Just give me a reason

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Nodding, the somewhat grave expression lightened from her face. “I promised Mother I won’t become a martyr in my attempts to help others,” she explained, with a lopsided little smile. “So I have to keep to that. Having company is very appreciated, but not at your expense... So, thank you. That's is good to hear. Reassuring, as it were.” And of course, she needed her friends to also stay alive. Otherwise, what was she even doing, playing at being the helper?

The sudden stir within Hotaru had the younger woman start like a spooked horse. Staring down at the slender - well, formerly - woman’s midriff, Seren had become slightly wild-eyed.

“That is weird,” she declared with fervour. “Did it hurt? I really think I prefer Mother’s way of doing this. I was spun from a thought and stardust, and grew while watching stars spin into existence. Whatever is going on inside there must be very different.”  

She had absolutely no memory of kicking or punching anything.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

On that, Safrin and Hotaru can agree. “Good. And Deimos is like a bear - he would sooner stand directly in front of us the entire time and impede us than let us be hurt.” Fondness is thick in her tone as she imagines Deimos imitating a brick wall the entire time.

Seren’s jolt has Hotaru dissolving into a sudden fit of laughter, hand rising as if to try and shove the sound back in lest she miss Seren’s words. Eyes damp with the force of her mirth, Hotaru wipes them with her thumb and grins.

“Oh, very different. Much less refined I’m afraid. But it doesn’t hurt, I promise. Here.” She reaches for Seren’s hand and places the girl’s palm where the baby had kicked. Thankfully the little tyke seems adamant on moving about now that they’ve started, and kicks out in the same spot, more of a bump against Seren’s hand. “See? It feels roughly the same from the inside. It’s how they get strong - worth bearing any discomfort.” And as she says it her eyes are tender, wholeheartedly believing the sentiment.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

The sensation made the skin on Seren’s back crawl a little. “I really cannot get over the fact that you have a person in there,” she sighed. “Humans are strange. Mammals are all very strange.” Eggs made more sense than this, and they were strange too.

Gently freeing herself, the young woman slumped back into the soft sand and stretched herself out, tension releasing from her shoulders with sweet pops and cracks all the way along the spine. Breathing out a hefty sigh, she let the arms flop out to each side and watched the stars above with unfocused gaze.

“How long?” she asked eventually, even knowing it was not a question she would get a straight answer on. So much depended on other things… “I suppose I better make myself comfortable around here… for a while.” It would require a letter to her father, to excuse her from training. Not entirely new, or unexpected when it came to her, but… There was another sigh.

“I’m a terrible soldier, Hotaru. I’m never where I should be.”

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

Hotaru can’t help but laugh again, though she releases the girl easily enough to allow her to escape the uncomfortable sensation. “It’s very strange I won’t deny that. Even as experienced as I am with it, sometimes it weirds me out as well.” To know the bump in her belly would someday become a person, with ideals and dreams and opinions. It wasn’t easy to wrap her head around sometimes.

“Sooner than later, and sooner than you think. In the next few days, if all goes well.” Sunjata would know soon that Remi had spirited her away, but the Lullaby had intended to tell the man outright, which would hopefully lead the Flood on a goose chase. Seren’s dejected sigh has her turning her attention back, and she gives a hum of consideration.

“Did you ever think that perhaps that’s a sign you are not meant to be a soldier?”

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

A few days.

A few days.

How many days did it take to topple an empire? Fewer than to build one, probably. Not enough, not enough, sang dread like crawling ants in her veins, spreading with the bloodstream into every limb until Seren was numb. The desire to run was overwhelming, curbed only by the promise to meet up with her friend. Even if she couldn’t tell Sah any of this, she was sure his steady calm and penchant for making her laugh would help keep her distracted. Keep her grounded, and not give in to this fear.

Or, at the very least, if she did run she would have somewhere to run to.

“Sometimes,” she admitted, very quiet for someone raging with terror on the inside. “I don’t know what to do with myself otherwise, is all. I was thinking field medic… I don’t think I’m patient enough to learn healing the proper way. All I really want is to move. See places, meet people. I get… restless.”

The problem with being a child of the stars was that the ground never quite managed to feel like home.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

Her silence is the blatant indication of her panic. Hotaru doesn’t encroach on her space in that moment, but she won’t let her simmer either. “We’ve been planning this for some time, the rest of the steps are already in place. I know it’s short notice, but it also means less potential for others to find out, and more time for us to work with the Gods to create barriers for Halo.” Perhaps that will give her mind something to chew on aside from deadline panic.

