Just give me a reason

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

The cold air began to shimmer and warp. A peculiar phenomenon here, where the sun could never accumulate enough warmth to create the kind of heat normally associated with mirages. Magical in nature, a rift between dimensions; an entirely magical encounter. The girl that stepped out of the rift was very real however, and she wore a slightly disgruntled expression as she looked around.

"This… is not the Citadel," she murmured to the dragon that followed in her wake. Umbra agreed with a snort that sent smoke and fozen air billowing up towards a pale blue sky. It was near her destination however, and for that Seren was grateful. She had only pulled on a thick coat and boots before heading over, rather than the layers upon layers required for a planned excursion into the Tundra, and already she began to shiver.

"Find the way for us, will you?"

Grunting in acquiesence, the Blue made a few bounding leaps and spread his massive wings, rising swiftly into the air where he might better spot tracks and signs of life. Seren shaded her eyes against the snow-glare and looked about as well. The mountain peaks, the gently rolling landscape; she wanted to say she recognized landmarks, but in all honesty everything just looked the same.

After a while, a nudge down the bond alerted her that Umbra had spotted something. A figure, traveling across the plains. Alone, headed… "South it is."

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

Vai had not been able to give her the thickest clothing upon her departure from the Greatwood, but Hotaru had been reluctant to ask for anything more. The portal would get her close enough to home she had assured, only partially lying. Time could not be wasted to find other garments in the Sea of Branches; they would notice her escape soon enough, and she needed to get to Deimos before then.

As such she is rather underdresssed, but determinedly setting out across the tundra back to her spa and the house down the lane that Deimos occupied. At least there she would find food and clothing, though she was reluctant to delay even long enough to visit her own abode first. Deimos could surely spare a cloak even if it would dwarf her.

Her arms are meanwhile wrapped around her belly to support the growing weight of it. The seasons are changing, and she is at least halfway through now if her mental calendar is to be trusted. It makes the trek more difficult, to be sure, but it’s clear in her motions that nothing will stop her. Delay, yes, but not stop. For a moment she pauses to catch her breath and drink from her packed canteen, pink cheeks squinting towards her eyes as she looks out at the horizon to gauge how much further she must go.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Seren was not so sure about the way that she wanted to risk going astray. With a guide already nearby, she set course for the lone traveler. Boosted by her gravity altering blessing, she came running towards the figure in long, flowing leaps that swallowed up the ground, completely defying any physical laws Rae and Caido had set in place.

As she came closer, the rush of blonde hair and slender - well, short and diminutive - figure turned out to be rather familiar.

"Hotaru!” she exclaimed, and skidded to a halt near the woman. The initial smile faded into bewilderment as she took in the senseless clothing and the shivering state of her friend. “What in the stars are you doing out here dressed like that?”

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

Hotaru is so intent on her journey that the sudden appearance of a figure in the sky startles her enough to drop her canteen. When her name is uttered in exclamation however she relaxes, hackles smoothing enough that she allows herself to bend to pick it back up. It takes some maneuvering with how pregnant she is, but at least not all of the water was lost. Too precious a commodity to wait until after Seren is greeted. But once it’s secured Hotaru smiles and moves closer, hand outstretched for Seren’s in companionable greeting.

“Seren! It’s good to see you, sweet girl.” Somehow it has become a bit of a nickname, though Hotaru despairs over the lack of originality. All of her children and even her niece Kiada had nicknames, and they mean quite a lot to her. “Unfortunately it’s quite a long story. In short, Nate and Sunjata jailed me for a time despite willingly going to give my statement about the fire. Remi checked in on me in a dream, and teleported me to the Greatwood to free me.” Catching her breath, Hotaru gives a tired smile. “Vai didn’t have much by way of cold clothing but I didn’t want to waste any time bartering for something better.” Looking around and noting no others, she turns back to Seren, golden brow curiously cocked. “And what are you doing here?”

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Bewilderment turned into shock as Hotaru explained. “They jailed you? Why? Even though you’re pregnant?” That was outrageous, and Seren could not believe it of either of them. She really thought at least her uncle would be more considerate than that.
“I am so sorry they did that,” she said, mouth twisting downward as the shame she felt on their behalf left a bitter taste in her mouth. “Do you want to come to my island for a while? I have driftwood there, we can light a fire and warm up a bit before going the rest of the way.”

