twisting in circles again

hey young blood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out?
I'm gonna change you like a remix, then i'll raise you like a phoenix

It’s a secret shift of his, a dog, unassuming and silent as it follows a scent along the docks of the Port (somewhere between timeline fuckery). He’s following one person specifically, though, through the throng of people, nudging his smaller frame through and through until he’s managed to come beside her. The canine whines, it presses in and winds himself around the witch’s legs, trying to herd her toward one of the shops that’s been evacuated for the monsoons that come, empty and quiet and left unlocked with nothing left within it.

The German Shepherd grows insistent, pawing at her to follow him into it, before he reaches the door and sits back on his haunches, pawing at the door and pressing against it to open it, one loud bark given with ears swiveling like satellites in his attempt to not let the sourness of his demeanor overcome everything else. But he needs to talk, he needs to talk to her specifically, and he needs some semblance of privacy.

So long as she can open this damn door.

wearing our vintage misery, no, i think it looked a little better on me

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

There's not much time left before monsoon season and before Vai has to make decisions (again, sometime between all of this timeline fuckery), and so the witch is strolling with the intention of making something for dinner that evening when Felix comes to visit. And if he doesn't come to visit, maybe she'll go and find him. Who cares, really? With a basket full of vegetables, she's just inspecting some cuts of meat along the market stalls when something large and warm and furry knocks against her legs.

For a second she thinks it's Ashetta - her daughter had inherited a wolf shift some time in her past - but upon closer inspection it can't be. Can it? Still, it has her following after the canine more than willingly, a smile playing across her lips as he leads her towards a door. "Alright, boy. If Timmy has fallen down a well, though, I'll expect you to lead me right to him."

Reaching out (and hiding a grin at the bark), Vai reaches out to open the door and let them both inside. "There. Better?"

Vervain

i closed my eyes and saw my father's sins, they covered me like a second skin
i peeled them off, and sure i bled a bit, but now i'm free to sink my own damn ship

The door opens and the darkness within is welcoming as the canine dips into it, the shadows enveloping the room again once Vai has stepped into it and closed the door. And that? Only then does he shift back into himself, exhaustion weighing heavily on his features, through his bones, a rotten wreck of himself held together by a flimsy string. He hates that he does this, that he always shows up to her in crisis or terrified or sad, but he also can’t not.

He’d told Nate he would be at the Port today. He didn’t have to, but he did anyway. If only to try and continue some idea of trying to fix the distance between them.

So he’s weary, leaning against the wall of the abandoned port shop. “Much better, thank you.” He murmurs to her, gaze lifting to try and catch her own. “Sorry, I just didn’t want to… Be me while seeking you out.” Didn’t want to have a known shift running around and dragging Vai with him, given everything.

i cut my branch down from my family tree to start a fire in the living room

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

Only when the door closes and they're shrouded in darkness does Vai recall another occasion when, in the black of night, did something particularly horrifying happen to her. It has her pressing back against the closed door, blue eyes sharp and ready for anything, magic burning in her fingertips ready to blow out the windows if necessary - whatever will draw attention.

But then Sunjata appears, and the witch relaxes instantly. "Gods, I didn't know who it was," she gushes, riding the words out on a sigh. "I had no idea you had a shift like that, Sunjata. You... hey, are you alright?" Running her fingers through her hair, Vai straightens up from the door and furrows her brow, placing down the basket of vegetables she's already gotten.

"What's wrong? Are you hurt?" she wonders, based on his 'seeking her out'.

Vervain

i closed my eyes and saw my father's sins, they covered me like a second skin
i peeled them off, and sure i bled a bit, but now i'm free to sink my own damn ship

“I should have said something.” He rumbles, tacking it onto yet another thing that he needs to get better about. But he shakes his head when she asks if he’s alright. He keeps his distance from her, however, remaining further away as he can just in case. In case of what? Hurting her as he’s prone to do as of late.

It’s with dark shadowed eyes, that he finally exhales a sigh he hadn’t realized he’d held so close to his tight chest. “I’m not hurt. I just… I really fucked up Vai and I’m supposed to try and fix it and I don’t know how to start or what to do.” He clenches his jaw, the scarring on the side twisting with the movement. “I fucked up really hard and Nate’s trying and I think Hotaru is leaving, and I don’t know what to do.” His brows pinch together with the fear and dread that cross his face, having given little to no information as to what he’d fucked up with. “I made a deal with Safrin and—” He cuts himself off before he can dive more into it’d trying to get a handle on himself.

i cut my branch down from my family tree to start a fire in the living room

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"It's okay - I was just startled," Vai says with a careful wave of her hand. He's right, in truth, and it would have helped to have a little more clarity going into a dark and abandoned shop, but the way he seems to collapse in on himself has her feeling perhaps a little less sharp-tongued than she might otherwise. Her lips part to say something else - perhaps to ask him to explain - but before Vai gets a chance it's spilling out of Sunjata like the flood he's named after.

