long black night, morning frost

you are not a grave for people to bury their pain inside
never to be remembered again

It had been far too long. The tail end of autumn wrapping neatly into snowfall and frost heralding winter and LongNight. Hotaru had not wanted to delay as long as she had, but letters in Caido were slow, and even after Phoebe had found and healed her, the midwife had kept her under observation until they could be sure her newfound powers had worked. In any other situation the Valkyrie would have been grateful for such attentiveness, but with clarity restored - even if grief and mourning could not be so easily erased, even magically - all Hotaru wanted was her children. And Remi, as silly as the notion seemed. To fix what had been broken, praying she had not lost one of the few in the world she cared for in any capacity.

The treehouse seems a safer alternative than his boat-abode, given Ronin's presence. Perhaps it's not professional, but the Valkyrie has never been one to stand on ceremony - or to respect it, really.

Entering on quiet feet, shaking snow out of her long golden hair, she fights not to bite her lip or physically display any other outward sign of worry. "Remi?" Hoping she had timed things right to catch him at work. Whatever that was, considering he was mostly a figurehead of protection, a warning of all others away from the Greatwood. Not exactly a job that lends itself to paperwork and visiting hours.

you are magic given physical form

Hotaru

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

Remi feels his pulse spike at the sound of his name spoken in the unmistakable voice of his twins' mother. Pausing with a quill in his hands, the alchemist takes a moment to settle the emotions that rise like hackles in the back of his throat and to smooth over the barbs that immediately coat his tongue. With intentional care, he sets the quill down, takes stock of the ratio of his feelings (his recent rekindled empathy thanks to Mort suddenly put to the test), and stands.

Dressed in a simple sweater and tan pants, Remi emerges with his hands in his pockets and his eyes on the floorboards. He leans a shoulder against the doorframe that he's only half out of, before allowing his sea glass stare to rise to a point it might meet Hotaru's. Unsure what to expect—beauty, disgrace, a bedraggled woman come to barter for their children—the alchemist is surprised to see the Valkyrie looking shockingly human.

"Hallo." He offers quietly.

REMI

you are not a grave for people to bury their pain inside
never to be remembered again

He doesn’t keep her waiting long, for which her nerves are grateful. The creak of timber beneath his careful feet curls around her spine, and her shoulders roll back, straightening in helpless desire to chase it away. Then he is there, tall and composed and - and familiar. It is easier to see him as the man who had held her hand at her bedside than the one who had held the twins in his arms and disappeared over the horizon. And for that -

“Thank you,” she whispers, and though there is a tiredness to her airs, it is overshadowed by the fierce weight of her sincerity. Moving closer on feet that do not tremble even with her uncertainty, she offers her hand in a gesture that would otherwise seem strange - for him to feel, with certainty, what she is feeling. But even if he does not take it (she prays he does, for selfish reasons) her eyes never waver from his seaglass greens. “For taking them. For keeping them safe - even from me. It was exactly what I would have wanted you to do, in sound mind.” If he expected resentment, it will not be found. In fact Hotaru is fiercely proud of the father of her children, and grateful beyond measure. Something quite animal in her purrs, pleased that the sire of her progeny was such a fine specimen, whether she’d chosen him intentionally or not. There will be time to answer questions, to explain - but first she must impress how grateful she is. The safety of the twins would always, always, matter more than her own feelings.

you are magic given physical form

Hotaru

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

Remi is slow to acknowledge her words, or what her gesture means, lest he act and react faster than his mind is able to reconcile. It is times like these that the Lullaby is too strong for his own good, for wouldn't it be easier to simply lock Hotaru away in a dream forever? To keep her body cared for while her mind was imprisoned somewhere that it couldn't cause him any more strain? He could kill her just as easily, and no one would know. He could probably even barter with Ludo to take away the memory of what he'd done so that he wouldn't even know.

The twins wouldn't be the first in this world to grow up without a mother.

And so it is with intentional slowness and stillness that Remi swallows and moves forward to meet her, accepting her hand in a controlled gesture. At first his fingertips only brush the tips of her own. If lies were to be found hidden amidst the colours of her emotions, better that her hand wasn't within his own. The temptation to break every one of her bones might be too strong to ignore. Instead though, as she knew he would, he finds only honesty and tones and textures that corroborate her words and what Phoebe had told him. "Phoebe...explained." He offers softly, his voice carefully measured. "I won't pretend to understand most of it, nor what it was you went through."

Sliding his fingers more fully between her own for what he wanted to know next, Remi's eyes rise from their tangled hands to regard her earnestly. "Will it happen again?"

