Just give me a reason

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

The great quiet that rested over the plains was a soothing balm to the girl's frazzled thoughts. Before long, she found herself breathing easier and by the time trees began to dot the horizon, she was almost cheerful again. Enough to start feeling the thrill of this adventure. A hunt... she had never gone on one before. Never killed anything, or aided in such a thing. Part of her rejected the idea on emotional grounds, while a calmer, more practical side of her accepted that food was food. If they did not make a meal of whatever waited in the thicket up ahead, something else still would. Being bound to a dragon and used to partaking in his thoughts also helped.

It was Umbra who led the way when the mountain lioness directed them to go around. Seren made herself lighter, only a little bit, and jogged with long, flowing steps that barely made a dent in the snow until Hotaru disappeared from sight. Her dragon was a silent figure ahead of her, guiding the way while barely beating a wing. Silent and focused, his mind showed her what it was to be on the prowl. To let eyes dart about for signs of movement, while ears tuned in to everything that was not ones own breath or heartbeat.

Once they had reached halfway around, the dragon veered in towards the thicket. They shared a glance... and then both dragon and girl erupted. Shouting and roaring, rushing and beating the bushes and shrubs, they could probably be heard for miles around. And in the shattering stillness, many small creatures burst from their covers; fleeing in terror of the assault.

Seren had no time to see what it was; only that the critters were small and white, and kept low to the ground as they escaped in the direction of waiting death.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

Her voice is a fearless proclamation of protection
She lives what's within her out loud

In contrast, Hotaru is not used to being so alone in the midst of a hunt. Where once Atlas was steed or company, flusher or tracker, all those roles now fall to her. Seren may take the mantle in some ways, but the frayed ends of the string where another soul once was tied feels keenly raw to her once more as she crouches in the snow.

There is only silence to accompany her as she waits, tense and coiled, for Seren to do her part. Faith, endless and well-placed, keeps her from any anxiety or doubt. The stargirl is proficient in many ways. Hotaru does not doubt she will shine with this simple task.

The roar both startles and preps her like a coiled spring, and as the creatures flee for their lives they venture right into the wicked jaws that await them. Tail whipping to keep her balance, the lioness pounces from the banks, huge claws swiping the first hare and slamming it to the snow where it lies unmoving, swiftly and mercifully killed. The group veers away, snow flying in disarray, but they are not fast enough when trying to backpedal. Two more are felled in quick succession - one by her paw, the other’s neck snapped between her fangs. Blood dots the snow, and silence reigns moments later as the survivors vanish into burrows and across the tundra’s wastes.

Purring, Hotaru collects the two bodies and piles them with the others, tail lazily swaying as she awaits Seren and Umbra. She had killed the additional hares to offer one to Umbra, which she paws aside for the dragon. The other two are for herself, and she eats freely as she waits, curled around the body to conceal it from Seren in case she cannot stomach the sight. Inside, the animal calms, satisfied, and her belly quiets in turn.

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

It was with the aftermath, as calm settled back down over the area, that the difficult part began for the starchild. The time it took them to rejoin the lioness meant that they arrived in the middle of her meal, and while for Umbra this meant nothing but a successful hunt... for Seren it was quite different.

The churned up snow, the blood splattered crimson on white and the tang of blood in the air. It was all new. Foreign things, because death had always seemed so far away. Even with Atlas it had been different. Fire may have twisted and consumed, but it had not displayed the raw, uncencored fragility of life in such a blatant manner.

Much like seeing Harper's bloodied and torn up palm had made her stomach churn, so too did this set her guts to roiling. Yet the girl did not turn away. She made herself look. At the blood. The dead hare in the snow, awaiting Umbra's pleasure. Seren even went so far as to link in with her companion's thoughts as he dove onto his share, so that the taste of salty blood and sweet meat might as well have been on her own tongue.

Only a soft shudder and slowly balled up fists showed that this was in any way difficult for her. To anyone who did not know her, she looked only calm... if a little distant. Perhaps Hotaru's sharpened eyesight might even make out the slightly green tinge of color about her mouth.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

Hotaru is not unaware of the girl’s discomfort. Her stare is too infrequently interrupted by natural blinking. Body language is something she learned quite young to aid her in darker, more mischievous efforts. Now, it tells her everything she needs to know about Seren’s current state of mind.

Though she doesn’t rush, she doesn’t linger either. Hotaru is far more comfortable with death than the stargirl, but that is the way it should be. She is the child of Safrin, herald of Vi, God of Life. It may be part of the cycle of creation and withering, but it is not easy to watch the first time.

A rumbling purr starts in her chest - whether it’s for Umbra as he dives onto the hare, or Seren as she stands frozen and staring, it doesn’t really matter. When she has finished, she licks her teeth clean, and even goes so far as to wipe her maw in the snow to remove any remnants. Even the smallest lingering bit can ruin the meal if it transfers to her human tongue.