Holding out her hand, a shadow passing overhead made the girl look up. Umbra had come to circle above them, curiously eying Hotaru.
“Oh. That’s Umbra, by the way. He is mine. We were...eh… going to visit a friend. I thought I brougth us straight into the Citadel, but… apparently I still have to practice a bit. I have a new trick,” she added with a happy grin, as she made to open the way to the starry realm.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

It’s nice, truly, to see people be outraged on her behalf. It helps ease some of the exhaustion that cloys like smoke in her lungs, deepening with each inhale. “They did not jail the woman who killed Atlas either. They let her walk in and harass me in the guise of questioning.” Her lip wobbles slightly, and she bites the inside of her cheek to force down the emotions that seek to eternally betray her in her pregnancy. “I offered to stay a few days, but…once it was clear it would be much longer I couldn’t. Even if it was wrong to leave.” Though she doesn’t think it was considering how it was similarly wrong to jail her. Sighing, she brushes her hair back behind her ear from where the wind had tugged it free. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be placing this burden on you. It’s just been…it’s been a lot to deal with.” And if Seren notices the way she has to rapidly blink to keep the sting at bay, she hopes the girl won’t mention it.

Hand gently taking Seren’s, Hotaru’s smile returns with more sincerity. “That would be nice. Thank you.” Though before the shimmering portal opens there is another that joins them - flighted and dark against the grey, washed out sky. Hotaru’s eyes brighten as Umbra comes into view, Seren’s explanation distantly heard. Her fingers squeeze at the girl’s hand as her heart leaps with pride. “I’m so happy for you, Seren. A companion! That is wonderful news.” Her excitement is spared for the girl for a moment until Hotaru turns to Umbra directly. “Hello, Umbra. You are quite handsome. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Fondness crinkling the corners of her eyes.

Turning back to Seren the woman’s head tilts slightly in curiosity. “New trick…?” As she parses the words, Hotaru gives a startled inhale. “Can you travel now? If you aimed for the Citadel but ended up here, is it safe?” Or simply new to her? Not that the latter explanation would magically make Ru stop worrying for the girl she is so fond of, but at least it would settle her heart a little.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Seren squeezed Hotaru’s hand with all the reassurance she could muster. The cold fingers only made the transgression against this woman seem larger in her mind, and though she smiled it was a touch grim, shadows of disappointment dimming the usual brightness.
“Don’t worry about that. How did you get out?”

Smiling up at her dragon as Umbra let out a trill in greeting, Seren reached up and brushed her fingers against his underbelly when he dipped lower. “We’ll be back in a bit, tiny. Go hunt something for yourself to eat, yeah?”

When the cold brightness of Halo faded, and Seren pulled Hotaru across the dimensional threshold, she immediately peeled off her coat and draped it over the shorter woman.
“Here, sit down and make yourself comfortable. Yes, it’s perfectly safe; I just haven’t figured out the sensation yet. Mother taught me how to open the way from here onto a different place from where I started, and this is only the second time I’ve tried it. At least we ended up in Halo, and that is a success in itself, wouldn’t you say?”

Driftwood was plentiful along her midnight shores. Pretty pieces, large pieces, gnarled and salt-crusted logs that would crackle and pop in hues of bright yellow were stacked into a neat pile as Seren spoke, and when she had gathered a decent enough amount, she knelt with a tinderbox and began to work on lighting a fire.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

It is reassurance enough. The girl’s hands are strong and warm against her own frigid fingers, and the touch is one she has been missing for days now. Companionship and support are all it takes to melt her heart right now. “Remi has magic that means he can create bonds of a sort when dreaming with someone. He did it with me so that he could visit me whenever we were both asleep. When he checked on me, he was angry and took me to Vai - she was the safest person he had another connection to.” It’s the best explanation of his magic that she has with the way its logic still eludes her.

With a faint smile as Umbra departs, Hotaru turns all her attention back to Seren, and steps through the mirage and onto the soft, utterly perfect sands of the girl’s island. The coat that is draped over her helps chase away the surface chill, and she reluctantly parts their hands to clutch it close. Pride has no place here, not when she has a baby to consider.

“I’m so proud of you,” she agrees, voice thick with warmth. Seren is so much better than Ru could ever be, just as she’d always hoped of her own children, and she wants to grasp her by the waist and spin her about. “Practice makes perfect as well. Can you take others with you?” An idea buds slowly in the back of her mind, but for now her curiosity is based off of her recent teleportation by Remi’s hands.

Shuffling closer Hotaru offers her hand towards the fire. “May I?” Fingers sparking with perfectly controlled lightning that seeks to catch against the driftwood, careful to remain far from Seren’s hands.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

“That sounds very convenient,” the girl mused. Rather similar in some ways to what she could now do - though she had other limits than sleeping acquaintances. “I am glad he helped you - does that mean you’ve talked to him? About the baby?”

