on the coast of somewhere

right now everything you want is wrong
& right now all your dreams are waking up

You're dreaming. This is a dream. Remi's voice echoes out across the sand and the coastline. The dreamscape is rugged and rough, with jagged bluffs falling into the sea and a horizon that seems to be comprised entirely of storms.

Standing barefoot in the sand is the Lullaby. His arms are crossed across his chest as he surveys the white caps that break and rise on the dark water. "I'm not actually here, and neither are you." Remi says gently as he turns, looking at the Flood over his shoulder. "You can't be hurt." It seems important to say, but Remi winces slightly as the words leave his mouth. "At least not physically." He adds in a voice that's nearly a whisper.

Turning properly around now, the Lullaby clasps his hands behind his back. If it's just a comfortable position or some sort of show of non-violence isn't entirely clear. "I wanted to say what I meant to, yesterday. If you'll hear me out."

The Lullaby

// grass stains cut my bloody knees, it's goodpain, it means i can't be phased
that little death inside my sides, won't make it right //

His dreams are nothing peaceful, worse so now. At least, that is, until things shift and change and he’s no longer trapped within the concrete jungle of Korofi and instead standing on a coast with cliffs that fall into the ocean. He has to blink his surprise away, especially when the voice comes across. And it shouldn’t be soothing, but it is to an extent. He turns, facing Remi immediately once the voice reaches him, steel gaze shuddering as he takes a breath.

He casts another glance around, not recognizing any of it, though perhaps that’s for the best. But the posture Remi offers him is one that Sunjata can accept, thrown off the side of preparing himself in an attempt to not be defensive or aggressive as Ronin had put, blindsided into following suit. So he does, he steps toward Remi but keeps a fair distance, hands lowered to his sides. “Alright.” He offers, swallowing hard, waiting.

he wins every time i find myself inside, alone all night

SUNJATA

right now everything you want is wrong
& right now all your dreams are waking up

Though the ocean roars and storm clouds assemble with groans and drumbeats behind him, the dream world makes everything they say easily audible. Remi has no need to shout over the wind that flutters between, nor the breaking of boulders as they fall into the sea.

"I don't think it's fair to say that I am sorry for something I would do again. Others might think so, but.." Remi shrugs, rubbing his palm with one of his thumbs behind his back in a tight circle. "I can understand why you're upset, to an extent. Ronin hasn't told me half the things you thought he did, but I think I can understand just the same. But you and I aren't family, Sunjata. Vai is. And I will hurt anyone I need to, to keep my family safe." This is said almost apologetically now, or at least reluctantly. 'I wasn't this man before...but I've been him for so long now that there's no going back. I am what I am."

Remi's smile is sad, and tears strangely sting the back of his eyes. But he is, as he's said. Demigod of Ludo, herald of death, illusions, and trickery. Remi is the Lullaby now, and nothing is more on-brand for the path he walks than a dream-murder committed to find the truth.

But still, he's willing to be hated for it.

"So you can hate me for it, and you can think it was wrong." Remi adds gently, pausing to saying something more. His lips struggle around words he doesn't know how to say, and so he simply shakes his head and falls silent.

The Lullaby

// grass stains cut my bloody knees, it's goodpain, it means i can't be phased
that little death inside my sides, won't make it right //

This, so far, is much better. No heated emotions, nothing to stand between them other than the rolling of the waves and the storm clouds above. And he does what he always does when he’s centered enough to be able to, to listen to every word. And part of him? Well, he understands. Miscommunication and the means to an end were all things that Sunjata was intimately familiar with, and they had started the last conversation off on the wrong foot to begin with.

Then it had snowballed and snowballed until it exploded.

He works at the inside of his cheek, nodding to Remi as he takes a deep breath, unable to look at the Lullaby and instead chooses to focus on the crashing waves, the falling cliffs. “I don’t… Blame you, Remi.” He begins, tentatively trying to figure out how to word everything he wants to say. “I know what that’s like. To change and not be able to go back to how you once were.” He shakes his head, lifting his gaze to finally meet the Lullaby and spy that sad smile. “And I don’t hate you. I'm upset, yes... But, I get it to an extent. If I could have, I would’ve done the same for those that I lost but I’ve never been strong like you are.”