Only then does she shift back, kneeling in the snow. She extends a hand to Seren, expression soft but distinctly not pitying. “Would you like me to show you how to use their remains so as not to waste their sacrifice?” Perhaps that would help her come to terms with it. If not Ru will bundle up the remains on her own to utilize them to their full extent later.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Transfixed in place, so locked into her internal battle against queasiness and guilt was the girl that she barely even noticed what Hotaru was doing, until the woman spoke. Hearing the calm voice cut above the stillness of sighing wind and the steady, bone-shuddering crunch as Umbra bit down on his carcass made Seren flinch.

Still. Still. Even though it took her some time to respond. Though it felt as though her entire body was rebelling - hands cold, arms numb, something like sweat or dread trickling down her back between tightly wound shoulderblades and a desert on the tongue - she nodded.

"Please," she heard herself say, in a voice that sounded nothing like her own. On stilted legs she stumbled in, closer. Staring at the bloodied scraps, where white bone glinted through tattered flesh that seemed much too red against the snow.

She knelt beside Hotaru. Swallowing, swallowing, against the bile in her throat.

"I need to get used to this," she told no one in particular, through the thin ringing in her ear. "The war is coming. In eight seasons, it will be here. It has been declared now. There's no going back."

She could not afford to remain a child forever.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

Hotaru waits for the girl to compose herself, patient despite the cold seeping wet and invasive through her pants as she kneels in the snow. It is a lesson all must learn, from the smallest bug to the mightiest man. There is no way to rush through it.

When Seren moves forward on legs like a fawn’s, Hotaru watches silently as the young woman moves down to the snow beside her. The words that are shared have her pale brows rising on her forehead. “Eight seasons? How do you know?” Had Safrin told her? It seems both too soon and far too long considering the mounting tensions. But is that not how war always feels?

Focusing instead on the two carcasses, Hotaru points out the white bone showing through. “Everything can be used, even once the meat is consumed. Bones can be used in all sorts of ways. Jewelry, combs, fish hooks, needles. They are not as strong as metal in terms of piercing, but they do not rust, and can weather far more with proper care.” Her finger moves to point out the organs she hadn’t consumed, the ones that would make most humans sick as well. “Organs are either left for scavenging animals, or they can be kept chilled to use as bait for larger fish. Certain organs when properly dried and treated can also be used for other things: water bladders, guts can be used for string instruments, and other very tough strings. Some can even be used for bow strings.” Again she moves her hand to the blood-stained white pelt.

“The pelt is too small and damaged for much use, but I can use these two to make warm lining for children’s shoes.” Her hand drifts to her belly, wondering if perhaps she should use these pelts for that exact purpose to show Seren what the sacrifice could achieve. “The pelt is obviously the most useful of any animal - leather, furs, furniture, clothing. But even the oils and fats are of use - skin moisturizer, lip balm, hand lotion, wax, or even to make soaps and candles.” Shuffling in the snow, she presses a hand over the untouched crown of the hare’s head, stroking the ears reverently. “They have fed us, yes. But we can do so much more to show our appreciation. As we always, always should.”

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Blue wings were wrapping around her heart, gentle and soothing. Never had the girl denied the dragon its nature. Nor would he fault her for the softness that made her want to weep for the beautiful creatures, now rent apart in the snow. Lives ended.

Death is part of life, my sweet.

Her hands were shaking too badly, and despite the cold Seren could not stand the rough texture of the gloves against her skin. Icy wind biting into the fingers was more bearable, and without caring for the danger of frost bite she dug the hands deep into the white. Snow. Clean snow. Water that had seen this cycle from beginning to end over perpetuity.

"There was a Party. Invites... you must have seen them. They were everywhere. When the sun had set and everyone had gathered... something appeared. A spirit, maybe, or something else. It spoke. Said that the weapons were ready, but not the warriors. Eight seasons to prepare... at most." Even to her own ears she sounded tired, and a little hollow. Eight seasons... Two years was not nearly enough time to learn everything she must before it broke out. If they even got that much time.

When her fingers were so numb that Seren could hardly feel them anymore, and cold burned like fire up along the arms, she withdrew them from the snow and reached out for the rabbit that was most intact. It should not make a difference that this creature could still be discerned for what it was. Already she was wearing furs, and had dined on fish for lunch before coming here. She had no trouble devouring poultry when served steaming on a delicately arranged plate.

That she could see the dead eyes, and feel the lack of soul beneath the soft fur should not make her want to weep like this.

"Will you make me something, from its bones?" she asked, tremulous. Faltering. Treacherous tears finally spilled over; stars, she had done nothing but cry and tremble these past weeks. One season, and already she wanted to flee back to the stars.

But she wouldn't.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

“I had seen them, but I missed it with…everything.” Things Seren already knew, but it was a better response than whatever she was currently feeling in her chest at the warning. Gods, her babe would barely be two years old if all went well. Or what passed as well when faced with war. It was better than nothing, and she knew that, but it was a shadow that she knew would be tied to her own moving forward. She did not fear death, murder, war. But she was scared of the choices she would have to make, what she would have to sacrifice. Everything she stood to lose - so much more, now, than ever before.

