the years burn

// the killer in me is the killer in you, my love, i send this smile over to you
disarm you with a smile, and leave you like they left me here //

Her hand smooths over navy feathers and they soothe their anxious flaring under her touch. He pauses to chew at the inside of his lower lip when she speaks, a quiet stillness overtaking him (never quite as good as Nate’s, but still quite still in comparison). “I think Nate mentioned wanting more than one.” He murmurs gently, managing the edge of a smile on his unblemished side of his face. “He was a twin too, you know.” He pauses, exhaling another held breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “Looks like I’m the odd one out not having one in this relationship.”

But the smile and edge of relief continues, throwing himself into that sensation she gives him. It almost gets dashed away when she tells him she had faith in him, the urge to shake his head and tell her h ow much of a wreck he had been at that time – overtly confident, weak, so sad all the time – before the realization occurs that not much had changed. Sure, he wasn’t sad all the time anymore and he is strong… But in times like this it doesn’t feel like it. “That’s true.” He agrees with her gently, his hands smoothing over her back as the trembling slows.

His head tilts when she mentions a child given to Bastien and Rexanna, curiosity getting the better of him at the option she lays out. But there’s a bittersweetness within it, too, this war that’s coming, his allegiance to Safrin while Nate’s allied with the Voice.

What would that mean if he had an Ascended child? What then?

He supposes the answer is simple enough. He could never hurt Nate nor his child – not intentionally, at least. So he puffs out a sigh that puffs up his cheeks, wincing soon after as the painful edge of his cheek lances with pain. “Suppose it couldn’t hurt to ask.” He finally agrees, voice a bit hoarse as his jaw loosens to poke and prod at the wound and see if he’d opened it up again.

to wither in denial, the bitterness of one who's left alone

SUNJATA

Darling please, just give us some time, and I swear we'll be alright

"We need a bit of variety in our family trees, don't worry," she laughs quietly. In some ways they're likely better off that Sunjata didn't have a twin. Less likelihood of them showing up to cause problems like his father had. "We can always start with one and see how it goes. I wouldn't say no to a large family though." The admission is far quieter, the first thing she has said that has any kind of emphasis on her own desires in this conversation. Though she is intent on asking Nate's opinion on her own, if only to gauge where they all stand before any decisions are made. Hotaru is as confident in Nate's abilities to be a parent as she is in Sunjata's, that's certainly not in question, but seeing as how he may have to supply something to the Voice for it, they'll likely need to prepare in ways not normally required for general procreation.

The reminder of Azrael makes her heart twinge. The child has likely forgotten her, if any memory existed at all from those early days. Just another failure in the long list acquired in her absence. She has failed Rexanna, and Azrael themself, and for a moment she cannot focus her attention on Sunjata's reactions as she is overcome with regret. Hotaru will have to remedy this as swiftly as she can, even if it means leaving home for a little while - something she already dreads doing.

"I can always ask first. I have no ties to either side, what little help it might be in shifting any blame aside." Whether or not that would help win the Voice's favor enough to ask for a child is one thing, but at least then Safrin could not pin the blame directly on Sunjata. Though Hotaru wouldn't be surprised if she did so anyway with what little she knows of the herald. "Their war shouldn't stop us from trying to be happy." Whether it actually will doesn't matter, it shouldn't - and won't - stop them from trying.

HOTARU

// the killer in me is the killer in you, my love, i send this smile over to you
disarm you with a smile, and leave you like they left me here //

Her own admission and gentle laughter is something that distracts him, pulls him out of his own little spiral of winds that torrent his fogged mind. And he regards her with a hint more intensity, understanding and listening to her own quiet request, the realization that this isn’t Korofi, which didn’t require a male and female child and nothing more, nothing doubled. The realization that they could have as many or as little as they wanted without that royal bloodline of his to ruin it with tradition. "Then I think that settles it."

He finds himself watching her face, but seeing through her as she goes through her own turmoil of regret. Regret for her being the created child of the Grounds, whereas his are from his time enforcing back in Korofi, of taking those doubled children away from their parents. And he swallows hard, shutting it out, trying not to delve into the idea that he deserves some sort of happiness after all the horrible things he’d done.

But as Hotaru had mentioned before, it had become survival. And perhaps in her own turmoil of regret, she’ll find that it had become survival too – what ties connected her to Azrael could (and likely would) be remade and found again.

