From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
How? It's the first thought through her head. How is he here? They were meant to be going to the Feverlands. That's what Melita told her. This isn't the Feverlands. So why is he here? She tries her best to ignore him, but he sticks out like a sore thumb, crowded between two children that do nothing to hide him. Her breath seems to catch in her throat, brows drawing together as she quickly looks away, focusing on her doily as if that might save her from the fact that he's right there. It holds her focus for as long as something like that can. So she does another and another and another.
Keeping her hands busy doesn't stop her from stealing glances. Can he tell? Has he noticed? Has anyone said anything? Her mind can't stay on one single thing. Maeve draws in a sudden breath, nausea turning her stomach violently enough that she pushes back from the table, bolting off into the surrounding trees until the din of the party hardly reaches her. Only then does she allow herself to promptly empty her stomach.
I'm undone about to burst at my seams 'Cause I am picturing you beside me So let me be everything that you need
'Did you know she's tha queen? Her and the Fireheart. Uh-huh! I heard it from my Momma!' Locke looks down at the little girl, head tilting just a bit before he's being scowled at by a woman a few feet away. He just kind of shrugs and goes back to working on his little doll. The little buttons he's using for eyes aren't quite the right color but they're close enough for him. Not that he can really focus on the doll. Despite his best efforts, he keeps turning his head to look at her. He can't help himself.
But this time she's getting up and wandering off into the woods? A moment of hesitation and he pushes himself up, making the little girl next to him squeak with his sudden movement. "Sorry. Uh, I'll.. Sorry." Gods, why is he so awkward? Its the lack of booze. He holds his hands up as he backs away before following after Maeve. He stops a few yards back from her, too scared to get any closer. But then she's throwing up and he can't stop himself.
He doesn't touch her, his hands hovering lightly over her back as he crouches next to her. "Shh, it's okay." He doesn't know what's wrong, of course, but he's trying. He doesn't even realize he's touched her, lightly rubbing her back as he tries to sooth her. It's all second nature at this point, relationship or not, he cares too much about her.
I know I was born and I know that I'll die The in-between is mine
Her whole body heaves, making her hunch forward, hands bracing against damp earth as she coughs. A light sheen of sweat clings to her temples, making the wisps of hair there stick to her skin despite the cool weather, acid burning her throat even as she spits to try and clear it from her mouth. It doesn't even register at first that he's there. That he's rubbing her back and murmuring soft words to her, soothing her automatically as if he's just made to do it, making it hurt all the worse that he left in the first place. Finally she stops heaving, wiping shakily at her mouth with the back of her hand before she's sitting back on her heels, chest heaving as she struggles to catch her breath.
She's scared to look at him. The moment their eyes connect she knows she'll break if the tell tale sting of tears is anything to go by, but she can't resist the urge. The ache in her chest that had gone numb flaring to life so brightly it wrenches her heart. Maeve finally gives in, jade eyes meeting golden green, breath catching in her throat even as she tries to swallow past the lump it forms there. "I- I didn't know you were going to be here. If I'd known I-" 'I wouldn't have come.' He left for a reason. He hopped on a boat and disappeared for a reason. To avoid her. Yet here she was. Real and breathing and trying not to throw herself at him.
I'm undone about to burst at my seams 'Cause I am picturing you beside me So let me be everything that you need
His hand drops back to his side the second she sits back, suddenly aware that he's touching her and how incredibly fucked it is for him to have done so. He's just so used to it. Save a brief time when they first met, touching has always been casual and easy between the two of them. In his other hand he's still clutching the little doll he was making and he doesn't even realize how tightly he's squeezing it until she turns to look at him.
He only manages to hold her gaze for a second before he's looking everywhere else, trying to see if she's okay. No bruises, no blemishes, right? She's okay? Healthy? Her face looks rounder, more full and he's curious but he doesn't ask. Not that he could find the words. He swallows thickly when she speaks, the unspoken words all too loud. "I didn't know we would be here either." Funny how fate do that, isn't it?
He wants to say he's sorry, to beg for her back, but he can't. The words die in his chest before he can ever attempt to say them. "Are you okay?" He just has to know.
I know I was born and I know that I'll die The in-between is mine
He looks her over and she does the same to him. He doesn't look any worse for wear. Tanner, a little unkempt, but nothing about him gives away how he's doing. There aren't any dark circles under his eyes or bruises on his knuckles. He looks... fine. Something about that hurts and she doesn't even know how to start unpacking that. Maeve swallows thickly, working her jaw as she tries to formulate a response for him, not knowing where to even begin. No, she's not okay. How could she possibly be okay? There's a war coming and she's queen and pregnant and dealing with all of it without him.
Her mouth opens and closes, making her look like a fish gasping for air more than anything, cheeks flush and skin pale. Slender fingers twist into the skirt of her dress, the fabric bunching around the swell of her belly, hiding the bump from view. Does she tell him now? Does she hide it? Does he even want to know? Part of her thinks she should just let him go. That's what he wanted, right? To not be chained to her? He never asked for her or this or a baby.
Finally, after what seems like hours but is likely only seconds, Maeve shakes her head. "Not really, Locke. I haven't been okay for a while now." She says softly, voice a touch hoarse from the abuse, a shaky breath pushes past her lips at the tail end of it. He won't look at her. His eyes flick everywhere she isn't, intent on avoiding her gaze, unable to look her in the eyes. "Are you okay?"
I'm undone about to burst at my seams 'Cause I am picturing you beside me So let me be everything that you need
That's not the answer he wants. Not at all. He looks down at her hands, watching them twist into the fabric of her dress. This isn't what he wanted. It is but not like this. Can't she see how fucked in the head he is? She's queen now. He's been gone for less than half a season and she's a fucking queen. He's just been dragging her down and it's all he can see. She's so much better off without him or she should be but he doesn't think she is. Even if he wants her to be.
Her question makes him inhale sharply and he has to think. Does he lie, does he tell the truth? What difference does it make? And he is okay, in some sense of the word. Physically at least. Mentally, has he ever been? Emotionally? Never that either. He finally looks at her and shakes his head because there's no point in lying, she'd see through it anyway. "Nah. Not doing okay really. Not really cut out for the pirate life." Not that they're pirates but hey! A joke, kind of? He gives her a crooked grin because he can't hide himself from her, not forever.
He stands up and holds his hand out to her, scarred as they always were, "Should.. Probably get away from all of.. That. Not befitting of a queen."
I know I was born and I know that I'll die The in-between is mine
The truth of it is that Maeve would have been queen even if he stayed. Safrin would have still appointed her. Nothing would have changed. He would have been here when she found out about the baby, when she was made queen, when they built the court. He would have been here for all of it and she would have been better because of that. Instead, he left and she's been doing it alone.
It's fucked how satisfied she feels knowing that he isn't actually okay. That he's not doing better without her. She hates herself for feeling that way, but she never pretended to be anything but other than selfish when it came to him. Maeve licks her lips, brows knitting together at his poor attempt at a joke that makes her lips twitch despite the pit in her stomach, "What a shock. You have the look down." She says softly, her own joke that surely would have been better any other time, but it just feels flat.
A flush rises to her cheeks at his suggestion and she takes his hand without a second thought, grimacing slightly, "You heard about that, huh?" Of course he had. Everyone knew at this point. Maeve draws her bottom lip between her teeth, shivering as the warmth of his hand envelopes hers, fingers cool in comparison. As she gets to her feet, her dress falls back into place, fabric resting against the gentle swell of her belly and despite the fact that she's not incredibly far alone it's obvious that this isn't lingering from a heavy meal.
I'm undone about to burst at my seams 'Cause I am picturing you beside me So let me be everything that you need
"Guess that makes sense." As far as he tries to run from his father, recently it feels like they're all too similar. But he'll take an almost smile over her decking him. He kind of thought that was what she was going to do. Kind of wants her do. It'd be good for both of them, he thinks. But then she's actually taking his hand and he's pulling her up and his heart is threatening to rip out of his chest.
He looks down, banter forgotten. Locke has been around more babies than any man of his age should ever have been. More pregnancy. The signs are clear and maybe she wasn't throwing up because she hates him so much it makes her sick. "Yeah. Kid told me." He gestures vaguely at the table with the girl behind him, still staring at her belly. He can't look at her. Not because he's ashamed or scared or anything really. He's just kind of in shock.
A beat passes and he finally tears his eyes away from her stomach, "Is.. Are you?" Fear, hope, love all flutter in his chest and suddenly he's shaking. Maybe he already was. Is he going to throw up? He thinks he might. The acid burns his throat but he swallows it down. "Mine?" He asks even if he knows he can't handle the answer if it's not. His eyes flick to the former Governor before back to her. She's not far along but.. They didn't talk about these kinds of things.
I know I was born and I know that I'll die The in-between is mine
The conversation is awkward, stilted, and unbalanced. They press on, though. Neither of them pulling away from the other. Too drawn in to even consider that as an option. He holds her eyes for only a moment before his are dropping to her belly. To that obvious bump that's harder to hide each passing day. Almost into her second trimester now. Only a few days off. Of course he notices it and she was preparing for this. The words that she was going to say to him when he found out, but it all just dies on her tongue.
Instead she nods, those tears that were pricking her eyes earlier finally threatening to spill, clinging to her lashes as she looks up at him. There is a sudden desperation in her chest, a hope beyond hope that he'll forget all about leaving and come home. Maeve forces herself to breathe, lips parting to speak as her brows knit together, "When we were in the woods... That's when it happened." She hadn't been with anyone else but him then. It wasn't possible that it could belong to anyone but him. Not Sunjata, not Jack, no one else.
"I- I found out after you were already gone. I was going to tell you when you got back." Because he deserved to know. Even if he didn't want her. Even if he didn't want the baby. Their baby. Maeve inhales sharply, forcing herself to keep going, to tell him that he doesn't have to stay with her because of this. Even if she desperately wants him to. Not out of obligation, but because that's what he wants. "You don't have to be involved. With them or me or... I know you left and that you- you didn't want to be with me." It's not why he left, but it's what she knows. It's all she knows.
I'm undone about to burst at my seams 'Cause I am picturing you beside me So let me be everything that you need
He wants her to be lying. To tell him its anyone else's. Not because he doesn't want her or the baby but because he's Locke. He ruins everything he touches and now he's going to fuck this kid up before it's even born. Before it's even gotten a chance. And the war. And she's the queen. How did he manage to fuck this much up this badly?
He just kind of nods as she talks. Yeah, that seems right. The swell and every thing. As much as he doesn't want it to be his, it is. "Is it.. Okay?" The baby, he means. And a little bit her. Because he's too nervous. What if it's hurt? What if it's sick? Can you even tell at this stage? He doesn't remember.. He doesn't remember anything he knew about babies. The nervousness is almost too strong and he can't look at her but he can't look away either.
Locke's still clutching the little doll from earlier and he almost instinctively holds it against his chest. His breathing is too fast and he can't seem to catch it. He hasn't felt like this in so long, he's almost forgotten what it's like. You don't have to be involved. With them or me or... I know you left and that you- you didn't want to be with me. Her voice snaps him out of the spiral and his eyes narrow, golden slits where hazel green once was.
"You think I don't want to be involved with my kid? Do you really think I'm one of those kinds of guys?" There's anger, at first, but it quickly dies into realization. He is one of those guys. He left, didn't he? Even if he didn't know. Even now, he plans on leaving with the Ark. He has to. Would she even understand? It's clear she hasn't understood any of this. "I never said I didn't want you.." Spoken softly, just above the hum of the crowd.
"I said other people needed you more. And I was right. Torchline needs you. Sunjata. The baby. Hotaru. They all need you." I need you. His voice is strained as he stares at the ground. "I'll just drag you down."
I know I was born and I know that I'll die The in-between is mine
It's easy to see the way his mind races and she's struggling to get anything from him. The nerves, the panic, all of that makes sense. She felt that too when she found out. That's not what she's concerned about, though. Maeve wants to know how he feels beyond that. Is he happy? Does he want it? Want her? Will he be here with her when she has them? That's what she wants to know and he gives her nothing but a softly asked question.
"Phoebe checked me out. She says the baby is perfectly healthy, growing well, and that there doesn't seem to be any issues. We're both healthy despite the stress." That alone was a blessing. There could have been so many complications already, but there were none. Their baby was healthy. She was healthy. It's the most they can ask for right now.
Maeve watches the way his chest heaves, breaths coming too fast, eyes blown a little too wide and she wants to reach out and soothe him, but she thinks that might not be allowed. Especially not after she tells him that he doesn't have to stay. That he doesn't have to be saddled with her if he doesn't want it. His eyes shift in the span of a breath, sparking with anger at her words, the predator in him lashing out.
"No, that's not it. I- I just didn't want you to think you had to." She didn't want him to feel obligated. If he was involved, she wanted it to be because he wanted her. Wanted them. Not because of some moral obligation that he felt the need to abide by.
His words are so soft she almost misses them. A shaky breath pushes past her lips, brows pinching together as she looks at him in disbelief. If he wants her then why did he leave? Why does it matter if other people need her more? Didn't he realize that she needs him? It isn't until he mentions Sunjata that she scoffs, shaking her head as a laugh that holds nothing but bitterness slips past her lips.
"You think Sunjata needs me? Sunjata doesn't fucking need me. He's moving off to live in the Wilds with Nate. I told him about the baby and he was merely relieved that it wasn't fucking his because I would have been another burden for him to bear. I asked for a friend and comfort and he asked for a favor in return. So no, Sunjata doesn't need me. He doesn't want me." Maeve runs a shaky hand through her hair, closing her eyes for a moment as her jaw feathers, trying to keep her breathing steady. "And even if he did need me, I picked you." Not that this is about that, but she feels the need to remind him, wanting him to realize that Sunjata wasn't anywhere on the list of people who needed her. "Hotaru cut things off because of my connection with Aurelia. Besides that, she has Remi now. She doesn't need me either. Torchline and the baby? Yeah, I'll give you those. They need me, but outside of that?"
The tears finally slip down her cheeks now, a mixture of hurt and frustration as she takes a sudden step forward, close to crowding his space as one of her hands curls over her belly. "No you won't... Have you ever stopped to consider what I need, Locke? That maybe I need you more than those other people need me? What about my support system? What about my family? Don't I get to have one of those? Why can't I have that with you? Why do you keep running away from me?" All hard questions, but she voices them anyway, words trembling and breathy as she holds in barely contained sobs. Her voice threatening to break over each word as her breath hitches in her throat, "We need you."
I'm undone about to burst at my seams 'Cause I am picturing you beside me So let me be everything that you need
Through all of the anxiety and anger and whatever else he's feeling, hearing that she and the baby are healthy is a relief. He relaxes, a tension he didn't even realize he was holding leaves him and he wishes he could find more comfort in all of it. But at least, physically, they're okay. That's all he wants. Because deep down he wants this as much as she does. Them. A family. To have picnics on the beach and teach their kid how to swim on lazy days. To stretch out by the fire and drink tea and tell stupid stories. All the things he wanted as kid he never got, he wants to make sure this kid has that. Parents included.
His jaw flexes, almost mirroring her own. This isn't the place to have this talk, not the time. But he has a feeling it's the only chance they'll get. Whatever happens today will cement the future of where they go afterwards. "Of course I want to be in my kid's life." He says it again, softly, almost sadly. No matter how this goes, he wants to be part of it.
It's her turn to be angry and he's almost glad she is. She deserves to be angry with him and he deserves her wrath. It feels right, somehow. Like he's being punished properly for the sin of hurting her this badly. Except her words do nothing but anger him. Some part of it hurts but he wonders if she gets what she's saying. If she hears how she sounds to him. Like she wishes it was Sunjata's. Like.. She wishes he picked her. Maybe that's not what she means but that's how it feels. His jaw is so tight that it hurts and all he can think are venomous words. But they don't come out, they can't. Maybe she does want the other man more, maybe she does wish it was his kid. Maybe she's just trying to move on. He can't fault her for that.
But then she's crowding into his space and he's not sure what to do. Golden eyes narrow as he watches her. Whatever anger was on her features dies as she talks. About needing him. A family. A support system. Is that how she sees him? Her question scares him more than anything else she's said. Who cares about Sunjata and Hotaru and Torchline and Caido. Why does he keep running? Because he's scared. He's so fucking scared. He always has been. He's just a terrified little boy who doesn't know how to handle anything and he's never had anyone there to hold him. Running kept him alive, running dulled the pain. Or it used to at least.
