappy breath.
'You are right though. I'm a good deal faster but..holding balls isn't as easy." She admits with a shaky laugh.
Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line
Finn knows. He knows what it is to be sorry and to so desperately crave that forgiveness and acceptance. He knows, too, the bite of a whip, the pain reflected back at him in his reflection at the Needle. And so he reaches out as Tobi did mere moments ago, his palm turned up, offering the touch that is starting to skip towards being just a bit familiar. "It sounds very frustrating," he says softly. "...Have you thought of leaving Stormbreak? There are those all over Caido who would welcome your gifts. And..."
He chooses his words carefully, here, not knowing enough about it but trying anyway. "Your gifts are Rae given, just like the lilies that broke the Climb fever. Rae's lilies. Rae's shifts." Is Finn telling it to Tobi or himself? He doesn't know, but at least for the Spyglass, the reminder is a welcome one.
A more Ronin well-adjusted man might have made a horrendous joke regarding Tobi's ability to hold balls; alas, Finn can only shrug his shoulders. "That is a shame," he says. "Do you... enjoy it? Being both?"
It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind
Glancing at the offered hand, Tobi takes it without hesitation. Her fingers slip between his, no longer cool from the glass of sparkling juice, but warm and friendly. Finn's question makes her pause, her eyebrows flinching toward one another briefly, before she shakes her head. "No, never. My family is here...and...I'll never be high enough up in the Order to have a compass, so...if I left, I don't know how I'd return." The storms had passed, but that wasn't information Tobi had. Even if she did, she was a doctor, and Caido was big and dangerous.
With a light chuckle, Tobi nudges her shoulder against Finn's as she kicks out one of her legs to relieve the tension building up in her limbs. "Rae made spiders and snakes and such too, and people hate them fairly easily." She says, though the way she nods suggests she knows what he's getting at.
'I rarely have the opportunity to shift into..that." Her voice drops to a whisper, leaning slightly toward Finn that she won't have to speak any louder lest someone hear. "Sometimes when the enclosures are free in the Celestine, I can pass myself off as a wounded creature brought by Frey. No one really looks too close. Not when the Celestine holds such rare and amazing things."
But does Tobi think about what it would be like to gallop across some stretch of plain? To feel the wind in her mane, to properly exercise the full strength of her shift? Maybe not until just now has she ever realized how much she wants to, but gods, she suddenly does.
Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line
"I would let you borrow my compass any time you wanted to go," Finn says, surprised by his own boldness in the offer. But he doesn't take it back, even realising what he's done. "Either that, or... we have a demigod with the ability to fly. Perhaps you could find alternative means to travel. I am sure there are plenty of ways for you to return to Stormbreak." Perhaps the Spyglass is so keen for Tobi to have her cake and eat it too because it makes his own attempts to do the same seem less ridiculous.
"Spiders and snakes and such don't really care what people think of them," Finn remarks with a roll of his shoulders, his fingers squeezing against hers gently. "And perhaps we can see if one of those enclosures are free the next time we go for a walk in the Celestine. If that is something you would like." He's not really sure what he's offering here - all he knows is that, healing him without permission or not, Tobi has been nothing but caring and helpful to him.
It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind
Tobi looks up rather suddenly, surprised at Finn's offer. He certainly was one to break the rules for more often than she, but gods if Cian found out? Especially since Tobi would have absolutely no reason to leave Stormbreak on her own? His mention of Ronin just has her shaking her head. The doctor isn't the sort to say, hey thanks for the ride, now fuck off, yeah? I've got some secret shit to do. Just telling Finn her secret was a big deal. But acting on it?
Nooooo. No, Tobi wasn't ready for that.
"I'll keep all that in mind. Maybe my next day off." This is said with a smirk; they both know Tobi doesn't get days off.
