{se} Toil, No Trouble

I lost who I was, forgot myself in the hands of someone who didn't know me
I'm slowly undoing their devastation, unfolding the corners

Despite the cold, Hotaru is stripped down to a simple sleeveless shirt, coat hanging on the door handle of her spa and lighter flannel tied around her waist. Her pathway has been packed down by clientele, leaving it to ice over into a dangerous inevitable location for injury. Not the best considering most people come to her spa to heal from such things.

Armed with a shovel and Atlas’ teasingly sardonic support, she labors away starting from the doorstep. It has been a few hours yet, pausing only for a light lunch and tea before setting back out to try and wrangle the snow into submission. As such she has already worked up a fine sweat, baby hairs clinging to her cheeks and forehead even after tying the bulk of her hair up and out of the way.

The scrape of the shovel and her own steady breathing is her chorus for the morning, surprisingly fit arms taking unrelentingly to the task as she works in the bleak spring sunshine.

and picking up the pieces that were chiseled away

HOTARU

DEIMOS

Heave the silver hollow sliver

Deimos, while outside of the Barracks, was in fact, not taking a break.

Instead, he’d been walking from the outskirts of the Citadel on a routine check of the walls, of the city itself, marching amidst several other guards, when they’d rounded along for a recess, a pause. Given the timeframe, the beast fully intended to make his way along preferred routes towards the training area. Possibly to find a favored friend to irritate.

And sure enough, Hotaru was cleaning up her sanction of the spa’s pathways, constantly and consistently iced over due to Halo’s weather patterns. Instead of announcing his presence in a low grumble, as she’d be used to, he opted to slink around a corner, granting enough distance and space to witness movements and motions, to execute ridiculous plans, and hopefully not get caught.

Which was why he applied several incantations threaded together: water and air, to pack the snow into a compact ball, and then lift it, launch it, hopefully at her back.

Unite and spread the heart apart

I lost who I was, forgot myself in the hands of someone who didn't know me
I'm slowly undoing their devastation, unfolding the corners

Atlas is normally her guardian, her extra pair of ears and eyes which - far more sensitive than her human sense could ever be - would alert her to any incoming danger. Of course Hotaru had never considered that his loyalties could be easily bought. Or in this case, biased. Atlas quite enjoys Deimos after all, of a similar personality type and a harbinger of light and happiness for his bonded. So when the unicorn hears the man meandering near and stares right at the Sword, he intentionally does not alert Hotaru to the man’s presence.

The snowball aims true, as most projectiles do when manipulated by the Sword’s hand. Hotaru stumbles with a strangled squeal of surprise, foot summarily sliding on the ice and landing on her ass, shovel skittering off further down the path. Dazed, she summons her lightning instinctively, only to turn her gaze over her shoulder and find not an unexpected foe, but her overgrown child of a brother.

“Deimos!” she hollers, accusatory and offended, trying to tamp down on the grin that brightens her face, helpless but to find the situation hilarious even at her own expense. Cautiously getting back up to her feet, she grabs her shovel and wields it at him exaggeratedly, squinting her eyes against the sun are on the snow. “Attacking from behind I see, isn’t being sneaky supposed to be my territory?” Hotaru brushes the snow off her butt, mourning the wetness that had already set in, before striding towards Deimos with shovel in hand. Reaching out to playfully try and jab him in the stomach with the handle. “This is why Aisha and I call you devil man.”

and picking up the pieces that were chiseled away

HOTARU

DEIMOS

Heave the silver hollow sliver

A pulse of admiration, esteem, and amusement coiled from the Sword to the unicorn – Cheshire grins encased and lodged within when the companion didn’t give him away. The irritating ploys wouldn’t have gone half as well without the steed’s input.

In fact, it went far better than anticipated – and he didn’t even bother to conceal his laughter as the snowball launched, reached, and caused a triumphant display of antics. Hotaru falling down hadn’t been a portion of the plan, but the exuberant chuckles escaping from his chest thereafter hinted at the juvenile hilarity inspired. At one point he thought he might be bent over in a exaggerated wheeze, but the ominous threat lurking behind her pointed shovel and hints of lightning only caused him to momentarily shuffle everything down.