REMI

you are not a grave for people to bury their pain inside
never to be remembered again

Patience is a virtue, though Hotaru is far from virtuous. She keeps her hand calmly extended, awaiting his verdict. Far from unaware of exactly the things he could choose to do, the temptations be may feel. This is far from her first time tangling with and courting dangerous individuals. And while she is not at all practiced in the art of trusting others with her own life (previously guarded and hard won with all the times she could have laid down and given up) Remi is worth trying for.

When his rough fingers touch her own, narrow shoulders slightly relax, though it is the only visible relief she’ll show. There’s no need when he can feel it more keenly, buried as it is beneath stronger waves of appreciation and regret.

Stepping closer as his fingers lace with her own, Hotaru shakes her head in a stilted motion. “I didn’t understand it myself. It was…” her tongue knots itself, choking any decent explanation. Instead she squeezes his hand, letting the horror she’d felt when her mind had been healed come through. How she had retched into the grass, terrified and disgusted. When his eyes meet hers, there is flinty steel to be found in mismatched irises. “Never. Phoebe said it’s usually only post-birth, and in less severe cases eventually goes away naturally. But if it does - I expect you to put me down like a dog if I ever become a threat to our children.” Simple and unaffected in tone, accepting of this axe she holds to her own nape. Death would be a better fate to Hotaru than harming her own babies.

In a slightly more vulnerable twist of emotion, she drops her forehead to his shoulder and exhales slowly. “It was horrible. But I couldn’t be happier that you kept them safe. How are they?”

you are magic given physical form

Hotaru

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

Closing his eyes, whether out of an attempt to better understand or simply because he's overwhelmed, Remi drifts through the murky waters of what he feels. It's as if the world is clouded in a layer of film; even where it appears thin, the image on the other side is wrong in hard to specify ways. Greens and blues that should be sweet and soft turn brittle and cold, and smiles look like frowns with sharp teeth.

Opening his eyes to peer into ones he had once gazed into with surprising easiness and familiarity, now he only stares for a moment before frowning softly. The threads of her words match the colours he feels from her fingertips, and yet Remi can't say that his worries are resolved. 'There is no question I will always keep them safe.' He agrees in a low tone, his accent making the words sound sweet even he's agreeing to kill the mother of his children should it come to that. 'But until there is a way for me to know they are safe..." His eyebrows raise to express what his trailed-off words do not. ..you cannot be alone with them.

Suddenly though her forehead is against him, and Remi finds himself peering down at the top of her crown of golden hair made slightly uneven because of the snow. "They are..." Closing his eyes the alchemist tries to think of what it had been like in Mort's presence, filled with warmth and wonder, in an effort to soothe away the feathers appearing in his curls. "..good. Children here have a tendency to age differently, but for now at least, they are still as they were." Still young. Still innocent and free of the memories they might have made had they been older. "We can go and see them together, if you like." He offers, surprising even himself.

REMI

you are not a grave for people to bury their pain inside
never to be remembered again

There is something broken here now, and she is surprised by the grief it brings her, though she tries to hide it. At least there is no resentment, no blame - she would have done much the same in his shoes. So she soldiers on, as she always has in the face of loss. “I understand,” she forces herself to say evenly. Tamping down the maternal protestation that rises, fierce and desperate inside. “I don’t know what you’d consider proof aside from Phoebe’s attestation. But I’m not going anywhere - we have time.” Time for her to prove herself with every day, for him to gauge and evaluate to his satisfaction. Supervised or not at least she will be with her children.

The warmth of his shoulder even through his clothes chases away the clinging chill of the snow outside. He smells of ink and parchment. Remi will never smell of home to her, and she wishes he did. It is at least comforting all the same. His offer makes her jolt, head rising with overeager speed. Unexpected but not unappreciated. Slim fingers twitch restlessly between his own. “Please.” Swallowed by the acoustics of the room, meant only for his ears where they stand huddled together.

you are magic given physical form

Hotaru

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

He feels what she does, and perhaps that's why he finds it easier to say what he does rather than turning back toward the path of broken bones and disappeared mothers. "You do not have to pretend to be brave, or understanding." Remi whispers softly. "You can say that my strength has gone to my head and that my actions should have consequences. That I cannot just decide things." There would be a measure of truth in it too, and Hotaru certainly wouldn't be the first to say such things to him either. "I can go to Ludo. Ask it for a charm for them, that I might be brought to their sides if ever they are in danger."