Unsure if this retort is meant to be a criticism or a confidence boost, Tobi just nods with an uncertain smile. "And...you'd like that?" She asks, before realizing that her phrasing wasn't quite right. Swallowing and shaking her head with a fresh bloom of colour to her cheeks, the doctor tries again. "I mean, you'd be okay with that? I don't...I didn't tell you so that you'd be forced to do anything about it. I just...I guess I really just wanted someone to know." She admits, the pulse of her fingers against his this time smaller somehow. More vulnerable.
Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line
"You do not get days off." Finn says the sentiment she's already getting at, but one can't expect the Spyglass to ever be completely socially adept, however far he may have come. Still, he understands to some extent, and they are both shocked at his offer. That will take some dwelling on, and for a brief moment her fingers in his feel very, deeply uncomfortable, as if the grip of her hand might be echoed all over his body - but he fights against the urge to shake her away.
And he doesn't, in the end, taking a deep breath and releasing it again, letting the new thread of conversation take him away from instinctive discomfort. "If I were not okay with it, I wouldn't have followed you into the unicorn enclosure before," he points out with a faint smile. "If anyone were to ask, I would say it was research. Providing, of course, you don't mind if I actually do take notes."
It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind
Tobi does not feel as deeply as others Finn knows. She's quite comfortable with physical touch, reading into things perhaps far less than she ought to. So she doesn't feel whatever minute stiffening there might be on his part; she's simply content with the grounding Finn provides, even if he is an unexpected source of reassurance.
"Well, but that was an actual unicorn, and not—" Tobi says, abruptly cutting herself off. Clearing her throat, she just raises a brow and nudges her chin forward as if to say, you know. me.
That he would actually be researching her makes the doctor laugh, the sound brighter and sunnier than anything she's managed since revealing herself. "Sure, if you like. Though I could just answer any questions you actually have. But...it's a good cover, and.." When did Finn become a friend? And a good one? "..I would really like that."
Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line
"I don't follow." Finn's lack of understanding might be a boon for once in his life, because when he glances at Tobi, it's with open confusion. "If anything, I ought to be more comfortable with it. I have played ball with you while you are shifted." And all the rest, but that goes unsaid. Kicking his heel against the bench again, Finn's brow furrows, like he's trying to find a way to phrase something he's never had the opportunity to provide.
"...When I see you, through my glasses... you are just... Tobi. Attuned, bright, full of good things." His cheeks feel hot suddenly, as if he's just realised how incredibly that might be overstepping. "What I mean is that I don't see anything wrong with you." Is that better? Worse? Probably worse.
Her agreement rescues him, Finn letting out a breath and nodding, just a little (a lot) relieved. "I am glad. And... I could just ask, but I would like to make my observations first, if it is all the same." It's more fun that way.
It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind
"Yeah but it's...it's like...I've licked you while shifted too. But that doesn't mean I've kissed you." Tobi says. It's difficult to explain the difference to someone who isn't an attuned. "I both am, and am-not me while shifted." She tries again, failing instantly if only because all the examples she can think of tending towards the intimate (I cuddled you as a dog, but we've never cuddled. You ran your fingers through my fur, but not my hair and so on). And just now, selfishly, she doesn't want to give Finn a reason to pull away. Not when she's still reeling.
Tobi just laughs at Finn's description of her. His glasses aren't something they've ever really delved into, the doctor just knowing cursory information from Finn and gossip from Falke. "Attuned. Bright. Full of Good Things. I should put that on a t-shirt." She chuckles playfully, kicking the back of his heel with her toe as he swings his feet. "With your glasses...can you tell anything about me? As an attuned, I mean." She asks looking curious, though again, perhaps that's part of the research he'd mentioned.
"Uh huh. What I hear is Tobi, I don't want to talk to you, go away and let me write." The doctor translates with a laugh. It's a joke, but she thinks it's still partially true.
Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line
But that doesn't mean I've kissed you is enough to have the Spyglass faltering, Finn's cheeks hinting towards red by now, his free hand still dumbly holding onto the notepad and broken pencil as if it holds the answers to all of these things. "Well. That aside, I do not think I have any reason not to be comfortable around you whilst you are shifted." Which is entirely the point of the conversation, and absolutely nothing that is making Finn's palms begin to sweat.
He nibbles at the inside of his cheek as they delve deeper into the subject of his glasses, and although his hand remains in hers, the shutters are slowly coming down, Finn's gaze dropping towards the ground. "I don't know," he confesses. "They can discern races, but that is all I was ever told." Finn does see more, but that isn't necessarily the glasses - it may well simply be his own unstable mental state. (And it certainly leans that way, given that he sees things, sometimes, without the spectacles).
Clearing his throat, Finn risks a glance at her. "It isn't as though you could talk to me much whilst shifted anyway, is it?"
It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind
Anyone looking might notice how adorably boyish Finn looks with his flushed cheeks, and one hand clutching a notepad while the other holds that of the girl next to him. Tobi isn't really looking though, lost in the implications of what she's said and the rather shocking plans that they're making.
"Well, that's a relief at least." Tobi says, breezing by the awkwardness of the topic with a simple shrug. "If you could see what I was, I guess I would worry that others could too. I've always wondered if Cian secretly knows." Her thoughts are a bit rambly now, but it's the best she can do on the shaky-side of secret telling. 'How does he do it, do you think?' She asks, having no reason to believe Finn actually knows the answer.
Noting the redness of Finn's cheeks and just now realizing how clammy his hand was becoming in hers, Tobi turns a concerned gaze toward him. "No...that's true, I can't. And...that shift isn't quite as expressive as a dog is." But that hardly matters now. "Are you alright? Do you want some more juice?"
Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line
Maybe one day Finn will be able to breeze on by these situations as well as Tobi can - but today, evidently, is not that day. "No, it doesn't... at least, I do not think it can tell so much," he says, only to scoff a little at the matter of Cian. "The Eye knows everything. I would not be surprised either. It is probably all written down in his book." The slip of the tongue is absolutely the result of his becoming so flustered, Finn a world away from the man bringing LongHeat to life with his music.
Blinking a bit at the question suddenly directed at him, the Spyglass nods and lets his hand slip out of hers - it doesn't occur to him to put down the notepad, tight as he's holding onto it. He drinks the last of the juice in his glass, letting flavour and fizz try to melt away the sudden walls he's been putting up. "Sorry. I just... I am not used to talking about the things I see." Or thinking about kissing you.
It's a quiet consolation A mistake that I don't mind
That was reassuring. There were plenty of magical items in Stormbreak to be sure, but Tobi was happy to let herself rest in the sweet ignorance that if Finn's glasses couldn't see what she was, then perhaps no item could.
Snorting to hear Finn say as much, Tobi rolls her eyes, flashing the Spyglass a sarcastic smile. "Mmm, I bet. With chapters for all of us. And a map showing where we are at all times!" It's complete conjecture of course. Such an item would be incredibly powerful, especially in the wrong hands. Little does Tobi know that's precisely the sort of book Cian has. And as for whether his are the wrong hands? One really only needs to look at what his influence has done to Finn.
Wincing slightly to hear it was something she'd said, the doctor immediately back peddles. "Sorry, I should have realized. I was being selfish and wasn't thinking." Even Tobi's frown is still somehow cheerful, and as if it can make amends, she reaches down to refill his glass and hers as well. It's all she brought, the bottle now empty, but that was the point of it, right?
"Really Finn, I'm sorry." And she says this not like Finn is some crazy person she needs to tiptoe around whose triggers are annoying, but genuinely as someone who just...wasn't thinking. "Okay, last one." Tobi says suddenly and cheerfully. "Why did the doctor tell the nurse to walk quietly past the pill cupboard?"
Maybe you'll meet me at the station Or maybe somewhere down the line
