darkness has its teachings

Aurelia

and my hands aren't clean
maybe they never will be

Petrichor punctuates the summer rain, and the sky deepens toward a gray sunset. The markets are closing up, but Aurelia meanders through them asking for anything anyone can spare towards repairing the Slagveld. Even if it's just a tool here and there, she's grateful for whatever people are able to give. At this point, she's obtained a few things that might prove useful - or might not. She's not feeling particularly hopeful about anything in this moment.

She makes her way through the streets, stepping through shallow puddles of water that gather where the walkways have become uneven with use. Her gaze doesn't lift from a leather satchel as she tucks something into it. A cigarette hangs from between her lips, ash fluttering down across her shirt. With what she has thus far, she thinks it'll be enough to at least.. get something done. Something is better than nothing, after all.

It's just here that she runs headlong into someone else, a girl with dark hair and a familiarity Aurelia won't have the mental capacity to place right away. The satchel drops and its contents spill out from within it.

"Shit," she stares down the length of the cigarette towards the ground. "It's fine- I've got it," she says raggedly, waving them off with lightning-scarred hands, hoping they won't insist on helping her.

but they can still carry you home
when you're ready to sleep

Not just a fighter, not just a dreamer
Amazing creator, relentless believer
In who I am and what I got inside

She did not. In fact, hands that had reached out to begin picking up scattered items had frozen mid air, and a cheerful smile was dying on rosy lips.

Seren had enjoyed her day, up until this point. It was her first time back in Torchline for quite a while, and she had been having fun. Going through stalls, eating food, playing catch with Umbra and a gaggle of street urchins, when they tried to steal out of her pockets and discovered, to their immense chagrin, that the pretty girl carried nothing of value on her body.

Now, the flush rising on her cheeks was of mounting anger as recognition flared to life in her eyes. Rather than help; the hand that flashed out sought to catch the other woman's wrist, in a grip that was far from kind.

"Why did you do it?" The accusation was blurted without precursor, as if this was a conversation that had been ongoing for weeks.

Seren

Aurelia

and my hands aren't clean
maybe they never will be

Aurelia freezes in her motions to recollect her things, having barely managed to even begin to stoop down toward them. Lips that surround the filter of a cigarette tighten, feeling it crunch beneath the pressure. Her gaze finally lifts to more fully take in the other woman's face, and it's then that some recognition flashes through her eyes.

Though she knows not name, nor origin, nor loyalties, she knows where she's seen her from. Even if only for a brief moment, through the haze of fire she'd cast, she remembers the glimpse she got of this face.

She could twist her arm away, but something tethers her that goes beyond the physical. A bit of restraint, as well, and the urge is gone. Taking the cigarette with her other hand, she frees her lips to speak. The tension is still present, though it's probable that the girl is holding onto most of it now. Whatever anger or cruelty this girl remembers her for, it's gone now.

"Why did they do it, you mean," she replies coolly, "that isn't a question I have the answer for, but believe me when I say I'd like to know too." At this, she attempts to pull her hand away. "If that's all, there are things I have to do."

but they can still carry you home
when you're ready to sleep

Not just a fighter, not just a dreamer
Amazing creator, relentless believer
In who I am and what I got inside

It sounded a lot like excuses, and decidedly not the answer she was looking for. The lack of guilt in the woman's face annoyed Seren. How could she not be bowed to the ground with remorse, after what she had done?

"They? As in, the dying unicorn that was running away?" Seren let go of the woman's hand when it was withdrawn, but she clearly had no intention of allowing this subject to be dropped. Not without an explanation. "I admit I was not there to see the whole thing from start to finish, but I did see how you murdered an innocent creature that was retreating. What good did that do? Why did you kill it?"

Powers rarely used on others swelled and overflowed. Fixing the other woman with something steely in her bright blue eyes, gravity seemed to suddenly take an interest in her as well. Pulling and tugging, it should make it quite difficult breathe, or stand tall. Or leave, if the unicorn-slayer had been so inclined. Seren was hardly aware of it, and merely glared while slender fingers balled into fists by her sides.

