On this winter's night with you

Remi was...moving things. After seeing Celosia so unceremoniously torn from the threshold of the door, all confidence Remi had in the safety of this place—of his and Vai's plans to provide some sort of haven for everyone—had been shaken entirely. All she'd done was try to help...and now she was...just gone. Eyes wide though he didn't really see, Remi stumbled into the back of the bar into one of the rooms used for storage. There he had left the majority of the liquor he'd made, and he vaguely thought to bring some up for a...toast? A..speech? He didn't know. With a shaky breath, Remi's fingertips ghosted over one of the crates, but he didn't move to lift in. Instead, he placed an arm against the wall, set his forehead against it and closed his eyes. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

Sam was keenly aware of Remi's movements in the Rathskeller. Remi was his lifeline here, after all, the shore in the seas of his panic. He watched him go into the back with a quiet frown but didn't begin to worry until a while had passed. As soon as he had hold of the thought that Remi might be in trouble he couldn't shake it, fantasising monsters lurking in the back and ripping him in two. He stood up, checked about to make sure no one had followed (the more rational part of his mind that knew Remi was likely just upset knew this would be something better left private) then headed into the back himself, stepping softly so he didn't alert the Alchemist right away. But as soon as he saw Remi bent against the wall with his head on his arm, his body moved without thought. Sam came up behind Remi, circling arms loosely around his waist and resting his head on his back. "I-it's me." He mumbled into the back of his shirt, stroking a comforting hand over his chest. He had never felt comfortable being so physical with people before, but now that he and Remi had been in bed together...he suddenly felt a wall lift. "Are you a-alright?" Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

Not nearly as aware as he should be—especially during LongNight—Remi was entirely unaware that anyone else had entered the room with him until he felt the arms sliding around his midsection. Tensing slightly, Remi turned just enough to see the shock of red hair. As he did, he immediately relaxed, and pressed his forehead back against his arm with a muffled sort of sigh-sob. Reaching his free hand around to grasp the arm on his chest, Remi’s clasp was surprisingly strong, desperate, and sad, somehow. “No.” Remi whispered, swallowing down a wellspring of emotion that wanted to erupt from his throat. Turning in Sam’s arms, Remi’s hands rounded around the man, forcing him against the alchemist’s chest so that he could tilt his head and bury it against Sam’s shoulder. “I knew her.” Remi continued, his voice still barely more than the barest of whispers into the cloth of Sarm’s shirt, as his arms intertwined against Sam’s back pressing him ever closer. “We went outside the Wall together...we..” The alchemist’s words sounded weightier than the words themselves portrayed. But of course they did. It wasn’t as though Sam understood what it was to be beyond the wall. He didn’t know what a rare and dangerous privilege it had been, nor could he understand the magnitude of a commoner and a duchess strolling in such a way. “...swam...and...when we came out animals had moved our clothes and...the man...he had...” But Remi’s remembered memory dissipated as he clutched Sam closer, his breath warm and sad against the bookmaker’s neck as the hands around the small of his back rose into a sad and needy hug. “Promise you will always say goodbye, Sam. Please—“ Remi all but begged, sounding far too serious and emotional all too soon. “Please.” He repeated, pressing a kiss against the side of Sam’s neck, his fingers around his midsection only tightening with his silent plea. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

Sam raised his hands to lay flat over Remi's back as he turned, pressing his head to rest in against his chest. He listened to the words but didn't really understand (did he mean the barrier? Had he gone beyond it?), but he did understand the sadness behind them and wanted desperately to help get it out. "I...I'm sorry. She...sh-she...it was..." Sam couldn't really put words to it, the horror of watching someone so swiftly and easily killed. He hadn't known who she was but the sight had been enough to put an ice pick of fear into his heart. "..I'm sor-sorry." Remi's sudden request took him by surprise. He wasn't sure how to respond to it at first, unsure if Remi meant he thought he was going to die too. It was possible, but Sam had no intentions of dying this LongNight. But it seemed important to Remi, so he nodded. "I...I pr-promise. He pressed a kiss to Remi's chest. "I w-will always say g..goodbye. But..." Sam looked up and kissed Remi's chin, raised a hand to push his hair back. "H-Hopefully I won't n..need to say it much." Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

One of Remi's hands curled distractedly into Sam's hair as his head rested against the alchemist's chest. Placing his chin on the top of Sam's head Remi closed his eyes, nodding at the offered condolence, though they both knew that it helped little.  She was another piece of home that hadn't adapted fast enough to this place, and now she was just...just gone. The implication of Sam's words made something icy encircle Remi's heart. Gazing down with earnest fear and the precepts of heartbreak, the alchemist's pale eyes searched Sam's own, as if trying to find therein the answers to the questions he couldn't ask. Was this worth it? Would it last? Could he ever be what Sam needed? Would the bookmaker break his heart? Or would Remi break his? "I am glad you are here." Remi whispered, resting his head against Sam's and curling his arms around the bookmaker. His...his...Remi closed his eyes as his throat similarly closed. He couldn't put a word to it, not with thoughts of Loren floating so close to the surface. Not while the hope the librarian might still one day return not totally doused. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

