without you things go hazy

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

The rain abated hours ago, as did the winds. Still, Remi can hear the howl of the monsoons in his ears. Or perhaps that's merely the slow roll of thunder that purrs through the attuned bond from a man with eyes as blue and dark as the storms they've just left. Bone-tired as Remi is from the flight, as they touch down outside of their apartment in the plaza, adrenaline sparks anew in his veins. "I love you." It's what he had said when he and Star had met up on the beaches of Torchline to fly home, and it's all that he says now as he opens their front door. It's all he can think to say, and all he feels in the moment.

That Ronin has only bloody knuckles to show for his talk with Sunjata is either a very good, or a very bad thing. The alchemist makes no assumptions as he locks the door behind them and turns to regard the Star with eyes that are softly adoring. Not bothering to tend to any of the lights in his shop, Remi nods his head toward the spiral staircase in the corner. "It has been a while since I got to play doctor."

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"I love you too." Ronin has not said much, if anything, on the flight home. He has been more of a storm than the monsoon, even if he and Sunjata had sorted their differences (more or less). Because however much he understands, however much Ronin has tried to be a friend instead of a jealous asshole demigod, he's still angry. The wounds on his knuckles are nothing compared to the bruises against his mind and soul.

They arrive back at their apartment and Remi lets them into the shop. Still soaking wet, his clothes clinging to him and his hair plastered to his forehead, Ronin follows his husband. He's glad that Remi doesn't ask about it right away, and the tension that bleeds out of his shoulders says as much. Smiling tiredly to the Lullaby, he nods his agreement and heads to the spiral staircase, up to the sanctity of their bedroom.

"It's been a while since you needed to," he admits, wiping the rain from his face with the back of his sleeve. "I need a drink first, I think."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Gods but he loves this man. In the life they lived before, Remi would absolutely have ignored Ronin's request for a drink, would have stripped off their clothes and shoved the Star into bed. He still has half a mind to; no one makes broody and furious look quite so attractive as Ronin. "Hopefully I am not too out of practice, then." Remi replies with a smile so crooked it only dimples one of his cheeks. "You get us something dry to wear, and I will get bandages and drinks, mm?"

Expecting little argument, Remi finds his way into the bathroom (leaving watery footprints in his wake), to grab supplies for the Star's hands. Knowing those are the least of Ronin's wounds which will require tending, it is hastily that Remi gathers the medical supplies, and thoughtfully that he pours them both a healthy drink. It's gin, one of Remi's latest batches. With frosted glasses thanks to Sugar, and a sprig of lavender plopped into each cup, the alchemist considers bringing the bottle with him, before realizing he hasn't enough hands for that.

Padding back into their room with gauze and ointment bundled against his chest and two glasses in his hands, he offers a glass immediately to the Star before clumsily setting the rest of what he's brought down.

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

In a previous life, Ronin would have stripped naked and climbed into bed and waited for his husband to blanket him, until his anger was little more than an irritating fizz in the corridors of his mind. He would have happily numbed himself with pleasure and physical touch, squashing down the thorny feelings that burn up into the back of his throat. And gods if he doesn't miss those days for a fraction of a second, before he catches Remi's eye and a warmth kindles in his chest that seems to dwarf all of the unhealthy (if not fun) habits that had come before.

"That sounds like a plan," he confirms to the Lullaby, swamping into the bedroom and fishing around for something dry for them to wear. He's managed to peel himself out of his wet clothes and pull on a pair of sweatpants, at least, by the time Remi returns, Ronin rubbing at his hair with a towel. A second towel is folded over the back of the chair for the other man, and he reaches out to gratefully accept the drink.

A satisfied rumble leaves his throat and chest as he tastes it, raising the glass in a cheers. "That one's a keeper," he mumbles, sinking down on the end of the bed and continuing to rub at his dark hair. "You're amazing. Thank you."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Does Remi slyly hope that the dry thing he's meant to put on is Ronin? Of course. But there's no disappointment in his gaze when he finds his husband shirtless, scrubbing at his hair with sweatpants sat low on his hips. If anything it's more alluring to see Ronin this way, and it's with a bite to the inside of his cheek that Remi reminds himself of all the healthy ways that the pair are dealing with their feelings now. At least 80% of him gets the message.

Stripping off his clothes and tossing them into the bathroom where the lingering water won't warp the floorboards, Remi reaches for the towel to give his body a cursory once-over before joining Ronin in donning sweatpants. 'Is it? Oh good." The alchemist hums, ever bashful and self-conscious about his creations.