Wiping a stray tear from his eye, the accusation held true and he did naught to hide from it. “I can have other talents.” A shrug of his shoulders beckoned – sneaky operations had never been his prevailing armament. His size usually gave him away. So he had to conform to other wayward dominions of mischief and upheaval, or simply plot devastation in another routed sibilance. But he snorted at the handle jabbing him in the abdomen, tilting his head in confusion at the nickname. “Devil man?”

Well, he’d been called far worse.

Making to grab the shovel, or toss it up in the air with incantations in a future show of infantile antics, the monolith continued and persisted. “Do you want some help?”

Unite and spread the heart apart

I lost who I was, forgot myself in the hands of someone who didn't know me
I'm slowly undoing their devastation, unfolding the corners

His laughter is an infuriatingly effective remedy for her surprise and outrage, and her squinted gaze is unfairly full of humor even as she storms up to him with shovel in hand. Being the butt of a joke is a role they trade off; apparently today is her turn.

“Other talents like being a nuisance,” she lobs back at him, grin finally breaking through, exasperated and fond. He doesn’t so much as flinch away from the probing stab of her handle, so she does it again just because she can. Though she drops it when he snatches it from her, laughing and holding her palms out in a show of faux-innocence lest he turn it against her. “Pretty fitting with your shift if I say so myself.” A shame she hasn’t been able to see it firsthand yet, but the day will come eventually. She’s sure of it. His predilections for savagery and animalism will not fail her in her curiosity.

The offer for help does earn him an exasperated look. “Yes, but only if you let me give you something in exchange. Don’t think I’ll be lax on your habit breaking.” Giving and giving eternally until there’s nothing left. Hotaru won’t let herself be part of the problem herself. At least she can ruminate on a proper gift while they shovel, and she spins on her heel to retrieve the extra shovel leaning against the spa exterior before heading straight back to where she’d been previously clearing the path. Deimos will join her soon enough she’s sure. “What brings you this way? Aside from terrorizing your favorite masseuse.”

and picking up the pieces that were chiseled away

HOTARU

DEIMOS

Heave the silver hollow sliver

A nuisance drew only the bare minimum of mock offense, a pretense of a snort as he wielded the shovel over her head, and began to move away. A brazen movement and motion, turning his back on her and making some imitating gestures, as he sidled closer to the ice and snow lining the pathway. “Perhaps,” was his only response to the jab of devilry and its assortments – reaches of hell plunging along and rooting into his flesh and bone, the undulations of perplexities in his vehemence and violence. For now, there was naught of the sort; no animosity, no hatred, no loathing, no contempt, no adversaries hastening throughout the land. Peace and repose, stillness and stupidity, ridiculous folds of indulgence when the world wasn’t burning down around them.

He turned his head to see her exasperated look, making one dismissive gesture of his hand. “We can come up with something.” The Sword dug into the residual effects of the rime quickly, though contorted additional assistance in the form of his water enchantments, loosening the binding of the glacial expanse, easier to move and maneuver. He tossed his token pile into a larger one, muscles apt and ready, eager to do something, continuing on in his efforts, laughing again when she pondered over what had brought him along these portions. “Patrolling. The other guards are on a break.” He sighed, waiting for some rebuttal about why he wasn’t on one (boredom, and with only his own thoughts to entertain him? Oh no, not today), walking directly into that snare, before proceeding to launch another motion of snow.

Unite and spread the heart apart

I lost who I was, forgot myself in the hands of someone who didn't know me
I'm slowly undoing their devastation, unfolding the corners

She sticks her tongue out at his retreating back, shamelessly utilizing the fact he can’t see her to indulge in more childish inclinations. She loves him, but Gods if he doesn’t give her grey hairs. He’s so lucky she’s blonde and hides it well or she’d have to kill him on principle.

A soft hum of capitulation is his answer to their bartering. He may have nearly everything he could want at his fingertips with his creation magic which makes it more difficult to come up with a fitting payment, but Hotaru is creative. Surely she’ll figure something out.