Remi stared into his eyes like he was searching for the answer to something, but Sam didn't know what the question was. "..I..I am too." He pressed a kiss to Remi's cheek then after a last squeeze, took a step back. "You sh-should maybe sit d...down. " He wanted to comfort, help, any way he could. He guided Remi to sit on a crate and looked about for a drink or some food. Eventually he saw some wine and sitting next to Remi, pushed it into his hands. "D-don't drink it all. But...m..maybe a bit would help, dar..darling." Along with the pet name he pushed Remi's hair behind his ear. "You...y-you probably made that. " He said with a little while, pointing at the bottle. Holding his wrist loosely he rested his head on Remi's shoulder. "I don't... like wine much. It's...t-too much like blood." Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

Remi moved his head slightly into the feeling of Sam's lips against his cheek, his eyes closing as if he could somehow just pause things and enjoy the sensation. But he couldn't, of course, and as Sam pulled away and suggested that he sit, Remi helplessly and obediently did as he was instructed. His mind and his heart seemed to have utterly stopped trying to communicate with one another, and the alchemist suddenly felt as though his body was host to two icy forces having a silent stand-off. Glancing at the wine thrust into his hands, Remi read the number 12 on the label. That meant it was one of his earlier batches and— —darling. The alchemist blinked uncertainly into the pet-name, his lips falling open as the immediate urge to respond in kind was interrupted by Sam's continued speech. "Ah.." He mumbled, tearing his gaze uncertainly away, to look down at the label. "Yes. I did." Remi added, though a blush had begun to softly colour his cheeks as he stared at the bottle in his hands. "I suppose you do taste it now, when you..." Drink? Feed? Bite? For some reason the terminology felt awkward on his lips, and so he merely let the words trail off. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

"Y-you're very talented." Sam said, smiling down at the wine. Remi was able to make so many things; he was sure if they were stuck somewhere and had to survive Remi could have them a whole house and pantry in moments. Remi trailed off, but Sam knew what he meant. He shrugged and tilted his head from side to side. "I...I th-think with the wine it's more the...c-colour. But yes, I do t..taste your blood. When I drink." He looked off to the side and down, still a little ashamed to admit he liked drinking from Remi even though it was clearly enjoyable for both of them. "...It's...th-the best thing. I've ever tasted." He kissed the bite mark on Remi's neck, the two dark pinpricks both horrible and exciting to see. He had done that, he had made a mark on Remi and they had shared so much time together now...it was a sign of the trust between them, of how far they'd come since the first time in the cave. "You...pr-probably think it sounds strange. But...w-we aren't here for m-me. Do you want t-to...talk more?" Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

Remi smiled a bit sadly, his shoulders shrugging. "I had a friend once...one of my very best friends actually, who made wine. She would probably say this is terrible." The alchemist's laugh was said and cold sounding as he swallowed. "She came here as well but .. I ... I think she is gone now too." Running a hand wearily across his eyes, Remi could only sigh. Glancing towards Sam as he elaborated, Remi nodded. "Now that you can taste..there are sweet white wines. Ice wines even or...you could always close your eyes, I suppose." He said with a small laugh, that trailed into something crooked and with a flare of heat as Sam admitted that he liked the taste. It wasn't surprising to hear, but Remi couldn't deny the flicker of lust that it sparked inside of him to hear Sam say it. Shivering slightly as Sam kissed the marks on his neck, Remi gently wrapped an arm around his waist. Turning his head, Remi pressed his lips against Sam's forehead, pulling him close. "Not strange." He replied, with an easy shrug. "Just different." With a sigh, the alchemist looked at the wine bottle in his hands. Pulling off the cork, he took a long and slow drink, feeling the liquid sliding down his throat. "No...I suppose it does not matter now. " Remi replied, exhaling a small puff of unhappy air from his nose. "I'm sorry Sam." He said, ruffling his hands through his hair distractedly and trying to prop up his cheeks with a smile. "I knew LongNight was dangerous. I just...I did not expect that." R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

"Well...i-it's still amazing that y-you can ma...make all of this." Sam smiled, reaching out to cover Remi's hand with his own. He didn't know what to say about the friend - Sam hadn't had much of that kind of loss in his life because he simply hadn't had the people to lose. All he could do was squeeze Remi's fingers and nod sympathetically. "Honestly, I d-don't care much for alcohol anyway." He said with a shrug. He'd never been able to feel the affects anyway, and it didn't taste very nice. The loss of wine when he'd worked out it reminded him of blood had meant very little to him. As Remi pulled him close he lifted his legs up and rested them on Remi's lap, fitting them together with ease and kissing at his jaw and neck. A noise carried in from upstairs and Sam sighed, resting his head on Remi's shoulder. "They should be quieter up-upstairs. It's...it...you need to be qu-quiet. So the monsters d-don't know you're there. Do...y-you think they'd listen? To you? They won't...to me. Y-you're the only one who listens t-to me. ..Except Jigano, but..." Sam frowned. "We had a...f-falling out." Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

