the way i wanted it to be

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

When Sam had sent the letter to Remi, he hadn't even known where it was he was living at the moment, if the letter would even find something like a home in the right man's hands. Practical concerns aside, he didn't know if he'd ever get a response, even if it did get to him; he was asking a Demi God to work with an Ascended on a project that was near-blasphemous, considering who you asked, and they had a colourful past together.

But somehow, like things seemed to be doing recently, it had worked out. Sam didn't trust it, all these things working out. He felt like he was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The morning of the day Remi was meant to arrive he cleaned his shop from top to bottom, more for something to do with anxious hands than from a concern for presentability. Unfortunately, that had only taken a couple of hours, so then he'd had a cup of tea, practiced his calligraphy, repaired a leather cover - and Remi still wasn't there, the sun barely high in the sky.

Sam had resigned himself then to sitting at the counter as he usually did, but staring at the door with perhaps a little too much intensity, especially with the Ascended tendency not to move when at rest; lost in thought, he ran through a million ways the meeting could go, from the boring to the horrible to yes, the erotic, though he quickly dismissed those ideas. Mostly, he just hoped he wasn't going to end up as a present for Ludo.

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

Remi looks almost good, for a change. Or if not good, at least healthy. Ronin has forced him to trim his beard and hair, leaving him looking like someone capable of holding a conversation instead of just the wild-woods'-man he'd let himself be for so long. Dressed simply as he normally is, in a town full of ascended the alchemist is easy enough to pick out with his slightly-tanned skin and indifference to the sunlight he strolls through.

Pausing before Sam's shop, the alchemist takes a moment to reflect on just how many conversations the pair have had within its walls. Conversations about love, about their future together, and now it would seem, about the future of Caido as a whole. Pulling in a deep breath, Remi rakes a hand through his curls before reaching out to knock confidently on the door. Despite the invitation offered, it has been far too long since the pair have talked without drugs or sicknesses involved, for Remi to think he can just let himself in.

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

Most people just walked in the door; the sound of the knock made Sam flinch, his shoulders jumping up as the tension abruptly ended. With a sigh at his own jumpiness he got up and went to open the door, able to see through the window that it was Remi (and that he looked _good_; was that what being a Demi God did?). When it was open and his old friend, lover, almost-enemy was before him, there was an awkward second where Sam didn't know what to do.

Perhaps it was the newfound confidence he had that propelled him forwards to pull Remi into a hug or maybe it was just plain stupidity; either way, he did, patting his back and closing his eyes. The friends he could keep across the divides the Gods created were precious and he felt deeply grateful to have the chance to see his old companion.

Pulling back, he gave a small smile. "Come in. There's a lot to talk about...we can sit upstairs. It's nice up there, I'll put the closed sign on the door - how are you, Remi?"

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

There is a moment where they just look at one another, before Sam is suddenly pitching forward to draw the alchemist down into a hug. Blinking with surprise, Remi feels the bookmaker's hands patting his back and can only chuckle quietly into his old-friend/lovers/enemy/whatever's shoulder. 'Hey Sam.' The alchemist says warmly as he straightens. If there's anything different about the ascended, Remi hasn't noticed; with hands politely placed around the bookmaker and with eyes that don't linger, Sam seems ever the same as he always had.

"Oh...well, better certainly than when I saw you last. And for once? I think I am good, in general." Not great. He would never be that not with a war on their door and a thousand other things constantly vying for his attention. But at least Remi wasn't furious with the world and taking his anger out on anyone who dared to get close to him.

"How have you been?" Padding up the stairs to where the pair had once had their first date, Remi comfortably sinks down into one of the chairs that his body remembers, even if his mind does not.

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

Remi did return the hug, thankfully, so the exchange wasn't as awkward as it could be. There was a brief second, with the Alchemist's (was he even still an Alchemist?) hands on his back that Sam wondered if Remi would feel the slight difference in his shape - of all the people Sam knew, Remi was one of the few that really, really knew his body - but he didn't seem to. With an inaudible sigh of relief, he moved on and stepped into the shop.

"Mmm...yes, I...am sorry about last time." He rubbed the back of his neck, unable to not apologise for the accidental savaging he'd given Remi. "That fever...it really was unlike anything else I've ever experienced." For a moment he considered asking if Ronin had softened at all on forgiving him for it, but he didn't quite dare to, not yet.

They went up the stairs and Sam noted in the back of his mind that Remi chose the same chair he had the first time they'd come up here. Going to sit in the one left, he shrugged. "I'm...fine, I suppose. Nothing too bad; Longnight could have gone much worse. I had a boyfriend for a fleeting moment...then he disappeared." Sam rolled his eyes and let out a short, bitter laugh - mostly joking. "Which is just my luck."

