From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
07-14-2021, 07:18 AM (This post was last modified: 07-20-2021, 08:38 AM by Aurelia.)
Is it courage or faith To trust that there will be light, Always waiting behind Even the darkest of nights? Somehow we'll be okay. Don't be afraid - I choose to believe I was made to become a sanctuary
The dark roots that had taken hold in her heart fasten tighter and tighter the further ground she covers, the further distance she puts between herself and the echoing calls of civilization. For a while, she just paces across the damp sand with no regard for destination except away.
Anger chips away at her reason, making hot breath fume from her nostrils as her thick, striped tail lashes back and forth through the air like a whip. Her thoughts become a whirl as the storm within her drowns out her logic.
She had never deserved to continue on, and that has been true since long before anything here had tried to end her life. Why should she keep fighting that? Now that the facts force their way down her throat at every turn, the condemnation glaring at her through every pair of eyes, the blame pointed at her from fingers that worm into her heart and tear it at the seams. The vengeance she can feel inching toward her.
From the moment she had been born her life was nothing other than a casualty of the powers that be. She could never hope to gain a firmer grasp of how it all played out from here. That she thought, at some point, she could attain some amount of control was... naïve and wishful. She knows better now. She knows better than to hope to ever know who she truly is - or could've been - were she more than a product of her surroundings.
The fact she is still here is an utterly undeserving privilege in and of itself, she thinks. Pain clenches her throat, draws her breath deep within her powerful lungs.
She believes that she is truly alone here, isolated in the early morning. Yet still... for some reason, as if pleading to be heard one last time, her voice and emotion drag across an empty bond, unfurled from the usually stubborn, stony walls of her heart. I'm sorry, the pain grates against her spirit with a bleakness that would spring tears to her eyes if she were in her human form at this moment. Instead, her gaze can only reflect the deep, blue ocean.
Silence takes hold then, as the tide washes out in its cold, indifferent response. Her large paws step off, deeper into the frothy waves. She wonders what it would be like, to not fight their strength. To not even lift a muscle to fight the current. Let it take her away from here. Maybe she'd find some other world, one in which the pain doesn't follow her. Maybe things would be better... if I just... disappeared.
This is the biggest cat that Ronin has ever seen - and it's not on fire either, which is a definite plus given that the last thing he saw like this was a molten tiger. And he's very excited by it, at first - at least until he gets within range of the Attuned bond that goes ringing out across the beach like a mental scream. That halts him in his tracks, his hands going to his head as if he might squeeze out the darkness - that he recognises the voice absolutely doesn't help, either.
Aurelia? Ronin projects back at the cat. Did your weird panda shift grow up? Wait - never mind. What's going on? Are you alright? The idea of not approaching the tiger apparently doesn't occur to him, Ronin heading straight for her regardless of any danger.
07-20-2021, 09:00 AM (This post was last modified: 07-20-2021, 09:00 AM by Aurelia.)
Is it courage or faith To trust that there will be light, Always waiting behind Even the darkest of nights? Somehow we'll be okay. Don't be afraid - I choose to believe I was made to become a sanctuary
As her emotions twist and gnarl, a voice rings back against the bond. Her constantly-churning thoughts are so loud that they nearly drown it out.
--at's going on? He finally cuts through, clearer, that familiar tone ricocheting between her spotted ears. All of her movement, slow and aching as it was, suddenly stops as if she's hit the stoniest wall.
She turns halfway to look at him, eyes widening. Ronin... Whatever kinship she feels for Ronin turns toward something else; urgency - but not for the demi-god. The water bubbles around her as she suddenly turns away from him. Her lips curl into a nasty snarl as she goes. No! Stay away! is shouted at him to match, even if it pains her - and her line of communication is so unhinged that he can likely feel it too.
She rushes into the water, the force of her large paws powerful enough to create her own waves as she cuts through the tide directly. You should all jus-just stay away from me!
Me! Ronin says brightly, even against the onslaught of her emotions, though he quickly schools himself against any misplaced cheeriness. The tiger snarls - he stops, if only briefly - and heads for the water, promping Ronin to hold up his hands as if to apologise for something he might have done. Hey, what...? How come, did something happen...?
His steps slow in the sand, the Huntsman halting just before the water's edge, and he won't pursue Aurelia if she does really want to run. But he has recognised the darkness in the strands of her emotions - it's a darkness that has lived in himself, and in a lot of the people he cares about, and he knows from experience that if left alone, it will only grow.