It is not only a Seren who is shaken as she points out the various uses, but Hotaru cannot - will not - falter in front of the girl. What she’d seen when saying goodbye to Atlas was already enough of a weight. So when the girl’s voice wobbles and her eyes cloy with tears, Hotaru does what any mother would - she pushes away her own feelings, and opens her arms to console the young woman.

A singular arm wraps around narrow shoulders, rocking the both of them slightly where they kneel in the snow. “Of course I will. I would be happy to.” Something with stained glass, beads, wire. Beautiful and memorable, to commemorate a small, short life. “As stronger creatures and predators in our own rights, it is our duty to make their deaths as painless as possible. But their energy becomes ours - it never really dies.” If they had souls, those were cosmic, and went onward to the gods. But their energy, their life-giving force? That passed onward eternally in its own cycle.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Some lingering vestige of pride, of stubbornness, saw the girl's shoulders stiff and unwieldy under Hotaru's comforting embrace. What stray remark had made her believe compassion to equal weakness she could never say, but the notion was there all the same. Maybe it was the look on Nate's face when she failed to hold back her tears.

Maybe it was the knowledge that her compassion meant nothing, when hers would be the fangs to rend flesh and slake lives.

"Is that true for committing genocide too? Will we be less guilty, if we make it quick for them...?" Haunted eyes stared not at the rabbit, dead and lost beyond salvation. No, these stargazer eyes were looking at something much further away. And what she saw...

With a shuddering sigh, Seren closed her eyes and buried her face against Hotaru's shoulder. What they were about to do - what was to say it would not spark the flames of that horrible, dark, bloody future?

"I'm scared," Seren whispered hoarsely.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

The tension and half-withdrawal does not dissuade her. She can almost feel the fissures in Seren, quivering with the breaking apart that will surely come. And it does - the words that follow a far greater moral problem, a heavier burden, than any teenager should ever carry.

"What you're asking is something I can't answer - because it's reliant upon how you see the Ascended. If they are still people, but puppeted along by The Voice, and relatively innocent...then no, that guilt is a burden we must carry, for taking a life. Killing them quickly and mercifully speaks to our honor, not our guilt." Sighing softly, she pulls Seren to her chest, her free hand lifting to gently card through the girl's dark hair. "But others do not even see them as human. They could say they are like after-images of the human they once were from the moment The Voice Ascended them. This is what the Gods think, what they see from far above the situation - and as such, they might not understand why it's such a moral dilemma for us. Why it hurts us to imagine ending their existence, even if they were not already friends, lovers, family." Wessex, Nate, and Kiada's faces flash before her closed eyelids, and Hotaru's heart wrenches. "There is no easy answer to killing in a war." And Hotaru had done her fair share. That experience had done nothing to help her find an answer to that question.

Kissing Seren's head, she holds her close. "It's okay to be scared. It's normal. But your mother tasked you with bringing hope - not devastation. The burden of ending lives is not one for your shoulders, my love." The sentimental name leaves her before she can think about it, a phrase she'd last used for Nate, and her heart breaks anew with it. She knows she's in too deep. She cares for Seren too much already, and that complicates things, but Hotaru knows she cannot stop. "Let us carry that particular weight for you instead. It is our job as your predecessors." Hotaru would wear their blood on her own hands, already desecrated and stained with blood far older than the girl in her arms. And she would do it to prevent a single drop from ending up on Seren's own hands.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

It was tempting, oh so tempting to accept that offer. To close her eyes and look away, pretend not to notice what was going on around her. She could turn her face from the Ascended and refuse to see the humans they once - and maybe still - were, claim she did not have a choice because of who she was born to be, and place all the burden and all the blame on others.

But...

"I would still be guilty by association," she murmured, surprisingly sober and level headed even in the midst of a crisis. Hotaru's affections felt like a distant thing, soothing but limited in their helpfulness. "Willful ignorance... letting others suffer while I stay safe and clean in some tower somewhere... why did I ever leave the stars, if that is how I am to live?" With a sigh, she sat up. Pressed the butt of her palms into the eyes until flecks of light danced before her inner vision, and the need to cry subsided. She had done nothing but shed tears lately... it was growing tiresome.

"I think I would rather choose what kind of monster I become, than let myself be turned whilst pretending that nothing is wrong. A book I read once said that one should choose ones battles... Well. I suppose, for starters... I choose this one you have brewing."

The gaze that met Hotaru's was neither steely nor strong. The girl still looked wide eyed and pale, with lips atremble and too much weighing on too slender shoulders. But when she smiled, it was still a bright thing, if soft and flickering.

"Show me how to topple a kingdom, yeah? I'm here to learn."

- FIN

For when the darkness comes

SEREN