"I can make things for you, you know." Remi whispered with a sweet smile. "Anything you like at all. You need only ask." As Sam placed his knees over Remi's lap, the alchemist wrapped his arms around him as if he might be preparing to lift Sam over some sort of threshold, and carry him off and away from this stupid never-ending nightmare that had only just begun. Instead, he shivered as Sam kissed his jaw and neck, moaning with a weary sort of happiness. With a fluttery sort of laugh, Remi reached to gently guide Sam's jaw up, kissing him deeply but tenderly. Glancing up at the floorboards as they moved and groaned, Remi shrugged. "The monsters already seem to know we are here. Does it even matter anymore?" He asked with a dark sort of sigh. The mention of Jigano made Remi flinch more than he intended to, but despite his own falling out with the bard, Remi's expression softened immediately and his hands wrapped themselves all the tighter around Sam. "You did? What happened?" R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

"I...w-wouldn't know what to ask for. I have...a..all I need. Right h-here." Sam smiled and kissed Remi's cheek, stroking down his chest. He had no idea what the appropriate level of soppy commentary was for this amount of time dating, but his heart wanted to tell Remi all kinds of sweet nothings until the Longnight was over and long after that too. Being kissed always made his heart flip and his eyes slip contentedly closed, and this time was no different despite the circumstances. Though when they parted he frowned and shook his head, a slightly confused frown on his face. "It ma-matters because they might g...go away. If it's q-quiet. And not c-c-come back." He felt Remi's flinch but thought little of it, prone to twitches himself and not surprised with all the nerves in the room. But how could he describe his argument with Jigano when so much of it could easily be an argument with Remi? He softly shook his head and kissed Remi's knuckles. "It....it's nothing. We j-just...had a di-difference of opinion. We will...ma-make up eventually." He hoped Jigano was somewhere safe so they'd have the chance to make up eventually. Sam sighed and rested his head against Remi's shoulder. He was so worried about what would happen if the barrier was brought down, or what would happen if Remi died in the attempt. "...D...do you think that...if we...if you...went to exp-explore, outside of the bubble, that...we could g-go together? Would you want to be st-stuck with me?" He laughed a little self-deprecating laugh, but this was the bravest and most vulnerable he'd been in a long time. Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

Sam's words made Remi's heart clench in ways which were impossible to describe. With the man nestled so close, Remi was consumed with uncertainty; a war of happiness and misery constantly waging battle inside of himself. And, stupidly, Remi let it, as if the outcome was out of his control. As if it wasn't entirely up to him to draw Sam close and tell him how he felt about the bookmaker, how he'd said I love you too fast before and how he was still wounded from it, and yet how the words buzzed on his lips just the same; or to pull back, explain why he couldn't do this, how Loren's eyes met him everywhere he turned, and how often he thought of returning to the library in hopes of seeing the magician again. And so he did neither, and let himself be soothed by the kind-hearted bookmaker. Remi couldn't help the way he leaned after Sam even as he pulled away. He just wanted to drown in the feeling of his lips and tongue pressed against Sam's, and so as the subject of monsters was revisited, Remi sighed and leaned his head against Sam's shoulder. "With so many in here? Somehow I doubt that. Even were we quiet, blood has been spilled. They know we are here." Gently Remi ran his hand up and down Sam's side gently, watching as his knuckles were raised and then kissed with a small smile. "A difference of opinion?" He repeated with a slight shake of his head. Yes, he supposed he had experienced that with Jigano as well. "I hope you do. He values your friendship quite a bit, I believe." Raising his head—the spot immediately filled with Sam's own against his shoulder—Remi glanced down towards the shiny sea of copper. Exhaling a warm breath against Sam's hair, Remi laid his cheek against it and hugged the man closer. "Stuck with you, hmm?" The alchemist mused, a smile on his lips and colouring his words. "That sounds terrible." He joked, leaning back slightly so he could flutter kisses softly against Sam's forehead and the bridge of his nose. R E M I I followed your ashes into outer space

Unaware of the internal turmoil Remi was in, Sam just enjoyed the closeness. He thought of the words I love you as well, though in far different contexts. He was imagining when and where he might say it to Remi, if it would be forced from him in a panicked moment or if he could plan for it, take him somewhere nice and make it a memory for the both of them. They deserved that. "...I...I suppose. They n-never really bo..bothered me. I think because I was so...so quiet." Sam shrugged. In his childhood the real monster had always been inside his house anyway, ready to slam open the door and attack at any moment. The horrors of Longnight then had not been what was outside, but being stuck with what was in. He smiled when he heard Jigano valued him. It was still nice to hear, even if he really knew that. But all thoughts of Jigano left his mind as Remi began to kiss at his face, Sam giggling delighted in a light and airy way that didn't even sound like him, it was so happy. He reached up his hands to cup Remi's jaw and made him meet his eyes. "S..so you do? Want me to c-come with you? I might...g-get upset sometimes, you know." Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve