go by feel

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

Remi wasn't often in the habit of chewing his nails, and yet at some point between dawn and now, he'd nearly nibbled half of them down to the quick. He could have used Ianto or Vai to make his journey quicker, but something about the taxing flight felt appropriate given the news he was about to deliver. That in itself was strange: he and Isla were not together in any sense of the word, and yet he felt almost as guilty thinking of Isla, as he had with Ronin when it came to his and Hotaru's unborn child.

Arriving without even a hint of sweat save for that which the hot sun cast over him, Remi lands near the Temple expecting to find the medic inside. If she wasn't, he would try her home. If not there, then...well. He'd likely idly linger until she returned back to one of those locations. Sending a letter ahead seemed far too dramatic. What would he even say? WE NeEd To TaLk?

Now looking at the Temple door, the alchemist frowns, rethinking this (and just about every other) decision he had made as of late. Pressing his teeth together and letting his wings fold back against his skin, Remi opens the door and makes his way into the darkened inner halls, looking for the medic.

REMI

ISLA

Isla, of course, is in the infirmary - because where else would she be? She spends more time there than she does at home these days, and that's even with the added advantage of having someone at home waiting for her. When the alchemist steps into the Temple's dark halls, she will be cleaning up the reception on one of her (dozens of) patrols around the place, making sure something is not about to spontaneously combust. Is it a problem? Probably. Will she stop, and risk the lives of her patients? Absolutely not.

Straightening up from behind the reception desk, she glances to the door about to call out a welcome when suddenly it's Remi there, and the words die on her tongue. "Oh!" she says, the shock blurting out before Isla can do much else about it. And when she smiles to him, there's something definitely strained about it. "Hi, Remi. How are you doing?"

apres moi le deluge
after me comes the flood

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

Remi's heart clenches and stutters in his chest, unable to tell if her reaction to him is simply one of the lingering aftershocks of all they've been through in the past few weeks, or if she's unhappy to see him for some other reason. "Hey." Trying on a smile that dimples one of his cheeks but doesn't seem to reach his eyes, Remi first crosses his arms, then shifts to put his hands in his pockets, before finally raking all of his fingers through his hair.

"I have something to tell you." He blurts out, sounding apologetic and worried as his hands fall heavily back to his sides. There's no use wadding through pleasantries, not that Remi nor Isla does them particularly well with one another, but perhaps especially so with what's on the alchemist's mind.

"Can we go somewhere?" Not outside, given the daylight, but perhaps one of the alcoves in the temple, or a patient room?

REMI

ISLA

Isla is similarly at a loss about what to do, glancing between the doors into the infirmary and the one into the ward, as if Wessex might pop up at any moment and remind her about all they had spoken about. But that will have to happen later, because Remi says--

"I know," Isla says back, too quickly and without any concept of decorum. She catches herself, but can't take the words back, instead clearing her throat and motioning silently for him to follow her through.

Leading them along the ward and to her recently renovated (and still very bare) office, the medic clicks the door shut behind them and chews at the inside of her cheek, as if trying to figure out where she's supposed to lead from here, given that she's kind of ruined the moment already.

"I... uh. I suppose congratulations are in order, perhaps?"

apres moi le deluge
after me comes the flood

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

Her words just echo meaninglessly through his mind, and for what feels like an age, he simply stares across at her. Were his tells really so obvious, that she would know instantly when he needed to tell her something? Probably. After all they'd been through together and for how poorly the alchemist did when he tried to veil any of his emotions, it really shouldn't be so surprising. Still, as he follows her back to her office, Remi can't seem to shake the feeling of foreboding that has settled like a lead ball, just rolling anxiously about his stomach.

"This is going to sound—" Unlike Isla, Remi had already planned what he was going to say. Or at least how he was going to start to say it. Her interruption has the words dying on his lips as he suddenly feels more hollow and unmoored than he ever has. Sweeping his gaze around from where it was happily settled in the corner of the room, he regards her with horrified and wide pale green eyes. Excuses try to bubble to the surface, questions of how she knew, of whether or not they were talking about the same thing, because surely, surely, there was no way she could have heard.

"..I.." His lips part; for all of Remi's strength, a weak breeze could have bowled him over just then. What feels like cold rainwater drips down the muscles of his thighs, making him involuntarily shiver. "...I am so sorry, Isla." Whatever they were or weren't to one another, this was never a conversation he ever thought he'd be having with her.

REMI

ISLA

Isla moves to lean against her desk in her customary place, trying to look very busy in the task of sweeping her hair back into a ponytail. It's a good excuse to look anywhere at Remi, though of all the things he expects him to say, sorry is not one of them. "Um?" She raises her eyebrows across at him, blinking dumbly for a moment. "I... Remi, you don't need to apologise to me. We..." Aren't together any more? Never planned to have anything like children?

Shaking her head, she straightens up from the desk, though she doesn't step across to him in the way she normally would. "I didn't know that you and Hotaru were..." Anything. Or if this was planned, or if Ronin knew, or anything else. Nate had spoken about it but he hadn't really made sense. "Anyway, a child is a blessing, so they say. I hope you are happy."

apres moi le deluge
after me comes the flood

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

He does need to apologize though, and the sting of her words is more grating than the pain he feels from his too-bitten nails. Swallowing hard, he frowns as he looks down, his eyes lingering vaguely near her hip as he feels all the more lost in a conversation that has only just begun.