Seren

Aurelia

and my hands aren't clean
maybe they never will be

She's surprised by the sentiment. To speak of the life of a creature as if it measured up to that of a person's. As if she had killed a person. Though, of course, she has. Just not here, not in this world, and very few people know that - though it's a weight she still wrestles against regardless.

But in comparison? Taking that innocent creature's life was nothing to the cruelty Aurelia knows herself capable of. No, she did not even grant it a second thought and not for lack of virtue but for numbness of heart. To her, it was little else than the very tip of that iceberg. A single flake in contrast to a wall of ice.

Or fire, if you prefer a more literal analogy.

As Aurelia turns, she feels the weight of the world shift and encumber. It's enough to make her halt, to force her to halt. Her feet suddenly feel pounds heavier and she shoots a stony glare directly at the girl she thinks she knows is responsible for this sudden, otherwise unexplainable energy. A heated breath billows out slowly through her nostrils.

"They used it to block the doorway, it was only after we attacked it that it moved," she states simply, though she knows that won't be enough of an answer for this bleeding heart, "they risked its life for violence that was unnecessary. If you want to blame me because they aren't here to answer for it, then fine," she lifts her chin - though it's difficult - and her jaw clenches, "blame me."

Her muscles shake with the effort it takes to withstand the power holding her in place. As she glares across at the younger woman in front of her, she can clearly see the innocence within it. Not like a child's innocence, though. It's different, lacking in a worldly understanding. Perhaps she had never seen anything die like that. Aurelia has forgotten what that kind of innocence felt like.

With more empathy in her voice, she quietly says, "I'm sorry that you had to see it, but what's done is done and there is no taking it back. I would that I could." And that goes far beyond the companion.

but they can still carry you home
when you're ready to sleep

Not just a fighter, not just a dreamer
Amazing creator, relentless believer
In who I am and what I got inside

Her jaw set in an angle that was entirely stubborn, Seren met the stony stare of her adversary without flinching. Seeing the woman struggle to move was satisfying in a way, but mattered little when it was her argument that Seren wished to budge.

"And once it moved, you kept attacking," she persisted, growing more heated when nothing she said seemed to even reach the woman. "It was no longer in your way, so why did you kill him? Why? There was no need to go that far!"

It helped not at all to hear that it was something she wished undone. If anything it only made it worse, and Seren shook her head. To her own chagrin she felt tears sting her eyes as the memory of that night came flooding back - fire and smoke, the terrible pain as flame licked her hands, and a young equine outstretched on the ground. Its legs lying long and still, never to run again - and her voice shook with barely contained emotion.

"How can you say that so calmly? You took a life, does that mean nothing to you? Are you really that cold?" Seren hated the pity she thought she saw in the woman's eyes. Another who looked at her like she was an ignorant child - it was infuriating. Just because she cared about something beyond herself.

Seren

Aurelia

and my hands aren't clean
maybe they never will be

Aurelia's gaze doesn't flinch or soften either. She's stubborn, too, and in this instance she knows herself to be right. "There was no need for any of it and it happened anyway. That's life, so get used to it," she says, rather dismissively. She'd laugh at the ridiculousness of this all, if she had it in her. Instead, a grimace furrows her features. If this girl wants to find something, some sort of closure, she will fail miserably in that endeavor - especially here. Years down the road and Aurelia still hasn't even found her own. So yes, when she sees someone cry and try to fight the death of something like an animal, she has to pity such softness.

She steels and leans forward, until her face is inches away. Can she see it there, Aurelia wonders, the killer. Can she see it in her eyes? A lifetime of pain and strife, is it something that can manifest physically or is it really so invisible it can't even be felt? "I suggest you don't ask questions you don't really want the answers to," her voice is low, almost a growl.

but they can still carry you home
when you're ready to sleep

Not just a fighter, not just a dreamer
Amazing creator, relentless believer
In who I am and what I got inside

Again, the girl shook her head. "That's not good enough." Time and time again she asked, yet in no way had the woman answered her. The why of it was still left untouched, skirted around as if it was hot coal, something that could not be touched or gazed upon directly. But Seren was not about to relent; the steel in her gaze only grew more apparent the more the older woman tried to fend her off.