It’s obvious why Deimos is having an easier time with the snow immediately, but Hotaru does not begrudge him his talents. Especially when they are being utilized to help her own business, child that it is to her. Digging her own shovel into the stubborn ice at his side, Hotaru tunes her ears to his voice as it sheds light on his day. “You were never capable of staying still,” she notes just as he’d expected, both fond and exasperated as she usually sounds when speaking of his habits. “Though I’m glad you came all the same. You did say you had some tales to tell,” she prods with an interested crest of her brow, recalling their conversation during his massage. It’s a masochistic request really; for all she portrays herself as having moved on even to him, she still is barely sleeping at night. Her bed too small, too empty and cold. Nate’s last bite has begun to heal already, and as it fades her heart goes with it, deflated and useless. But she needs to know all the same.

and picking up the pieces that were chiseled away

HOTARU

DEIMOS

Heave the silver hollow sliver

The snow moved and shuffled under his multiple means of power, and the monolith remained content with his motions, unaware of her own sisterly, teasing endeavors behind his figure. Lift and throw, throw and lift, patterns and rhythmical outlets in their maneuvers, permitting him to not fully hone his concentration into the task; snorting at her first insinuation. “There is always something to do,” he noted in return, ready to shift and wrinkle his nose in some childish facet and faction, when a scarcely muted roar and rumble echoed from his stomach. “Like eating, apparently.” Then he emitted a light laugh, shaking his head as the sounds continued and consisted – likely missing some platitude of lunch, based on the way the sun lingered in the sky. “I think I figured out some repayment.”

Thereafter though, while he continued shoveling at her side, she indicated for his stories. They’d kept it under wraps when the General was meant to be relaxing, and then he wondered if it was worth it. If it just invited more of the trauma, more of the distinction, more of the crushing blows – or if it would be a cathartic measure, a way for her to realize she’d made a better choice. His eyes cast downward in a subtle slide, voice quieter. “Do you still want to hear them?” Deimos would leave it up to her – in the sureness, in the certainty, in knowing how the world cracked and fumbled around them consistently. Did it aid in the healing process, or did it forestall it? Half the time he felt like he didn’t know at all.

Unite and spread the heart apart

I lost who I was, forgot myself in the hands of someone who didn't know me
I'm slowly undoing their devastation, unfolding the corners

A huff escapes her, turning into a misted cloud that tickles against her cheeks in the cold. "A convenient excuse, true though it also is," she comments, turning her catlike gaze to him with amusement clear in her mismatched irises. Amusement that only grows and deepens as his stomach growls loudly, fortuitously providing her the exact answer for her retribution and reward. Her own laughter choruses alongside his, the scrape of her shovel underscoring their joviality. "You're in luck then, I have Ursur stew cooking inside. An unintended result of a hunt with Remi." She'd not taken much of the carcass, but considering how rare of a meat it is with how glorious of a beast they are, she'd jumped at the chance to try out a recipe with it.

Their good humors dwindle beneath her question, and for a moment she hesitates after flinging a shovelful to the side. He had not hesitated last time, had he? Why then does he do so now? Is he concerned for her state of mind after their last conversation, or is he reconsidering what the effects of the stories will do to her? Her arrogance demands that he tell her anyway, that she is capable of handling anything he could share. Is she not a Valkyrie? A warrior, a queen? Her anxieties clamor for her to take the out he provides, to back away and remain ignorant of the words of her former lovers. She still wakes up with wet cheeks and hands that seek bodies on either side of her bed that she will never find. Is that not proof enough that she will not handle news of them well?

"Part of me hopes they spoke of me," she says softly, voice strangled and vulnerable as she idly shovels another bit of snow off the path. "The larger part knows they didn't. Or that they defended their actions, and didn't deign to say anything more beyond preserving their own innocence." Her throat closes sharply, and she spends a few moments in silence as she toils away, trying to swallow past the blockage there. Only when she can breathe again does Hotaru consider her next words. "If I'm right...then don't tell me. That will be confirmation enough. I don't...I don't need to be told in detail from another person's side that I did not mean as much to them as they did to me." Her hands grip the wood of her shovel tight. Awaiting his answering silence, and knowing his absence of words will hurt only marginally less than if he were to speak. To say anything else. To tell her they did miss her, that maybe - for once in her life - Hotaru was wrong about her intense, dissecting appraisals of those she met. That her all-seeing gaze had somehow steered her wrong, and that they really had loved her more than she'd accounted for.

