Lean Time For Heroes

Sam had cried. He had cried and screamed and hit the door and panicked. After he'd done all of that, there was nothing left to do but wait. Wait and wait...maybe forever, if Remi didn't return. But he had nothing else to do. Removing his coat with shaking, pained hands he laid it down on a bench by the door and climbed on top. Ascended sleep was always light, but he fell into it quickly and deeply. He dreamt of happier times, for once, a break from his nightmares. Everything he wanted: An almost cartoonishly twee street with colourful houses. He made books and came home each night to his loving husband (Remi) and their cat. Jigano lived next door and they swapped gardening tips. The biggest bit of drama was a rude shopkeep from the other town. Isla was alive and well but lived across the street and only ever shook Remi's hand. He even had a little smile on his face as he slept, his head cushioned by his hands. However as he woke up by the opening of the door he shot up and the smile left his face as he saw Remi. Not that he wasn't happy, but...there was mostly confusion. How long had he been? And...what was that?! Instinctively he leaned away from the black unicorn and stared at Remi for some kind of explanation. Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

Remi didn't so much open the door as collapse against it. His mind yanked absently at the earth that he'd packed in the woodwork to keep Sam from following him. Given that it was still there, the ascended must still be inside. Or...he might have gone out another entrance. The alchemist, in his haste, hadn't considered that. What if Sam had done just that, and was now out in the dark and the snow searching for two someones who were no longer there? Please be here, please be here Remi silently repeated as he shoved the large door open. Letting Isla go first—it didn't even occur to Remi that she would ever stay outside—Remi turned and shouldered the door shut behind him, locking ever bolt and turning every latch before spinning to survey the darkened room. Only he didn't have to look very long or hard. Sam was right there. Remi's heart couldn't even flutter or feel relieved, it was far too shaken, his mind too frayed. As Sam recoiled, Remi frowned. Looking down he saw the dark sickly ascended fluid all over him, believing that was what the bookmaker was reacting to. "No, Sam, it is fine. I found Isla. It is all alright." He said, the jumble of words probably making absolutely no sense what so ever. REMI What have I become? My sweetest friend—Everyone I know goes away in the end If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way

"Is...Isla???" Sam asked as he shoved himself down to the opposite edge of the bench from the unicorn, nervous eyes scanning the creature up and down. It didn't seem aggressive, but...large animals had always made him anxious. Especially when they were unexpected and a strange colour and had ominous energy. When he looked back to Remi he noticed for the first time how much of a mess he looked, covered in...water? No, not water. Fluid. Had he gone insane? Eaten Isla's corpse? Become an Ascended himself? There were so many possibilities and Sam did not at all consider the one that was actually the truth. "..But...Isla...Isla died. I saw h-her die." Still, as confused as he was; Remi was alive. He got up from the bench shakily and walked towards him, placing arms around him without any concern for the mess on Remi. He had been mad at first that Remi had left him but in the moment all he felt was an extreme relief. "...I..I am gl-glad you're back. But...I d-don't see Isla, Remi." Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

Remi nodded. If he thought he'd been tired when he came up here with Sam before, he couldn't believe the state he was in now. Gently he placed a hand on Isla's wither, curling it up through her mane as if to reassure Sam that she was alright, and to reassure himself that she was still there. Isla nudged his hip with a complete lack of daintiness, sending him stumbling a few steps forward. With a laugh, he shook his head, before catching the end of Sam's words. "Yes you were right...she did. Ludo brought me to her and ... it ... we made a deal. It put her soul back into this body." Remi said, a bit slyly, for he didn't quite understand the details of it all completely himself. Remi received the hug with an exhausted acceptance, his arms more or less falling against Sam's shoulder as his head lolled forward. "I am sorry I left how I did Sam ... I knew you would try to follow and ..." I couldn't risk you messing up? Or running away again? Or slowing me down? "...If Isla really was gone, I could not have something happen to you too. I would not be able to take it." As much as she wanted to stomp and roll her eyes, Isla quietly—as quietly as four hooves on the polished stone floor would allow—made her way towards the infirmary. Four legs or two, she still had patients after all. REMI What have I become? My sweetest friend—Everyone I know goes away in the end If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way