The hard expression and the half-threat did have some effect, though perhaps not the one Aurelia had intended. Flushed, with flashing eyes and balled up fists, everything in the starchild's posture screamed of a willingness to take on the challenge, and she opened her mouth to reply. Only to inhale instead, long and deep. The sigh that followed was a not-so-quiet hiss of frustration. Unclenching her hands, Seren raised one to the face and rubbed the bridge of her nose, as if that might make the tension in her disappear. It did not.

"I do, actually," she replied, and made a visible effort to be nice. Or nicer. "Every day since the fire I have been turning it over in my head. Why it happened, who did it, why you did... what you did." Somehow she managed to avoid spitting out the word 'murder' for a second time, but it was a close thing. "But none of it makes sense. So yes, I do want to know. I am asking because I wish to understand." And because she was angry. And because it felt good to lash out at someone; crying had helped to a point, but there were embers left, smoldering on the inside. Frustration stemming from her own helplessness, her inability to preserve the life she had set out to save.

Sucking down another breath, she took a step back, then held out her hand towards the woman. "Let's try this again. My name is Seren Taliesin. I am Safrin's daughter, and her demi-god. Please, explain to me why you saw fit to end the life of an innocent creature instead of putting out a raging fire, so that I may better understand what actually happened that night." It was a stilted speech, overly formal and without a trace of her usual sunshine smiles or easy-going attitude. But despite the temper sizzling just beneath the surface, the request was sincere.

Seren

Aurelia

and my hands aren't clean
maybe they never will be

Aurelia watches as the girl before her struggles to let this go, wiles against her own flaring temper, and spouts more of her righteousness. There's no anger of Aurelia's own to meet it halfway, no willingness to fight and destroy just because someone thinks differently - even if she believes it is ignorant and, for lack of a better word, unimportant.

She leans back. No, she takes a step back through the weight that wants to anchor her. She'd rather leave this be than be the one to explain hard lessons to a childish girl. This isn't for her to explain. Doesn't this kid have parents? Go ask them why do bad things happen, Aurelia wants to say, but before she can summon the words the girl is stepping back too. She's also extending a hand, which Aurelia stares down at in clear confusion.

The name cuts cold through her memory and her pale green eyes flash back to Seren's face. The explanation of being Safrin's daughter isn't needed after that, though it helps in confirming what Aurelia already knows of Seren's name. Although the attempt is soaked in passive agression, Aurelia ignores it. She takes the hand, grips it tight. "My name is Aurelia Murlow, Arbiter of Torchline."

"You are not your mother," her gaze drifts across Seren's face and there's a coarseness to her tones that she can't quite force out, "I don't owe you anything, so don't pretend otherwise. Let me tell you something now, Seren; the more you try to understand, the darker it gets. What you want me to say is a lot different from reality. I will only tell you the truth, though, since you seem to think you want it."

"I killed that creature, not because it was innocent, but because it wasn't. I'm not from this world, but I know enough from my time here to understand that companions are not just animals, but extensions of yourself," she glances at the dragon companion Seren has, "your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings... your plans. Tell me your companion doesn't know them, doesn't feel them too... You can't. You cannot call a creature innocent when its purpose is to aid in your violence."

"Where I'm from... setting a public building on fire would've been enough to warrant a death sentence. Do you know who was tasked with killing those criminals?" Her brows furrow and her lip curls into an almost-snarl, "Me. And know this, because this is very important to remember: I was glad to do it."

But she doesn't miss a beat here, and this is where her emotions come undone, where her voice shakes and lifts with years of anger, "Do you know why I would take that job in the first place? Why I'd want to kill criminals? Someone killed my father in a fire just like that - for whatever reason, for no reason at all. My entire life was destroyed from that point on. Piece by piece. 'Why' is a question I've been asking my whole life. So don't ask me."

She shakes her head bitterly, eyes glazed over and suddenly her shoulders sag and those hard lines on her face lower. "I don't have an answer."

but they can still carry you home
when you're ready to sleep

Not just a fighter, not just a dreamer
Amazing creator, relentless believer
In who I am and what I got inside

At last, some actual response. Her hand was grasped, eyes locked tight and before she knew it, Seren found herself dragged headlong into Aurelia's world. It shocked her to find that it really was cold. Dark and hard, a shadow-land of shattered glass and sharp edges, where empty chalices lined the path. Drunk to the last bitter drop. Horrified, as much by the pain that must have caused all this as by the harsh truths of the Arbiter's reality, Seren found her anger quelled. Not faded, not stamped out; it was sqashed mercilessly beneath the other woman's bitter rage, like it was a living thing.

Just like that, Seren had her answer. And as Aurelia suspected, it did not make her feel better at all. But... it didn't cause her to flinch away either.

"I am sorry," she said in a tone that had suddenly softened. "About your father, and the pain you had to endure. I have never lost anyone I love; I cannot begin to imagine what it is like." Her fingers squeezed Aurelia's hand when she noticed the sagging shoulders; her magic began to ebb away, but slowly. Turning from a mountain of pressure to gentle support, before bleeding into nothingness.
"You are right, about companions being aware. They are. I do not deny that the unicorn was complicit, in what happened. Innocent... perhaps I was wrong to call it that." Frowning, Seren would let go of the other's hand if she could, while turning the events over in her mind. Re-examining them, as if this viewpoint had shed new light on the matter.

"I still don't think you were right to kill him, though. I understand better why you did, but... Even if he was aiding, even if he was present, it was not the unicorn who set the fire. The laws of your former home is not the laws of Torchline. Should not be, at least, in my opinion." Her shrug admitted her lacking power to decide over those things, frustrating as it was. This might be the region she was born in, but it was not her official home anymore. Even though her heart still tried to get used to that fact.

Stepping back again to give the woman some space - she looked like she needed it - Seren leaned down and picked up a few of the scattered items on the street, forgotten in the heat of the moment. With a weak attempt of a smile, she offered them to the woman. "I am sorry for coming at you like that. I should not have let my temper run away with me... it doesn't happen very often, and I was caught off guard."

Seren

Aurelia

and my hands aren't clean
maybe they never will be

When she is done, and her truths aired, she's hardly noticed the way her hand remains gripped around Seren's. Lost in the chaos of her own story, everything else seemed finite beneath it all.

To think, all she really wants is to be understood. The moment an apology is given to her for all of the wrongs committed within her life, which it so rarely is, she finds her own spark of anger smothered by a supportive strength at her back. The weight lifts off of her and she blinks across at Seren with surprise written along the lift of her own brows.

Seren's hand moves to let go, Aurelia finally notices the way she's held onto it. With a shift in her stance, she drops her hands too. Her stare is almost blank as she settles in the ashes of her selfdom, recognizing that within it there is still so much pain... woven into her veins, fused to her bones. Could anything beautiful ever grow in its place, she wonders, or will her scars mar again and again until there is nothing left?

"I know," she murmurs softly, of the unicorn not being the one to set the fire, of her world's laws having no place in this one. "It's alright," she says with a bit more heart in her words, "you're free to say what you think, everyone here is. It's our prerogative, isn't it? To speak against the things we think are wrong..." She lifts her head and looks up towards the rooftops, where water drips down from the gutters. Her lips purse and she turns her attentions back to Seren, reaching out a hand to touch her shoulder, to gently catch her attention. "I wanted justice, too, and in the moment I thought that was the only way I would ever get it," she admits this openly to Seren. She's tired of being made of flame, all that's left is the dust. "I'm still not sure we will ever catch who did this and, in that respect... I can't say that I truly am sorry for what I did. I'm not, or maybe... I'm numb to it. Regardless, you have to know that I don't want these kind of things to happen again in the future. It isn't what I want for this place." She shakes her head, and the words 'but this is all I know' remain unspoken.

but they can still carry you home
when you're ready to sleep

Not just a fighter, not just a dreamer
Amazing creator, relentless believer
In who I am and what I got inside

The woman appeared dazed, as if the act of telling Seren these things had drained her. As the last ashes of vexation wafted away, a touch of concern reached the blue of her eyes. Was Aurelia alright? It both did and did not seem like it. Until she spoke up again; with every word it was as though the soul returned to her, and the starchild's smile became steadier in response.