He let a finger run over the edge of the chair a few times, letting the pause happen before he delved into all of the real business here, not wanting to see too eager. "..I've also been working on speaking to people about Ascended and Old God relations, as I said in my letter."

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

"Oh, please don't." Remi says with an easy smile, shaking his head to absolve Sam of whatever guilt he still carried. "I had it too. I know what it does." He adds, crookedly. He'd nearly given Sunjata a blowjob on the beach in an effort to get them both home, after all.

'Ahh yes. Isla told me a bit about how it went. I still do not understand why, but.." The alchemist shrugs; he wasn't an ascended, he didn't need to know why. "Oh? Well. That sounds about right, for you." Remi can't help his roguish smile at that. Having someone and losing them was absolutely par for the course for Sam. Hopefully, the bookmaker thought his track record had moved through sad and into amusing now, as Remi did. Given Sam's laugh, he probably did. Or at least, sort of probably did.

'Mmm.' Sitting up straighter in his chair as they get down to it, Remi offers Sam an almost apologetic smile. "I was intentionally brief in my responses to you. The Order...Honestly, I have no idea how much they know, what they read before it finds its way to my door. I just did not want to say too much in case someone else did read it."

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

In his haze at the time, Sam hadn't realised Remi had been sick too; he blinked, surprised, but decided to just take the forgiveness as it came rather than just ask more questions. Sadly, he'd miss out on the Sunjata Blowjob story.

"Why we did it at all? I don't either. It's been a long-standing argument." Sam sighed, pushing a hand through his hair; Longnight had gone...not as awfully as he'd suspected, but hardly well, and they could have spent the year doing more productive things than prepping for a battle they were still entirely unprepared for. "...Would you believe me if I told you Wessex stabbed me at one point?" Normally, he wasn't open to giving away stories about the Ascended 'family' to outsiders, but with Remi it felt easy, like old times, to just chat and say whatever came to mind.

As for Amun and his disappearing act, all Sam could do was smile sadly and shrug. One day, he'd find someone that actually stayed for more than a year. Maybe. Hopefully.

There were more important matters than love to discuss, anyway. Sam raised his eyebrows as he heard that the Order were a concern for Remi's letters; he hadn't thought them powerful enough to intercept letters...naive, really, and he chastised himself inwardly for it. "...I know that...they're looking for the help of Demi Gods. ..Honestly, Remi, I need to know. Are you helping them?"

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

The fact that Remi's jaw drops is probably answer enough, but he still shakes his head a resounding no. "What? Why?" A flush of colour finds itself on his cheeks then as he furrows his brows unhappily. He and Sam might not be close anymore, and though the love and passion they once shared was a long thing of the past, those kinds of bonds weren't so easily broken.

"Not really." Remi replies instantly with a small shake of his head. "I do not really engage with them at all, but the fact that I am doing what Ludo has asked and living in Stormbreak probably counts as helping them. Or at least, Cian would probably like to think so." Feathering his jaw a single time, he pushes a hand through his curls and lets his eyes float up toward the ceiling with a sad and weary sigh. "I have always been open about what I have been doing. What my part in this is." With Isla, with Wessex, with Morgan and the Fae. "Ludo asked me to fortify the Greatwood. It is no secret most of the ascended are here, and given the history with the fae, I have been helping them. It is possible that one day the Order's military will use the Woods to attack you here, though." He looks at Sam having said as much, owing his old friend that much respect.

'But as of right now I have no plans to be a part of that, nor have I asked to be."

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

It was oddly affirming to see Remi actually shocked by that; Sam had grown so jaded about the whole matter, had seen so many people scared to stand up to their Queen, that he'd forgotten just how wrong it had been. "I honestly struggle to remember, but it was because I disagreed with her on something. It wasn't the first time she'd threatened me with a knife, either. She...doesn't like me very much and isn't afraid to show that." He sighed, then shifted forward in the seat and lifted up his shirt - Ascended healed faster than others, but the scar she'd given him would have lasted decades on normal skin. A thin, silver line ran over the top of his hip. "Luckily she didn't get anything vital, but...I think that's because she missed."

He did listen intently to what Remi had to say about his role in the Order; immediately a question came to mind and before Sam could help himself it broke out abruptly: "What does Ludo ask?...I...sorry, continue." He was so eager to know what the Old Gods thought, what they were going to do, but just as he wouldn't give up all of the Voice's secrets, he knew Remi likely wouldn't give Ludos.

Helping the Greatwood, especially given his recent discussions with Juniper, was something Sam was entirely behind; if that truly was all the Demi Gods had been tasked with, he supposed for now it wasn't too bad. "..Do you...speak to the Order? What are they like? I've only heard second hand accounts from people that don't really know about it."