"In...th-this body? She....w...wanted that?!" Sam felt he would rather die than be forced to be a horny horse for the rest of his life. She would not be able to talk or do any of her medicine work, surely? What was the point? It was life on a lower level, life a step down. He watched her walk away with a frown, his hands trailing on Remi's sides idly. He turned back to Remi at his apology and bit his lip, unsure how to respond initially. Remi had tricked him, had left him in a way that was mightily undignified and showed a lack of trust that was hard to come back from. But...he had not been a stellar partner either recently. "I...I...j-just don't do it again, please. Just..t-tell me. If you need t...to go." He'd likely still object, but at least it wouldn't be such a shock. Looking at Remi though, it was hard to keep up any kind of chiding. He looked exhausted. "..D...Do you want to lay down? You m-must be...tired. Last time you w-were laying down we...." He smiled, sure Remi remembered. "..S...So you m-must have used up all the rest." Their blankets were still there in the alcove and he glanced towards them. Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

"I...Ludo shattered a lantern made of bones and what appeared to be starlight. I do not know if she—" Remi paused, his head tilting as if he was listening to something. But of course, there wasn't a sound. The alchemist's lips twitched slightly. "No, she said she did not choose it." He replied confidently, tensing slightly as he was forced to hold up his own body weight once again as Sam's hands trailed down his sides. For a moment Remi just looked at Sam. The freckles, the lines of worry, the searching stare. He closed his eyes for a long moment, before opening them again. He wasn't sure this was a promise he could make.  Sam had clearly tried to hide the information from him precisely because he knew Remi would go back out ... and Remi had tricked the other man into remaining behind. Neither was any better than the other, but both seemed to want to snuff out the actions of the other. What sort of relationship was that? But he was too tired now, and so he merely pulled Sam towards him, pressing a kiss against his forehead. "Okay." He whispered. Remi nodded with a sigh, a smile pulling at his lips.  "We what?" The alchemist teased, though he nodded just the same. Pulling off his shirt and tossing it onto the floor as if they were in the middle of their bedroom instead of the temple, Remi walked as if already half asleep towards the alcove. Shucking off his pants too, they dropped to the floor as he pitched forwad, falling ungracefully into the nest of blankets. Weary as he was, Remi wasn't entirely spent yet. Another two blankets appeared, large and fluffy REMI What have I become? My sweetest friend—Everyone I know goes away in the end If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way

"Ludo..." Sam mumbled. He wouldn't criticise Remi for it, not now, but the idea of him interacting with the mysterious God was not one he liked. He had never heard Ludo referred to in a good way. How did Remi know the creature truly was Isla? It didn't look like her. Still, he followed Remi over to the blankets. He pulled his shirt off too (once under the cover) but kept his pants on, not quite as bold in the temple as Remi seemed to be. Knowing they were on shaky ground but needing the comfort nonetheless he leaned against Remi and wrapped an arm loosely around him. They would be asleep soon. He was tired and was sure Remi had to be drained to his last drop. But there were things he had to say, things he had formulated in his mind during his panic as the things he'd never get to say. Now that he had the chance... "...I...I l-lied." He started. "..S-sort of. There's...you never...se-see bodies after Longnight. And I knew Is-isla was dead. Or...I...really did think she was." He glanced back to the infirmary where the unicorn had headed. "So I...s-said the bit. About the s..second monster. To protect you. I didn't...like ly-lying to you. But I was trying to...to help. I'm s-sorry." Sam did not often speak a lot at once, but this time he thought for only a very short time before continuing. "I know...I know this L-longnight has been...h-hard. For us. For everyone. But...b-but...it also...has shown me. That I do love you. It mak-makes me panic and I hate wh-when you rush off to help someone b...but....it's ...you. You're so brave, and I can't...s-see that in myself. And I love it in you." With this said he looked up into Remi's eyes, hoping his words would have the intended effect and not turn Remi against him. Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

"Mmmhm." Remi agreed. "It is not the first time it has helped me ... though it is one of the only times it has not tried to kill me." He added with a crooked smile and light shrug. Remi accepted the cuddle without thought, the hand behind Sam curling slightly to trace absent patterns against his back. Already Remi's breathing had grown slow and deep, his eyes fluttering shut for longer and longer bouts in between. But the words I lied injected adrenaline into a heart that could bear no more, and Remi's stomach turned to ice as he tilted his head towards Sam. "You—" Remi started, then fell silent as his ears began to ring. Remi had gone out thinking he didn't have a hope in hell of finding Isla or her body. And all the while, Sam knew she would still be there. His forehead crinkled as confusion infected his mind, making everything hard to understand. "So..you knew..." The alchemist tried again, lips parting as a staggered breath left them. "..she would have been there...and you knew she would have been.." He swallowed. "Sam. What happens to the bodies. Why do they disappear after LongNight ends?" REMI What have I become? My sweetest friend—Everyone I know goes away in the end If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way