“Why have a job at all right now?” Shrugging elegantly, Hotaru reclines onto her hands to stretch out her lower back, and she tilts her head to stare up into the stars. “I didn’t set up a shop for seasons after I arrived. Your father is content to provide for you, your magic can house you at any given moment…why not adventure?” Hotaru doesn’t see why she needs to paint herself into a corner at such a young age. “A job won’t give you purpose or structure if that isn’t what you’re really wanting. And your mother is the herald of life - why not explore all avenues life has to offer?” Perhaps it’s her self-focused personality, but Hotaru would rather enrich her own life first in Seren’s shoes.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

It should be reassuring. It would be, when the moment came and she could lean on those beside her, who had done this before. Gods, they had done this before? What kind of friends did she even have?

The fun kind, a very dark and very fey part of her whispered.

“Tell me again how Deimos would stand in the way of anything that goes wrong?” she pleaded, with a laugh that could only be called nervous. Something about the idea of the General inspired confidence - more so than Hotaru, though the girl didn’t want to tell her that. Maybe it was because he was bigger.

“I just want to feel useful,” Seren shrugged then, trying to focus on these mundane topics rather than the ones that made her want to laugh hysterically. “Dad… he wants to do things for me. Take care of me, I suppose, and make up for all the times we never got to have. But it makes me feel… guilty. Like I am taking advantage of him, since there’s so little I can give back.” Only love, and gratitude. Was that enough?
“Mother… have grand plans for me, I think. She said I am to be an inspiration to others. Hope. I don’t know how to do that, or what it means, but I will try.”

Fearing that introspection was quickly turning into something melancholy and insidious, Seren pushed herself up to sit. Stared into the fire until her eyes stung from the light, and she no longer felt like curling in on herself.

“What will you do, when we come back to the Citadel?” She looked over at Hotaru.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

It’s clear that though she asks for it, distraction is what the girl truly wants, and Hotaru is content to change the subject to lighter fare.

“From a parent, I want you to know that we don’t expect anything back. It’s an honor, or a pleasure, to provide for our children and see them grow and find their feet. The act of raising you itself is enough.” She’s sure Ronin would agree, as little as she knows of the man.

“Bringing people hope is something that is done mostly from the ground up. Individual acts of inspiration. It’s not as if you’ll descend from a light in the sky during a battle one day and upon gazing upon you they will immediately know you are their savior.” Well, it’s not outside the realm of possibility considering she’s a demigod, but it wouldn’t last long and many would be too scared and suspicious to feel truly hopeful. “Adventuring is the best start in my opinion. Touching as many hearts as you can.”

As Seren sits up, Hotaru maneuvers her hands closer to her hips to prop up higher as well.

“I might not return yet at all. It would give too many chances to be seen, or for word to spread to Morgan. If I stay away from my spa, it will buy more time.” Staying in Deimos’ home is still a risk, but less of one considering he has his invisibility cloak.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Humming thoughtfully, the girl eventually snorted in amusement as she remembered something. “Mother wanted to give me a star to ride on. Like dad’s nimbus cloud. She seemed a little disappointed when I thought it stood out too much. Maybe I should have let her… what do you think?” Unfortunately the risk was higher that people would point and laugh than swoon in awe, but any publicity was good, right?

It felt like such flippant things to discuss, compared to the dire serious conversation they’d just had. Compared to what was waiting in a few days. But Hotaru was absolutely right, this was what Seren needed and she very selfishly did not want to stop talking. As soon as they left this sheltered place, this sacred island removed from all troubles, reality would come crashing down over her like a wave.

“Where will you go, then?” she asked, and watched Hotaru make herself comfortable. “I would offer you a stay here, but… as soon as I left, this place it would become very dangerous.”

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

my held breath fills the room with blood

hurting in ways I can't describe

Hotaru’s own hum of contemplation catches on the tail end of Seren’s words. “I think even parents are biased in their aesthetic desires, but at the end of the day you are your own person, and what feels most natural and appealing to you is most important.” Her status as a demigoddess would surely make up for any lack of dazzle in her ride.

“I can shift now, so if I needed to overnight in the tundra I would be able to. But I intended to go to Deimos’ house. I won’t risk going to my spa.” Few even knew Deimos no longer resides in the Barracks, but they’d hunt for her at the spa first. A twinge in her stomach has her sitting up from her reclined position. “Though admittedly I’m rather hungry. Have you ever been hunting before? It’s probably best to lie low, so the Citadel is out.” She would be happy to show the girl how to do so, even if she didn’t partake - Hotaru’s cougar form would be happy to eat the meat raw herself.

my heart bends and breaks

so many, many times

HOTARU

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

Humming thoughtfully, Seren nodded. She might get used to people staring at her, and it did not bother her to accommodate her mother's whims... but perhaps there were other ways of drawing attention to herself than zooming across the sky on a shooting star. The girl wouldn't mind something with a bit of mystery to it.
"I suppose so. Though if she surprises me, I don't think I'm going to complain," she smiled.