Wrapping the arm not tethering them together around her shoulders, the alchemist leans his cheek against the top of her head and sighs sadly. It is an incredibly fucked up situation they find themselves in, one where his strength and their friendship's lack of longevity leaves all the balls in his court. It is unfair and burdensome, and yet here they were. As she looks up, Remi jerks back to allow the movement. Studying her face for a moment, the alchemist's expression smoothes out as he nods.

"I will not ask if you want to wait and warm up before we set off." He says under his breath with a small smile, knowing the Valkyrie would likely chop off her own limb before she'd wait any longer. "Come on. They are with Vai." Pausing only to reach for a thickly furred jacket, Remi glances over his shoulder as he shrugs it on, heading for the door.

REMI

you are not a grave for people to bury their pain inside
never to be remembered again

It’s an inappropriate response, but Hotaru laughs quietly as his whisper curls intimately in her ears, the void where regret should be louder than any syllable he speaks. “Remi. Consequences for what? Doing exactly what I would have done? You are unfairly more powerful than me, sure, but what are you truly asking for that I wouldn’t in your shoes regardless of power difference?” Squeezing his hand, she lifts her free one to cup his bristly cheek. “My heart will naturally long to be with them without any changes. To put this behind me - behind all of us. But you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Are you so used to focusing on the disparity between yourself and others that it has become the reasoning for everything?” While his view of her has changed, hers has not in reverse. She sees how he holds the reigns so tightly, everyone around him like fine china compared to the strength he has been given. But in this situation, she can’t see how it’s at all relevant.

“If Ludo would oblige, it would be a huge comfort - all the more if it would allow me to be with them freely. But I trust you Remi - with them above all else. I know you would answer their call.” It is a bittersweet triumph, that all the drama of their conception still led to ensuring that they, of all her children, would be safest by virtue of who their father was. She had ensured their protection, but failed to supply it herself. “I am a proud woman yes, and having decisions made for me chafes, but I’m not prideful when it comes to my children; I know you could protect them better than I ever could in times of danger.” And that is why she will play along with his demands. He could enforce them regardless sure, and perhaps it’s a laughable notion to think she is allowing anything at all, but her protestations are purely emotional and she is aware of that. And that is precisely why there’s no reason to yell or condemn him.

He is precisely right in his assumption, and she hounds his steps to the door, slipping through the moment it opens to the cold. She knows where Vai’s is of course given everything, and Hotaru strikes out in that direction, confident Remi will follow.

you are magic given physical form

Hotaru

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

'I do not think either of us are hallmarks of good decision-making.' The alchemist points out with a quiet laugh of his own. That he and Hotaru would have made the same choices were their roles reversed didn't soothe the unease he felt, though it did help him stomach it. "Yes." He agrees as she mentions the disparity that exists between him and everyone else. Even Ronin couldn't match Remi's strength or stamina, no matter how powerful he was in his own right. "Of course I am. I will outlive all of you. Won't die. There is no one and nothing I cannot stop in its tracks with just a touch." Her hand on his cheek will bow slightly with the sadness of his smile. So yes. It was his reasoning for everything.

Tugging in a breath, the alchemist nods. "We could also..." Itching at the back of his neck with his hand, Remi sighs. "Safrin and Ronin's daughter was never really an infant. She hardly was a child for very long before growing. Mateo was the same, as were other children I have seen. All it takes is a visit to Frey's shrine and they just....grow." As a father before this himself, he knew the joy and value in spending time with children when they were young and he would never take that away from Hotaru without speaking to her. But...perhaps after a time...would it not be better for them to be older, more capable, as a means of keeping them safe?

Quickly Hotaru outpaces him, and had he not felt the exuberance of her love for their children he might have thought she was planning to get there before him and snatch them away. Vai's cottage is not far, and soon they are inside, stripping off heavy coats to sink down next to the twins who are chewing on wooden letters and numbers before a roaring fire.

REMI

you are not a grave for people to bury their pain inside
never to be remembered again

"Certainly not. But that is why I do not hold against you what you did. Why I never will." His own internal struggles with the notion of inequality between them would be his own war. "It's a burden of knowledge only you can live with, Remi, and I'm sorry for that. But I'm not sorry for being selfishly happy that it means you will be there to protect the twins." They're both a little twisted, warped like driftwood on a forgotten beach. She can't judge in him what she sees in herself. Her thumb is gentle as it strokes across his cheek; were she capable of easing the burden of immortality on a mind born mortal, she would do it, but she cannot.