But so far, historically? She has never been wrong.

and picking up the pieces that were chiseled away

HOTARU

DEIMOS

Heave the silver hollow sliver

That she’d gone hunting with Remi was intriguing, causing the rise of his brow, but he said nothing in accord – he’d gone out several times last season and they’d come back with ample amounts of ursur, as dangerous and perilous as it’d been. “How fortunate,” he wrinkled his nose in bemusement, gaze only adjusting away from hers as he continued toiling along with the shovel. The nature of the task didn’t dictate his attention, but would provide some ample moments of reflection when her voice continued, when the answer to his inquiry battered against the peace.

He hadn’t hesitated last time, it was true. But Hotaru had wanted to save it for moments where they weren’t purposefully etching the value of a respite and repose into the void, and now he wondered if it was worth the spinning arches of angst and loathing. The softness of her voice, contorted and raw, left him staring down at the ice, at the rime, at the snow, jaw clenching, unclenching, furrowing his brow into deeper fathoms along his features. And what was he supposed to do then? Lie – when they’d barely spoken of her? When he’d mentioned her name and Nate had said nothing? When Sunjata had only waved her name aloft in a myriad of excuses, of apologies made, of moments already gone and done and that he couldn’t do anything about it now?

She’d known them well, then, and perhaps that was the most difficult thing to muster and manage: because they didn’t seem to acknowledge or understand her at all.

And while it only confirmed his suspicions, his judgements, his justifications, what about hers – another time, another place, another undeserving slew of idiots given her attention and ardor, and for what?

So the Sword did what he had often done best, and folded back into silence. More measures, more presiding, more schemes and tactics contorted into his mind, but he couldn’t come up with anything besides the scrape of the shovel across the ice, and the echoes it bounded, resounded, against frameworks of houses and buildings. Only thereafter, on stokes of sighs, did he surmise anything at all – because he wouldn’t give her the pain and torment, because he would always grant her the truth. “You made the right choice.” In leaving them behind.

Unite and spread the heart apart

I lost who I was, forgot myself in the hands of someone who didn't know me
I'm slowly undoing their devastation, unfolding the corners

Fortune is certainly a word for it. The hunt itself had been mostly Remi's work, and the conversation after...well, needless to say Hotaru hadn't made the decision to shovel the pathway entirely without prompting. Needing to chase away the ache inside with a different kind of physical soreness. Head too full, overflowing with thoughts that have no real answer, nothing more than a spiral of conjecture and assumptions. She despises it, hates how they plague her with their half-finished mockeries.

As she speaks, her heart seems to slam against her chest, counting out every second that ticks by. Underscoring Deimos' silence in a damning way. It feels like it's breaking anew - further, if she thought that was somehow possible - and her chest feels tight, like every breath is agony, like there's simply no room for her lungs to expand. Her gloves hide the tremble to her fingers, but there is only the length of her hair to curtain her shattered expression away from him as his silence expounds.

Of course she'd known. So much more than suspected that she was right, and wasn't that the ironic part? She had known all along, and yet had persisted despite it. Was that not the definition of madness? Maybe once she would have called it the definition of love, but Hotaru is beginning to realize she doesn't know what love really means.

Only the sensation of tears - too hot against her windchilled cheeks - seems to jolt her back to life, thrusting her shovel into the snow with a vengeance that hides the shaking of her small frame. Urging her eyes to dry as they stare sightlessly at the loam and ice that she rips free of the cobblestone. When he finally speaks, his words are the only scant warmth to fill the void inside her, and though she tries to cling to his comfort it is hollow in her arms. "I know," she says, but there is no conviction to the words. Only an empty acceptance. She may have made the right choice, but she can't help how she still loves them - and equally hates them, for their ability to move on without her, unchanged and still so happy with each other while she tries to find some sort of purpose out here alone.

