I don't really know what it means

when it's just the two of us, only the two of us

The sun has painted the sky a deep crimson as it plunges behind the sea beneath the horizon, and whilst Isla can't really enjoy its warmth on her skin, she can watch others do the same from the shade beneath a palm tree. Before her a few hels waddle around and fight over the scraps of some candied fruit a child has likely dropped, and beyond that, she can see people strolling along the shallows with the same birds perched on their shoulders.

A smile curls the corners of her lips, despite herself. She might have decided to live somewhere like this, she thinks, if she still had a heartbeat and a tolerance for the sun. It feels carefree in a way that the Grounds simply cannot replicate, though she knows better to think that Torchline will remain that way once you begin to scratch at its surface.

Dropping her gaze to the ground, she scoops up a handful of sand and wiggles her bare toes, letting the grains pool back onto the beach through her fingers. Patience, at least, is something she is practiced at.

i could die

Isla

& my heart ran away from me

Remi tries not to think too much about it. About anything, really. Carrying his shoes in one hand and having rolled up his pant legs to his knees, he looks almost like he belongs here, save for one crucial detail: the carefree attitude that normally accompanies Torchers is utterly vacant from his face. Instead, his sea glass eyes are trained on the ground in front of him, his lips set into a neutral frown. The waves rush up to wash away the footprints he leaves in the wet sand, his lack of shadow all the more apparent at times like this when the sun makes long the darkness that stretches out from everything and everyone. Except Remi.

Ahead, unmistakably, is Isla. It has never occurred to him before that Isla never got to visit Torchline as she once was. As a unicorn yes, and as an ascended, but as a woman who could appreciate the flavours and warmth of this place? Something about the realization sits heavily in his stomach as he parts from the waves and makes his way toward her. "Hey." Softly and warmly said, it doesn't pretend for a closeness that...just doesn't exist between them anymore. Or that exists only way one perhaps, just like so many other things.

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when it's just the two of us, only the two of us

Only as she realises someone is cutting through the casual meandering of those on the beach does Isla look up, her gaze catching immediately on Remi. She doesn't think she has seen him outdoors in the light for a long while, able to feel the sense of other that settles over her at his lack of shadow. Others step out of his way too, and not just because he's well-known on sight by now. It's such a small detail, that shadow, but it unnerves all the same.

He is more than just a shadow on the ground, though, and relief melts through her veins like ice against the Torchline sun just to see him. "Hey." She scrambles to her feet, brushing sand from her summer dress and gazing up at him in a way that she simply couldn't manage the night before.

"Thank you, for coming," she says. "I've been an awful friend to you, Remi. I'm so sorry. Can we talk, please? I think I owe you that... and a lot more than that."

i could die

Isla

& my heart ran away from me

"You don't." Remi replies instantly, wanting to reach out for her but clutching tightly to the shoes that he holds as a convenient excuse not to. With a small shake of his head, his eyes never leaving hers, the alchemist exhales slowly as his lips try on the shape of a smile. "You don't owe me anything." He continues. "I...I have been expecting far too much from you. Things I do not deserve." Her time. Her attention. Her love and a priority in her life that he'd lost out on.

It wasn't his fault that he'd become this hulking thing that walked around without consequences. That could laugh in the face of death without a second thought. But none of that was Isla's fault either.

"You are going to be a queen after all." He adds with a boyish chuckle, unable to help the coating of incredulity that accompanies it.

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when it's just the two of us, only the two of us

His words do bring a touch of relief to her posture, Isla's shoulders relaxing, and her fingers twitch as if to reach for him as well. Eventually she takes the plunge and leans in for a hug, holding him tightly in a gesture that's as grateful as it is apologetic. "Okay well, I want to then," she murmurs, stepping back and smiling up at him. "And since we're both here, we may as well enjoy each other's company." Gesturing to the sand, she silently asks if he wants to take a seat with her.