And she doesn't really have much she can offer, save for the space for him to air his feelings, and so she moves further into the room and a little closer to him. "Okay," she says, her tone steady and low. "Come on. Let's find somewhere in here to sit down, and you can tell me about it? We'll see if we can figure out what you can do."

Smiling up at him, Vai offers out her hand for him to take, for them to both figure out a place for them to have this conversation. "You said you fucked up. Was it to do with this deal with Safrin...?"

Vervain

i closed my eyes and saw my father's sins, they covered me like a second skin
i peeled them off, and sure i bled a bit, but now i'm free to sink my own damn ship

It all spills out, confusing and stuck together, Sunjata not quite realizing how to separate it, how to go about it in a way that makes sense due to how twisted up he’s been about it all. So he peers at the offered hand, the acceptance she has, the offering to help him when he has no idea what to do. What would he do without her? More of the same, probably. But the outstretched hand gives him pause — because of Nate, because he doesn’t want to hurt Vai, and he doesn’t know if it’s him that had caused it.

Eventually though, the Flood gives in. He’s touch starved and needy, and he reaches to slip his calloused hand into hers. “Yeah.” He admits, letting her guide him to wherever she saw fit. “The war is coming and she wants me on her side. But I panicked about Nate? I told her I couldn’t hurt him. That I wanted to try and save him if the Voice was destroyed.” He’s still jumbling it up, but hopefully it’s something she can latch onto. “And… She agreed to try to, but.” He turns his head away from her, perhaps in shame given how Hotaru had responded to it. “I—, I’m a father. But it’s mine and hers, and I… I did it without talking to Nate or Hotaru and I only wanted to not lose Nate after the war.” He trails off again, sucking down a sharp breath to try and get his thoughts in order. “But it feels like I already am losing him. Hotaru's left us, and the baby... Isn't a baby, she's a toddler and Nate needs space.” It's a deluge, a moment where he pauses and sucks down another breath. "He says he'll come back but what if he doesn't..." He can't help the tremble of the frown on his face, the tremble of the tenor of his voice.

i cut my branch down from my family tree to start a fire in the living room

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

Gods it's a mess. Vai can do little more than listen, her fingers closing around Sunjata's as she leads him through the evacuated shop towards a couple of stone steps that lead down a corridor, presumably towards a stock room. It's her intention for them to sit there and chat, for the Flood to get everything off his chest. But gods if there's not a lot for him to talk about, and so Vai pauses before the stairs, still standing in front of him, and turns to take both of his hands.

"Sunjata," she says softly, a smile trying to tug at the corners of her lips. "...That... all of that is more than anyone should ever have to deal with. Especially after all that you've been through already. I don't think anyone can say that you don't have nerves of steel. But first... congratulations, Sunny. You're a father. What's her name?" Leaning in, Vai wraps her arms around him in a secure, motherly sort of hug that speaks of bright futures and wonderful memories, even though things are difficult now.

"Let's pick through it one thing at a time. Is your daughter alright? Where is she staying?"

Vervain

i closed my eyes and saw my father's sins, they covered me like a second skin
i peeled them off, and sure i bled a bit, but now i'm free to sink my own damn ship

She could take him anywhere, honestly, and he’d follow at this point — letting the flood of his words slip from his lips, his gaze focused on their hands rather than anything else. But she stops, turns to him and he’s caught off guard, swallowing hard as his gaze lifts to her face. It’s fractured, shadowed, dark and tired, as she takes both of his hands and he watches her, waits for the ‘what the fuck did you think you were doing?’ Before it doesn’t come at all.

She’s always been so understanding, and it makes his shoulders sag when she congratulates him, a shuddering breath leaving him that he hadn’t realized he’s been holding. “Thank you.” He manages though his voice cracks. “Her name is Kamaria.” He offers easily, sighing as his heart starts to calm down, as he manages to lower his defenses, his walls, his mask.

