Meandering magic

Sah

Only in the dark
of night

Sah's eyes narrowed further as Aurelia spoke, remaining silent as pieces of the puzzle began falling into place. From where Sah was standing, and from what he knew, there was far more going on behind the scenes then the woman was stating. Possibly, more than she knew. Sah knew that Deimos and Sunjata didn't get along. Yet he knew that both were loyal to Safrin more or less. That would logically place them on the same side.

And despite the situation with Sunjata an Hotaru, Sah didn't see the Sword as petty enough to attack a guild over a separation. At least, he really fucking hoped not. Was it possible that the conflict was over whatever Safrin had planned? Maybe the two didn't agree on how to go about it? Or was there something else going on? Sah felt his stomach drop. Even Ronin had described the goddess has somewhat manipulative. Was it possible that she was pitting the two against each other?

The last bit of Aurelia's statement had Sah nodding in understanding. In his view, the woman had defended what was hers, and she'd done so viciously. A small smirk came to his face. "Well. I might interrogate Deimos when I get home, try to get some answers out of him. As for you?" His smirk grew, a hint of both approval and minor disgust present. "Killing a companion in general is fucked up and I don't agree with it. I'd have saved it as a last resort if the circumstances allowed it. But from what I'm hearing, you did your fucking job and I can't fault you for it." He didn't approve of her killing Hotaru's companion in the slightest, but Aurelia had every right to defend her home. And the rage that came with such circumstances certainly explained such a drastic and heartless choice.

do the stars
shine bright

Aurelia

How come silence is so loud in the shadows?
I wanna scream 'til it's on

"You can do with this information what you wish. Whether or not confronting them is smart..." she tilts her head and shrugs her shoulders, leaving the rest of the sentence up for him to interpret. If he wanted to entangle himself in this issue, that was up to him. The people already in this shitstorm don't want to be, she knows that for certain, but she can also understand why he would want to seek the answers out for himself. "Just don't expect much. You're not going to get any straight answers that way." No, she imagines he will receive a long spiel about why they were right. Which is exhausting just to think about.

As for Sah's next words, they only barely seem to be matched by his expression. There is some disdain evident beneath the stark look of approval he gives her, which has her head cocking to one side curiously and her brows lowering.

A half-smirk furrows against one of her cheeks and she crosses her arms over her chest. Geez, he sure is opinionated. Still, there's something deeper hidden behind her demeanor; something dark and festering. Like a disease... or a parasite, digging in its claws even further. She cracks for a moment as it shoots a pang through her heart, enough to make her chest cave, and she drops her closed-off stance. "I stand by my actions, regardless. You should know, however, that I don't feel guilt for taking that life. There are plenty more I've taken, that were fuller, that were entirely human, whose death impacted more than a single person. Those lives... those were not worth taking, and I will atone for those before I'll beg for forgiveness over a horse that was intentionally put in the line of fire." Quite fucking literally, as well. Looking him up and down, she adds, "Not everyone is as merciful as you, you'll find."

Tell my feet they should run
but they don't follow

Sah

Only in the dark
of night

At Aurelia's warning, Sah gave a nod. "I'll keep that in mind if I chose to pursue it."  The woman was likely right about how the questions would be dodged. He would have to be careful in his approach if he chose to bring it up with Deimos.

Her spiel made the Outlander raise a brow. "Oh, I know." Really what more could he say to that? It was clear that Aurelia had accepted her choices and didn't regret them.  But she seemed to have missed his point, and so he added, "Personally, my only issue with killing a companion is that it involves destroying a fragment of someone's soul. If it was just a pet, I wouldn't have the same issue. When I kill, I try not to mess with such forces. The outcomes in my world of a shattered soul often just lead to massacres and other tragedies. I don't think Caido has the same issue, but back home, they often went insane to the point that their own families would join the fight to put them down and out of their misery. Messy business, more trouble then it was worth in the end." Truly, what was the point of removing a single minor threat when it led to a multiple massive ones?

And then she called him merciful. And Sah couldn't help it, a small laugh slipped from him. After he recovered, a cynical grin appeared, but there was a hint of almost self-loathing present. "Oh believe me. I'm not merciless. There's more blood on my hands then you'd expect. Possibly more than you can imagine." He gave her an appraising look. "War is hell. Though something tells me you might know a thing or two about that." She had that air about her. Maybe she'd fought in one, maybe not. But Sah was willing to bet that Aurelia had at least seen the aftershocks of one.

do the stars
shine bright

Aurelia

How come silence is so loud in the shadows?
I wanna scream 'til it's on

Aurelia's brows lift when Sah explains his point of view, not having expected him to actually have a conversation about it. Rather than continuously point fingers and blame and insults or what-have-you, he actually wants to talk it out. Aurelia's at a loss for words for a moment, except for what little else she says about mercy, to which he has his own response for as well. A response that also surprises her.

"I've never been apart of a war..." she tells him, "at least, not the typical kind. War isn't always fought in glorious battles on wide open fields, between two kingdoms. Sometimes it's done from the shadows, out of plain view. Sometimes it's just pure chaos, with no clear lines as to who is right or wrong. Though, I guess you might already know that," she glances down, before lifting her gaze back up again, "I've spent my entire life fighting. I will never claim to be a good person, because I know that I'm not. But that... does not mean I don't feel regret. Or that I don't want to be better." Not that it makes much difference. "I wish things could have ended up differently that night, with the Slagveld and Hotaru's companion. But if I were to be able to go back, I'm not sure that I'd have done anything differently... That would require... going all the way back." To the very beginning. And even then, things would have to change for more than just her.

"You can lose a part of your soul to many things. Life, love, loss... it all leaves its marks, and none of us are unscathed. I don't pity people for that, and I certainly won't make exceptions for it, and you shouldn't either. That is what it means to have a soul... that you will lose parts of it to the things you love. There is no avoiding that, unless you close yourself off completely." These words are spoken despondently, as if she knows from personal experience and - if her words are any indication - she does.

Tell my feet they should run
but they don't follow

Sah

Only in the dark
of night

Sah's lips twitched, giving Aurelia a nod. He did know that of war. Had seen it, participated in it. Aurelia's words about her own past, brought an understanding look to Sah's face. "That I understand. Sometimes... doing what is best given the circumstances, isn't what's right. I struggle with that constantly. Because when it comes down to the wire, I'll compromise my morals to protect my loved ones. To do what I have to do." His expression was grim, but not regretful. There were things that he wished could have gone differently but just as Aurelia mentioned, in those circumstances he'd likely make the same choices.

As for souls, Sah nodded in agreement. "Love and loss can break your soul but those are injuries that can heal. I meant physical injuries to the soul. The kind that cause a physical loss of mind and/or will that you can't recover from. In my world, loss like that only ever came from losing something magically or physically bound to your soul such as a familiar or companion. That level of loss was devastating. The victims went through a slow descent into insanity, and often forgot their own names and histories. All they knew was rage and grief."

Sah's expression was grim as he remembered the few rare cases he'd seen. Letting out a sigh he turned a contemplative look toward Aurelia. "I was under the assumption that companions worked the same way in Caido, but perhaps I was wrong?"

do the stars
shine bright

Aurelia

How come silence is so loud in the shadows?
I wanna scream 'til it's on

His understanding garners a new appreciation from Aurelia, who so very often feels misunderstood, feels like she explains up and down and yet people so rarely.. actually.. understand. No, more often than not they want to condemn her, the implication is often that she must prove she is worthy of others' approval - or forgiveness. While she understands them for that, they don't often extend the same understanding to her.

So any defensiveness Aurelia feels left, any bristle against Sah, it dissipates. Even as he goes on to say how he believes the companion death injures a physical part of one's soul. "If there's one thing you'll hear a lot, Sah..." she says, "it's that this world is not your old world. You can't expect your knowledge to translate so flawlessly across borders that huge. Trust me, I would know." She chuckles and shakes her head, laughing more at herself and her own awkward experiences than anything else.

"I've never had a companion, and I do not wish to... You are asking the wrong person," she admits, "but from what I've seen, they're merely bonded to you in a way that's... different. I'm sure that it hurts, to lose a companion, just as it would hurt to lose a friend or a loved one. But.. as for physical injuries to the soul? I don't know," she shrugs, "I always though the whole point of a soul was that it isn't physical at all."

Tell my feet they should run
but they don't follow

Sah

Only in the dark
of night

Sah gave a small shrug, his lips witching slightly. "Fair enough. There have been a few... incidents already." He admits, his own tension dissipating as Aurelia's does. Adjusting to Caido had been a trip in itself. Adjusting from what he was to human? Even harder. A chuckle escaped him. "I wasn't even human in my world, so I'm sure you can imagine the kind of bullshit scenarios I've gotten myself into already."

As for the nature of souls, Sah gives a low hum, contemplating how to explain. "I don't mean physical like a bone. I mean.. physical in the same way magic is. Just as your magic runs through your body, your veins, the soul was somewhat physical in my world. Metaphysical, is that the word?" He let out a sigh, a small shake of the head. "I don't fully understand it myself. All I knew was that in my world, it could be damaged beyond repair in a literal sense. It's a little relieving to hear that it's likely not the same in Caido." His eyes went to Lilly who was still running around excitedly. How she had so much energy, Sah had no idea.

do the stars
shine bright

Aurelia

How come silence is so loud in the shadows?
I wanna scream 'til it's on

Aurelia cocks her head to one side curiously, not matching his chuckle with any amount of humor but rather confusion. "If you weren't human, what were you?" She asks, her tone almost cautious. It has a rather negative connotation, that phrasing, but Sah seems as if he's not a bad person so she has to wonder what it could possibly mean.

Her eyebrows raise a fraction with the realization of what Sah means by 'physical'. Metaphysics isn't a subject she's familiar with. Aurelia is not the... philosophical type, unfortunately for this conversation. She has often been steeped in logic and reality, harsh is it is, and has had to deal with the repercussions of things that can be plainly seen, plainly felt. Souls? It's not as if the subject doesn't interest her... but...

"What you say may be true," she says, tone softening for just a moment before she grows guarded again, "but I can't dwell on things that are not plain to see. Any one of our actions at any point might hurt someone, whether that's.. emotionally or in their soul, as you say. But we can't base what we do around that. We can't control how people feel, so.. there is no use in stressing over it." She sighs heavily, because already this is setting a tremendous weight on her mind.

"Consider this. I could have killed Hotaru, if I so chose to turn my magic against her. There was a reason I didn't do that, it was not all.. impulse. Would it be worse to kill a person or to kill a companion?" Her brows furrow and her chin inclines towards him slightly.

Tell my feet they should run
but they don't follow

Sah

Only in the dark
of night

Sah chuckles slightly at Aurelia's clear caution. "I was a magical beast to put it as simply as I can." Her reservations are understandable, the connotations of his past were rather daunting. So, he added a small tidbit to ease the tension from it, a playful smirk. "Thumbs were a new concept for me. Learning how to use them was rather fun."

He could certainly see her point on emotional damage. Her question however had Sah pausing to think, brows furrowed he considered the hypothetical situation. After a moment of quiet contemplation he gave his answer. "If companions were bonded to souls the same way that they were in my world, I'd say it's actually be better to kill the person. Otherwise the resulting agony and madness that can't be cured would take root." That fate was too cruel, too unethicality to purposefully inflict on someone unless it was the only option.

Sah gave a small sigh as he continued. "But if companions in Caido are as you say they are, then I agree that killing the companion is best. the person will be emotionally hurt, but not beyond repair. Does that make sense?" The Abandoned wasn't sure if he was explaining his view in a way that could be understood.

do the stars
shine bright

Aurelia

How come silence is so loud in the shadows?
I wanna scream 'til it's on

The truth of where Sah comes from provides her with a bit of relief, however, which is evident in the way her brows relax and she shifts her weight back on one heel. "Oh, that's not.. so bad.." she eyes him, "though I'm sure it's been an adjustment. I was recently Attuned, and getting used to the form of a beast has been a journey all its own. So... in a way, I can understand that. Having a tail is a bit weird..." She glances around at the ground before stepping toward him and leaning in a little closely. "How do you control it?" She asks in a hushed tone, even though they're the only ones out here. Her eyes hold no humor, in fact they are widened; this question is completely serious.

Sah explains his stance on the moral dilemma of a human life compared to its companion's life, and for once, Aurelia can find herself in agreement. "Perhaps we should both learn more about companions, then. So that we can make more enlightened decisions later on. Maybe we can return to this conversation another time, when we know more..." She does have to say, while she's never been very philosophical before, this conversation had been... pleasant. In a weird, roundabout way. And, in that way, she hopes to speak to Sah again sometime - perhaps in the near future.

Tell my feet they should run
but they don't follow

Sah

Only in the dark
of night

Aurelia's hushed question has Sah stifling a laugh. The question is surprisingly innocent for someone with a presence like Aurelia's. But it's a completely valid one nonetheless, and Sah does his best to answer it honestly. He gives her an apologetic smile. "You mostly don't is the thing. It does what it wants. You can make it do specific things, but in general it just reacts to your emotions and surroundings. Same as the ears. Trust your tail, it'll sometimes pick up on things before the rest of you does." The former canine reassures her as best as he can.

Some things, such as new body parts, take time to fully grasp. "It might help to observe. See when and how it reacts, and to what. Then it'll stop being such a surprise when it moves." Sah tries to at least offer some solid advice on the matter.

Aurelia's suggestion brings a nod of agreement, a small smile. "That sounds good. We can compare notes on what we find." Sah looked forward to that talk. He too didn't generally debate such abstract things as souls, at least not on the daily. Morals, maybe. But regardless this conversation had been fun and he definetly wouldn't mind continuing it sometime.

do the stars
shine bright

Aurelia

How come silence is so loud in the shadows?
I wanna scream 'til it's on

Sah will find that Aurelia is not all fire and flame, but perhaps that isn't obvious in comparison to the strong front she tends to put up. At his apologetic smile, she leans back with a slightly surprised addition to her features.

But his advice is actually appreciated, and she gives him an earnest look as she listens. "Right, like my ears moving when I'm listening to something," she adds on, understanding more fully now, "I thought animals had more control of it. But it's more like a reflex, I suppose."

She straightens up and nods once, affirmatively, offering a small smile at the prospect of meeting him again and having as interesting of a debate. This, she's learning, is a much better way of hashing out differences with people. Perhaps more people would be open to these avenues of communication if only she offered them.

"I look forward to it, Sah. Feel free to send me a letter in Torchline when you want to meet. That's Aurelia Murlow," she reminds him.

---

fin

Tell my feet they should run
but they don't follow