She speaks and it pulls him out of his attempts to swallow down his worries again, nodding to her slowly as he prods at the wound and tastes a hint of iron. “If a child of ours does end up Ascended, I will likely need to make some sort of bargain with Safrin.” It pains him to say it, both mentally and physically with the blood he can taste in his mouth. And he squeezes her gently, before he goes to shift her out of her lap so he might stand, might step into the bathroom to wash his mouth out. “Sorry.” An apology that’s made from him aiming to keep his lips as close together as possible, an apologetic glimmer in his steel gaze.

to wither in denial, the bitterness of one who's left alone

SUNJATA

Darling please, just give us some time, and I swear we'll be alright

Her own visage warms further at his succinct remark. Is it really that easy? After all this time, just...done? Not the actual problems that remain like conception, birthing, raising, but...it's as simple as that. A delighted laugh bubbles free off her tongue, feeling like this somehow isn't real with all the emotions that have come about since the moment she awoke to see him at her side. How quickly things change. "Settled it is." Her eyes brim with affection as she stares at him, unwilling to even blink lest this illusion of peace and happiness shatter with the meeting of her lashes. Even the darkness of the reminder of her broken promise to Rexanna and Bastien cannot fully dim the hope that blooms in her heart. Surely it will hurt her too, as hope is wont to do, but for now she will let it grow in peace.

Before she can think to respond, sharp mind already clicking along, he is moving her out of reach and striding towards the bathroom. Frowning at her oversight, she rises to follow after him, his mumbled apology setting off alarm bells in her mind. When she sees it's only blood - only, as if it's not something to worry about - she leans against the doorframe and idly tongues her own wound on her cheek in solidarity. "There's no guarantee they'd be immediately born Ascended, not if the Voice only used Nate's genetics, and especially with a fully human parent. Perhaps we can bargain with her initially instead of Safrin. Frey certainly didn't care about who I fucked when I met them too, and they're inclined to work magic with fertility and the like." Whether Frey could do anything with an Ascended's genes is a whole different question, but Hotaru won't let yet another godly war get in the way of the happiness of their family. If she has to go around offering different things to each god for a child, she'll do it. Reaching out, she places her hand on his lower back, leaning around to peer at his face with a frown. "Do I need to get Nate? Or Atlas? How bad is it?" Any suffering, no matter how minor, feels like too much in the wake of what he has been through.

HOTARU

// the killer in me is the killer in you, my love, i send this smile over to you
disarm you with a smile, and leave you like they left me here //

Sometimes it is as easy as that, and given Sunjata’s mental state for the moment, it’s far more relieved and hopeful, more open to a brighter future of happiness and life and settling down – ruling Torchline with his husband and wife at his side, a little gaggle of children and their aunt Melita roaming out and about. He tries to keep it as swift a thought as possible – something about it sounding almost too good to be true, and not wanting to get his hopes up.

Thankfully, or… unfortunately, he has the tinge of iron on his tongue and he’s shifting her out of his lap, thoughts of Safrin invading his mind and how they’d go about this war that looms on the horizon. He steps over and into the bathroom, grabbing a cup and filling it with water to clean out his mouth. He’s quite tall in comparison to the sink and he finds himself bent over it with his hands on either side when he goes to spit out the mixture of water and blood.

“A bargain with Safrin is the last ditch effort. That’s… Provided we have our child in hand and it is Ascended.” His gaze lifts to meet her as he goes to take another mouthful of water, letting it try to wash out the blood further. Her hand finds his lower back and her words find his ears, and he shakes his head no before he’s spitting out another mouthful and wiping at his mouth. “No. It’s not bad.” He pauses to swallow a bit of the water that remains. “I just need to remember to not puff out my cheeks until it’s healed.” It’s healed quite a bit on the outside, but it was the internal parts of his cheek that still needed to heal. This little mishap had simply come about by his not realizing he was going to break up the barrier that had formed.

He pours out the cup and lifts his gaze to face her again. “It will be better tomorrow.” He assures her with a soft tilt of a smile on the good side of his face.

to wither in denial, the bitterness of one who's left alone

SUNJATA

Darling please, just give us some time, and I swear we'll be alright

There's little more she can do than stand aside, watching as her husband rinses his mouth repeatedly until the water runs pink and then clear. Tempted as she still is to go fetch Nate or Atlas even for something this small, she isn't inclined to leave him, or to make him feel as if he's being coddled oppressively. Though she waits until he's done to smile up at him and sidle closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and tilting slightly to gaze up into his eyes. "It shouldn't get to me this soon, hearing you say 'our child', but it does," she admits with a fond grin. It makes her heart skip a beat regardless of the context surrounding the words themselves. There's no need to agree to the bargain bit; Hotaru will do all she can to avoid that particular outcome before it happens. For the child's sake as well as Sunjata's.

