we knew it would come to this
Finn Rosencrantz


Age: 36 | Height: 6’0 | Race: Accepted | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#1
we don't even ask for happiness; just a little less pain
Finn has been able to hold it together until about now.

Letters have been sent, conversations have been had, and possessions have been collected.

And now he sits on the couch in Tobi's apartment, as he has been for the past hour, maybe, still dressed in his long black coat with a stack of papers on the coffee table in front of him. They're a multitude of things; information about the Peepholes, old maps of the Oerwoud, some articles about the things fabled to live in that environment.

And Finn isn't looking at any of them. No, his stormy gaze is on the very handsome glasses case he's rolling between his hands. He hasn't opened it yet - he doesn't dare to - but at the same time he can't seem to take his eyes away from it.
FINN
October Hart
Doctor

Age: 38 | Height: 5'8" | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#2
October
when the night falls on you
& you don't know what to do
All that matters are the glasses in Finn's hands, and so it's to them that we'll skip, dispensing with the where and why's of Tobi's arrival.

The door opens, her dark eyes assess the man and the object he holds all in the span of a blink, her heart stops, and then...she takes a breath, straightens, and closes the door behind her with her foot. "I just need a glass of water." The doctor says, her voice only a shade or two darker than its normal brightness. She knew what the glasses meant; no matter how much more enticing it was to believe Finn might be holding them as a sort of goodbye, a I choose our son over this madness, Tobi had never been naively optimistic. It was what made her a good doctor, and it was what told her now that things were going to change.

Which is why she wanted the water. No sense being parched when you were about to be not-quite-broken-up-with-because-you-aren't-together-but-same-sort-of-thing.

Returning from the kitchen, Tobi places a glass of water on the coffee table next to Finn's papers where it's in easy reach for them both, before sitting down next to him. Folding her hands in her lap, Tobi turns, offers Finn—protector of hot chocolates, father of her child, and Spyglass—an understanding smile. "Okay. Tell me."
nothing you confess
could make me love you less
Finn Rosencrantz


Age: 36 | Height: 6’0 | Race: Accepted | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#3
we don't even ask for happiness; just a little less pain
Finn jumps a bit to hear the sound of Tobi's voice, having been lost to his thoughts, and he blinks himself back to the present just in time to watch her leave for the kitchen. "Alright," he murmurs softly, turning the glasses case in his hands again; by now he's done it enough that the leather is warm beneath his palms, but he still hasn't plucked up the courage to open the case.

Tobi sinks down next to him and he wants to tell her that she doesn't need to be kind to him - that she has already wasted so much of her time being kind to him, and she doesn't need to play that role any more. But he can't - for all of his faults, he can't stop the fact that he's enjoyed his time here, in this little apartment with as close to a family as he's ever going to get.

So instead he merely slips Cian's letter from his pocket and holds it out for her to read. "I have been tasked with bringing together a group, to investigate a relic in the Peepholes," he explains. "I... don't think I will be gone for long. And I am not expected to fight."
FINN
October Hart
Doctor

Age: 38 | Height: 5'8" | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#4
October
when the night falls on you
& you don't know what to do
Wordlessly, Tobi takes the letter from Finn. Once upon a time the doctor had been confident that no matter how many pieces of Finn had been fractured off by Cian's assignments, that she could always put him back together. As his doctor first and then his friend. But now? Now the strangely something more that they were had somehow weakened what she thought she was able to do for him, when the inevitable came to pass.

Placing the letter on the table, Tobi considers carefully what to say. That Finn is going after a relic means that danger will be close by even if he isn't expected to fight, and gods knew what putting his glasses back on might reveal. But of course Finn knew all of that. Knew to be careful, knew he had a son who loved him and a Tobi who also loved him, in the unspoken way they'd gotten used to.

Hunched forward from putting the letter on the table, Tobi looks at Finn over her shoulder. "When do you think you'll leave?"
nothing you confess
could make me love you less
Finn Rosencrantz


Age: 36 | Height: 6’0 | Race: Accepted | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#5
we don't even ask for happiness; just a little less pain
Squeezing the case between his palms, Finn finally forces his shoulders to relax, and he swallows hard before he rips his gaze from the glasses to Tobi as she glances back at him. "As soon as possible. I am still waiting for some responses to my letters, but Cian indicated that I should do this during LongNight." So now, if not sooner. He sighs out a shivery breath, chewing over the things that formerly only used to rattle about in his mind.

But he's not alone any more, and in the time since he'd put his glasses away and now, he's steadier in himself than he ever has been before. So when he smiles to Tobi, it's every bit as apologetic as he feels it should be. "I am sorry," he murmurs. "This is not what I would have wanted for Everest. And I..." Biting at the inside of his cheek, his eyes drop to the ground. "I am afraid of what will happen, when I am back out in the field. But I want you to know that I am stronger than I was. And it is because of you."
FINN
October Hart
Doctor

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#6
October
when the night falls on you
& you don't know what to do
Normally the one telling others that they didn't have as long as they expected, to hear that the time frame was asap has Tobi pulling in a shivery breath that unsettles the mask of neutrality she's desperately trying to keep in place.

Finn's smile has Tobi wanting to melt for all the wrong reasons, and it's nearly impossible for her to remain still and silent rather than shifting so that she might collapse into his arms and cover his face with kisses and chase away his worries with her bodyweight. Instead, Tobi curls her toes into the carpet and gives her head a shake that dislodged a bit of hair from her hastily-tied ponytail. "Don't be sorry. It's your job." She says, not meaning the words as a jab, but understanding perhaps better than most what it means to be properly dedicated to the Order despite all of its faults. "And I won't let you give me that much credit." Tobi adds, trying on a tentative smile of her own that only makes her heart hurt more. "You always have been stronger than you gave yourself credit for."

So saying, the doctor leans back slightly, laying her hand palm-up on the couch between them for Finn to take if he wanted. "I can send you with a kit of medical supplies." Tobi offers. It would be helpful and would also give Tobi a reason to go back to her office where she could have a proper breakdown about all of this. "I assume you'll have people who can heal with you, but...it's always good to have more than you need when it comes to medical supplies."
nothing you confess
could make me love you less
Finn Rosencrantz


Age: 36 | Height: 6’0 | Race: Accepted | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
Level: 6 - Strg: 17 - Dext: 21 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 12 - Int:
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#7
we don't even ask for happiness; just a little less pain
"That may be the case, but I..." Finn frowns, shaking his head. "I remember when I got back from Torchline and Cian offered me anything. And I turned him down..." They had spoken about it before, he remembers, and Tobi had agreed that it would never have been possible to accept that sort of an offer without knowing the strings that were attached to it. And yet... "Maybe I ought to have left the Order instead. Then I wouldn't have to do this again."

But then someone else would have to, and Finn has already proven to be braver than he thinks he is, especially when it comes to taking pain in the place of others. "A medical kit would be very useful, thank you," he murmurs, silently reaching out to take her hand in his own, his fingers wrapping around hers and squeezing gently. "I will be coming back," he says, as if to convince them both. "I will not be gone for long."
FINN
October Hart
Doctor

Age: 38 | Height: 5'8" | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#8
October
when the night falls on you
& you don't know what to do
Sweaty palms. Ringing in her ears. Disorientation. Dry mouth. A weight against her chest. Tobi could at once diagnose the signs of a panic attack that was beginning to build, and yet she finds herself smiling softly and shaking her head. "You could have asked to leave, and he might have even let you. But what would you have done if he'd sent that letter, addressed to Finn Rosencrantz, saying you were the only one who could help. That going to the peepholes could mean the difference in the war?" Knowing Cian it would probably have included something about Finn's efforts actually being a way of keeping his son safe. Softly, Tobi shrugs as shards of ice seem to form in her stomach. "He would have found a way to get you to agree. He always does."

He always does.

Feeling the unmistakable urge to begin to hyperventilate and let her panic take over, Tobi looks down at their intertwined fingers with a bittersweet smile. She remembers still the man who had slept on the couch in her office while she read to him, for whom holding her hand would have caused his mind to erupt into quiet chaos. And now here he was, his fingers between hers, making promises he had almost no way of keeping. 'Okay.' Tobi whispers, if only because she can feel the tremors that would come if she tried to speak any louder.

"I'll..go get that ready for you." Would she make it to her office before the tears and uncontrollable sobs came?

Probably not.
nothing you confess
could make me love you less
Finn Rosencrantz


Age: 36 | Height: 6’0 | Race: Accepted | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#9
we don't even ask for happiness; just a little less pain
Finn doesn't really have an answer for that, much as he would have liked to. Because Tobi is right, and it has his owns palms sweaty and a ball of lead weighing heavily in the pit of his stomach. "Yes," he says, and it sounds like a death sentence. He has no choice, and there is very little that either of them can do about it. Still, as Tobi suddenly discusses leaving, he swallows back a sudden hitch of panic in his throat.

"Right now?" he asks. "I don't know if I will get a response to my letters quite so quickly." Which of course is all to say, "...Can you stay for a while, please?" Finn glances away, as if his hand in hers is too much accompanied with their eyes on each other as well. "I just... I'm sorry. Don't worry about me. If you think it's best, by all means."
FINN
October Hart
Doctor

Age: 38 | Height: 5'8" | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#10
October
when the night falls on you
& you don't know what to do
'You said as soon as possible." Tobi manages, though something inside of her relaxes a fraction to hear that maybe things weren't quite so immediate. Still, there was panic in her tear ducts and a buzzing in her ears that made her want to shake her head like a fly-bothered horse. "Don't be sorry." Tobi's fingers relax against Finn's, but only so that her thumb might softly trace a line against the inside of one of his fingers.

