[Seasonal Event] Escape From/To You

As Remi settled into the blankets, he pulled out the small black stone. It still glowed green. Whatever had been outside the door when Sam had sat upon it had seemed to want to scare them more than anything else. He really should check on Isla, but with the soft green glow and his exhaustion lapping over him like insistent waves, his mind thought it could wait. She'd be fine. She always was. Too tired to flinch away from the contact, his heart too raw to appreciate it, Remi nodded gently. "Thank you Sam." He whispered softly, as he lowered his head, nearly asleep as soon as he touched the pillow. REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Samuel Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts Sam listened as Remi's breathing grew slower and softer, until it was finally the drawn out breaths of a deep sleep. For a while he simply let his mind go blank as he stared up at the ceiling of the temple, absentmindedly looking at each crack and mark in the stone. He wondered who had made it, if they had had any idea of what would happen within it. But eventually, inevitably, his thoughts turned to Remi and so did his eyes. The other man looked so exhausted. Sam suddenly found it very hard to summon any of the anger from earlier. Instead what he found was a tiredness himself, a loneliness and some guilt. Over time, inching closer every hour, he eventually found himself with an arm around Remi and his other hand gently stroking his hair. He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he began to speak, but he had heard the Rathskeller grow quieter and louder again downstairs as the most outspoken people went for rests then returned. Sam spoke because he rarely got the chance to practice what he wanted to say without consequence. With Remi here he could feel like he was getting it out for real, but there was safety while he was asleep. "I..." He began, then paused as he tried to consider his phrasing. "I am sorry. I really a-am. For...reacting. Like th-that. But...I've never...done any of th-this b..before. At all. And I don't...li-like thinking of you being wi-with other people like you were...with me. It mak-makes me feel like all...all I am t-to you is teeth. But." Sam closed his eyes and gathered his thoughts again. "I know...know you. If I think about i-it...I know you wouldn't do th-that. And you probably...d-did have good intentions. You're...good like that. I d-don't know if I've completely ru..ruined my chances of an...us...but...I do lo-love you, Remi. I've never...felt li-like this before." He idly stroked Remi's hair for a while before adding something else. "...And...I th-think if this isn't...the e-end. We could...maybe...if yo-you'd forgive me. Move past it. Until...you...until you.. lo..." That part he left unsaid, too nervous even with Remi asleep next to him.

In the depth of his slumber, as one of Sam's hands had reached out to curl around his waist, the alchemist reciprocated. Remi was a cuddler by nature despite how very seldom he actually had the opportunity to do so. Besides, it was cold in the temple and Sam was so perfectly the right temperature that his body seemed to think nothing of the way his fingers crested over Sam's hip, rounding there and then tugging the man closer. At some point though, Sam's words began to bubble through to his slumbering subconscious. Choruses of I'm sorry echoed deep in Remi's brain, the refrain of Sam's softly whispered words gently pulling him up from sleep. At some point, though Remi couldn't quite tell when during Sam's soliloquy it was, the alchemist began to listen. And each word was like a needle beneath his skin. There was what had happened with Isla...that was something they could navigate, the alchemist was sure. A misunderstanding, just something Sam needed reassurance about. Remi was nothing if not honest and faithful, but that wasn't the problem. The problem was Loren. The problem was always Loren, and those four little words Sam couldn't bring himself to say. Until you love me. Eyes closed still, tears slipped down the alchemist's cheeks in silent but steady tributaries. He tried to keep his face smooth and not let the trembling of emotion he felt within show. For the first time, Remi's heart was properly broken. Frey had already worked their magic when the alchemist found out that Loren was off with someone else. Now though, the wounds which had only been mental before, now tore at all of Remi's soft and uncalloused places.  He felt the inexorable urge  to scream at the sky demanding it tell him why. To demand at least a goodbye from the librarian or some explanation of why it all had to end so soon. He wanted to curse Loren for leaving him to feel like this, to beg for just one more kiss, just one more glance into those Launceleyn-blues... Nothing was fair or right or deserved, and yet here he lay, pretending to be asleep in the same bed where only the night before he and Ronin had lay, lamenting Vanya's untimely death. Only now he was here with Sam, who was whispering soft I love yous and wondering if it was over. Over? Had it even really begun? Remi hadn't ever fully given into what this relationship could be. Loren always lingered in the background, and now with his feelings returned Remi wasn't sure he was going to be able to breathe without feeling his heart ache, much less some how take care of Sam. Do not love me, he should tell Sam. You deserve someone whole. You deserve so much better. But instead he just silently laid there, trying not to let his tears make a sound. REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Samuel Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts After his little speech Sam stared at the ceiling a bit longer and wondered if there was anything else he should say, knowing that the words wouldn't come out half as eloquently when he tried to do it for real but hoping that Remi would forgive the sins of his inadequate voice. He became aware that Remi's breathing had changed, no longer the slow steadiness of sleep but a quick and distinctly awake noise. Sam looked down and as soon as he saw Remi's tears, immediately pulled him closer without thought and reached to touch his cheek. "Remi. What's wr-wrong? Are you worried? D...did you have a nightmare? All is w-well here." It did not as of yet occur to Sam that Remi might have heard his words. There was enough for Remi to be crying about without that needing to be a part of it. "...If...If it's me, then w-we're fine. Really. We are. I don't...I am sor-sorry. For it all." The words spilled out, not in the way he had wanted them to but that was how he found it usually went, his emotions bringing up speeches far too early and at the wrong times...like when he'd confessed.

Never one particularly well-suited for lying or misleading, the alchemist wasn't entirely surprised when Sam noticed that something about him was off. Rather than perhaps trying to be asleep still or feigning his way through appearing to have just woken up, Remi's pale eyes—made so much glassier by his tears—opened. The alchemist felt the way Sam's fingers touched his cheek and his hair, it both feeling so natural and yet not at all. Both men had erected various walls and barriers, and while Sam might have easily slipped between them will Remi was sleeping, the alchemist had not. "We are not fine." Remi whispered, shifting slightly so that he could look into Sam's eyes. His words were not meant as a rebuke or challenge, merely a softly stated fact. The were some things apologies could fix and some that they couldn't. Some things they couldn't even touch. "You did it Sam." Remi began again, his tongue and lips feeling dry and his eyes still feeling heavy. "The curse that Frey put on me...The one only true passion and emotion could break..." The hand on Sam's hip pulled away, as Remi wiped distractedly at his tears. "But...it...it means..." The words choked off in the alchemist's throat. It meant what Remi felt for Sam had been real. But because of that, the dam of emotions Frey's curse had held back had now been released, threatening to swamp completely the last lingering spark between them. REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Samuel Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts Sam stared into Remi's eyes, thinking for one blissful moment where there was hope that they were beautiful. But then Remi said we are not fine and he felt a crack appear in his heart. He had ruined this. But...he didn't understand just how he had ruined it. Remi phrased it almost like an achievement, but he didn't know about the curse or what it meant. Was it a good thing, that he had broken it? What kind of passion had been needed? His confusion showed on his face clearly, his brows furrowed and his speech paused as he tried to work out what Remi was talking about. "...I d-don't...what curse do you mean?" He didn't even know Remi had any kind of relationship with Frey, a God Sam only knew from pages of books he had quickly slammed shut once he'd seen the illustrations. "Is it...g-good? That it's gone?"

For a moment the alchemist buried his face into the blankets. He hadn't rested enough that his body felt ready for this conversation, but now that it was happening, Remi felt that he had to let it continue. "Sam," He began gently. "I need you to hear me what I say this. I am telling you these things so that you understand, not to hurt you. Alright?" And then, because it seemed like the sort of thing Sam needed, Remi reached out to gently take one of Sam's hands and softly kissed the pads of his fingers. "A few weeks after we all arrived here, a woman and I found one of the shrines near the glade. It does not matter how, but Frey appeared and placed a curse on me. All of my feelings for Loren, all the love and affection and want of him, were completely taken. I still knew what it was I felt for him, but I could not longer feel it. Frey said that only when I felt something worthy of them, true passion and emotion, would be feelings be restored." Pausing, Remi let his eyes slip shut, feeling the crest of a sob building in the back of his throat. How it had hurt to hear the things Sam said to him in that room, but then how everything was completely swamped by the frigid and rushing return of the latent love he had for Loren. "It is good that it is gone...but..." ..but it hurts more than I can bear. "..I never had to properly deal with Loren leaving, because I could not feel it. But now I feel everything..." REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Samuel Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts "Alright." Sam replied. Normally he would have smiled at the kiss to his fingers, moved forward to give Remi one back on his lips, but...the way this topic had been introduced made him anxious to do anything other than listen. Listening was not easy, though. Remi told him a story that at first he didn't quite understand, but when he did...oh. Now it wasn't Isla, but it was the spectre of Loren. There was a queue for Remi's heart it seemed, and he felt he was at the end of it. It was incredibly unfair that his emotions could be used to reveal Remi's for somebody else. "...Then...th-then.." Sam looked at a point above Remi as he tried to quell the tears brimming in his eyes, then asked a question he dreaded: "W...What do you want t-to do? Wait for...for him? I c-can leave you alone...if-if that's wh..what you want..but I don't want th-that. Not at all."

The way Sam tilted his head up to halt their eye contact made the shininess of his tears all the more obvious. For a moment though, Remi just regarded the ascended. If this—they—could ever work, Remi needed to be able to be honest. Remi needed more in life than just someone to stroke his hair. He needed a partner. And if Sam could not be that, then this complicated tangle of magic and circumstance was not their biggest problem. "Once I thought I would wait for him forever. I though that is what love meant...that no matter what he did, how or why he left that if I loved him, it would be forever. I still think that sometimes..." Remi admitted, his eyes softly scanning Sam's face knowing that the words couldn't be easy for him to hear. "But...now..." Remi pressed Sam's fingers against his lips again. Not kissing them, just holding them there. "Please do not leave Sam, that is not what I want either. And I know what you want to hear from me...that I love you too and that everything is fine but ... I can't. And it isn't. But it may be I just..." Remi tried to get Sam to look at him, to communicate as much as possible without saying the wrong thing. But words had never been the alchemist's strong suit, and for all of his honesty he wasn't sure how much was getting through. "I need time, Sam. For things to be slower." REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Samuel Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts Every word from Remi's mouth was a slap in the face, but Sam just took it with a blank face and a lost mind. He had no reference for this, for any of it. For a second he wanted to self-pity, to whine about how after years of trying to get out he'd found a man he could love...and then that man was in love with someone else that Sam couldn't even see. He couldn't help the closing of his eyes and biting of his lip as he heard Remi say 'I love you too', but it was so wrong, wrong, wrong. Sad and explanatory, not the thrill he'd wanted. "...A...Alright. Um. Slower. But...we st-still...do this?" He asked, desperately pulling Remi's hand to his mouth now, his turn to kiss at Remi's knuckles. "...I would...l-like it if you could still...tell me before you g-go somewhere, and maybe...ask? Or at l-least tell me before you...g-get bitten. And we could st-still talk. And see eachother." He knew he was basically just describing a relationship, but he was needy now for some rules, some framework to build something within. "...If you w-want, I'll never..s-say it again either."