And then he goes and mentions being a queen, Isla groaning and pressing her hands to her cheeks as if he's just reminded her she's left the stove on or something. "Oh gods, don't," she says, laughing helplessly. "I don't even know how this happened. I'm no good in the public eye. I'll have to count on Bastien to do all the talking."

i could die

Isla

& my heart ran away from me

Stiffly the alchemist accepts the hug, returning it with his one free arm. Despite how natural having Isla in his arms normally is, Remi's fingers don't press against the fabric of her dress, and in fact, it will likely feel as though she's being hugged by a mannequin that's missing everything from the wrist down such is Remi's awkwardness. Offering a noncommital smile and quickly averting his eyes, Remi nods and sinks down onto the sand where he draws his knees to his chest and links his fingers between them where they might not get him into any trouble.

Glancing over his shoulder as Isla laughs about being a queen, Remi manages a weak smile. "He can certainly talk, that is for sure." He agrees, wondering how it all happened as well. Burying his toes into the sand, Remi's mind flits between blatant honesty and the knowledge that Isla might not actually want to hear all the things on his mind. Torn, he shrugs his shoulders presumably at his own inner monologue before pulling in a breath. "A lot has changed, huh?"

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when it's just the two of us, only the two of us

"Ah, I'm sorry." Isla realises her faux pas immediately, smiling sadly to Remi and moving to sink down into the sand with him. "I didn't know if we were... or... yeah." The question is answered at least, and Isla will wait for Remi to make the first move from here on out. Burying her toes in the sand once more, Isla smooths out her dress and manages a nod across to the alchemist. "He certainly can," she says, before the blanket of awkwardness drifts across them a second time.

Letting out a sigh she doesn't need, she smiles her agreement, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "So much has changed," she agrees, her eyes dropping to the ground. "I'm here, if you want to talk to me. I didn't invite you here for you to spare my feelings, Remi. I know things aren't like they used to be, but I... well. I'm still here, whatever you want to say and however you want to say it."

i could die

Isla

& my heart ran away from me

"Are we?" The question is out before he has a chance to properly think it through, or rather, remind himself of all the reasons not to ask. "Sorry. I shouldn't have." He mumbles sternly, the admonishment aimed at himself as his cheeks flush hotter.

Pressing his molars together and wondering at what point they'll finally crack (did Caido even have a dentist?), Remi clenches his fingers together and watches as his skin melts to white across his knuckles. "Are you, Isla?" He asks, turning to look at her with his head tilted imploringly to the side. "I know you want to be, I do still believe that. But..it is like you said before. You will have to deal with the fallout of what happens with me." Frowning, his words sounding more and more like another sort of break up between them, the alchemist huffs out a frustrated sigh at his poor communication as he returns his gaze back to his fingers. "I am..not not your enemy. If you cannot trust me because of what I might be ordered to do, if you are now the leader of the Grounds and presumably...I don't know, encouraged? to kill me by everyone.." ..if you're in love with Varus.. "I am not sure you can be here." He concludes sadly but without judging as he tightens his posture to ensure that no part of him accidentally touches her.

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when it's just the two of us, only the two of us

Isla's lips part to speak, but Remi beats her to the punch, and so she wisely lets that thread of conversation go. She isn't here to fight, and she isn't here to create another unpleasant atmosphere between them. And so Isla listens, when Remi begins to speak, hating the truth in his words but understanding it all the same. Her arms wrap around her knees, the medic's brow furrowing as she gazes down at her feet with eyes that sting with tears.

"I wish I could be, Remi," she says softly. "And at least I think I could be, if we took the Grounds out of the question. I don't want to lose you as my friend, and if that means I need to get better at not letting the other roles I have to play get in the way of that, it's what I'll do." Peering up at him, Isla gives him a sad smile.

"I do get it, though, if that isn't enough for you. Or if it wouldn't work. I just..." Isla shrugs. "I have to try."

i could die

Isla

& my heart ran away from me

Selfishly, as he had done when it came to her claws, Remi's mind wants to instantly suggest that she just gets rid of her role as leader. She hadn't wanted it. So why not take it out of the equation? Unable to help the horrible things his mind thinks, he's at least wise enough to mentally chastise himself for even thinking them. "Is that even possible?" Remi wonders, meeting her gaze for just a moment and wanting to kiss away the silvery flush on her cheeks. "I know you, Isla..you will not let patients suffer for the sake of our friendship. Will not be a lax leader on my account." It was one her most golden qualities, that: the ease with which she could put duty before all else.

Turning back to the crumbling mountain he's made with his feet, Remi blinks slowly. "What I want from you is unfair." He all but whispers. "That is not on you to try and fix. And I..." Much as he knows it will hurt, he looks over his shoulder at her again. Even without his blood making her lips flush pink, she is still the only woman to have ever tugged on his heartstrings in quite this way. Jaw feathering as he swallows, Remi gives his head a slight shake. "...you are incredible, Isla. It is not so easy to forget what it was like when you were— " mine? Clearing his throat, the alchemist looks sternly back to the sea.

"This is not your fault. It's mine."

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when it's just the two of us, only the two of us

"I don't know what's possible until I try," Isla points out softly, though she knows that it might not be what Remi wants to hear. (Or is it?) "With portals, if I could find out a way for the infirmary to get in touch with me for anything urgent, it woudn't be so different to if you were visiting the Grounds." Running her fingers through her hair, she resists the urge to poke a finger into the sand mountain made by Remi's feet.

And regardless of what's possible, it doesn't change Remi's feelings, and that does have the hope starting to bleed out of her somewhat. "What do you want from me?" she wonders honestly, risking a glance across at the alchemist. "The last thing I want is to hurt you, Remi. So even if it's difficult for me, if it would make your life easier for us not to see one another, then..." Then that's what I will do.

i could die

Isla

& my heart ran away from me

Tempted as he is to argue with her about that, he wisely keeps his mouth closed. "I wish I could visit you in dreams." He murmurs unhelpfully. It would solve everything. Everything. But the cold and purely operational places that ascended minds went when they did sleep were not a place he could do anything with.

"I want everything." Remi says simply with a humourless laugh that speaks to just how selfish he knows he's being. "How could I not?" He had had Ronin and Isla. Had been able to keep the best of both worlds with absolutely no repercussions for so long. It was selfish and naive to continue to want it, but Isla had asked and so Remi had answered. "Then there was Varus and I knew we could not be as close as we were, and it seemed fine. And now with you worrying about how you might kill me if we are too close....and not being able to meet in the Grounds, and having to arrange things ahead of time, and.." Swallowing hard, he frowns down at the sand that burps and crumbles in response to the wiggling of his toes below.

"I want you in my life, Isla. I always will. I just...do not know what that means anymore. With what I am. With who you are."

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when it's just the two of us, only the two of us

"I wish you could as well. I wish I could dream, or that you could be in the Grounds without being in danger." But it's the worst part of wishful thinking, and Isla buries her toes deeper into the sand. If her sense of feeling was as sensitive as a non-Ascended, it would start to feel cold and damp; alas, she doesn't appreciate any of that. And when he says it - I want everything - the flush to her cheeks isn't entirely unhappy, but she does understand the complications and impossibilities about it.

"I don't like it either," she mumbles. "But I don't think any of those things would be different if I hadn't accepted a leadership position. The Grounds are changing - everything is changing. And the more we try to hold on to the way things were, the more it hurts." Rubbing at her forehead, she manages a small smile up at him. "I still want you in my life, Remi. At least that hasn't changed between us."

i could die

Isla

& my heart ran away from me

"Is the way things were all we ever had?" Remi wonders suddenly, his brows slightly furrowing. "Was it just..." Physical, he wants to say, but reducing it down to just sex didn't seem right. It didn't seem completely wrong, either. "No, that certainly has not changed." Remi agrees, ignoring what he'd tried and failed to communicate.

'I would say we could try and start over, but what would that look like? Hi, I am Remi. I find you wildly attractive in a way I never have with any woman. I am happily married, ridiculously strong, and at any point might be turned against you and those you care about and you probably will not be able to do anything to stop me. My son's middle name is Isla, and I can be a huge pain in your ass. Nice to meet you."

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