a few honest words

'Cause either I get there or don't, Those are both things that I know

The evening has waned and, as the sky begins to darken, a silvery sheen spreads across the heavens. Aurelia makes her way up to the top of the lighthouse where Safrin's shrine awaits. The candlelight provides a subtle, warm glow to the room. When she enters, holding something within her arms, she sighs quietly. Whether it is a sigh of relief or a sigh of apprehension, even she can't quite tell.

She's different now than she was the last time she spoke to Safrin. She's been changed in several ways. She's changed from the experiences since; by the mysterious event in the Oerwoud, by the lightning scars that swath across her body, by the steps forward and leaps backward she's taken.

"Safrin, I'm sorry I haven't come sooner," she says suddenly, "after the Slagveld was set fire, I've been trying to heal, and see things through for Sunjata - for Torchline. It hasn't been easy. Even after getting to the bottom of it, I'm still just as confused ... and angry."

"But the shield you gave me - Safrin, it saved me that night. And Milo... if he hadn't found me, healed me, I might have died. Without your shield, I would never have seen him again, let alone seen another day. I wouldn't be standing here."

Her grip around the pot in her arms tightens but, after taking a breath to resolve, she steps forward to place it deliberately upon the shrine.

It's a pristine white pot, well-crafted by steady hands not her own. Within it, however, are the fruits of her own labor. Beautiful flowers have been grown from seeds in the richest soil she could find. The leaves are deep and green, the flowers a special sort - Gardenia. They bloom only at night, which felt fitting, and so the thick white petals have opened up into rose-like flowers even though the sun has set.

"So I thank you, Safrin. For giving me a chance, I owe you my life. I already promised it to you but, I'll make that promise a thousand times over. Because I..." she frowns deeply, kneeling there before her offering, "I still need you, and I hope that you can forgive me for my mistakes... So much is unfolding. The tension over the Old Gods and the Voice; the attack on the Slagveld. People are making their moves, drawing their lines. Time keeps ticking away. And yet I'm still dealing with my own battles. I don't know that I'm ready for what's coming."

Aurelia

noone notices the contrast of white on white

Sweet sea breezes streak in from the windows of Safrin's lighthouse. They curl around Aurelia, tugging at her dark hair and splaying over her changed skin like curious fingers.

'What battles are you still fighting, changed one?' A voice wonders, coming seemingly from a pool of darkness in one of the corners. "Would killing the one who nearly killed you ease your mind? I know the name of that one, if you should wish to trade for it."

'Cause either I get there or don't, Those are both things that I know

The stir of wind against her face, at first, is a normal and accepted feeling. It's just the breeze, after all, but suddenly it feels a bit... more than that. There's a voice that follows in its gentle wake, and Aurelia's gaze turns toward it.

"I'm fighting against myself," she admits, continuing to look at the pool of darkness because, for its lack of human qualities, it's easier to tell the truth to it somehow. "Who I was or am, and who I want to be - they're not the same person. Not remotely," she sighs heavily, concern drawing tension across her face, "and I don't know which one of them is right anymore."

Because of that, the next question is harder to answer. Her teeth grit and her fingers dig into the palms of her hands as she thinks about it. "I know who it was... Hotaru," she mutters through her teeth, not able to keep from looking down at the floor now. "I've lived for vengeance before... I only ended up suffering. Anyway, I don't think I can kill her. But I know she's going to try to kill me again so I don't have much of a choice, do I?" she asks, grimacing sadly as she looks back up. Kill or be killed. Again. Perhaps it's better that she's falling back to her roots at a time like this.

Aurelia

noone notices the contrast of white on white

"Don't you? Does it need to be your hands that do the killing?" The shadow wonders in a voice like rich silk. "And even if you do, you don't need to do it alone. She certainly didn't come without protection. Why should you?"

A few favours turned in, a few palms greased and ears whispered in and Aurelia could have an entire army at her beck and call to hold the woman in place.

"Oh..she is pregnant though. Is that a problem for you?"

'Cause either I get there or don't, Those are both things that I know

She certainly didn't come without protection. It's been one of her more worrisome qualities; how she could pull people in. Aurelia has been so busy wondering how many others might've been caught in the woman's web, she hadn't thought of spinning her own.

Speaking of, the spirit brings up the pregnancy and Aurelia has to bite back her initial thoughts. After a few moments, she says, "I think it's a problem for all of us."

"She will use it against us. To make herself look like a victim, to be... untouchable. Nobody wants to hurt a baby and she will hide behind that. I know she will. This isn't a child made out of love, it's a... a pawn." Aurelia grits her teeth, jaw clenching, and her hands fall to her lap in balled up fists. "I wonder if Hotaru would end up hurting her own child, with the things she's already putting it through."

"She doesn't deserve to be a mother..." Aurelia's lip curls upward in disdain and anger. Though the fact she's saying it surprises even her and, for that, the look quickly dissipates.

Aurelia

noone notices the contrast of white on white

"Would she hurt it intentionally? I think not...would she be able to make the most out of her recklessness and turn her baby into a martyr? Oh absolutely."

The shadow slithers and darkens in the corner, coiling around itself like a serpent. "So kill it. It is not alive yet. There are many poisons for such things...all of the healers will know of them. Any with life drain could take care of it. There is a witch in the swamp..Mildew...she deals in favours. She could take the life of the child easily. Not to mention a certain blue-eyed demigod friend of yours also would happily see this life never come to be..."

'Cause either I get there or don't, Those are both things that I know

Aurelia goes immediately silent. If someone were to ask her if she'd kill a child, a baby - her answer would always be a resounding, immediate no. Yet, she hesitates here and now. Why? Why? What is it about this woman that brings out the darkest demons within her? The anger and hatred. Vengeance. It's a bloody path, one Aurelia thought she'd left behind.

Until now.

Her fingers clench tight against her fists until imprints are left by her nails, and still they clench. Even when her knuckles turn white. Her nostrils flare once and then, in that single heady breath, the tension leaves her. Her gaze grows more distant, brimming less with emotion and anger.

"And what would that solve. She will still want to kill me, she'll still come after me, if I kill her child... A child is what started all of this. But it's not their fault, or this one's. That baby.. shouldn't suffer for Hotaru's choices..." she says, tilting her chin up to look up at the ceiling, though her jaw clenches, "or so that's what I should say. Maybe it would be a mercy, not to be born into this chaos."

In truth, she doesn't know the answer. It doesn't feel as though it is her choice to be making. Leave it up to chance, or Gods.. or maybe, the fact of the matter is that right or wrong is long gone at this point.

Aurelia

noone notices the contrast of white on white

"You're the one that mentioned it." The shadow says, seeming to shrug despite the utter lack of movement. "Make your peace with your thoughts, one way or another. So long as you continue to dawdle in the in-between, you'll never find any peace."

Kill the baby, don't kill the baby. Seek revenge on Hotaru, or don't. Aurelia was the one talking to a voice in the corner of a room instead of making her own decisions, after all.

With a sound reminiscent of steam escaping an ill-fitting pipe, the shadow melts away. Dripping down the wall, all that's left is a pool of brackish water.


~FIN