See yourself through my eyes

Consciousness for Remi had come and gone with no reliable indicator over the proceeding few days. Sometimes he was aware enough to try and eat, and other times he'd awake to find himself in different bed-clothes feeling as though he had not moved in days. Today (or..tonight? he had no idea what time it actually was), Remi awoke with a wide yawn. He was still painfully tired, but suddenly his body felt as though if he remained prone for one more second, the agony would be too much. With a breath and through clenched teeth, Remi tried to sit up, immediately feeling the pull of his stitches and cracked ribs doing their best to stifle the movement. Exhaling with a bit of a gasp, the alchemist looked at the ceiling with a defeated sigh. Until... Grinning, Remi raised a hand (with no small amount of pain), and a handle suddenly appeared affixed to the ceiling. With something like triumph on his face (though it was hard to tell given that he'd now not shaved in quite a few days), Remi grabbed the handle, and, with all the strength he could muster, pulled himself into a sitting position. Struggling to breathe through the pain, Remi looked down to notice that he was shirtless and perhaps even more scarcely dressed than that, though he wasn't mobile enough to check. Resting his cheek against the arm still raised and holding onto the handle, Remi closed his eyes, feeling immediately winded and dizzy just from this small amount of activity. remi I always forget that you can't read my mind

Sam had gone home from the infirmary after a day or so, when his injuries were healed enough that for a normal person it would have taken two weeks. He went home and immediately curled up in one of his chairs, staring at the other and willing himself back in time to when Remi had been sat there. It had been awkward, a little uncomfortable...but that was nothing compared to the rawness in his chest now. He visited as often as he could, but Remi was nearly always asleep and Sam just felt like he was in the way of Isla and the nurses. It wasn't like they were really together anyway. They were...something-maybes, almosts. He felt like he didn't deserve to sit at Remi's bedside for too long and would always leave after about half an hour, hugging himself and refusing to look at anyone else upon his exit. It was time for another one of his short visits, a few days since the incident. He had begun to wonder if Remi would ever properly wake up, or if he would just remain a grim totem to Sam's awful mistake. In desperate hopefulness he took some more dried flowers and wrote Remi's name in a flowing script on a little label which he attached to them. Arriving at the infirmary, he walked right away to Remi's room, keeping his head low so he didn't have time to look at someone and convince himself he was bothering them. As soon as he entered, he saw that Remi was sitting up (and shirtless, which drew a widening of his eyes that quickly diminished when he remembered the context) and paused for just a moment. "Remi..? I-it is me, Samuel. I hope..I know you m-might be...mad at me. But...I b-brought you some flowers..." He took a few nervous steps forward and placed them on the counter beside him, looking to Remi then casting a confused glance at the handle coming from the ceiling. Had that always been there..? Samuel I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind All of these words

The movement and sound caught his attention, and Remi's eyes opened just soon enough to catch the look of disgust? horror? surprise? that came over Sam's face seeing him. The alchemist could only wonder absently at his appearance (presumably at some point he'd been bathed, as he wasn't covered in blood or dirt anymore, but he couldn't imagine that he looked at all presentable). With a wince, he raised his free hand to his ribs, halting half-way there with his fingers trembling above the bandages. His arm refused to move more than that, and so shakily his hand fell to his lap. Despite the pain and the way his pale cheeks and puffy red skin around his eyes made them appear entirely too green, Remi smiled at his friend. It is me, Samuel. As if Remi didn't know that, the adorable awkwardness of it making Remi smile deeply. "Hey Sam—" Remi said softly, his voice hoarse and sounding all the more thickly accented for it. Trailing Sam's hands to the flowers, Remi's smile turned slanted and he sighed a weary and bashful sort of sound as he turned his gaze back up towards the copper-haired man. "Mad at you?" Remi asked, his smile faltering. Pulling up on the handle as if meaning to stand, Remi succeeded only in proving that 1. no, he was not wearing anything beneath the blanket which had begun to slip, and 2. he could not do a one-armed pull up in his current condition. Sinking back down, he shook his head miserably. "Sam you saved my life—" He continued, reaching out the hand which had fallen in his lap to try and reach for one of Sam's and bring him closer if the man would allow. "I would have died if not for you." Remi said, pale eyes shining with weariness and adoration as he gazed across at Sam. remi I always forget that you can't read my mind