Plopping down next to Ronin, his skin still cold and clammy from rainwater and damp clothing, Remi reaches out both of his hands for his husband's that he might still the Star's constant fussing. "I saw a blast of lightning from Maeve's window." He mumbles conversationally, trading his drink for the bandages he'd brought in

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

Peeking around his towel, Ronin absolutely ogles his husband as he strips off his wet clothes and dries off, his blue eyes alight with an inner fire that wants to ignore all of the progress they have made and take Remi then and there. Of course, the Star quells the urge with a deep breath in and out, taking another long sip of his drink and humming his compliments a second time. "We should make you a little bar down in your shop," he suggests. "I'd say you could serve everyone your creations, but really, it'll just be me. I want a bar."

With a quiet chuckle, the Star stills his fidgeting to surrender his hands to Remi, putting down his glass as well. "You did?" he murmurs, and for a second it doesn't seem as though he's going to expand any further on it. But of course, that isn't the way they do things now. "Sunjata bitched out. He shifted into a dragon after I threatened to leave his daughter fatherless." It sounds worse when he puts it like that, because it is worse. Ronin hadn't threatened just to take the Flood's life - he'd threatened to snatch away his daughter's happiness too.

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Remi can't help his boyish grin to hear Ronin's praises, and it's with lips hoping to encourage many more of them, that he presses a soft kiss against the Star's. "Then a bar you shall have." He agrees, already thinking of places he might put such a thing downstairs, before he has an even better idea. "Perhaps this bar will offer room service. Bar-to-bed-delivery."

"I did." Remi hums into Ronin's intentional? silence. Sliding his thumbs along his husband's hands, the alchemist's eyes grow a touch more focused; Ronin's wounds are clear enough and quite clean too, thanks to the rain. 'How intimidating.' Remi doesn't even try and sound like he means it. Reaching for an ointment that will keep the gauze from sticking to the lacerations on the Star's knuckles, Remi raises a silent brow to hear how Ronin had apparently worded his threat. He might have left it at that, had it not been for their new approach on life. So instead of swallowing down his thoughts, Remi instead raises his eyes. "Too far." It isn't a judgement nor a condemnation; Remi can feel from the Star that he knows how wrong it was to say it. "We cannot let our children be used as weapons, even when the things we might say of them are true." Killing Sunjata would leave his daughter fatherless. But Remi has no doubt Ronin's linguistic choices were intentional.

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"Bar-to-bed? You spoil me," Ronin mumbles, watching as Remi takes his hand to examine the damage done by Sunjata rudely not moving his face out of the way. The alchemist can be fiendishly gentle when he wants to be, and despite himself Ronin finds his shoulders relaxing, his body turning more to face his husband. "Mm. It's a big, fuck off dragon that shoots lightning. I imagine he thought I might start quaking in my boots," he muses, but he only sounds sad and bitter about it now.

Too far, Remi says, and Ronin nods his agreement. "Yes," he says softly, "it was." It was worse than the vague threat Nate had made that might have applied to his son. Ronin had been explicit; what's more, he had meant it, and he hadn't apologised. Would he do it again, though? Maybe not. "He said I was jealous, of the Safrin thing. And I suppose the truth hurts, so..." He shrugs, neither making excuses nor trying to justify his behaviour.

"We stopped fighting after that, though. I remembered what you said."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

"Mmhm. For the rest of our days." Remi says with a sweet smile. "And especialy the rest of our nights."

Snorting under his breath, the alchemist can only roll his eyes. The sentiment isn't necessarily aimed at Sunjata, moreso it's a silent commentary on all the Star has been through. There are few things that might make Ronin quake in his boots, and size or lightning-shot will never be factors that matter. With dexterous fingers that once had no idea what they were doing but are sadly now well-skilled in this, Remi begins to bandage up Ronin's fingers with his head slightly cocked as he listens. "You are a good man, for that." The alchemist mumbles softly, of Ronin's ability to stop fighting. "I know what it is to want to undo the decision someone else has made." He adds with a final wrap, hoping to keep the bandaging loose enough that Ronin would still have most of his range of motion.

"But at the end of the day, the child exists, and Nate and Hotaru are gone. They left...because of what he did?" Lifting Ronin's fingers that he might place a kiss against his newly bandaged fingers, Remi reaches for their glasses, finding it strange not to hear storms roaring outside of their window.

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"Naughty, naughty," Ronin all but purrs, flashing a dark smile in his husband's direction and resisting the urge to lean in and seal the sentiment with a kiss. It won't just be a kiss, if things go in that direction, and so as much as he wants to, he dares not tempt fate. Still, what the other man says next wipes the amusement from his face, and he quietly sits by and allows the Lullaby to bandage up his hand.