"I guess that means no kisses for you." Mischief dances in her eyes as she takes his hand and leads him back into the bedroom, already missing the comfort his embrace brought her. She sits on the edge of their bed, hand still connected to Sunjata's as she waits for him to figure out what will be most comfortable with his array of injuries. "I told Nate I was thinking of asking Frey for matching magical items for the three of us. Something that can either alert us when we're in danger, or point us to each other if we're lost. Perhaps teleport us there, like Wessex is capable of. What do you think?" He has far more familiarity with asking for boons after all, but first she wants his input on the items themselves. Needs to know if it will be useful at all beyond soothing her own rooted fears that have sprung up in the wake of Nate's abduction, her own sickness, and Sunjata's absence.

HOTARU

// the killer in me is the killer in you, my love, i send this smile over to you
disarm you with a smile, and leave you like they left me here //

She sidles closer, arms wrapped around his waist and he remains in that slightly bent position – far more eye level with her than he typically is. Still enough to peer down at her when she smiles, the soft edge to her bi-toned eyes soothing even the worst of his mental scars right now. It reflects in the edge of that smile on half of his face too, a soft air of breath leaving his nose in a gentle snort. “It does have a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?” He agrees gently, a bit muffled with how he tries to keep his cheeks from moving too much.

It works though, the blood stopping for the moment. As for no kisses, this he playfully narrows his eyes at her. “Forehead kisses are quite nice instead, thank you.” It’s a rough tease, not as playful or mischievous as he typically is, but given the fact that he’s essentially been unconscious until today since gods knew when. But he follows her guidance, the hand in his that pulls him back toward the bedroom and their bed, listening while she suggests an item that tells them where the others are.

It’s a beautiful idea, one that has him immediately nodding despite not knowing exactly what he would want for it. He withdraws his hand from hers slowly, only to remove the borrowed shirt from Vai’s, to reveal the bandaged side and the bandages that wrap around his middle, the flecking of scrapes and wounds from the ocean all across his spine and stomach and shoulders. And the bruising that accompanies his hips and ribs, beneath his collarbone where that fiery arrow tattoo sat. “I think I’d like a compass.” He says, as the feathers withdraw and reveal the compasses tattooed to his neck, as he moves to sit on the edge of the bed with a huff of a sore sigh, before he’s slipping under the blankets and dragging her with him. He lays on his right side, because that’s where the lesser of his injuries are, avoiding his face and his side and choosing to lay on bruises instead. “Maybe with two points. One for you and one for Nate?”

to wither in denial, the bitterness of one who's left alone

SUNJATA

Darling please, just give us some time, and I swear we'll be alright

He is not the only one soothed by an action as simple as gazing at each other. She could not have forgotten his features so quickly, and yet her eyes trace them anew to commit them to memory once more just to be safe. Reminding herself that he is here, returned to her and Nate at last even if damaged in the process. Injuries can heal so long as he is alive to bear them. It makes it so much easier to smile, to laugh, like a boulder has been lifted off her chest and the air which fills her lungs anew leaves her weightless and buoyed on a heady joy. "I think I can accommodate that." As proof, she uses his bent posture to lean closer and press a kiss between his brows, chaste but no less fond.

His approval warms her from head to toe; symbolically of course. It can't chase away the spring chill that nips at her skin. No matter the weather she has always been inclined to wear as little clothing as possible to bed, especially with how comfortable she is in the arctic reaches. It doesn't mean she isn't inclined to slip back beneath the furs and blankets with him though, not when it doubles as rest and recuperation for him. "Nate wanted bracers," she notes idly as her eyes take in the tattoo that is revealed as he climbs slowly, stiffly, into their bed. Only once he is comfortable does she come closer, sliding to align at his chest without being close enough to touch, careful of his bruises and bandages alike. "Maybe we could just keep one here in the house, with points for all of us. Frey might be more amenable to a single item." Something they could carry around as needed, but which could be safely hidden in their home at any other time. "Fireproofed, of course, considering our luck." A wry grin pulls faintly at her lips, the invasive scent of smoke still pervasive the farther from the living quarters they wandered. Repairs would come when they were all fully healed, but their track record was already alarming.