“She’s fine, yeah. Uh, I made up a room for her at home. She’s staying with me. Right now though someone’s watching her so I could find you.” Someone he trusts, one that he’s called in to help him when he needed them to. He follows her down the stairs toward the stock room when she goes, Sunjata mulling over his words before he speaks. “She’s beautiful, Vai.” He says quietly. “Bright green eyes and blonde hair.”

i cut my branch down from my family tree to start a fire in the living room

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"That is a beautiful name," Vai murmurs, her cheeks round with her smile as she ushers him down the hallway to the stockroom. They arrive in a small space packed with crates and barrels, but also a couple of chairs and a rickety table. Vai drags they chairs that they might sit together rather than opposite one another, and she leans up to press a delighted kiss to Sunjata's cheek before sinking down.

"I'm glad there's someone watching her - she sounds adorable. Would you like to talk about her first? I can help, if you're struggling. And you can always drop her to me if you like." Vai might not necessarily be in Torchline for much longer, but that doesn't matter. She will always be there for Jata if he needs her. "Otherwise, let's start with Hotaru. You said she left... are you alright?"

Vervain

i closed my eyes and saw my father's sins, they covered me like a second skin
i peeled them off, and sure i bled a bit, but now i'm free to sink my own damn ship

It is a beautiful name. He hadn’t known it until she’d come to his door, but it had been a name from the only place of salvation Sunjata had after the events with his father took place in Korofi. But already he breathes a bit easier, a gentleness that tugs at his broad shoulders from the kiss she places against his cheek, that makes him sink into his seat comfortably despite everything.

And an option that Vai would be willing to watch her helped continue that feeling. But for now, they need to get into the grittiness of it all, where he can focus on giving her the events that happened, where she might be willing to help him figure it out. “Yes.” He says, pausing, leaning forward a bit in the seat to clasp his hands together, to run his thumb along the back of his other hand idly. “I’m okay. I understood why. I… Broke promises to her and put Nate in danger. So, I get it.” It had been emotional but he’d seen it coming from the reaction she’d had when he’d told her the news.

i cut my branch down from my family tree to start a fire in the living room

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

They sit together, and as Sunjata leans forward to wring his hands, Vai reaches out to clasp one of them between both of her own, offering it a reassurring squeeze. "A broken promise can be a very damaging thing," she agrees. "From everything I... sort of? caught from what you were saying, you've been responsible for a lot of changes in yours and Nate's life. And Hotaru's, whether she decided to leave or to stay. And Kamaria - she wouldn't be here if not for oyu. That's something you need to be prepared to own."

And Vai has no doubt that he will own it, that he's already taking that responsibility, which is while the smile on her face is warm and kind. "I don't think there's anything you can do that will speed things up, with Nate taking that space. He needs it, and you need to let him have it... Do you think you can do that?"

Vervain

i closed my eyes and saw my father's sins, they covered me like a second skin
i peeled them off, and sure i bled a bit, but now i'm free to sink my own damn ship

He knows he isn’t making much sense, but there’s so much to go through that he can’t quite figure out where to start. Her hand comes out, covering one of his and giving it a squeeze – instinctively drawing his eye up to her face. “I’ve broken a lot of promises.” He says with a frown, stilling himself as much as he can to f ace something like this rather than hide away. “I do own it. I… It was a deal made with Safrin.” His lip curls slightly as he grimaces internally, the only show of it externally being that shift in his face.

“I overstepped and didn’t think things through and he doesn’t feel safe at home anymore. So I have to… For a while, I just…” His head tilts, gaze dropping back to his hands. “What if he doesn’t come back? What if I fucked up too much and he decides that it was enough?” It would destroy him, completely. “I have to be okay for my daughter but… I won’t be okay. I won’t be for a while.”

i cut my branch down from my family tree to start a fire in the living room

SUNJATA

to heal a wound, you need to stop touching it

"And broken promises will lead to a lot of broken trust. It's not all lost, but it can take a lot of time to build that trust back up again. Nate isn't gone, though. Maybe even Hotaru will come back, once she's had enough time to get her head around all that's happened." Vai doesn't know, of course. But neither does Sunjata, and that's sort of the point. Things might be a lot better or a lot worse than either of them can anticipate at present. Reaching out with the hand not clasped in his, Vai gives his cheek a gentle pinch.

"What if the Aumakua's light goes out and the whole of Torchline falls into the sea? What if the Apopo blows up again and covers the whole place in lava. What if," and here Vai lowers her voice, scooting a bit closer, "Nate takes all the time he needs, comes back to you happier and stronger and feeling safer, and things are better between you than they have ever been?"

She smiles to him. "It's okay, not to be okay. But try not to give up on yourself."

Vervain