"I was only going to go so that I could process this on my own. I didn't want to make it any harder for you than it already is." She admits with a fluttery laugh. "At least Ever won't be coming home tonight. That gives us a bit of time to figure out how to tell him." That was both a blessing a curse. The blessing was obvious, but the curse was that there would be no interruption to their evening to help diffuse some of the tension. "Do you want to go for a walk, or..?" More helplessly than she'd like, Tobi trails off as the whirlwind of emotions she's trying to keep contained begin to take the shape of a scream in the back of her throat.

"I'm finding it really hard to sit still right now."
nothing you confess
could make me love you less
Finn Rosencrantz


Age: 36 | Height: 6’0 | Race: Accepted | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#11
we don't even ask for happiness; just a little less pain
"I did," Finn agrees. "But it isn't possible right now..." Perhaps he ought to have made that a fraction clearer when he was first explaining, but alas... he can't be blamed, he hopes, for not quite managing to say what he ought to. "But I am," he whispers about being sorry, pressing his eyes shut and trying to listen properly to what she's saying. "I don't know if I want to be alone right now, not unless you need the time.

He has no idea how they will tell Ever, or what they will tell him. Going away for work is one thing, but the boy is far too intuitive for his own good. As Tobi confesses to being fidgety, Finn suddenly has the urge to lean over and kiss her. He doesn't, of course, but the thought is there. "Okay," he mumbles, getting abruptly to his feet. He's already in his coat, after all.

"Shall we go to the Plaza? It's dark, but it will be lit up."
FINN
October Hart
Doctor

Age: 38 | Height: 5'8" | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#12
October
when the night falls on you
& you don't know what to do
Tobi does need the time, but it's a familiar enough thing to swallow down her own emotions that she might better serve those around her. Later, she promises the things that claw and clutch behind her ribcage and against the back of her throat. Later, I will let you out, and let you take whatever you want. But right now she wouldn't allow her emotions to ravage Finn.

'Sure. Anywhere is good.' Tobi mumbles, her heart thundering as Finn suddenly stands as if surprised by his speed. Standing far more slowly the doctor goes to the closet near the door to pull out her heaviest jacket and a scarf. Later, later, later she continues to whisper soothingly to herself. Wrapping her scarf around her neck before pulling her mittens out of one pocket, Tobi pulls in a deep breath.

"I've never been to the peepholes before." She confesses, forcing brightness and bounce into her voice. "Have you?"
nothing you confess
could make me love you less
Finn Rosencrantz


Age: 36 | Height: 6’0 | Race: Accepted | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
Level: 6 - Strg: 17 - Dext: 21 - Endr: 25 - Luck: 12 - Int:
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#13
we don't even ask for happiness; just a little less pain
As Tobi seems to rally Finn seems to crumble, and he just about manages to stuff his glasses case into his pocket while the doctor goes to get her coat and scarf and mittens. Suddenly his eyes are stinging and he's having to drag in a breath as if he's been holding it for hours, and when he flashes stormy eyes up at Tobi, he can only let his gaze hover somewhere near her shoulder. "No," he murmurs. "It's in the Oerwoud, but that is all I know. I have been trying to find maps, and... and books..."

It's no good, and Finn finds himself pausing before the door out into the rest of the world, where they will have to arrange their social masks for good. "I can't," he whispers, turning back to the doctor and forcing himself, this time, to look her in the eye. "Tobi, I don't want to go out there. I don't want to go, I want to stay here with you." It sounds as if he's talking about the Plaza, but they both know that isn't the case.
FINN
October Hart
Doctor

Age: 38 | Height: 5'8" | Race: Attuned | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Stormbreak
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#14
October
when the night falls on you
& you don't know what to do
Over the months (years, almost), Tobi has come to know the top of Finn's head very well if only because of his tendency to drag his eyeline down as he's doing now. Remembering the moment in her office when her fingers had first softly combed through his curls, looking at him now makes Tobi want to run, or collapse, or just vanish away with him where he can't be touched by shadows anymore.

So when his eyes do raise it breaks through to the core of her, shaking her like a gale. Fatherhood hadn't made Finn older as it seemed to do with some men. Instead, the lines of Finn's face had softened in places and deepened in others, like by the corners of his mouth and his eyes where laughter was not quite as rare as it had once been. There were moments with boy she and Everest where he seemed positively boyish and even a touch spontaneous. Now, shadows had filled in the places that had made him seem young, reminding the doctor instead of overdoses and broken hands.

"Leave them here." Tobi whispers shakily, reaching out a hand to indicate toward his pocket where he'd tucked his glasses. "You aren't gone yet. You don't need them. Not tonight."
nothing you confess
could make me love you less


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