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

"She...because you disagreed with her?" Remi hisses out a breath that has unhappy feathers fluttering amidst his curls as he gives his head a shake. His jaw clenches a few times as he directs his gaze toward the ground. "I..I know it is not my place anymore, and that me being who I am, and you being who you are, makes all of this much more complicated, but..." Looking up, Remi's sea-glass stare softens by degrees as his head tilts sadly to the side. "..if I can ever do anything Sam...I don't want to see you get hurt." A war was one thing. An OP tyrant? That was another.

'Well, for far Ludo has given explicit commands to some to kill the ascended.' Remi replies, his lips forming a tight line. "But it hasn't asked that of me." The yet hung heavily between them for a moment as yet more feathers appear in the alchemist's curls.

'Well. Since Ronin is in the Order I suppose technically I do. Many of them are just...regular. I've met a doctor who seems as sweet as anyone you could know. And their Artificer has been nothing but helpful. There's a man who is tasked to just...gain information, but he's not a threat. Really, it seems only their leader—Cian—is the one who fits what everyone sort of thinks of them."

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

In some ways, Sam was confused by Remi's surprise at all this; didn't he know that was how Wessex could be? He supposed that without years in the 'Family', Remi wouldn't know. It was nice to see his friend so defensive, though; he had worried that the time apart, the growing divide between their Gods would have taken away any such concern. "Thank you. Really. Though, recently I've been able to take care of myself a little more. And...I actually had a real conversation with Wessex recently. It was very strange."

Were you meant to forgive someone after they stabbed you? He didn't know if he had, but there was no chance he'd ever be able to get revenge for it, anyway.

Wessex was the least of his issues anyway, as what Remi said would illustrate. It was chilling to hear Ludo had made such commands and further so that Ronin had chosen the side of the Order. Sam blinked, his lips slightly parted but no words able to encompass his horror at everything he'd just heard. He was angry, but tried to swallow that; partially because he knew it wouldn't do anything good, he knew Remi was in a lot of ways as bound as the Ascended...but also because suddenly, he was scared.

There were so many ways to start what he wanted to say; Sam chose one then another, stumbling all over his words as he asked: "B-but Ronin must agree with their overall mission, to have joined them? He must support the goal of eliminating Ascended? I mean, they have to know what their own leader believes in, right?"

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

Grumbling under his breath, Remi lets the issue of Wessex's leadership and her treatment of Sam go. He wasn't anyone's defender, and certainly had learned by now that just because he was capable of something, did not mean he should do it.

Softly sighing the alchemist runs a hand through his curls before shifting his gaze back to Sam. "I think there's a difference between agreeing, and...committing yourself to something." Remi begins. "He owes his life to Safrin. Owes the life of Seren to her as well. If Safrin tells him to jump, he'll clear the moon for her. And...stopping the Voice is what she wants, and if a consequence of that is eliminating the ascended then..." Falling silently for a moment, Remi pulls in a slow breath. "...then I would say yes. He does support the Order's goals, insofar as they align with Safrin's."

It was surely a hard thing for Sam to hear—harder than for Remi to say in all liklihood. But lies and veiled attempts at sugarcoating things had never gotten them anywhere. And now with so many lives at risk, there just wasn't any more time for it.

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!

Samuel

So if you're lost along the way
And if you're thinking that will always be the case

Sam kept his eyes fixed on the floor before his feet as Remi spoke, unable to look at him now, worried he'd see a face fixated on his Ascension, on hating him; even if that wasn't the words being said, Ronin had apparently gone to the Order...would Remi be far behind? His fingers pressed hard against each other, moving anxiously and quickly as he tried to listen.

"So...Ronin....would kill me, or any other Ascended, willingly. That's...where we are?" He asked, voice quiet and so, so sad; how had they come to this so quickly? It felt like it had barely been any time since they had been friends, dealing with problems affecting their village, all together against an enemy. "And...if Ludo asked you to kill Ascended, to join the Order, would you? Should I be scared of you, Remi?"

He did look up then, confrontational eyes staring at his once-lover and friend. Had the Old Gods so swiftly poisoned the minds of those that had once had empathy?

You'll make a sucker's prayer
Just go and leave it that-a-way

REMI

all the things we said when we were younger

'Well, it is not as though the Order has a kill-on-sight policy.' The alchemist replies with a shake of his head. "And...if anything I foresee this more being about the Voice. Us against her, which I can only assume involves the ascended insofar as they'd defend her."

When Sam asks the inevitable, Remi does his friend the courtesy of answering him immediately. "Yes." He replies sadly. "Ludo holds my son's life in the palm of its hands, as well as my soul. But should it come to that, I would tell you." Remi vows solemnly. "If ever there comes a day where I am forced to seek your death, you will know it." Would it get to that point?

Was there a way to stop the things already set in motion?

'What about you? If it was between your life and standing against the Voice?'

did it bend or did I break?

Coding base by Sky!