He can’t help but to let the silence overcome everything as he picks his words again. “It hit me hard, not just because it was a dream...” He pauses to scoff, a humorless laugh airing the world around them. “But because it hit me exactly like what happened to me in Korofi. It was not kind, it was not easy. I took the blame for nearly everything that went wrong and I paid for it, only they'd never let me have the satisfaction of dying.” His shoulders rise and fall in a shrug. “And the one time I gave in and tried to do it myself, they took that from me too." He doesn't know if Remi cares about that, but it's important for Sunjata to get it off his chest, to try and get Remi to understand why he's reacted the way he has. "Caido is the one place I got to keep things without ruining them. At least I thought so. But I don’t… I don’t blame you, Remi. I want to say I’d do the same but I know I won’t. I haven't in the past.”

he wins every time i find myself inside, alone all night

SUNJATA

right now everything you want is wrong
& right now all your dreams are waking up

It's surprising that he isn't hated. Things might have been so much easier if he was.

Remi is quite content to listen to what Sunjata has to say, especially now that it isn't used as some sort of weapon by Ronin against him. That's the thing about the Lullaby and his abilities: Remi has always been able to understand. But understanding doesn't always lead to agreement. That's all he'd been trying to say before.

'I had no idea.' Remi says once the Flood has stopped speaking. 'I'm not sure I would have done things differently if I had, but I wasn't trying to use your past against you.' It probably isn't a consolation at all, at this point though.

'It's likely for the best you wouldn't do the same.' The Lullaby admits with another sad smile. Releasing his fingers, he lets his palm rub up the outside of one of his arms, gripping it just below the shoulder. 'Or you'd be like me.' And no one wants that, hovers on his lips. Just as, Not Ronin, anyway, does. Swallowing hard on those words, Remi tries to reshape his mouth into something that looks less like a wince.

"If it makes you feel any better, other than Ronin, I would have done the same to anyone else. It wasn't anything to do with you. Do I believe you're capable of something like that?" Remi's head tilts speculatively to the side. It's hard to see the man before him, tall and legitimately one of the strongest attuned he knew of, present himself as being so weak. "Not really, no. But I had to be sure. Where my family is concerned...all bets are off."

Or as Ronin might say: It wasn't personal. He's just an asshole. And that was probably true.

The Lullaby

// grass stains cut my bloody knees, it's goodpain, it means i can't be phased
that little death inside my sides, won't make it right //

It takes a lot for someone to get on Sunjata’s hate list. There’s those that he dislikes, of course, ones that he won’t associate himself with, of course, but at the moment there’s only one that harbors his hatred and there’s little to nothing he can do about it. So he draws silent, chewing on the inside of his cheek, offering a nod. “It’s relieving to hear that.” He admits, quietly. The fact that Remi hadn’t known does alleviate some of his fears.

As for not being the same as Remi, Sunjata doesn’t know what to say to that. He does the wise choice, he thinks, and says nothing. He instead reaches up to run a hand through his hair, inhaling the scent of salty seawater and electricity on the air before letting it out. “It does.” He agrees once Remi has finished, nodding gently. “For what it’s worth, Vai is the closest thing I have to a mother anymore.” He hopes that Remi will understand that. “And I forgive you for it, provided you want that. I’d give anything to kill my father for everything he’s done.”

The rest of it, though? He can’t help but let his words tumble out of his mouth, unable to keep the words tight behind pale teeth. “I’m sorry, by the way. About Ronin and all of that. It shouldn’t…” He shakes his head, sucks in another steadying breath. “It shouldn’t have gone like that, I didn’t want to get in the middle of it all. I shouldn’t have been in the middle of it all. And I’m sorry that it came down to that.”

he wins every time i find myself inside, alone all night

SUNJATA

right now everything you want is wrong
& right now all your dreams are waking up

Actually, Remi doesn't know if he's looking for forgiveness. He thinks he appreciates it, but his soul has gone so hollow now, the cockles of his heart so barren and corrupt, that he can't even tell. He meets Sunjata's stare with sad, tired eyes. He might be strong enough to be feared, but that's never been the true measure of the alchemist. 'Well, you'll be fighting Vai for that honour.' Remi says with a dry laugh. None of this is funny, but humour is preferable to the tension he feels deep in his muscles. "I don't think about it, but if my father was here...even without what happened to Vai, I'd probably want to kill him too." So look, there's at least one thing they have in common.