Leaning back to let Hotaru help, Seren watched with interest as the electricity bit into the wood. Most of the pieces were so dry that they immediately began to smoke, and the tree-like patterns that spread along the grain before the wood caught fire was very beautiful.
“Have you ever considered making wood carvings?” she murmured around a smile.

Being praised was both nice and a little awkward; she wasn’t sure how to respond.
“Hmm, I should think so. Yes, Mother did say one other person, now that I think about it.”

Having not the peace of mind to sit still right now, the girl got back up and began to wander about the small island, picking pieces of clothing out of the sand and dusting them off. Most of her wardrobe was stored here, including the gear she had picked up during her previous excursions to Halo. These were placed in an untidy pile beside Hotaru, so the woman could pick out the parts she could fit into. That Seren was so much taller might help, though the starchild wasn’t exactly hefty in terms of girth.

The belly… might not fit.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

“I told him as soon as we parted ways,” she assures. Remi had quite literally flown the Cordellia for her, which still astounds her. His devotion to the child is unprecedented. And in some ways does not bode well for the future.

“I’ve crafted with glass before, but never wood.” Turning a considering eye to the lichtenburg marks she makes a contemplative noise. “I think it’s a good idea though. My control is certainly good enough at least.” A simple statement instead of anything prideful.

She sits by the fire as Seren departs without a word, returning with clothing that Hotaru sorts through. It’s true that most don’t fit her belly, but a little worn and some careful choosing and she is bundled up adequately. “Thank you Seren. Come, sit.” Patting the sand beside her even as she readjusts on her own to give her belly more room.

“I wanted to ask you something. I know Sunjata at least is dear to you, but I’m unsure about your relationship with Nate. And I’m worried…about the war, The Voice.” Sighing she shakes her head, golden hair listing about. “You are Safrin’s daughter. I pray she won’t have you involved in the war, but…do you think it’s right, to secure lands against The Voice, even if it means also securing them against Ascended? Like Stormbreak?” It’s a heavy question, but the girl is a Demigoddess, and Hotaru is a woman of faith. Surely Seren has some notion of her purpose in this war.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

“How… did he take it?” The question was tentative, but Seren could not afford to refrain from asking. This very much concerned her, if only because it would affect her father by extension. She had not dared breathe a word of the whole story to him, and the weight of this particular secret was nothing to shrug at.

Sinking down into the sand, the young woman rolled up her shirt sleeves and reached out her hands towards the fire. As it grew in size, the warmth made her fingers prickle and sting; a distant sensation that soon fell to the back of her mind as Hotaru brought up a different topic.

“Sunjata is my uncle,” she replied simply. “My sister’s father. Someone who was there when I grew up… He was my first friend, and the second person I ever met in this world.” If Remi was a second father, then the Flood was only a step removed from that.
“As for Nate… I don’t think we can get along anymore.” Sighing, she dragged her fingers through the hair. Undid the braid, and combed messy curls with restless motions. “I went to see him a while ago. But almost straight away he began to say how my parents had threatened to kill him, and how I wanted him and the Ascended dead… It was… unpleasant.” To say the least. The accusations stung even now, and made her scowl slightly when she gazed up at Hotaru.

“What do you mean by ‘secure against’?”

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

“I told him that I expected nothing of him. I wanted him to know that, before anything else. But he wants to be involved in the child’s life as their father.” A good thing, in any other circumstance. “I told him I was scared of how you, Ronin, and Mateo would take it. How it would change your family. But he seemed to trust Ronin’s response on the matter, and I can’t do any more than I have. Not without terminating the pregnancy entirely.” The thought makes her ill, this far along, but she won’t hide the reality of these tangled threads from Seren when one of those threads is her own.

It’s no surprise Sunjata had been held in such lofty esteem if this was the beginning Seren had with him. Nate, however…Hotaru frowns. It’s somewhat unlike the man she knew to have said such things. Then again, nearly a season has passed, and she can’t say she knows him anymore. Not after everything.

“Everyone is feeling the pressure of choosing a side,” she agrees quietly, though in no way excusing his actions. “As am I.” Which leads to Seren’s question. Hotaru eyes her quietly for a moment, wondering how much she can trust the girl with realistically. Her logic has been terribly clouded lately with emotions and attachments, and she can’t afford that with this.