He wants to be angry, but he only has himself to blame for every single step of this mess. So tempting as it is, the alchemist forces himself to exhale steadily. "Please don't." He asks of her in a near-whisper, his eyes still trained near the lip of her desk. The urge to fidget or pace or scream is nearly overwhelming, which perhaps explains why it is he's so focused on not losing this staring contest with the fabric of Isla's pants.

REMI

ISLA

Her eyes slip away from him again as he speaks, Isla tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, clearing her throat and folding her arms across her chest in a gesture that is more like hugging herself than she would like. "I don't know what you want me to say," she admits with a sad smile, finally glancing up to tilt her head at him. "I... what happened? I mean, I know what happened. But did you... why didn't you want to tell me? Did you not think I would..."

Every sentence she begins seems to die on her tongue, the Ascended sagging once more against her desk and rubbing at her forehead. "Sorry, I imagine it must have taken a lot to come here to tell me." she murmurs, gesturing for him to go ahead and speak, if that's what he feels like he needs to do.

apres moi le deluge
after me comes the flood

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

Puzzling across at her, Remi looks up as she begins speaking. Her confusion, her posture, every word she says needles into parts of him already bruised and bloody. "Are you not my best friend anymore..?" His question is meant to answer all of hers, sadly but genuinely asked as it is. What he expects her to say. What he thought she would or wouldn't dot dot dot. Why it was hard. This was not the reaction from the woman he'd believed when she said that she was still his best friend. That things would be fine.


But if she wasn't and things weren't, then perhaps she was right. He didn't owe her an explanation or an apology, and she didn't owe him time out of her day. Feathering his jaw for a moment, Remi shakes his head a few times as if convincing himself of something, before raising his eyes. "Sorry...nevermind." He mumbles, shoulders sagging as he forces his lips in an up in a smile that's half-hearted at best.

REMI

ISLA

It's Isla's turn to be confused now, the medic blinking at Remi and tilting her head. "Of course I am," she murmurs, before he's already seemingly pulling the shutters down. "Hey, wait..." Rubbing at her eyes, she raises her hands as if to ask for a halt to this whole thing, Isla straightening up again. "I'm sorry, I.. Can we just... Can we start this over, please?" she asks. "There's been a lot happening here. Things I need to talk to you about as well, and I..."

She manages a wobbly sort of smile. "I didn't expect to hear it from someone else first, that's all. I thought you might not want to tell me, for some reason. But I made a lot of assumptions, and I'm only realising that now. So I'd like to hear what you were going to say, if I hadn't interrupted you." If you still want to tell me goes unsaid.

apres moi le deluge
after me comes the flood

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

'Then why are you acting like this?' Remi wonders, though he probably should have kept the thought to himself. He should have kept a lot of things to himself. "I did not expect you to hug me, but I certainly expected yelling. Anger. Laughing, even. What I did not expect is being treated like..." But he doesn't know. A stranger, perhaps. Vaguely he gestures to the distance between them, her arms folded around herself and her entirely poised and calm demeanor that speaks of anything but friendship. With a dissatisfied huff, Remi sinks down into one of Isla's chairs, looking as though his body was suddenly ill-fitting.

"Who told you?" He can't help but ask. With Hotaru in Halo and not a friend of the ascended, the alchemist had expected many things from the medic, but certainly not to be told he'd been beaten to the punch by someone else.

REMI

ISLA

"Because," Isla blurts, finding her eyes suddenly stinging with tears (and when did she become one to cry so easily?), "the rest of the Ascended know, Remi. I don't know how, but they know that I'm able to kill you. That I'm the only one here that would be able to kill you." Her arms drop to her sides, like she's still trying to figure out that information for herself. "Wessex came to see me, and when I went to give the seaglass to the Voice, she mentioned it as well."

Letting out another shuddering breath, she shakes her head to him. "Wessex is stepping down, and I've been asked to help lead in her place. And you're having a baby with Hotaru, after all those things you told me. And gods it shouldn't matter but it does. I'm sorry."

apres moi le deluge
after me comes the flood

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

"Know what?" But she answers right away, and in true Remi fashion, he doesn't understand the gravity of what Isla was saying. "Hey," Rising instantly to his feet, he goes to her. "So?" He wonders, wanting to draw her against him if she'll allow that he might wrap his arms tightly around her and press his cheek to the top of her head. "So what if they know. If everyone knows."

Despite this turn, Remi can't help but relax into the chaos. This is more what he had anticipated, and unsettled as the news of Wessex and Isla's new promotion makes him, it's far easier to accept than strained politeness.

'I am not having a baby with Hotaru." Remi corrects carefully. "And of course it matters. That is why I apologized. Because I am a giant bumbling idiot who you should probably be hitting, right about now."

REMI

ISLA

Isla folds instantly into Remi's arms, holding onto him tightly and burying her face against his chest. And before she knows it, all the panic and the upset and the anger is all pouring out, the medic crying hard into his shirt and shaking her head, as if trying to convey what she knows but he somehow doesn't understand. "It isn't safe, Remi. Not here, not anymore. Not around me," she tries, not that she parts from him even an inch.

She frowns despite herself when he speaks of Hotaru, sniffing and peering up at him, before the idea of hitting hm has yet more tears spilling over her cheeks. "I don't want to hit you," she complains, and it would be funny if it weren't such a complicated situation. "I love you. You're my best friend."

apres moi le deluge
after me comes the flood