Sam was about to say yes, mad, as if it were obvious when his eyes immediately were drawn to where Remi's blanket slipped and with a cough, he pulled them back up. This was absolutely not the time for any of the thoughts that view could give him (though the sight of the scars on Remi's ribs was more than enough to deter him from that path anyway). He shook his head to try and get Remi to stop moving but was shocked to hear Remi say he'd saved his life. Sam let his hand be taken, confusion shocking him into obedience for the moment. "N...no, Remi, you m-must be remembering wrong." He said, moving to sit on the edge of the bed (making sure he was not sitting on Remi at all). "I...I c-collapsed your...magic...a-and choked you. I didn't s-save your life. I..." His voice changed to a horrified whisper. "I...ne-nearly killed you. I'm sorry. You w-would be c-completely justified to hate me." Samuel I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind All of these words

Strangely, most of Remi’s friends had seen him naked in one capacity or another. It was usually not intentional, but nor had the alchemist ever been particularly shy of his body. No Adonis was Remi, but nor was he unnecessarily modest when it came to his body. Having hardly noticed the slight slipping of his towel revealing the crease of his hip, he sucked in a surprised sort of gasp as Sam’s hand without hesitation reached with a trajectory that appeared to be headed directly between his legs. Completely unable to move in any sort of way to defend or question (leaving the question of whether he would have moved out of the way if he could, entirely unanswered), Remi watched with something like amazement as the ascended merely adjusted the fabric. With a bashful sort of laugh, Remi smiled slyly and nodded. “Sorry about that.” He mumbled, feeling a twinge of heat rushing into his cheeks. As Sam sat next to him on the bed, Remi winced as the mattress moved, finding himself unable to turn towards the man. Awkwardly he tried to look over his shoulder, but given the straightenness his torso demanded, it felt strangely like trying to have a conversation with someone who remained in your peripheral vision. “I would not have been able to hold that bear off on my own, had you not joined me. And collapsed earth or not, I would have died in those woods had you not brought me here. Besides—” Remi added with a shallow laugh that made him wince in pain, “I am a commoner after all. A little dirt is not something I am unused to.” Wanting very much to turn towards Sam and finding himself frustrated by his complete inability to twist his body, Remi gripped the handle he was holding as he released an annoyed breath, finally relaxing his shoulders with a resolved sigh. “Sam.” He said softly, but sternly, pulling the man’s hand onto his lap and clasping it beneath both of his. “You saved me.” He repeated. “You.” With a laugh that sounded easy, but was actually quite painful, Remi let his curly head droop as a grin spread across his lips. “I suppose I owe you an apology as well.” He said with a sly smile, glancing sideways at Sam. “As far as second dates go, I think that was probably about as bad as it could have gone.” remi I always forget that you can't read my mind

Sam shook his head to dismiss the apology. If he was being truthful it wasn't a sight he minded seeing,  anyway. Remi seemed convinced that Sam had in fact been his saviour,  not the man who had almost doomed him to being buried alive. While this was to Sam wildly and obviously untrue... it was also wonderful. To not be pushed from the bed in a rage,  told they would never have anything again; his nightmares of the moment fled in the reality of it. As his hand was taken Sam shifted so he was facing Remi more,  leaning in close now that he knew it was alright.  "I..I couldn't l-let you die, Remi. Y..you're important to me. " It was the boldest romantic statement he wished to make right now with where they were,  one he could say with truth and conviction. "Well..." He said with a smile, tilting his head with a joking shrug. "I-I've never had a second d...date at all. So it's the b-best one I've had. And..." Sam closed his eyes and summoned all his bravery.  "Maybe we c- could have a th..third? Soon?" But that was unimportant really, in the face of Remi's condition. "B .but anyway. How do you feel? I came... before. B-but you were asleep. " Samuel I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind All of these words

Remi found himself surprisingly comfortable with Sam's proximity. While it was true that since some of the events Loren had all but forced him into in Northaven he'd become much more comfortable with men close to and touching him, he found the easiness with which Sam just sort of fit himself around the alchemist undeniably easy. Then again, after all their harrowing adventures together perhaps that wasn't so much of a surprise. "I did not want anything to happen to you either...I am just sorry I could not do more to prevent it. Though Isla told me before my surgery that you were alright.." With a shallow chuckle that sent rivets of pain ricocheting through his torso, Remi nodded. "Perhaps this time we can avoid mutant bears and anything else that might try to kill us." He said leaning slightly to nudge Sam's shoulder with his own. "I would say now, but I am afraid all I am good for is laying down, and trying not to move much." Remi added with a crooked grin that quickly dissolved into a grimace of pain. "Isla tells me that I should be fine. She is quite talented, though I imagine I will have quite the scars when this is all over." Wincing through a bit of a shrug (it was amazing how quickly his mind forgot about his injuries despite how often his body reminded him). remi I always forget that you can't read my mind

"I su-suppose this could be a date. J..just an atypical one. B-but I am happy. That you are o-okay." Sam smiled and squeezed Remi's hand. Any time spent together with Remi was good to him right now. What had begun as an odd thought was swiftly becoming a full crush that had hearts circling in his mind when he saw the smile in Remi's eyes even after all they'd been through. He looked down at Remi's wounds. Neatly stitched though they were, it still made him wince to see the heavy red lines dragged through the skin, darkened bruises along his sides. "I think...Sc-scars can be handsome. Interesting. If th-they don't hurt you...it's just..t-to show you fa..faced something and came through the o-other side." Sam lightly touched Remi's shoulder just off his scar. The touch was gentle, almost a caress, and illustrated his point. "Yo-you know. If you don't have plans for the L-longnight...you might n-need someone to care for you. You...you will still be recovering. Y-you could come to my h-house. Have the bed. ...Jigano...m-might be there, but probably not. If...if you wanted to." Samuel I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind All of these words

"A-typical seems to be our thing." Remi said casually with the beginnings of a grin on his lips, though the words abruptly stalled as soon as they left his tongue, and Remi found himself blinking down at their clasped hands. Our thing. The alchemist swallowed, suddenly feeling...what exactly? The problem was that he didn't know. Before he might have just ignored the feeling, but with Jigano's criticisms so bright in his mind, now Remi worried about the ramifications of his actions in a way he never quite had before. Remi flinched slightly under Sam's touch as goosebumps blossomed beneath the man's fingers. Every bit of him felt raw and Sam's touch was almost too much , though he endured with a shaky smile. At the mention of LongNight, Remi nibbled the inside of his lip. He'd forgotten all about it, and suddenly felt incredibly hindered by the state of his body. What use would he be now, if something were to happen? With an incoherent sort of grumble, Remi tilted his head towards Sam as if just now comprehending what he'd said. "I had told Vai I would help at the Rathskeller.." He said, voice trailing off slightly as if now considering other possibilities. Although..."Jigano?" Remi inquired, trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible. The alchemist could not imagine anything that would probably cause Sam more stress than the sure-to-be-icy silence between himself and the bard, especially if the three of them were caged up together in one house for a week. With a weary sort of sigh, Remi reached for the handle above him once again. "I need to lay down." He murmured gently, giving Sam's hand a slight tug. "But...stay. Maybe you could close the door?" Trying his best to rotate in the bed while at the same time basically not moving his torso at all, Remi held his breath, the occasionally exhaled a steady stream of agonized air, before sucking in another breath between his teeth. Eventually though, he managed to find himself more or less prone on the bed again, sides heaving, face flushed, with a bit of blood blooming through the gauze on his stitches. Shimmying to the side, he'd left enough room for Sam to sit—or lay down— on the bed as well. remi I always forget that you can't read my mind

Sam found the same odd pleasure and anxiety in the phrasing 'our thing'. It was a promise, almost, a new level of intimacy and an establishing of them as a part, not apart. He looked at their hands, squeezed Remi's fingers. "I-I'm afraid that..that's the side effect of b-being with me." The words were almost sad except for the smile on his face that shaped them. "Ah...I...was in-invited to the Rathskeller as w-well. But I was worried I'd be t-too awkward." Maybe if Remi was there it wouldn't be so bad. Edy had mentioned a private room in case he'd wanted it, if they wanted any moments together. He thought at first he was being abruptly dismissed then Remi told him to stay. With a surprised, delighted expression he got up and to the door, shutting it - though his face fell when he saw Remi's pain at getting back down. "Don't strain y-yourself. E...especially not for me." He said, moving to take off his shoes and lay on the bed next to Remi almost without thought, wanting to comfort. For a second it did remind him awfully of the last time they'd laid together, trapped and bleeding. Trying his best to shake the thought, Sam reached to hold Remi's hand. He laughed quietly after a moment and turning his head to Remi whispered: "Y-Y'know...wh-when we st...started to go on dates, I didn't think being in b-bed would mean this." Samuel I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind All of these words

"And here I was told that I was the dangerous one." Remi murmured with a grin. In the back of his mind he wondered just how displeased Jigano would be to hear Sam so cavalier about the unnecessary risks he was taking at Remi's behest. Biting back on the smile that had formed, Remi swallowed uncertainly. He had thought he knew what he was doing once...but now he wasn't so sure anymore. "Awkward? Why?" Remi asked with a curious (and decidedly avian) tilt to his head. Not for the first time, Remi was surprised by just how easy certain things came to Sam. The way he slipped into the bed next to Remi as if he'd been doing it for years made something around Remi's heart simultaneously harden and melt all at the same time. With what felt like a heroic amount of effort, Remi lifted himself slightly, causing his ribs to shuffle and screech in pain, so he could slide an arm behind Sam's head. "Just—" He gulped through a roar of pain as his lashes fluttered with the focus it took to not cry out. "—my side—" Remi finished. On his back as he was, the side nearest to Sam unprotected by his arm, was now fully at the ascended's mercy. Tilting his head towards Sam as well, green pouring into blue, Remi laughed softly, hardly needing much sound at all given how close the other man was. "Oh, so you had something else in mind then?" Remi quipped, his nose scrunching slightly with silent teasing laughter. "I told you I did not know much about dating." I've only had sex on library floors and beds that have broken and in the back of my shop— But of course that went unspoken. But it was still true. Doing things nicely and in the right order was an entirely foreign concept to the alchemist. But then again, he had kissed Sam after only about an hour of knowing him and had had his hands all over him shortly thereafter, so perhaps this wasn't as unfamiliar territory as he'd like to believe. remi I always forget that you can't read my mind

"Who...t-told you you were dangerous?" Sam asked with an amused frown. He had hardly ever heard a bad word about Remi, only slight nervousness from Jigano...but no one could say he was dangerous. Remi, at least in his human form, was about as threatening as a kitten, which was half of the reason Sam liked being around him so much. He was surprised that Remi moved to put an arm under him, knowing it probably hurt. Sam opened his mouth to object but finding that he quite liked the feeling of being so close didn't have the heart to do it. But he was very conscious of Remi's side, leaving a gap so he did not hurt him there. Instead he left his arm underneath himself (which now he could feel the pins and needles in, but Remi's comfort was more important) and held Remi's hand close with his other. It was good to see Remi laugh. "I...I d-don't know much...much either. But I d-don't think this is how the first time in b-bed is meant to go." Sam laughed himself, dipping his eyes to look down and away from Remi as he considered the subject matter a little. But the thought did bring another question to mind. One that was probably ill timed, but he had wanted to ask it during their second date... "...Um..s-so...what would you...s-say we were..? A-as in. Us. Are we...are w-we an...us?" It was definitely too early to be asking this, but Sam was so eager for the answer, to be able to put definite words to things. And admittedly, they had been through more together than the majority of people who had only been on two dates had been. Samuel I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind All of these words