Is it courage or faith To trust that there will be light, Always waiting behind Even the darkest of nights? Somehow we'll be okay. Don't be afraid - I choose to believe I was made to become a sanctuary
For a moment, she fully intends to ignore him, to continue outward, downward, darkward. But as she realizes what it means, as she hears his steps falter, she comes to a halt where the waves barely come up to her chest. Her muzzle dips and her ears lower, though she doesn't face him her defeat is evident.
I didn't want this, Ronin.. her voice is deathly somber, I wanted to be better, I wanted... and the words crumble apart because, at her core, I don't know what I wanted. But it's not- not this.
I thought that ending up here could be like... a do-over. Like I could start all over again, you know? Leave everything else behind, all the pain and hate. And this is when she turns her head to look at him, her cheek brushing against her shoulder, eyes widening in their plea, But I was never meant to be a good person. I'm made to... she lowers her gaze again, a heavy breath expelling through her lungs, to kill. All I ever do is fight.. and fight.. and-and I don't know how much more of that I can do.
She stops, and that's enough for now, he thinks. Sinking slowly down to sit in the sand, it doesn't matter to Ronin whether or not the tide laps at his shoes and his ankles. Some things are more important, and as he listens to Aurelia as she speaks, he can't help but furrow his brow, chewing at the inside of his cheek. "I don't think anyone is born to be a bad person, or a good person," he says slowly. "But... it's true that the people who bring us up can mould us to be certain things. But it doesn't always have to be like that."
Shifting to sit cross legged, he tilts his head at Torchline's newest ruler. "I was made to be a soldier," he says, almost conversationally. "And I don't know if that has ever really gone away... But I am happy, with the choices I've made and the reasons behind them. What's happened to shake you up so much...?"
Is it courage or faith To trust that there will be light, Always waiting behind Even the darkest of nights? Somehow we'll be okay. Don't be afraid - I choose to believe I was made to become a sanctuary
The water surges up around the fur at her chest as another tide rolls in, washing over Ronin's shoes indeed. Her ears lift up slightly and she turns to face him better. The anger she felt moments prior, even as she reaches inward for it, grasping desperately for it, she knows that it's gone now. Dissipated, and all of the nasty, gnarled thoughts go with it.
I'm no soldier, she says gravely, there was no honor in what I did. I hunted people. People that... weren't that different from the Abandoned here, or even the Ascended... even telepathically, her voice becomes quiet, a whisper just above the waves, I'm not happy. Not with the choices I've made.
She steps closer to the shore, to Ronin, paws lifting above the water's surface with each stride. She comes to a halt in the sand beside him, towering over him as he sits there cross-legged. But there is no pride or danger; the beast that stands before him is broken. And she slowly lays down, resting her head in the sand beside his lap. I met Remi.
He told me to atone for what I've done to Hotaru, to her companion. A sigh heaves through her, shoulders shuddering with the motion as her head stirs slightly, But what about everyone else? From before Caido, from my past? People suffered because of me. I killed, maimed, tortured. And in the moment, I felt that it was right. I didn't feel anything for them. I believed they deserved it. Just the same as Hotaru. I wanted her to know the pain I've felt... I thought it would stop her, and I thought... killing the companion would have been better than killing her.
He watches as she steps closer, massive paws cutting through the waves easily, until the hulking great cat is standing over him,and then flumping into the sand as if she's little more than a kitten. It's with a carelessness that speaks either of comfort or stupidity that Ronin reaches out, his fingers plunging into the scruff behind her ear to give it a scritch. He hears her out, between the hush of the tide, his brow furrowed, a deep sigh slipping between his lips.
"Ah," he begins, as if meeting Remi should naturally have some sort of consequence like this. "...Well, it's trite and I hate it, but it's true what they say about not being able to change the past. You can't go back and alter what the person you used to be did. The only thing you can change is what you do moving forward." He smiles gently.
"I'm sure there are plenty of people here who would benefit from your help and your support. And I can't really say much for Hotaru, given my feelings. But... I think you know what you did, and what happened because of it. So it's just a question of what now." And it sucks, and he gets it, and he hates it too.
Is it courage or faith To trust that there will be light, Always waiting behind Even the darkest of nights? Somehow we'll be okay. Don't be afraid - I choose to believe I was made to become a sanctuary
The hand in her fur invites a more automatic response than she'd like, in which her blocky head lifts to lean up against the scratch. A reflexive sneeze snorts through her nostrils. Weird, she thinks.