Delicate slopes of shoulders stiffen into forbidding peaks at his suggestion, but after a long moment of holding herself stiff and forcing down automatic denials, Hotaru swallows around her selfishness and finds her voice. "I scarcely remember my own childhood years at all. They would not miss much - and be safer for it." Her arms are strong - she will still be able to hold and cradle them even as they grow. Their safety now would ensure those later years of life that the Valkyrie would be able to watch - years she'd had stolen from her with her other children. "Before the end of the season. But not now - I need..." he knows exactly what she needs, can likely feel the ache as her hands leave his skin, as she hurries them out the door and into another. And though she is not touching him when she sets eyes on their children, she wouldn't be surprised if the weight of her emotion could be felt from a distance.

Sinking gracelessly to her knees beside the twins, she briskly warms her fingers with a touch of lightning before she reaches for them, unwilling to wrinkle their noses with chilly hands against their fire-warmed cheeks. Flora is first to be swept in her arms, kisses showered over every peeking inch of skin, scenting her with long strokes of Hotaru's cheek against baby soft hair. The cat inside purrs as their dull human scents mingle. Enzo is swept up next, grumbling as his toy is dropped and he is smothered in his mother's affections. "I have missed you so," she whispers into the space between where all three are huddled, golden hair like a veil keeping the world at bay. Tears - happy, elated things - swell in her eyes, which turn to look at Remi. "Thank you," hoarse whisper emerges once more, gratitude sprung anew with the confirmation of her children's safety physically present. A hand lifts, beckoning him to join.

you are magic given physical form

Hotaru

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

"The end, then." He agrees softly, because he can feel it. Her maternal pull is like a tide he's never known before, and though he won't put himself in the midst of it just now, even with his strength Remi is aware resisting her would be a feat of great fortitude.

Sinking down near the fireplace and watching the reunion unfold between mother and babes, Remi moves closer only once Hotaru beckons him. "I'm sorry that things are like this. That it all..." That it all happened this way. That it was still happening this way. Pulling in a breath and holding it, letting his mind focus on the heat warming his back instead of the thoughts floating around in his mind, Remi eventually exhales as he turns toward Hotaru.

"Are you and Deimos...?" He asks, unsure quite how to phrase the question. It isn't asked from a place of jealousy by any means, more of predatory concern for just what role the Sword might play in his life. In all their lives.

REMI

you are not a grave for people to bury their pain inside
never to be remembered again

There shouldn't be peace when he joins her, but there is. A spot that doesn't ache when empty, but which creates a sense of completion when filled. Adjusting the twins so that she may reach for him, the Valkyrie lifts her head as his voice trails into unsaid things. "Nothing has been perfect since this all began," she whispers. "I won't begrudge the absence of it now." Lifting her knees to cradle the twins in the space of her hips, Hotaru closes her eyes and smiles, lips trembling with emotion she doesn't care to parse. "I'm here. They're here. You're here. That's all that matters to me."

Not Halo. Not Caido. Not the war. Just them.

Jolting, mismatched eyes fly open at his question, completely out of left field. "Are you joking?" is the first thing to trip off her lips, before she shakes her head slightly. Of course he wouldn't ask without reason. "No, absolutely not. I love him more than any other person I've met, don't get me wrong. But it's love that you'd hold for your family." Mischief feels easier to reach here in the glow of the firelight, and her lips curl with it, eyes catlike and slit with mirth. "That's the only tree I have no desire to climb." No matter how attractive the package.

you are magic given physical form

Hotaru

This scar I can't reverse, when the more it heals the worse it hurts

It should feel like he's being unfaithful, but it doesn't. Something scrapes at the back of his mind, the thing that whispers to him how much Ronin would be hurt and would combust were he to see the Lullaby and Valkyrie like this, but that wasn't quite the same. For better or worse he and Hotaru were linked now with a bond stronger than just their momentary engagement in each other's bodies; they were bonded infallibly by the love they had for their children and somehow that made it all seem alright.

Sinking into this strange family tableau, Remi gazes down into Flora and Enzo's sweet faces feeling his heart thud and his stomach somersault. Raising a brow without any effort at all given to hide his smirk, the alchemist can only grin and shrug. "The only one, mm?" He wonders teasingly. "Well, his protectiveness of you...strikes me as either something more, or simply unhealthy." Remi says softly, so that his voice might not disturb their babies.

"He came to me in the woods to talk over what happened. He asked if he should worry about your safety, with me." Though Remi hadn't laughed in Deimos's face, he did laugh now, shooting Hotaru a wondering look that seemed to say as if he could do anything about it, even if I did. "I am not sure what he was getting at, but..." Trailing off, the Lullaby shrugged.

REMI