Raising her brows at the idea of sleeping outdoors in the frigid temperatures, Seren tried to think of other alternatives. But with her lack of familiarity with the region and its people, she could only shrug. The offer to join in on a hunt had her stand up rather hesitantly, thoughts going to her friend. "I was supposed to meet with... Oh, but it's probably better if I wait." Nibbling at her lip - it was sore and swollen at this point, and it hurt to keep worrying at it - Seren looked down at her feet. "I'm not sure I could keep something this big secret from him, anyway."

Distractions might be just the thing she needed. So she reached for the pile of clothes, to better equip herself to the climate. If they were going hunting, she would need something sturdier than this. Once she was done changing, Seren stomped out the fire and extended a hand for Hotaru as she opened the way back onto the Tundra.

"I haven't hunted before, no. So you'll have to tell me what to do."

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

Her voice is a fearless proclamation of protection
She lives what's within her out loud

“Never reject a gift given freely I say,” she intones dramatically, as if it is the epitome of wisdom to bestow upon Seren. The twinkle in her eyes gives her away all the same. It’s an easy comfort to supply, to take the girl’s mind off the heavy weight Hotaru regrets having introduced to it.

Hotaru isn’t sure what plans she meant or which friend is alluded to, but if Seren has made her choice then the Valkyrie won’t pry. “Whatever you want to do. You can stay with me if you like, or go to the inn.” So long as she knew where to find the girl when the time came, it wouldn’t matter.

Already bundled up in the clothes Seren had kindly lent her, Hotaru staggers to her feet around the circumference of her belly and reaches for the hand that is extended as the portal opens once more. They step out into the Tundra, cold air washing immediately against their faces, and Hotaru eyes the horizon with far more peace than she had the first time. “I can track something down in my other form. So long as you follow me, it should be easy enough to take something down. When I find something, I’ll have you circle around to push it towards me. Easy as pie.” Hopefully the sight of the hunt wouldn’t make her squeamish. Without further ado she transforms, and the cold seeps away as her thick coat replaces delicate skin. Golden and shining in the light, she rubs up against Seren’s legs like a particular huge housecat, rubbing the edges of her mouth against the girl in a pleased, claiming motion that is more instinct than intent.

Then she’s trotting off, nearly silent in the snow with her large furred paws. Scents are much stronger in her feline form, and though the trails she can scent are somewhat cold, she picks one and begins to track it.

I'll leave my love hidden in the sun

The lack of helpful suggestions was honestly welcome. Seren wasn't sure how much more she could take in terms of decision making before her head exploded. The simple return onto the Tundra with its eye-stabbing brightness and frigid winds was already jarring enough.

At least she did not have to do much more than trail after Hotaru. The woman's shift was beautiful, and any other day the starchild would have spent a long time cooing and ah'ing over the large feline - so many cats in her life, was this a sign? - but all she could muster today was a wan smile, and gloved hands stroking the supple line of Hotaru's back.

"Alright. Lead the way; I will keep up."

Drawing deep breaths of the cold air, Seren did her best to focus. To ground herself in the moment. One step, then another. Plunge through the snow, watch the horizon. The sky was very blue here. It must be beautiful at night, when all the stars were lit... maybe she could get Sah to show her. Later, later, afterwards.

If there were signs of animals in the area, Seren couldn't see any. Nor had Umbra; he came flying back and took to hovering over her, painting dark blue circles over her head, disgruntled and hungry. Compared to the lush and sprawling wildlife around Torchline and Stormbreak, this tundra seemed a barren desert. Beautiful, and deadly.

For when the darkness comes

SEREN

Her voice is a fearless proclamation of protection
She lives what's within her out loud

The hand along her back is a comfort, but not enough of one to discourage her from finding her next meal. She is eating for two after all.

It takes a bit of time as they venture throughout the Tundra, but eventually a few evergreen trees dot the horizon. Curved ears flick as Umbra joins them, tracking the dragon with one ear instinctively before the feline inside her is assured the serpent is no threat. Though the trail is relatively cold, Hotaru as a woman is a proficient tracker, and she knows by virtue of living in Halo that the shrubbery ahead is a common place to find small, thickly furred prey such as rabbits and caribou.

As they approach, Hotaru slows and thumps her tail gently against Seren’s knee to signal her to arc around. There is a small herd that she can see dotted amidst the trees, and only when the girl departs does she slink down in the snow on her belly, crawling forward to settle between the snow drifts where she cannot be seen. Careful to remain downwind until the stargirl chases the animals into the range of her claws and teeth.