“Morgan is turning Halo into more and more of an Ascended-supporting land. Safrin told Deimos all would be forgiven for the Advocates fire if he ensured that Halo became devoted to the Old Gods again. Do you know what that means?” Not wanting to infantilize the girl, but reluctant to jump straight to talk of treason. “But if we do that, it’s only the first step. I wonder if repelling Ascended - even non-fatally - like Stormbreak’s borders would be the right choice. You’ve been there, and I can’t visit, so I wanted your input.” Particularly because Safrin had been the one to give the command.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

A subtle shift took place in Seren’s posture as Hotaru explained. Though she didn’t move, her back seemed a little straighter, the face more serious. The stars around them did not flicker or waver, nor did they actually grow brighter - but one could be excused for imagining that they shuddered when the Warden and her uncertain allegiances were mentioned.

“I know what it means,” she replied softly. Turning blue eyes towards the flickering fire, Seren was quiet for a time. Thinking. “What part do you intend to play in this? If Morgan is a problem… Have either of you tried speaking to her?” There were more ways than one of ascertaining that allegiances were struck and shifted. She had not heard anything bad about the Warden, and it was a long step to go from keeping a region neutral, as Deimos and Aisha had claimed, to siding with the Voice outright.

And Hotaru’s involvement… did not come without its own problems.

“I spoke to Mother, recently. About everything I’ve been told, by you and Deimos. The fire, Atlas... I mentioned to her that I was fond of you, and that you love her. But she did not believe that to be true. She said that you spoke badly of her, when Kamaria was born.”

A frown began tugging at Seren’s brows, and she looked almost stern when she turned her eyes on the other woman. “Is that true?”

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

“I intend to help Deimos in whatever it takes to endear him to Safrin, and to help Halo remain safe in the coming war.” Where that leaves her is still up in the air. “Deimos has tried to speak to her, but…well, she is in love. With Neron, an Ascended and the former disgraced Warden.” Would Seren even know of him, his various crimes? “She denied any bias or involvement, but your mother gave Deimos a necklace that tells him when someone is lying. And she gave him the information directly.” Far more than heresy.

Seren’s next question brings a hum of thoughtfulness. “That night…I don’t remember a lot of what I said. I was so angry and hurt. And I love - loved - Nate. I was just as blind as Morgan.” The past tense makes her twitch, shying away from someone that isn’t there. “So I considered her a threat to my family, yes. But my anger was never for Kamaria. And never - truly - for her, any of my words aside.” Words that had mostly been for him, but which Ru is sure had included Safrin.

“You see, Sunjata had promised me mere hours before that he would not go to your mother regarding children. Specifically, we had talked of creating a family with Nate - who, as an Ascended, cannot bring about biological life the same way. I asked him not to, and he agreed, because we knew the price would be too high. Because Safrin does not like the Ascended. And because Sunjata is hers, in a very…tangled way.” Sexual, emotional, Attunement, general possessiveness. “After losing so many of my own children, I didn’t want to go to her of all the Gods, because I knew Frey cared less about Ascended and people taking them as lovers than Safrin. I didn’t want any children of ours to be balanced on the precipice of war, and I didn’t want Sunjata to be beholden as one of her chosen.” Sighing she watches the flames, face pensive and pinched with memories.

“He went to her that very same night after promising me we would try other Gods first, and Kamaria was born as part of a deal to spare Nate in the war. Only Nate became a demigod of The Voice that same night, and the deal was moot.” And though it is no longer her worry, her burden, it is still a hurt that she feels keenly. “It was him that betrayed me. That broke such an important vow hours after making it. And I would have raised Kamaria, if she was not already so much older when she arrived. How could I compete as a mother, against Safrin no less?” Her head drops into her hands, and the heels of her palms press into her eyes.

“I never blamed Safrin - at least, not once I had my wits about me. But I am human. And I was so hurt. I can’t fault her for holding a grudge, or for thinking I blame her for Kamaria. I have forgiven gods for far worse acts done against me; my goddess killed my parents on Helovia. And I forgave her all the same.” But perhaps it’s wrong of her to compare the two. Perhaps Safrin is not so open to the idea of Hotaru having a grudge against Sunjata but not the goddess herself.

“I know it’s a lot to explain, but you deserve the whole story. Even if it puts all of us in a bad light.” At least Seren already knows about the stabbing incident. “And she may decide not to forgive me, or to hear me out. And I appreciate you telling her what I said, but at the end of the day she is the goddess. Not me. I can only do so much - but that’s why I want to do this, to protect Halo. To perhaps show her that I want to aid her in her fight.”

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU