Sunjata -
Hotaru Kaito
the Valkyrie
Masseuse / Headmistress

Age: 33 | Height: 5'2 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: King's End
Level: 3 - Strg: 38 - Dext: 38 - Endr: 54 - Luck: 40 - Int:
Played by: Brit Offline
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Posts: 2,241 | Total: 6,168
MP: 9427
#1
Hotaru
Sunjata -

I hope this letter finds you, wherever you are. I heard you had left Torchline, and stepped down as Governor. I hope wherever you and Nate have decided to put your roots, it brings you the peace and happiness you both deserve.

There’s so many things I feel I need to say. I don’t think there’s ink and parchment enough in the world to allow it, but I feel I have to try. I understand if you don’t read all the way through, or don’t open this letter at all, but at least I will have put the words down and sent them to you. I have to try. It is penance if nothing else.

Firstly, as I told Nate in his own letter, I did help burn the Advocates. Had I not been pregnant, I wouldn’t have felt the need to lie about my involvement. It wasn’t something I wanted to do, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my children either. They were all I had in that moment, and even my desire to be honest with you could not overcome that. I know you asked me why, why I did it, but in that moment I don’t think you cared to feel how I felt, even feeling it through the bond. I don’t blame you for that. But you asked why - and so I’ll tell you, if I cannot show you.

You are the only soul I ever told about the people I’d loved before, and how badly they had hurt me. The scars they’d left me with, the insecurities they had beaten into me. Things even Deimos was never privy to. I trusted you with a part of me nobody else has ever seen, even before we were ever together. Things I’d never even had the chance to open up and share with Nate.

Despite my desire to be a mother again, I respected that you felt you could never be a parent. I was willing to forsake that desire for you, because I loved you so much, and being with you was enough for me.

There are deepening ink stains here where a pen had clearly hovered and hesitated around the word ‘loved’.

We didn’t leave on good terms, not really. I felt we did, in the moment. In reality I was running, because you had already hurt me more than I could have ever conceived, and I couldn’t stay and let you hurt me more. I had stayed so many times before. This time, I would be smart enough to run. Preserve what little remained. I thought I was breaking a cycle, one you had expressed once that you wished I had never been stuck in.

Part of me wished you hadn’t let me go, as hypocritical as it is to say - because you giving me the choice to make my own path was a contrasting kindness. But after I left I grieved in ways I never thought I’d grieve again. Losing you, losing the chance to be a mother with a family, losing Nate. You had taken everything, betrayed every confidence I’d placed in you. I had showed the most secret and vulnerable parts of myself, and you drove a knife into them like they were a painted target. I felt like didn’t even know how to breathe anymore. But I couldn’t allow myself to be angry - I never had before after all. It was clearly something lacking in me that was the cause. In all the times this had happened, I was clearly the common thread. I was - am - poison. And that poison infects everything I touch. I shouldered the burden, the blame. And I was barely living for nearly a season, wishing I’d never come back from that sickness. That I hadn’t survived at all, if it meant living with knowing all I’d done wrong.

And then Deimos told me of how you’d moved on.

So then maybe it wasn’t me. Or maybe it was. I didn’t care anymore. I just wanted you to feel my suffering. All I wanted then was to hurt you, but even at my worst I couldn’t commit to hurting you physically. I couldn’t stomach the idea. I thought - surely for once, I can be angry. I can hurt someone else, instead of being the wounded party time and time and time again. I saw you handing me the dagger on that bridge, telling me to stab you, and I lost all sight of anything else. Why not take the opportunity a second time, belatedly?

An empty building, a guild that barely breathed, it was easier to take my broken heart out on wood and stone than you.

And even then I was punished for feeling the way I did. I lost Atlas. And for all you loved Lusea, I have lost my own children - and even that pain cannot compare to having a bonded companion taken from you.

And then you both hated me for it. For a building that has yet to be fixed. And after losing Atlas I went to Frey, hoping someone would take me, would love me. I had nobody, nothing. And I found Remi there - and though I’d never wanted him, doubt I ever will, I saw only you and Nate in Frey’s face. And I was weak. I wanted one last moment of pretending I was yours, and well. We see what happened there. Just another ironic, cruel punishment. The motherhood I’d wanted, but ironclad in the surety that I would have to do it alone, and be hated by almost everyone for the mistake that created the opportunity.

I wish I could say I hated you. The closest I can come is saying I hate what you did. I hate that I thought things could be different. That I trusted you. But even so I still love you, both of you, and it’s laughably pathetic.

I did meet Kamaria, entirely by accident. She’s a beautiful girl, inside and out. I hope she’s adjusting well, wherever you are. I probably don’t have the right to say that, but I’ve never prescribed to rules before.

I know this is off topic, all of this, and drawn out considering. But if I only had one chance for you to read the words I had in my mind, I didn’t want to waste it. I hope that if you open this at all, I can put everything that needed to be said in one place. Explanation and news both.

Halo was taken back by Morgan by power of the Ascended. We had taken it in the first place under Safrin’s orders. I doubt she’ll be happy about it, which is why I wanted to reach out. Because the dragon that came - it was your form. I don’t want to believe it was you, and I won’t. Not until I hear from you directly. I won’t make the same mistake as last time. Perhaps it’s a lesson learned late, but learned all the same.

Were you there, that night? If so, I wanted you to have caution when next you visited Safrin, if you were unaware it had been her orders that led to the change in rule in the first place. Im sure she wouldn’t punish you for being unaware, but…well, I’m not sure what I intended to say here. Prepare a good gift, perhaps.

Anyways. I am in the Greatwood for now. I don’t know how long, or where I can even go. Living for the twins is all I can really do. There’s nothing left aside from them

This is the last closure I need, what little it is. To know I said my piece. Entirely honest, as you deserved the first time around had the situation not been what it was.

I love you, Jata. And I’m sorry.

Be safe. Please.

Ru
Hotaru has a passive magic that makes her glow with an internal golden light; it makes her appear youthful and her hair seems to look like moving sunlight. Can only subtly illuminate dark spaces.
Sunjata Wrenzaok
the Flood
Archon of King's End

Age: 34 | Height: 6'5 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: King's End
Level: 15 - Strg: 76 - Dext: 73 - Endr: 75 - Luck: 79 - Int: 3
PETRONELLA - Mythical - Sea Panther
Played by: Skylark Offline
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Posts: 8,340 | Total: 13,495
MP: 2712
#2
i'm only just strong enough, i'm sinking through the ground below
(The letter arrives later, crumpled in parts, as if he wasn’t sure whether or not to send it. It’s within a relatively pristine envelope, an old seal from Torchline he’d used as Governor to keep it closed. He doesn’t know if it’ll reach her, but he sends it anyway – )

Hotaru,

We both know that I’ve read the letter. In fact, I’ve read it multiple times. The most difficult part about this is figuring out where to start, so bear with me.

I think it’s important that you should know when I made the deal with Safrin, it wasn’t something I was intending to do. I didn’t intentionally step out of the house wanting to break your heart. I made that deal when she woke me from my sleep, beckoning me to her. To talk about the war, to talk about sides.

You know how I get. Especially so soon after everything with my father.

I broke a bit in front of Safrin. I know she doesn’t approve of Nate, of being with an Ascended. And with war coming, you were Abandoned at the time. I knew you’d be okay. And if I lost you because of my decision, at least I knew you’d survive the war. Nate, though?

I can’t lose him. It’s different with you, because despite how I’ve hurt you, I didn’t have a hand in killing you. I could with Nate. I needed to make sure I wouldn’t. I needed to make sure that even if everything went horribly south that I had a chance to keep him with us.

I should have asked. I shouldn’t have agreed as quickly as I did. But I was afraid that if I said no in that instance that the deal would be off the table.

You know I’m nothing but impulsive and terrified.

I never wanted to be one of those souls that hurt you as badly as the others had. I never wanted to be another Thranduil for you. I just need you to know that it wasn’t my intention when Safrin called me to her to arrive back home about to become a father.

I’m sure you can relate given the situation with your children and Remi.


(the ink here is dried differently, as if it’s taken him a few days to piece it together)


I had to let you go. I fucked up. I let both you and Nate go because I had nothing to make you stay. I broke your trust and Nate’s and I had nothing to try and fix it. I can’t fix it. What’s done is done.

I spiraled when you both left. I’m sure that’s no surprise.

I couldn’t go after you both. You made your stances clear. I had nothing to offer. I would fuck up again. I’m trying my best not to, but you know how that goes. It’ll happen again and again.

Deimos came to visit me when you and Nate were gone. He told me the only reason he wouldn’t hurt me for what I did to you was because of Kamaria. So I couldn’t chase after you, not knowing how susceptible I am to hurting you. I kept my distance. I had hoped it was enough. And when Nate came back, it was… Difficult, but we’re working through it. We still are. We’ve moved on because we had to. We moved on because after my father, Torchline was sprawling with everything that viewed me as weak. I had to put on a face. We both did.

He’s the only thing I have aside from Kamaria anymore.

As for Halo, I haven’t heard what happened. I’ve been busy and away as of late, but word will spread fast I’m sure. Was it me? No. I’ve only been in Halo on a quest for Safrin to Whitebrim. A trip that hasn't included any dragon of any sort.

Congratulations on your twins, though I am saddened to hear that you thought lying about the arson would protect you more from the repercussions of it. Your pregnancy was a surprise, yes, but I had hoped you’d know me better than to know I’d put you in danger. If anything, we had planned to keep you there for your safety. We had planned to move you somewhere more comfortable, with check-ups to make sure everything was going to be fine.

But it went south when our witness – Jack, maybe you’ve heard of him – had seen you and shared it with us and you couldn’t find it in you to trust us enough to tell us before Remi took you away.

After all those months of not trusting my mind and those around me, the Advocates and the Clinic were the last straw for us as rulers of Torchline. If I had remained, I would’ve become my father. I'm already paranoid, my trust in nearly everyone but Nate and my daughter is gone.

So we’ve left. Letters likely won’t find me. But if you’d rather talk face to face, feel free to have Remi let me know.

For what it’s worth, Hotaru, I loved you too.

But I cannot and do not forgive you.

– Sunjata
so hold me, just long enough to
show me how to find my way back home
SUNJATA
No permission needed for power play!
Feel free to use magic/force on Sunjata, without killing him <3
Sunjata speaks with an Australian accent and has a passive magic that makes him produce a subtle scent that matches exactly to whatever those around him most desire him to smell like.


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