sigh and say magic

Samuel

Sam was unable to enter the Greatwood; Torchline was in the midst of it's monsoon season. The practicalities of this meeting had taken a while to sort out, which had provided a sort of distraction from just what the content of it would be. Now that he was actually stood waiting, in the agreed upon spot in the woods (far from the Voice's shrine), he was finding it hard to keep still from all the anxiety swiftly filling his veins. If he had to breathe, he would have been almost hyperventilating.

It wasn't just the guilt; that was enough in itself, knowing that he'd had a part in destroying a deeply important place of Juniper's home - but no, he also had the knowledge that this conversation itself could be very significant; it could be the moment Ascended and Fae agreed to begin to mend things, or it could be where he ruined them beyond repair. Maybe that was placing too much importance on what was only a first meeting, but...he'd never been good at calming himself down.

Trying to look like he wasn't about to have a breakdown, Sam sat on a log that had fallen years ago, the top clean enough and obviously used by travellers as a rest stop, from the footprints around in the mud. Hands together, clasped before him, he let himself tap his foot rapidly, but that was all, until Juniper arrived.

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

JUNIPER

you think i'm happy because i'm smiling,
but it's the easiest thing to do

So, the day of the fateful meeting arrived. Juniper made sure to arrive early and scout out the area, to make sure that no ambush or trap awaited her. Paranoia, perhaps -- if anything, Samuel should be the one worried about her intentions, not the other way around. After all, she'd openly stated that she wanted him dead. He had nothing to gain from attacking her, as far as she could see -- like Wessex, he probably realized that harming her would only make life even more difficult for the Ascended.

But still, Juniper checked, just in case. No hidden ambush, not even any hidden observers who might try to blackmail her with knowledge of such a meeting: they were clear. So she stepped out from behind a tree and approached the man sitting on the log, slowly.

"Samuel Wordsworth? I'm Juniper Dubois."

She let the introduction hang in the air without elaborating; she wanted to see how Sam would open the conversation.

if you looked a little closer,
you'd find my eyes aren't smiling too.

table by Skylark

Samuel

Sam did flinch, just for a split second, when Juniper appeared from the side; he'd heard that Fae were able to quietly and perfectly blend in with their natural surroundings, but seeing it in the flesh was something else entirely. Determined to try and make a good impression though, he forced his face back into a polite, slight smile as she introduced herself then stood before her - he wasn't all that much taller than her, but she was still smaller...Sam didn't find that helped with the fear at all, though.

"Juniper. Thank you for coming to see me." He considered holding out a hand to shake, but thought better of it; he knew that some didn't like to touch the Ascended. Instead he just nodded then gestured for her to sit down on the log next to him so they could speak.

He sat again, hands together and back straight, conscious of everything and how he positioned himself. "I do just want to reiterate, though I know I already said in my letter, that I do not take any pride in the pain the Ascended have caused the Fae. I..." Sam paused, trying to consider his words, faltering in his new found confidence. "I hope you know I come here in a spirit of apology and genuine hope that we can start to heal together."

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

JUNIPER

you think i'm happy because i'm smiling,
but it's the easiest thing to do

Juniper sat down next to Sam, gingerly, leaving some space between them. She realized she was staring at him, but, well, could he blame her? He didn't look at all like she'd expected, though she wasn't sure what she'd expected him to look like. More dangerous. More intimidating, like Wessex, or at least self-assured like Azrael and Bastien. This man seemed ... nervous, if anything. Not like the kind of person who would take up a weapon and attack a neighboring people. Just ... ordinary.

"Thank you for speaking with me," Juniper said, an automatic courtesy from the part of her that had taken to the diplomat's role so well. "I ... yes."

She was still struggling to believe that he could have committed such an atrocity, really, but maybe that made it all the more insidious -- that he just looked like a person, and not a monster. That he was just a person.

"I wouldn't have come if I didn't want to start that healing, badly," she said, carefully. "Or even ... Well, I would be thankful just to maintain what peace we have now."

Could she call the current situation "peace," when they were all just readying for war?

if you looked a little closer,
you'd find my eyes aren't smiling too.

table by Skylark

Samuel

Sam hardly could blame Juniper for staring, most of all because he was doing his own fair share of it. The Fae had been posited for so long as their enemies, as people full of hatred; yet the woman before him, delicate and calm, speaking intelligently, wings tucked behind her...it was hard to see her as anything but ordinary too; having a parallel realisation, Sam noted that he wasn't sure if it made him feel more optimistic about their chances or not.