"I don't feel much like a good man," he mutters. But that's always the way of things, isn't it? Men aren't wholly good or bad, and in the same breath Ronin can say something horrific and also do something noble to put an end to the conflict between he and the Flood. The Flood who was still his friend, when all was said and done. Wiggling his fingers experimentally, he accepts his drink back and takes another sip, the liquid cold and soothing against his throat.

Nodding, he lowers his glass and raises his eyes back to Remi. "That's my understanding. Hotaru has left for good, and Nate... he doesn't feel safe around Sunjata. He..." With eyes suddenly so dark they might be black in the dim light of their bedroom, Ronin frowns. "Nate is a demigod for the Voice."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

"But you are." Remi remarks with an easy shrug. Good men could do bad things. They could make mistakes. They could say horrific things. It might not be so black and white as all that, but Ronin wore his grey with far more integrity than most.

'Feel safe around him?" The alchemist repeats, almost mockingly. It's hard to know if this is his actual feeling about it or if there's simply too much left over anger toward Nate that masks any sympathy he might have had. But what Ronin says next cements the alchemist's feelings like resin pour over canvas. The Lullaby doesn't bother with he what's, or what did you say's. He heard Ronin perfectly well. Draining what is in his cup, Remi sneers darkly into the bottom of his glass.

"So which is it?" Remi asks in a shockingly dry voice. "Does Nate not feel safe around Sunjata? Or does he not trust himself around Sunjata?"

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

Ronin can only grumble at that, his bandaged hand reaching for Remi's so he can at least hold onto him to some extent. "He said something about... he burns Nate? When he touches him?" He doesn't really understand it in truth, and he doesn't try to explain further. Because there's nothing to really explain, after the whole Nate is a Demigod thing. "It could be either, or it could be both," he mutters, shifting to sit a bit closer to Remi even though they are already practically in each other's laps.

Broody and bitter, still, from the words he'd said and the ones he hadn't, Ronin leans his head against his husband's shoulder. "I am very tired, Remi," he murmurs. "And still angry with him. And still jealous of him. And I hate myself for it, and I only half understand it. But I just want you to know that all of it doesn't seem to matter when I'm at home with you." A faint smile flickers over his face, and he closes his eyes. "How was your talk with Maeve?"

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting

walked out this morning and i wrote down this song.
i just can't remember who to send it to

Remi frowns at that, not understanding what Ronin means, but sensing that the Star doesn't really understand it either. Stretching an arm around Ronin's waist, the alchemist presses a kiss against his husband's temple, breathing in deep the smell of rainwater and lightning that still clings to him. "If Nate is a demigod of the Voice...you know what that means for us. He has to know what it means." Remi swallows. "...does Sunjata know?" Having a child to protect Nate was one thing. It was an allegiance to Safrin yes, but the Flood hadn't gone off the deep-end like Nate apparently had. 'What an idiot.' Remi mumbles into the dark tangle of Ronin's hair. "His child or his husband..." The possibility of remaining neutral no longer existed for Sunjata. But did he know?

"Are you jealous that he was with her?" Remi asks softly. "Or that she treated him differently than you?" Nudging Ronin softly, Remi slides himself back and tugging the Star with him. Tired and cold the alchemist could fix, and easily so, with the wealth of blankets, they were currently nesting in.

'Gods if that isn't true.' Raising the cover for the Sta to join him, the alchemist laughs humourlessly. "I dreamt with her, that I might have another anchor in Torchline." Remi explains with the shrug. "And I think she is falling in love with Sunjata, for what that is worth."

we shall heal our wounds, collect our dead

"I'm not sure how he couldn't know." Ronin almost whispers the words, his brows furrowed together as he leans further into Remi's touch, savouring all the places made warm by the press of his skin, the sweetness of his lips. "He's put himself directly at opposite ends of the war. He's in Safrin's pocket now, though. He has to know that." He pauses around the rest of his thoughts, shifting back to lay with the Lullaby, wrapping himself around him until he can almost imagine that there isn't any space between them.

"I don't think they can last," he confesses, of Nate and Sunjata. "It's one thing for us to stand on the line between light and dark. But they are..." They are the definition of star-crossed, one might say. And with Safrin's name written in Sunjata's bones, well... It speaks for itself.

Ridding himself of those thoughts to hear more about Maeve, Ronin is surprised that things still manage to tangle around the Flood. "Sunjata has been busy." He barks out a laugh. "The poor thing. Maeve, I mean."

THE DARK STAR

and continue fighting