"Ronin did mention that, after. That your father was here, or..might be here." Remi shrugs off the uncertainty. Whether it is in fact Shaju or just some illusion hardly matters at this point.

The mention of Ronin has Remi standing straight suddenly, his sea-glass stare sharp. Behind him lightning crackles out from the clouds as more of the sea-cliffs fall into the dark waves. "No, you didn't do anything. You have nothing to apologize for." The alchemist says, his fingers biting into the skin on his arm. "It was Ronin's choice to make."

The Lullaby

// grass stains cut my bloody knees, it's goodpain, it means i can't be phased
that little death inside my sides, won't make it right //

There’s a hum of quiet amusement that leaves Sunjata on the subject of Vai, nodding to the dry humor that leaves Remi, before he’s nodding and awkwardly reaching up to rub at the back of his neck, running over a tattooed compass in the process. “It’s been a long time coming, really. Those are the good dreams.” He says with a wry smile, a shrug, before focusing on the subject of his father, letting that wry smile shift to something more akin to a grimace.

“It started off as visions but… He doesn’t look the same, the voice is the same but he’s different. I found him twice but without proof of anything? Torchline will think I’ve lost my mind more than they already do.” And are they wrong? Given his visions and otherwise haggard appearance while he’d been sleep deprived and drunk off his ass half a season? No. No they’re not.

Remi stands up straight when he mentions Ronin, however, and Sunjata’s gaze snaps to the Lullaby but remains silent. And perhaps it’s against his better judgement, but he takes a step toward the Lullaby, an extension of starting over hopefully coming across in his posture and his mind. “Doesn't mean the whole thing wasn't fucked up in the first place.” He offers casually, moving so that he stands beside Remi. “You and I especially, in order for him to have to make that choice.” His gaze flickers over to Remi briefly before he looks back out toward the storms in the distance. “I think we're a lot alike even if we go about things differently. We can be a bit... Volatile. But maybe, despite everything, we can start over again.” An olive branch extended in the hopes that it might work out at some point. If anything, it'd help the nightmares he knows will still plague him.

he wins every time i find myself inside, alone all night

SUNJATA

right now everything you want is wrong
& right now all your dreams are waking up

'Why would they think you've lost your mind?' Remi raises a brow. He'd heard about some bullshit on the Notice Board ("Sunjata hasn't done shit", except that..well he really had), and so the alchemist hadn't thought much of it. Lots of people didn't think Remi had done much as Governor either. It just sort of came with the territory.

Remi watches as Sunjata nears, not moving, but not seeming that offput by the man's presence. It was a dream after all, as Remi had said earlier. Nothing could happen here, really. "It was, yeah." That at least they can agree on. The Lullaby does his best to swallow down the emotions that crest in the back of his throat as Sunjata mentions how alike they are. He's not wrong, but just now it isn't entirely helpful to hear. Or at least, it doesn't help the fears that Ronin really is, even subconsciously, choosing the Flood over him.

"I can do that. " Remi chuckles darkly, and looks down at his feet. "I'll strip naked and let you cut my throat here too, if it would make you feel better." He offers with a boyish shrug of his shoulders.

The Lullaby

// grass stains cut my bloody knees, it's goodpain, it means i can't be phased
that little death inside my sides, won't make it right //

That’s a loaded question. But he takes a deep breath anyway and begins to dive in. “The visions of Leafchange were rough for me so I went to Vai to get some medicine. I think… It got switched somehow. I ended up drugging myself instead of sleeping away the nightmares.” A shoulder rises and falls in a shrug. “Isla found out and helped me get it… Sorted. But, that being said, I wasn’t entirely on my game. Thinking things weren’t there, reacting to other things that are and aren’t. First time I saw my father for real I wasn’t sure it was him. Of course, until he had me face down in the river with his boot to my neck, breaking my wing.” He manages that partial shift again, pulling out those dragon wings, angling the ravaged one to Remi before tucking them in tight.