Nodding at her words, he chewed on his lip, suddenly feeling like he had no idea what it was he actually wanted to say. He tried to get rid of that notion though, because he'd actually planned for quite a while how this meeting was meant to go. After a pause, he spoke softly, looking over to her.

"I'd be interested to know what it is the Ascended could do for your people to help maintain that peace. Or..maybe even improve relationships." Was it too much to hope for?

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

JUNIPER

you think i'm happy because i'm smiling,
but it's the easiest thing to do

Juniper noticed Sam staring, but she didn't say anything: it made sense that he would find her just as strange as she found him, or more so. Sam looked like any other outsider, after all, few outward signs of his Ascended nature, while Juniper's wings marked her as indelibly Fae, always apart from the other people of Caido. She'd felt like a bit of an outsider in the Greatwood all her life, being shunned for her grandfather's sins, but she felt even more different beyond it.

Returning to the matter at hand, she felt glad that Sam had thought of a place for the conversation to start, though she couldn't give him the easy answer that he probably wanted -- there would be no easy answers in this conversation. Just slow, grueling progress, if they were lucky.

"I'm not sure what the Ascended could do ... Certainly my people would not take kindly to any suggestion that we need charity, or that some action could 'make up for' the loss of the Mathair." Except, perhaps, bringing the Mathair back. Could the Ascended help with that? Probably not: even if they wanted to, Juniper doubted the Mathair would want to see the people who had attacker her. And it would probably be best not to even mention the possibility of restoring the Mathair to Samuel, because that could be tactically significant information, if they went to war. "But I don't think that's what you mean ... I suggested placing the Mathair's attackers -- including yourself -- on trial as a means of settling scores between our peoples, but I can't honestly say that I'm sure it would help."

She sighed, a bit sad to admit that her plan might not have worked even if put into action. And maybe it still could be put into action -- she didn't want to abandon it entirely, being more stubborn than that, but it also didn't seem like the right hill to die on with war looming. "I hoped that some kind of justice would set my people's grievances to rest, but I know better than anyone that we hold grudges."

if you looked a little closer,
you'd find my eyes aren't smiling too.

table by Skylark

Samuel

Sam nodded, trying his best to take in and consider every word she said, commit it to memory for future discussions and plans; he did not expect the answers to be easy and indeed, they were messy, confusing...after a quiet moment spent nibbling on his bottom lip and trying to think of something to say, he settled on: "Well. Personally, I would be willing to stand for your peoples judgement...if my Goddess allowed me to. The Voice has rather a lot of power over her people."

He rubbed the back of his neck, thinking of who else had been there at the attack on the Mathair. "I very much doubt you'd get Wessex to come, though."

While he knew it would be painful for her, there was one thing he could offer when it came to that event - the full story. "...If...you wanted to ask me any questions about all of that...maybe the kind of things you would have asked in your trial...I will do my best to answer. If it will bring you any peace."

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

JUNIPER

you think i'm happy because i'm smiling,
but it's the easiest thing to do

"I appreciate that." Juniper spoke the truth, though doubt probably showed on her face, her bitten lip. She wasn't sure at this point whether making Samuel face justice would actually help -- but justice still called to her. "What do you mean, the Voice might not let you? How could she stop you?"

If she sounded a bit skeptical, almost suspicious that the Voice's non-compliance was an excuse -- well, she was, however hard she was trying to give Sam the benefit of the doubt here.

"Wessex offered a deal," Juniper admitted: there seemed to be no harm in telling Sam about it. "Her own sacrifice, in exchange for ... Well, her price was too high. I turned her down."

She bit her lip again, more deeply, at Sam's own offer. It wasn't just a matter of bringing herself peace, but of finding justice for her people -- but still, she might as well ask. And there was only one question, really. "Why did you do it? What ... what induced you to attack and desecrate our goddess, murder her guards?"

if you looked a little closer,
you'd find my eyes aren't smiling too.

table by Skylark

Samuel

"The Voice has made very inch of our bodies anew. No blood, no human organs anymore - we have her creations inside us. If she wants us to stop, or not to do something..." Sam sighed; he didn't like to speak about this anymore. It went against his new resolution to try and think of the Voice positively...yet, it was true, and hard to avoid in this topic. "Last year, I told the Voice I didn't want to be a part of Ascended plans anymore. That I opposed what she was doing. ...She was able to, without even touching me, rip me of all abilities I had and deny me fluid - meaning I would die in less than a year."

He gestured to his alive self. "Obviously, I went back. Or I'd die."