HOTARU

// the killer in me is the killer in you, my love, i send this smile over to you
disarm you with a smile, and leave you like they left me here //

The kiss between his brows is swift, but the glimmer of love in his gaze when she pulls away is no less dampened for it as she guides him back into the bedroom with her. His mind focuses on the task of attaining some item, one that could pinpoint the location of all of them so they’d know where the other were. He crawls into the blankets after airing his thoughts, letting them culminate in his mind while she gets comfortable too – close enough not necessarily to touch, but enough that they can share the heat he radiates from his frantically healing body.

“Bracers would be very good.” He agrees fondly, thinking back to the little metal bracelets he’d given to both Nate and Hotaru upon their joining of the Advocates guild. My how things had changed since those days in the Grounds. But he nestles in, pressing half of his face into the pillows and pulling a blanket up tight around his neck and around her shoulders, his arm coming out to rest against her middle. “Fireproof would definitely be a necessary requirement.” He murmurs, half muffled in the pillows as he is.

But another thought occurs to him, given how much they’d all been through. “I wonder… Perhaps we could ask our gods for an item that would tell us each other’s whereabouts… That way there’s three?” Though given the fact Sunjata had managed to complete a quest that came with two items once upon a time, there’s the possibility that could continue depending on the god they chose.

For now, however, he settles in and gives her a soft squeeze. “We have plenty of time to think on it, don’t we?” Dark brows lift slightly as he tries to peer at her face, searching for an answer.

to wither in denial, the bitterness of one who's left alone

SUNJATA

Darling please, just give us some time, and I swear we'll be alright

It takes a degree of shifting about, but Hotaru's weight is negligible on the bed as is, and once he is settled - as comfortably as can be expected with his current state - she slips under the covers to join him. His arm is a heavy, familiar weight on her middle, and the blanket he pulls over them has the heat of their bodies creating a cocoon in record time. It lulls her back towards the fringes of sleep with that comfort alone. Now that he is here, she is so desperate to finally rest.

"Here's to hoping I get control over fire in the near future then," she snorts deliriously into her pillow, finding far too much amusement in the idea. Instead of needing flame-retardant properties, she would simply be a walking fire extinguisher. Cleaning up the boys' messes seems to be her full time job, when they deign to let her.

"We certainly hold the market on patrons, it's an idea. They wouldn't have to work in tandem, so that's a bonus." It would be quite impossible otherwise, given the antagonistic nature of the Gods involved. The squeeze he gives her is far too much temptation with how her mind feels like it's slipping away, water between fingers that have long gone numb with how tightly she has been holding on. They both need to rest. Is it a crime to give in just a little for now? Secure as she is in her faith that Nate is downstairs, their companions are all around, and the greatest threat has been removed?

Turning, she sets a hand over his heart, half-lidded eyes crinkling as she smiles slightly. "All the time in the world," she assures in a low drawl, leaning forward to kiss his chin before settling back down. "But for now...sleep." Already fading away herself, the emotional crash of his return doing nothing to facilitate further wakefulness in her exhausted body.

HOTARU

// the killer in me is the killer in you, my love, i send this smile over to you
disarm you with a smile, and leave you like they left me here //

The warmth between them spurs exhaustion from his bones outwardly again, a low hum of agreement leaving him from where his face is half buried in the pillows. “With a nature like yours, it shouldn’t take long I imagine.” He mumbles, drawing her closer – knowing that she can’t hurt him worse than the world already has. And it’s that which has him nestled in close to her.

The suggestion of the items have his mind drifting in varying ways, none of which was full of anything concrete – but he’d only just come back, he’d only just been healed and brought back from the brink of drowning, washed up in Rae’s Fingers after a couple of days. So he lets the conversation in that regard die, another low hum leaving him as he focuses on the kiss to his chin, the warmth of her beside him, the blankets drawn up around the two of them and the weight of everything on their shoulders.

Sleep finds him quickly, trying to fix the bone deep exhaustion that has his limbs feeling like lead now that he’s curled up in the bed with her. At least this time he’s too tired to let the nightmares stir him awake.

- FIN <3333

to wither in denial, the bitterness of one who's left alone

SUNJATA