They are nearing the end of the pathway, short as it is leading up to her spa, and Hotaru continues her shoveling for nothing if not a distraction from this new agony. "I think...I think I will seek out Frey after we help Remi." A decision. A path to take. Something to give her a way out of this mire.

and picking up the pieces that were chiseled away

HOTARU

DEIMOS

Heave the silver hollow sliver

She could know, and know, and know until the world fell apart and ended, but what weight did it hold? What significance did it bear? He had half an inclination to ask if she’d run back to them, given half a moment, given half a chance, if their stupid, selfish arms were open wide and promising with more vows that would never suffice. Maybe he didn’t want to know; that it was better to remain ignorant of the trials brewing in her soul – incapable of understanding why she’d ever yearn to return to people who only seemed to maim. Out of love? Out of selfishness?

But instead, the Sword dug further into the ice, warring his frustration and irritation into the rime, no longer utilizing his incantations, no need, when the situations were already damning and paramount, when he had nothing else to offer or give. He could insult them until he was blue in the face. He could render them into broken, disillusioned pieces. But it wouldn’t stop her from hurting. Those wounds had long since been set.

Time and distractions. Other motives. Other means. Something else to break up the melancholy.

Which seemed to be rendered on her end, while his mind tossed and turned, while he bludgeoned back and forth and labored between what he was supposed to say – because it never seemed right – inclining his head, pushing away a sigh, breaking it apart in his ribs. “Do you know what you are going to ask?” Over the hot springs, or something else notched between?

Unite and spread the heart apart

I lost who I was, forgot myself in the hands of someone who didn't know me
I'm slowly undoing their devastation, unfolding the corners

His aggression does not go unnoticed, but she knows it is on her behalf and not aimed against her. Her own is the same. They are merely futile and impotent in the face of the decisions and actions of others. Hotaru has no way of knowing his ruminations, and it might be for the better that he doesn't ask if she would return. The answer seems to vary by the hour. Even Hotaru isn't sure these days, which are marked less by the sun and more by how many hours she has been able to go without breaking and reaching out for the backs of the men who left her behind. Regardless of the fact that she'd been the one to leave.

It may only be a distraction, but she values his input on the matter regardless. It is better than silence. Better than sitting and wallowing in this new heartbreak. "If they will Attune me," she answers simply, despite the gravity of the notion. Aware that much like Deimos, her Attunement would likely be incomplete - but it was better than nothing if it meant being close to Frey. "Though I do intend to ask about their help with the springs as well." Whether that would be at the same visit or not would have to be seen.

and picking up the pieces that were chiseled away

HOTARU

DEIMOS

Heave the silver hollow sliver

By the time they’d finished, the furs and jacket had been peeled away, sleeves rolled up to his forearms, the irritation, annoyance, and general precision in his manifestations, in his work, angling the heat to curl through his muscles. A few sighs uttered now and then, long, lingering puffs of air pervading from his presence, gnawing away at the silence he so often finessed and utilized. He didn’t like it now though, because he had nothing to fill it in but his own frustrations and judgement on the matter, and he could shake his head until the day was long, and somehow that wouldn’t seem to stick either. That’s how it all felt recently – for all the blunt, curt, honesty he’d been striving towards, a majority of the time it either ricocheted, reverberated, or resounded into why he’d always maintained the status quo of nothingness. Easier, simpler, to fade into the cracks and shadows.

He raised his head from the final touches, tossing the snow in another wide arch, watching as it fell to where he’d designated. Only thereafter did he glance her way again, pushing a multitude of things down, down, down again, because these weren’t the right moments for mountains or boulders behind his eyes.

They’d talked about these nuances before; some in a joking manner, some amidst the piles of seriousness. “You really want the mosquito shift, hm?” A very Cheshire grin unfurled from there, before placing the shovel back where he’d found it, going to retrieve his coat, the rumble light, away from the darkness of the prior thoughts, miring those away once more. “They should see your value. I have no doubt you will be successful.”

Unite and spread the heart apart