"Then at least we can agree about some things," she replied, and touched her fingers lightly to the hand on her shoulder. "I grew up here, you know? It's not where I live anymore, but I still think of Torchline as my home." She still cared about what happened within the region, to its people.  

Suppressing a desire to bite her lip, Seren thought of the little she knew about the incident. She did have a lead for the Arbiter to follow, but... if the result would be more fire and death, then it might be better to remain silent. If. Aurelia did say she wanted to change her approach. "If you don't mind... how would you like things to be? If you were to find out more about what happened that night... what would you do?"

Seren

Aurelia

and my hands aren't clean
maybe they never will be

Aurelia smiles softly in return. It doesn't reach her eyes, though she wishes it could, and she wishes she could've met the daughter of Safrin and Ronin under much different terms. "It's become my home, too," she replies, that smile turning wistful, "I wish it was from the very start." Maybe then, she could've been who she really wanted to be.

At this, she lets her hand brush away from the touch of Seren's fingertips and moves to collect the items she's picked up for her and offered back. The satchel returns to her shoulder and, for a second, it adds to Aurelia's sense of calm, detracting from that scattered and attacked feeling. At least this isn't becoming a bridge burned in the aftermath of all that happened.

Her smile fades quickly at Seren's question, and for a moment she has to wonder if Seren is hiding something from her. Instead of feeding that suspicion, however, she does her best to actually think about her answer.

"I... I can't say that I wouldn't be angry at them still," she admits, "but, as you said... the ways of this world are different from mine, and they should be. You're right about that. My world was a dark place and it would be... a tragedy to bring its values here." Although she can see some of the same sentiments breaking through the cracks like stubborn weeds, she doesn't mention that. "I would want to know why they did it, why they thought they were right. That's all that I'd want. Insight. The rest? The rest would depend on Sunjata. He's the governor and I'm still new to this. It would make sense for him to take the reigns on this case, and it... would probably be necessary."

She straightens her stance, however, and adds rather importantly, "But I trust him. This is his home, too, after all - it was his before it was ever mine, and he was an arbiter before. He has experience in this and he's done a lot to make Torchline a safer place." Including taking on a quest from Safrin herself to protect the shores from the monsoons, a quest Aurelia had taken part of.

"All that I'm trying to do right now is see if I can give him anymore information to go off of when he returns, and... try to keep things from falling apart until then," she chuckles darkly at this, shrugging her shoulders.

but they can still carry you home
when you're ready to sleep

Not just a fighter, not just a dreamer
Amazing creator, relentless believer
In who I am and what I got inside

Handing back the belongings, Seren found her hands empty by her sides once more. A quiet shadow slipping in to press against her legs helped her find purpose in the stillness of merely standing there; she smiled distractedly down at her dragon and listened attentively to Aurelia's reply. What she said, and did not say. Anger was one thing; it had its place, and was not unjustified here. It appeared however that she was not about to run off and spread more fire in the name of vengeance.

That made all the difference. Seren sent a thought of apology to Maeve; then she made up her mind and straightened her shoulders.

"I might be able to help you, if that is the case," she offered, more serious now. "I know the name of the person who was bonded to the unicorn. I don't know if they set the fire, but I was warned to keep their identity to myself. It was believed there would be blame and maybe even violence directed towards that person if people were to find out..."

Seren trailed off, her silence neutral. After seeing how the unicorn was treated, it had not been an unfair assumption. Cocking her head aside, she watched Aurelia, to see how the Arbiter felt upon hearing this. As a peace-keeper, it must surely be important that the people felt safe enough to come to her for help.

Seren