Had Remi been the revenge-seeking or grudge-holding kind, this likely would have been the perfect moment to thrust a wedge between Sam and Jigano. Jigano did. Do you know he all but said I should stay away from you? But, no matter what the bard thought, Remi wasn't anything of the sort, and so he merely smiled softly and shook his head. "Someone who...I think was trying to be helpful." The alchemist said, choosing his words carefully, but then shrugging it off rather carelessly. With a chuckle Remi watched as Sam averted his gaze. "Well one of us is naked, so I suppose we are not too far off the mark." He said lightly. Remi had meant the question playfully of course, but given that Remi knew Sam didn't have any experience in this particular field, perhaps the question was a bit unfair.  Smiling at the non-answer, Remi let his head sink gratefully into the pillow before, leaning towards Sam enough that...well, if the man had been breathing, Remi would have felt it. The ascended's question was...in the big scheme of things not so surprising. Though given Remi's history something in the words made him shiver a little. If he had had the courage to ask this of Loren, instead of just blurting out that he loved him, would he have at least said goodbye? Swallowing, Remi shifted as much as he could, which was to say hardly at all. The only way to be closer to Sam was to put pressure on his ribs which was hardly an option, no matter how determined he was. Pulling the hand in Sam's across his torso to try and draw Sam closer, Remi leaned forward as much as his healing body would allow to try and press their lips together. Unlike the kiss in the cave, Remi would not allow this to be hasty or rushed. No frantic pawing, instead would try to elongate the sensation of their lips brushing and then pressing together. He could not hold Sam the way he normally would have, but the hand wrapped around his closed more firmly, his thumb stroking the side of Sam's hand. For all his good intentions though, heat flushed his cheeks and Remi found himself inhaling a surprised breath - surprised because despite the pain spider-webbing through him, there was something else there now as well. Something good. Something that cried out for more. Reclining slightly and letting out a muffled breath, Remi shrugged ever so slightly. "I do not know." He whispered, though there was a smile on his lips as he searched Sam's pale blue gaze. remi I always forget that you can't read my mind

Someone...it seemed Remi wasn't going to elaborate. Sam didn't push, not yet; he was still curious but was still feeling out what was alright in this relationship, where he could ask more and where he couldn't. But those boundaries seemed to be increasing every time they met, at least. Remi mentioned that he was naked and instead of being mortified at the reminder, Sam laughed and hardly minded. At first Remi was quiet after his question, making Sam worry he'd managed to put his foot in it now even after all this time, but then...he let his hand be taken, letting Remi lead the way assuming he'd know best how to avoid the pain. He would have been content there, just to be laying closer; being kissed was almost enough to start his long-dusty heart beating again. Sam closed his eyes and leaned in, just the slightest pressure on Remi's lips. He was too nervous of hurting him to be too passionate, but even just the light kiss was enough to make him smile for days. Even the vague answer couldn't take the joy out of his eyes. Sam reached up to cup Remi's face and pressed a kiss to his cheek before he spoke, just thrilled to have apparent permission to do so. "W..well. If...if you k-kiss me I suppose I d-don't mind what the name is. B-but you should probably wait til you've re-recovered to do it more. I w-will be patient." He promised with a nod, half-joking and half-serious. He could hardly believe how happy he was given the context he was in. "I...um. I j-just want to say thank you. F-for giving me a ch-chance. A lot of people...b-because I stutter, or I'm nervous...they think I'm..." Sam frowned suddenly, getting distracted in his tangent. "Stupid. Or ch-childish. But you treat me like...I am. And I...th-thank you. No one has ever wanted me b-before." Samuel I hear in my mind All these voices I hear in my mind All of these words