this is me trying

REMI

the lullaby

& i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

"We could wash them down with whiskey." Remi suggests, only half kidding. At this point he'd put his hand in a fire to try and keep his thoughts at least mostly on the straight and narrow.

"I don't know." The Lullaby admits with a relieved half-laugh. 'But you're all I can think about." He goes on, his feet bringing him another treacherous step closer. His willpower is better than this, or at least it used to be. Go sit down, he tells himself. Stub your toe, pinch yourself, pull out a tooth. Once upon a time he would have shifted and flown away. Now though the best he can do is try and hold his breath and keep his steps as short as possible lest he come upon Ronin too quickly for one of them to do something about it.

"I know it's what's best...I just..I don't know how to stay away from you."

& i know that you'll use them, however you want to

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving "We could," Ronin agrees, and already he's turning back to the cupboards and reaching out to withdraw a bottle of whiskey and a couple of those mismatched glasses Remi had brought back with him, pouring a generous measure into them. He also takes down a couple of tin cups for coffee (it's all he could steal from the barracks at short notice), adding a splash of whiskey to those too ready for when it's done brewing. Offering out a glass, Ronin doesn't even trust himself to let their fingers touch, and he flashes an apologetic smile to his husband. Why is it what's best? he wants to ask. Why is letting you know I care when someone has left you beaten and bruised so wrong? Of course, Ronin doesn't say that much, letting out a long and shuddering breath as he closes his eyes against the sight of his husband tiptoeing across the kitchen. "I don't want you to stay away from me," he whispers. "I just... I'm not trying to fix this with sex, or with touching. I just want to let you know I'm here, that I've got you." Blinking across at Remi, his smile boyish and almost sad, Ronin shrugs. "Because I am. And I do."

REMI

the lullaby

& i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

Alcohol is probably not going to help their combined resolve, but that doesn't mean Remi doesn't accept it wholeheartedly. Pulling away the glass and holding it tightly enough that it might break before he does, the alchemist shakes his head, though it's actually a gesture of agreement.

"I don't think I am either." But he doesn't know. Truly, when he looks inside to try and pin down his motives, he has no idea. It doesn't feel like mere horniness. It doesn't feel like pulling the wool over their eyes again or seeing through rose-tinted lenses. What it feels like is a torrent of need, and it's unwieldy and wild to the point where Remi feels entirely untethered around Ronin, rather than grounded.

"I know." Remi's voice is also a whisper and with the roar of his heartbeat in his ears he's tempted to speak up. "Does it.." Remi looks down at his one hand, inspecting his palm for the answer to what he's about to ask. "..is it bad that this is so hard? Should we..." Should we be able to love each other better than this? "..I mean, shouldn't we.." be able to do this?

& i know that you'll use them, however you want to

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving Remi isn't the only one in danger of breaking one of their lovely new glasses, and it's for that reason that Ronin knocks back the whiskey in a smooth movement. He relishes the burn as it goes down for giving him something else to focus on, for forcing him to think with his head instead of his dick, and he turns to tend to the coffee with a touch more control than before. The same can't be said if any more whiskey is involved, but he's alright for now. It's a relief, he realises, to hear Remi agree, Ronin turning back to his husband again and relaxing a touch against the counter. He nibbles at the inside of his lip, forces his shoulders to start to relax, and exhales a long breath through his nose. "No," he says eventually. "No, I don't think so. Just because we used sex as a bandaid sometimes, that doesn't mean we used it as one all the time. And I think that's what I'm missing. Just showing you how much you mean to me by giving myself to you." Turning to look up at the ceiling, Ronin rubs at his cheek. "It's like we went from throwing caution to the wind to being too careful now, isn't it? But I..." The Star pinches the bridge of his nose, and by degrees he manages to calm himself down. "You're safe. You came home to me. And we'll deal with Nate, however that happens. So anything else is... it's just because I love you. It's always because I love you." It's an easy grin that finds its way over his face now. "That and the morning wood."

REMI

the lullaby

& i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

It's both better and worse that Ronin turns around to tend to their coffee. Without Ronin's too-blue eyes peering at him from beneath hopelessly expressive eyebrows the alchemist at least has a chance to think. Unfortunately, what he thinks about are the muscles and scars he knows are hidden beneath his husband's robe, and how satisfying it might be to cast the garment to the ground knowing who it had come from. He tries to look away, he really does. His chin manages to move almost over his shoulder, though his gaze refuses to leave his husband's silhouette.

Remi's fingers curl around the glass he holds as his eyes hover somewhere near the height of the counter, near Ronin's hip. The Star's might have been coming down by measured degrees, but the alchemist is only growing more and more tense. Not for the first time, it seems that Ronin and Remi's time away from one another has been under quite different circumstances, with Ronin seeing an old friend and for the most part having a good enough time in Torchline. Remi's few days away were filled with work in the Greatwood and a beating in an alley.

So it is that both his resolve and his cup break one right after the other.

"Then I hope you'll forgive me for this," Remi whispers, the words hardly more than an exhale over his lips, as the glass of whiskey drops from his fingers to shatter on the floor. During its descent, the alchemist has bridged the gap between them in an easy stride, his fingertips now free to slide across the Star's cheeks and into his hairline. The shattering of the glass aligns with Remi pressing his lips and body against his husband's, kissing him in earnest with no attempts at chastity as they had in the street.

& i know that you'll use them, however you want to

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving I told you I'll always forgive you, Ronin wants to say. Or maybe be careful of the glass, or the ever idiotic but what about coffee? And yet as his husband crosses the room in such an easy stride, anything the Star has to say bleeds away into a soft moan as their lips meet - as they finally bridge the gap that has been yawning between them for weeks, he realises. His arms fold around the Lullaby not in desperation, but as if to welcome him home, and their bodies align together so perfectly that it's almost too much then and there. Ronin lets himself drown in it, his hands pressing across his husband's ribcage and down to his hips as if to map the feeling of every scar and freckle. And rather than being in a hurry, his passion is slow and thorough but no less needy for it; his tongue presses against Remi's as if to enjoy the taste of him for the first time, again and again and again. Perhaps it's no surprise that he can't be the one to come up for air; Remi's lips are the perfect thing for Ronin to whisper confessions against, soft and rough all at the same time, promising damnation and salvation both.

REMI

the lullaby

& i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

Gods but Remi hates this robe of Ronin's all the more. Barechested as he is all he can feel is the delicious softness of the material against his skin, rather than the body beneath he knows so well. But he'll not release Ronin for all the world, and though the Star likely doesn't need the encouragement of Remi's hands, he can't bring himself to pull away.

His tongue is slow and measured at first, but intentionally so. To say he's savouring the moment is to wildly misrepresent just how reverently the alchemist moves against his husband with fingertips and tongue, both. Though his eyes are closed, they still all but roll back into his head as he moans a trembling mixture of relief and crushing joy against the star's lips.

Remi's body shivers and tenses as Ronin's fingertips walk across his skin, and as they near his hips it's entirely unbidden that Remi gasps in a breath of surprise that's enough to break the kiss. Just the mere brush of the Star's fingers and the taste of him on Remi's tongue has him unravelled, and it's with a silent question that he lingers with his lips just a whisper away from Ronin's.

Now it feels like a home, He thinks, his lips half-forming the words, nearly brushing against Ronin's as he stands caught in the Star's gravity.

& i know that you'll use them, however you want to

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving At last, Ronin agrees, the words and the emotions both thrumming through him in a way that leaves him reeling. His breath whispers across Remi's lips, as if to tempt him in again, and gods if he doesn't want to be kissing his husband for the rest of the morning and then some. It's a good thing that the Lullaby is draped flush against him, too - Ronin isn't sure if he can take Remi teasing him with any sudden movements. Because there's no hiding what the other man is doing to him - has been doing to him since he appeared in bed that morning - and Ronin forces himself to focus to bring up one of his hands that it might dance gently across the bruises on his husband's cheek to the cut on his lip. Drawing back just enough that he might press his fingertips to Remi's lips, Ronin lets out a shaky little sigh. "I can heal you, if you wanted," he mumbles, as if talking about the logical will even remotely allow him to regain power over himself. Of course, it doesn't work one bit, and Ronin's fingers drop away again so he can very gently kiss the cut better instead.

REMI

the lullaby

& i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

It isn't a temptation so much as a rush of wind beneath a well-kindled fire and with his lips still buzzing, there's little Remi's mind even considers doing to stop him. The pressure between them builds as the alchemist kisses Ronin again, and gods if it doesn't feel as bright and new as it had moments before. He too has been riled since that morning, and even the friction of his own body against Ronin's through robes and sweatpants is enough to cause the back of his thighs to shiver with anticipatory tension.

There is space and breathless sips of air, and suddenly a fingertip against his lips. It all but stills the alchemist in place as his lashes flutter and his eyes refocus from the blurred imagery in his mind to the blue eyes directly in front of him. "I think perhaps a supernova in our kitchen might wake our son." Nevermind what the neighbours would say.

He's probably meant to keep still, but Remi can't help the way his lip trembles with the air shakily leaving his lungs, or how his hands have dropped from Ronin's face to the ornate tie currently holding the robe closed. Tugging on one of them, Remi leans his head apologetically into his husband's hand. "It doesn't have to be..." sex "..I just need to feel you. To be close to you." He mumbles softly.

& i know that you'll use them, however you want to

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving "If the sound of a glass breaking didn't wake him, I doubt a bit of light will," Ronin points out, but it's more to quip back than an actual suggestion. He's captivated by the Lullaby leaning into him, tracking the tremble of his lips and the way his fingers dance across Ronin's shoulders and down to his robe. He raises his eyebrows to feel the tug against the tie of it, and there are words ready on his lips that he doesn't really want to say. Is this wise? Are you sure? I don't know if we're ready for-- But then Remi does speak, softly and honestly, and everything about the Star relaxes. His thumb brushes against his husband's cheek, and he nods an understanding that he really doesn't need to say. No sex, just the closeness that they've been desperately missing in the time since LongNight. So, as the scent of freshly brewed coffee fills the kitchenette, Ronin's hand glides down to help loosen the tie on the robe. "I love you." He says it again; it's such a simple phrase, but it has come to stand for so much with them, and Ronin shrugs out of the silken material to let it pool on the ground around them without a thought for mess or propriety through windows. His arms slip back around Remi, drawing him against his chest, and he hisses in a breath to feel the heat rolling off his husband, the press of his skin like something from out of a dream. "Want to drink coffee in bed? Or just go back for a nap?"

REMI

the lullaby

& i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

It's with the same sort of tense relief that Remi presses himself against Ronin that others (the boys included) might have experienced during much more intimate moments. But for the alchemist, right here and now, there is nothing more he craves than the simple closeness of his husband. "I love you more than anything." Remi says, his lips bordering on both joyful laughter and a sob.

"I—" Remi might have lost a good amount of sensation on his chest due to the massive scaring there, but his skin is no less sensitive thanks to the magic running through it. The ripples of arousal he feels can't quite pull his focus (or at least not all of it), away from the simple pleasure of having his husband pressed against him. "—I'm not sure I can move." The admission is followed up by fingers that trail up the Star's sides and lips that ghost down the side of his neck. Nuzzling and kissing both, Remi breathes in deeply for a moment, committing everything about this moment to memory; from the smell of whiskey spilled on the floor, to the warm tang of coffee, the dust motes made brilliant by the sunlight, and of course, Ronin.

"We were like this in a kitchen once before." He whispers across his husband's shoulder. "Starting something new."

& i know that you'll use them, however you want to

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving Ronin is drunk on this moment, and he's not sure whether Remi knows or cares quite what he's doing to him. There's arousal (because of course there is, and Ronin will never not want to have his husband in every way available) but mostly the Star just craves more of all of this. More touching, more closeness, more heat and more of the sensation of Remi's lips on his neck. He's almost paralysed with it, his head tilting willingly to welcome the attention to his neck and collarbones, and it's only after a moment or so that his hands remember to move as well. "I'll carry you," he suggests, despite having absolutely willpower to do that in the present moment. Remi's fingers trail fire over his body, and it's all Ronin can do to clasp him closer, to lean his cheek against soft curls and close his eyes to watch the pale half-light dance behind them. "Mm... we were," he agrees. "How did that end? On the kitchen floor, or on the stairs?" Scoffing, Ronin turns to let his lips brush across Remi's hair, inhaling the sweet familiarity of him in a world that was so comparatively different. "Well, if I turn around, would you hug my back while I make us drinks?"

REMI

the lullaby

& i feel like i'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud

Remi's erection is almost an annoyance at this point, distracting from the sweetness of the moment. He's almost ready to suggest that they both go and take care of themselves (jointly? separately?) but gods he can't even bring himself to imagine stepping away from the Star right now. "Sorry." He mumbles apologetically as his hips shift forward seemingly of their own accord.

"On..." Remi's mind is dizzy, his eyes closed and his fingertips spelling out affirmations of love gainst Ronin's side. "..the floor I think." He laughs. "I think you called it a drunken fumble."

Unable to help his boyish smirk, Remi reluctantly raises his eyes only to let them drop down the length of their bodies where two mirrored erections, one freed and one still caged behind his sweatpants, offer up their opinions on hugging. "I don't think in good conscience I can agree to keep my wits about me." And really, he doesn't want the moment to deteriorate into anything else. He just...can't help it. "How about I go warm up the bed, and you bring our coffee."

& i know that you'll use them, however you want to

Code blatently stolen from queen of codes, Sky!

RONIN if there's one thing i'm good at, it's surviving "Don't apologise. No one is to blame in this," Ronin says, huffing out a laugh and following Remi's gaze down to where their bodies apparently have much different ideas than their minds about all that's happening. "I suppose it can't be helped, given how good I feel these days when you so much as brush your hand over mine." And now that there's so much more going on, it's no surprise that all the blood and sense has rushed southwards. His breath is a shuddery thing as Remi's fingers trail over his skin, and he rocks his hips forward as well only to hum an instant note of regret for the flash of heat that courses through him. "Mm, my drunken fumbles with you were always the best," he agrees, grinning and drawing back enough to try and persuade his body not to get too impatient. Remi is a very smart man - Ronin has known this for a long time, and he nods appreciatively at his husband's suggestion, even though he really doesn't want to let him go. "I'll be as quick as I can. Might throw cold water on myself at the same time," he murmurs, flashing the Lullaby a half smile. Stepping away (and gods, it's harder to do than he is), the Star turns to finish up their cups of coffee. It takes everything not to do as Remi's already thought and just take care of things while he has a little time alone, and a few deep breaths is not nearly enough to calm him down. Still, once the coffee is done he pads back towards their room, peeking through the door and smiling. "Hope that bed's warm."