And once the explanation is over, he can focus on the other things. It’s easier to breathe in this space, easier to keep his moods from being reflective of the surrounding tension of LongNight with Nate being gone and fingers pointed at him from all angles. “I’m not exactly an eye for an eye kind of man.” He offers, perhaps a bit solemnly, unsure if that’s what Remi wanted anyway. “You could help me though, once I find my father. Give him the worst nightmares he could ever imagine and torment the fuck out of him.” Though it would have to be something dark, he supposes, given the reality Shaju often gave. “I think I’d like that.” The edge of a smile on his face is a bit more sharp, a bit more alight with the prospect of it.

he wins every time i find myself inside, alone all night

SUNJATA

right now everything you want is wrong
& right now all your dreams are waking up

"Visions?" Remi frowns. It sounded very Ludo-like, but was almost too cruel for the herald's taste. Hearing Isla's name added to the mix has Remi's eyebrows shooting up, all of it sounding more credible and crazy at the same time. Watching the Flood partially shift has the alchemist sucking in a hasty breath. He's never broken a wing, but gods he can just imagine the agony it would cause. Unshifted, as well. "Fuck sake." He mutters under his breath, biting the inside of his cheek to hear the rest of the tale.

'Whatever you want.' Remi offers, genuinely willing to do whatever he could to help ease the Flood's pain when it came to the things his father had done. "We could bring him here too...Give him wings for you to break, but..ah." Crinkling his nose as he remembers Sunjata just saying he wasn't an eye for an eye man, Remi exhales and shrugs. "Whatever you want." He decides at last. Remi will be The Lullaby, or just an instrument for Sunjata to use. Whatever the man wanted.

"Well, the offer is open. Or you can always just punch me, if murder is too much." Remi adds with a smirk.

"So...your father. What does he look like here? How will we find him?"

The Lullaby

// grass stains cut my bloody knees, it's goodpain, it means i can't be phased
that little death inside my sides, won't make it right //

“Yeah.” He says quietly, rolling a shoulder in a shrug. It feels better now, healing well enough to be able to tuck it in without causing himself a good amount of pain. But his gaze drifts back over to Remi with the agreement of bringing him here. And it’s so, so tempting, that the smile that crosses his face is genuine. “That sounds like a plan.” He agrees, mulling it over. Not necessarily the wing breaking, but the tormenting. And perhaps? Perhaps the more wound up he gets the more eye for an eye he’ll become.

To be honest, he just wants to break Shaju just as his father had broken him.

“Might take up the punch though, too.” He offers a crooked smile back to Remi, before thoughts of his father drift in again. “It’s different every time. I don’t know if it’s magic or not.” He offers honestly. “Unassuming, forgettable. Goes by Kane here but his true name is Shaju. And I’m sure everything he’s doing is to ruin everything I’ve made for myself.” His gaze flickers back over to Remi with a smaller smile. “He’s good at that.”

he wins every time i find myself inside, alone all night

SUNJATA

right now everything you want is wrong
& right now all your dreams are waking up

Remi snorts both laughter and agreement. Raising his chin as if to make it more appealing to the Flood (Remi assuming the Flood will want to strike him right in the face, but who knows, maybe he'll go for his gut, or ribs), before he pauses to listen. "Ludo might be able to help with that. " And, for the millionth time, Remi wishes he hadn't given away the stone he'd once had that let him see through such illusions.

'Well. Won't he just be fucked right off when he sees he can't do that." Tapping the side of his face, the Lullaby grins. "Now hit me so that I can put us both back into real sleep. I think we could probably use it."

The Lullaby

// grass stains cut my bloody knees, it's goodpain, it means i can't be phased
that little death inside my sides, won't make it right //

Sunjata would be lying if he said he didn’t appreciate the slight view of Remi’s chin raised, if only to fit a fist right there. But as it were, he focuses on something else – the subject matter differing toward Ludo’s help, something Sunjata inhales a quiet sigh. “Perhaps I’ll seek it out.” He’s never met Ludo… But perhaps, for something like this, it may be worth it all in the end. It’s hard to say, though, so he keeps it on the back burner as he turns to face Remi a bit more fully.

“Gods willing, hm?” He murmurs with a half smile crossing his face, focusing his steel gaze on the tap that Remi gives to his face, managing to huff a laugh. “Yes. Yes we could.” He agrees softly, mimicking Remi in such a way that he doesn’t give the Lullaby time to react to where he plans his punch. And as much as he thinks he should go for the neck, but he chooses against it.

The fist that heads toward the Lullaby is aimed for his solar plexus, in an upward motion against Remi’s chest should it hit (and he thinks it would, given the fact that Remi had offered). And surprisingly? He feels lighter than he has in a while.

For now, at least.

he wins every time i find myself inside, alone all night

SUNJATA