But when Ronin's voice meets her ears again, she quiets and stills in order to listen. Even if she could pick up a mouse's foot steps from (however far away I'm not googling it rn), she feels a need to listen attentively.
I don't know, comes the sigh of a response, I wish that I could take it back, wish that an apology would be enough. I don't want people to think that I am a monster, I want the people here to trust me, to know that I'll protect them from anything. But I would kill for the people I love - and for Torchline. I guess that does make me a monster..
As for Hotaru, she attacked both. She hurt Sunjata, who is... like family more than anyone else here. And she burned the Slagveld down to hurt him again. Even if I'm sorry about Atlas, I can't forgive her... I won't ever make the mistake of trusting her again, either. and for that, she doesn't know what could be done.
08-01-2021, 12:15 PM (This post was last modified: 08-02-2021, 05:35 PM by Ronin.)
you are terrifying and strange and beautiful
"I don't think it makes you a monster," Ronin says softly, shrugging his shoulders. "I've done some really terrible things to keep my family safe. And some of those things, it wasn't even to keep them safe. It was just... grief, for losing my loved ones. I imagine some people still look at me and think I'm despicable for that. But I..." He furrows his brow. "I have repented for what happened. And I can live with myself now, regardless of what others think. Maybe that's what you need for yourself?"
Kicking the sand up into a small wall that it might deflect the crawling tide for a little longer, Ronin's fingers continue to work their way in through her fur. "Being a good leader and having the people of Torchline doesn't necessarily mean having to trust or forgive everyone," he points out. "And for what it's worth, I think a lot of people here feel the same about Hotaru, after what she did." You can't win 'em all, his tone seems to suggest. It's taken a long time for Ronin to make his peace with that.
08-01-2021, 07:06 PM (This post was last modified: 08-01-2021, 07:07 PM by Aurelia.)
Is it courage or faith To trust that there will be light, Always waiting behind Even the darkest of nights? Somehow we'll be okay. Don't be afraid - I choose to believe I was made to become a sanctuary
She believes that one person's voice shouldn't matter as much as it does. But if she believed that, she wouldn't feel this way to begin with. Remi's words would not, should not have effected her as much as they did. At least Ronin's own advice can leave an impact. It's nice to be told it isn't as bad as she thinks it is.
Suddenly, she moves to rest her head against his lap. The words take their time sinking in, minutes after Ronin's voice dies down and all she can focus on is the feeling of his fingers against her fur.
Her head lifts slowly, tiredly, and she looks up at him. How did you do it - repent? She asks, feeling and sounding like a child that's scared to take that first step into the unknown. There has to be more to it than just... apologizing.. Surely?
He can't help the smile that creeps across his face as a giant feline head comes flopping into his lap, Ronin shamelessly enjoying being able to deliver fuss to the big, striped cat. And as she looks up at him, he's already burying his fingers in the thick scruff of fur around her neck to deliver scritches. "Me? Well. I destroyed the Temple in the Hollowed Grounds, so a good start was helping to rebuild it. I imagine that's a lot more simple than your situation, though." He chuckles.
"Still, I've always thought actions spoke louder than words. So maybe even if you can't apologise in person because those people are gone, you can do things to honour their memory. To make up for what happened. To make sure no one else goes through that kind of thing. Torchline is probably full of people who need that kind of help - and someone to take care of them." He smiles, suddenly aware that he's been rambling and clearing his throat softly. "Sorry," he says, laughing under his breath.
08-07-2021, 09:26 PM (This post was last modified: 08-07-2021, 09:26 PM by Aurelia.)
Is it courage or faith To trust that there will be light, Always waiting behind Even the darkest of nights? Somehow we'll be okay. Don't be afraid - I choose to believe I was made to become a sanctuary
If tigers were capable of purring, she might have, but instead she only brings up one massive paw to knead it against the top of Ronin's knee. No claws, of course.
She listens to him as he goes on, blinking calmly, but when he apologizes she stirs. Her shoulders tense as she rises up to sit on her haunches and look at him face-to-face. No, it's okay. I still have a lot to think about and none of this will be easy but.. your advice is much needed. That and, I needed a friend right now - more than a city or a title or... everything else, I just needed a friend. A sigh expels through her lungs.
She glances down, back up at him, and a stroke of mischief sparks up along the bond as she runs a giant, sandpapery tiger tongue against the side of his face. With the tip of her tongue still sticking out, she leans back and perks her ears up at him. Thanks, Ronin.