Weakened by how broken Sam seemed to become with each passing moment, for a shiny instant the alchemist considered taking it all back. He could say he loved Sam—he was certainly heading in that direction, wasn't he?—or perhaps quest to forget about Loren all together. There had to be some quick fix to this— —but as Sam pulled at his fingers, gently kissing his knuckles Remi shrank back into reality. No. There were no quick fixes. Not for things this important anyways. Remi's lips twitched crookedly as he rolled over, basically trying to position himself above Sam in one smooth gesture. One of his hands moved to dry his tears (or whatever it was Sam cried), while he lowered his lips oh-so slowly down against Sam's. It was perhaps the most gentle he'd ever kissed Sam—or anyone—but the most communicative. Remi's lower lip trembled slightly with the sob in the back of his throat, a rumble of confusion and emotion and hurt and hope. His tongue soft against the line of Sam's lips, lingering and needy because despite the inappropriateness of the moment, by all the useless gods in this place Remi was attracted to the ascended, teeth or not. And finally the breath he held, holding back unspoken words; unspoken, but not unthought. I want to love you. And if you give me time, I will... "Yes, to all of that." Remi whispered softly, arching his back so that he could properly look down on Sam. "And you can say it." The alchemist replied with a sad smile. "If you want to. If you mean it." REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Samuel Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts He half expected Remi to tell him that they must never speak again, that they were to save both of their hearts and run far from each other, that the rising of the barrier would be the best thing for them for the new distance it would give them; but then Remi was over him as he had been in his room and Sam felt his soul rise with hope. The kiss was so gentle and sweet it nearly brought his tears back but he held them down, moving to stroke his fingertips down Remi's jaw as he moved his other arm to wrap around the back of his neck. "All of i-it? Alright." Sam nodded then pulled down Remi to kiss him again, not shy about the way he included his tongue and teeth. They had been intimate before, after all, and he knew what Remi liked. He was so relieved to be still accepted in any kind of way, that Remi still wanted to let him be here...it was enough to inspire hundreds of kisses from him. He was loathe to pull away but did eventually to speak. "...M..maybe it would helpful if we d-didn't get attacked by bears again." A small, playful smile danced on his lips. Remi was the only person he had told so many jokes to, as terrible and flat as his jokes were.

A soft moan left the alchemist's lips as Sam wrapped an arm around him. Forgetting himself for a moment Remi let more of his weight rest on Sam than he had intended to. It was more closeness than he had thought he wanted and yet...well, certain of him rose happily at he increased contact, but Remi found that he didn't mind as much as he thought he would. He knew he was right when he said he'd needed time, but he didn't think that meant space. "All of it." Remi whispered back. "And maybe more than just seeing each ot—" But the words were cut off by lips and tongue and teeth that he eagerly returned. A hand went into the copper of Sam's hair, Remi's fingers clenching slightly as his body tried to communicate all the things his words hadn't been able to. It seemed easier somehow to say it with his tongue, his fingers, the weight of his body against Sam's, than to say the words out loud. The tug of hair and insistence of his kisses doing a better job of explaining that it wasn't over in ways his lips alone never could have. "It is a dangerous world out there.." Replied pulling back for a breath of air. Nibbling at Sam's lip slightly though, Remi grinned mischievously. "What would you have us do instead, mm? Lay around in bed all day?" REMI Loving you was sunshine, but then it poured & I lost so much more than my senses 'Cause loving you had consequences

Samuel Though I know I should know better Well, I can make this work Is it just part of the process? Well, Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ, it hurts The way that they easily slid together into the kiss even after all the trouble brought about a new hope in Sam, a belief that maybe eventually they could be doing exactly the same thing in a bed they had chosen together in a home of their own. There was a connection between them that felt in that moment like it would be hard to break. "Is there a-anything wrong? With d-doing that? As...I re-recall, last time we were in a bed..." Here his cheeks would flush if he still had any blood to blush with, but instead he just smiled shyly and looked off to the side. "..It was quite e-eventful. And n..not at all boring." He reached up to kiss Remi again, finding that now that he'd begun time not doing it felt wasted. But as he moved to cup the back of his head and grazed Remi's lip with his teeth more definitely this time...he realised Remi hadn't finished his first point. He pulled away with reluctance and stayed close to ask: "What w-were you going to say? Maybe mo-more than just...s-seeing each other..?"