It was surprising to hear that Juniper had apparently already spoken to Wessex; Sam would have said such a meeting was impossible. "I'm not surprised she had a condition. I wouldn't ask anything of your people other than a fair trial." He really did mean it; it was terrifying, but Sam knew he had to be accountable for the things he did if he was going to continue to espouse the Voice's virtues.

Juniper asked the obvious question of why. Unfortunately, Sam didn't have an obvious answer, but he had promised to try. Tensing his hands on his lap he looked out into the trees and tried to form his words as best he could. "The Voice told us to. I...I can't even remember if we knew why at the time - obviously, it was for the portal, but we wouldn't have had to know that. I was very weak, very unsure and eager to prove myself." A breath that was not quite a laugh and not quite a sigh passed his lips. "I was terrified and spent most of it hiding while the others did the task. Not that I don't deserve the blame too - I was there, I knew what I was doing. I just haven't ever been very brave."

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

JUNIPER

you think i'm happy because i'm smiling,
but it's the easiest thing to do

Juniper mouth tightened as Sam spoke; she struggled to keep her emotions under control, to remain calm and receptive. As much as she appreciated that Sam had come to this meeting, she didn't exactly enjoy listening to his words -- though she honestly wasn't sure if he could have said anything to make it better.

First, the Voice's control over the Ascended. Juniper wasn't totally surprised to hear that the so-called goddess basically held her people hostage, and she tried to feel sympathy for Sam, even if part of her said You shouldn't have gone back. You should have stuck to your convictions and died. That was an uncharitable part, though. "I see. I'm ... sorry to hear that you've faced that."

She made herself appreciate that Sam had turned against the Voice, however briefly; that he had realized that his goddess's commands were immoral. "I presume there's no way to reverse an Ascension ... I can scarcely imagine what it's like, to be so completely beholden to her."

Oh, Juniper served her gods, depended on them, could be cursed or struck down if she disrespected them -- but she had faith that Vi, Mort, and Rae, if not their always their heralds, were right-minded and guided their people gently. And if she did disagree with them -- at least they weren't in her body, in her bones and her blood, making her indelibly their creature. Right?

At the mention of the trial, Juniper nodded. "I wouldn't ask you to submit to an unfair or even one-sided judgment -- Torchline and Halo have agreed to arbitrate such a trial."

She left the question of whether he would actually give himself up, rather than simply speaking in hypotheticals, open. After all, even she wasn't sure that hosting a trial now would actually calm Caido's rising tensions.

And then came the part that really made Juniper's frown deepen, really got her goat: his attempt to explain his actions. "The Voice just ... told you to murder and attack my people, and you did it? Without question?"

That was uncharitable, too, but what else could Juniper say? Maybe it should have been a relief that Sam hadn't personally done much, but he was right -- he'd been there, just as willing, so that didn't absolve him. And she could scarcely fathom accepting such a task, even from her own gods, whom she trusted. If Ludo or even Mort told her to attack -- not the Ascended, on whom such an attack might be justified by their past actions, but some neutral party ... She wouldn't do it. Would she?

if you looked a little closer,
you'd find my eyes aren't smiling too.

table by Skylark

Samuel

Sam had spent many hours chastising himself similar to how Juniper wanted to, and just as many hating himself for leaving the Voice in the first place. To be Ascended and have a conscience was to always be in conflict, trapped but wanting to be fair, seeing 'both sides' but too tied to one of them to ever move anyway. He shifted uncomfortably as she spoke and said nothing else on it, just shook his head when she asked about a reversal.

At the very least, this trial, if it ever happened, sounded like it wouldn't be a complete witch hunt. "Thank you. Do...either the Warden or the Governor know much about what happened?" Sam had no idea how involved either of them were with the Grounds' history; Sunjata at least he could hope would see his side, given his Ascended spouse.

He felt they were beginning to get somewhere, then Juniper's question, phrased as it was, came out into the scene; Sam cringed and looked down at the floor, shrugged helplessly. "She...said it would open up the world to us, I think. It was so long ago it's hard to remember the exact words. She told us the Mathair wasn't special for the reasons the Fae thought it was, so...I didn't know what it meant, or what was in it..." His hands moved in his lap for a moment as if trying to conjure up the right words from thin air. "I don't have any good answers for you, really. I don't want you to think my trying to explain is excuses."

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

JUNIPER

you think i'm happy because i'm smiling,
but it's the easiest thing to do

Juniper gave a quick grimace of sympathy in response to Sam's nod. No, he could no more cease to be Ascended than she could stop being Fae -- but he had made the choice to Ascend, and she had simply been born Fae. Maybe that was something else to ask: "Why did you become Ascended? If you don't mind talking about it."

Bastien had said he Ascended for immortality, a reason Juniper couldn't really relate to -- but then, as far as Juniper knew, Bastien hadn't killed anyone for the Voice. Though he very well could have; she didn't know him that well. But Juniper knew there were other, more pressing reasons people chose to Ascend; Wessex had mentioned a girl Ascending to keep from starving -- a girl who'd then had her throat cut for that crime.

The question of the Warden's and Governor's knowledge was more straightforward, though not one Juniper could answer easily. "I'm not sure what they know. The Warden doubted that the Ascended would ever agree to a trial, so she wasn't particularly interested in discussing the details. The Governor, I believe, is a justice-minded man."

And Juniper had promised to help Sunjata find the Fae who'd attacked his husband. Juniper had no leads on that yet, but perhaps someday ...

Then Sam's answer made her grimace -- and not in sympathy this time. She bit her lips, trying to keep the full measure of her anger from showing on her face. They'd done this "to open up the world to them"? Regardless of whether the world wanted to be opened up -- regardless of what they might trespass upon, what they might trample.

Juniper bit back those words -- no point lambasting beliefs that she had to hope Sam already regretted -- but she did have to say, a bit tightly, "Her. The Mathair is a 'she,' not an 'it.'"

To stand on language in such a way might have been strange to an outsider -- but Juniper knew her fellow Fae would have stared and grown angry to hear someone refer to their goddess-tree in such a way. And that gave her another question: "She said the Mathair wasn't special as we believed? Do you know why?"

Not that hearing theological propaganda would make Juniper any happier, any less angry, but she was still curious.

She nodded when Sam said he didn't have good answers, trying not to be too curt. He definitely didn't, but then what answers could have possibly made her forgive what he'd done?

if you looked a little closer,
you'd find my eyes aren't smiling too.

table by Skylark

Samuel

At least discussing how he became Ascended didn't involve anything against the Fae and was a story that put him in a sympathetic light; Sam was happy to provide it. "I was only sixteen. My parents..ah...to put it lightly, didn't like me. They thought I was a failure - and they thought if I Ascended it might 'fix' me. I went myself, but...I wouldn't have done without that pressure. The Voice let me grow for a little while longer, but I'm always going to be this way." He sighed, pushed some hair behind his ear. "There were some good things though. She helped me to change some things I was conscious about."

Sam couldn't really see most of the Ascended agreeing to a trial either and decided that once he was away from this conversation, he was going to have to put it out of his mind for now to continue - just as he was going to have to put away the tone of her voice, hurt and angry, when she corrected him. "Oh, I'm sorry. Her. Yes."

As for why the Voice said what she did, all he could do was shrug. It could have just been an egotistical throwaway comment or it could have been some deeper indication of the true nature of the tree Goddess; who knew?

Part of being alive is wishing that you weren't sometimes

as your brain forces you to breathe

Base Code by Sky!

JUNIPER

you think i'm happy because i'm smiling,
but it's the easiest thing to do

"I see." As Sam had hoped, Juniper felt sympathy for his story replace her anger over the Mathair. Oh, he had still chosen that particular mission, so he certainly wasn't off the hook -- but she couldn't blame him for becoming Ascended at his parents' behest, to escape their disdain. The cruelty of it took her breath away, really: signing over your child to a strange god to "fix" him, pressuring him through that transformation in body and soul ... Oh, Juniper wasn't naive enough to think that no one had ever asked the Old Gods for similar things, but the Old Gods didn't remake people in their image -- and she still would have called Sam's parents cruel, even if they had gone to her own gods. "I'm sorry. No child should have to go through that -- to suffer parents like that."

She leaned back a little and let out a sigh. Still angry, of course, over the attack on the Mathair -- she hadn't found any of Sam's explanations sufficient to forgive him, even if she understood better now why he'd done it. But she felt a sense of exhaustion, too. They couldn't change the past, no matter how much they agonized over it, and even understanding it could only do so much. So she turned to the future: "War is brewing. I want to find a way to stop it, and I know you do too. I don't believe that the Ascended as a people should be blamed for the crimes of a few, but most of my people don't see it that way, and there are those who would eliminate the Ascended simply for existing."

The Order, she meant, but she didn't know if Sam knew the name, or if she should share it with them. It was hard, trying to speak peace without giving away any information that might harm her side if it did come to war. Maybe she'd have to make some hard choices there, truly commit herself -- but not yet.

"I don't know how to keep the aggressors on my side in check," Juniper admitted. "I've done what I can, but ... if you have any suggestions, I'd hear them."

if you looked a little closer,
you'd find my eyes aren't smiling too.

table by Skylark