"I'm scared. Of myself. Of the war. Of you." He presses closer because he can't stop himself. One scarred hand comes up to brush the tears off her face before lingering there. Her skin is soft and cool as it's always been. "I don't want to hurt you more.. And I know I will. I wanted to leave before I could make it worse. I had to leave because I hate you working at the Halenani but I couldn't make you choose. So I chose for you."
"You have Seren and Aurelia and Remi and Ronin. You have so many people, Maeve. You don't need me. I'm just going to keep running. It's all I've ever done." As much as he wants it to be a lie, he knows his heart. Even now, he wants to run. He should've never come to talk to her.
I know I was born and I know that I'll die The in-between is mine
The anger that bubbled up hot and acrid in her throat dies in a flash, becoming all of that hurt that she's kept so tightly bottled up just to function instead, so thick and cloying that it takes all she is not to collapse. No, she doesn't realize it makes it sound like she wants Sunjata. She doesn't fucking want him. Maeve wants to tell Locke how he's treated her. How selfish he's been with his compassion, but all of those thoughts go out of her head the second he presses closer to her. The swell of her belly touches him now, very warm and very real between them, a child made from the both of them. Maeve leans into his touch, looking up at him from beneath her lashes, drawing in a shaky breath, "Don't you know that I'm scared too? I'm terrified." She rasps, tears continuing to run down her cheeks as she reaches up with one hand to grip his wrist, the other slipping up his chest to tangle into his shirt.
"You don't want me working there because of what happened to you? Seren.. Seren told me. She didn't tell me specifics, but I-" Maeve pauses, licking her lips as another trembling exhale leaves her. "I figured it out. Easy to know what happened when the same thing happened to you." She murmurs, swallowing thickly past the lump in her throat so she can keep pressing. She can't let him go again. It'll kill her this time. To know that he wants her and yet he won't stay. "I'm not working anymore... Not like that. I stopped as soon as I found out." She's not sure it even matters, but she wants him to know.
"I do need you, Locke. I do. We do. Don't you see that? I need you more than ever." Maeve presses closer to him, dropping her forehead against his chest, unable to resist the temptation of his warmth. So desperate for the comfort that she knows he can give her. Her fingers tighten in his shirt, "Remi and Ronin... They'll watch out for me, sure, but they can't stay with me. I can't leave Torchline now. Seren has tasks to do for her mother. Aurelia... It just isn't the same as you. Not when you're the one that I want. That I need."
I'm undone about to burst at my seams 'Cause I am picturing you beside me So let me be everything that you need
It's like his touch opens the floodgates and suddenly she's in his space. It's all too much at once. The baby, her, the fact that she knows what happened, the fact that she understands. It takes every ounce of his willpower to stay there, to not move a muscle. He just kind of stands there, one hand against the side of her face until she lets his wrist go. It does comfort him, a little, to know she isn't working like that anymore. But of course she's not. She's pregnant. Would she start again when the baby is born? Does he want his baby to be raised in that kind of environment. He knows the Halenani is different but...
He finally takes a shaky breath, as if alive again. "I need to think.. Maeve. I can't.." Even as he says it, he leans down just a little, his cheek resting on top of her head. "I need time." Time he doesn't really have but that he's going to fight for anyway. It's too much all at once and he can't process it and he wants to. "We can talk again, properly, when the Ark gets back to Torchline, if you want to still. I'll have it figured out by then." He hopes at least. Because he wants her so desperately but fuck, can't she see how badly this is going to go? What kind of queen involves herself with a man like him?
Locke holds up the little doll he was making, opening his hand to show it to her. It's probably a girl, brown hair and the closest thing to hazel for eyes. Scruffily made as all the things he makes are. "Can.. You help me with this? I can't get the eyes right." Ever since the fire, he can't do finer detailed things. It's fine for a stew or a pie but not sewing. "I.. Please." He almost mentions that he still has the blanket she made him, all those moons ago, when he thought training was the worst part of his day. When she was just his friend he had a crush on. When things were easy.
I know I was born and I know that I'll die The in-between is mine