Remi seemed entirely unaffected by the end of Sam's speech, only clinging to the part about Isla's body. Sam felt a pang of dread spread through him; the chance that Remi would never forgive him for lying had passed through his mind but he had considered it a far flung possibility...it suddenly seemed much more real. "...No...no one r-really knows. They say the mon..monsters take them. But...she was d-dead. I knew that for sure. Or...I...th-thought I did. I really d-did. And...as far as I knew, th-the bodies might go r...right away. Maybe Ludo br-brought her back or sa-saved her body. I don't...don't know. But I didn't wa-want you to risk your life. For wh...what I thought was no chance." He still wasn't entirely convinced there had been a chance. Remi had come back with a unicorn and not a woman and Ludo had been involved. The whole thing seemed...off. Keeping his arms around Remi he tried to memorise the feeling in case it was the last time. "...D...do you understand? I wasn't...tr-trying to hurt you. Or Isla. It's li-like you said before, ab-about trapping me. That you didn't want extra d-death. I didn't want...you to g-get hurt. As well as Isla." Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

He was too tired for overt acts of anger, but he felt the need to clench his fists and strike the wall and roar and grab Sam by the shoulders and shake and growl...but instead he simply continued to look over at him, eyes hardening slightly. "Monsters take them." Remi repeated, biting the inside of his lip as he turned his head to look at the ceiling. It was hard not to frame it as Sam let Isla die. Not only was that not far—Sam couldn't be blamed for how he'd reacted, and Remi wouldn't fault him for not being 'brave' over trying to survive—and besides, Isla wasn't actually dead. But Sam had left her body, knowing there would be monsters? You and he are not the same, a voice suddenly interrupted his thoughts. Why would he think you would want my mangled corpse? You saw how I looked. Remi sighed. Isla's words had calmed him considerably, but hearing what Sam had to say was like a splash of cold water to his face. Both of them had done precisely the same thing ... and yet somehow Remi thought he had been more in the right. He really was just as stupid as Jigano claimed he was. Moving closer, his arm tightening around Sam's back, Remi shifted towards the ascended, gently placing his forehead against his. "No, you are right." He admitted after a moment, gently kissing his forehead with a sigh. Sam's words came filtering back in now that his anger was gone, how the bookmaker thought he really did love Remi. "There are many who say I am less brave and more stupid." He said, shifting to his side so he could wrap both arms around Sam. "And I did mean what I said before. You do not need to be anything other than what you are. But you are brave Sam. In your own way." He placed a kiss on his shoulder, lips just lingering there for a moment as Remi closed his eyes. "But ... from now on, no more making decisions for the other person. Agreed?" REMI What have I become? My sweetest friend—Everyone I know goes away in the end If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way

At first Remi seemed to tense and Sam felt his stomach drop as he realised the other man was angry. He began to lightly pull away... but then something happened and then Remi was pulling him close, kissing his face. It was blissful forgiveness, redemption; enough to make Sam smile wide and return with a kiss to Remi's chin. "If they say y-you're stupid, they d-don't know you well enough." Sam insisted, unaware that he was insulting one of his best friends. He pressed his face into the side of Remi's neck and listened to his words through the soft vibration of his throat. "For...b-both of us? Alright." Agreement made he pulled back a little to look Remi in the eyes, placed a hand on his chest. "I once...once read something. That said to have a g-good relationship...some...sometimes you need to have a period where you lay the foundations. Where i-it might be awkward. Maybe that's what we're d-doing. And I want to. Work on it. " Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

"I thought that too." Remi said with a sigh. How many times had he told Jigano that he knew nothing of the alchemist? And yet his words felt nearly prophetic now. "I am starting to think that it does not matter though." But I am not sure if I care, he thought, but didn't say. "For both of us." Remi agreed. Listening as Sam spoke, his heart beating slowly beneath the man's hand, Remi considered. "That sounds wise. I...well. I have never been in a relationship before. Did your book say more about what other foundations there needed to be? Other than not lying or making decisions for the other person, which we seem to have discovered already." He added with a mischievous little smile. "And perhaps no slapping ... no ascended biting without permission..." REMI What have I become? My sweetest friend—Everyone I know goes away in the end If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way

"Well...I w-would like to...to think I matter more than someone who th-thinks you're stupid. And I think you're br-brave." Sam whispered over Remi's lips before going in to kiss him softly, hoping that he would at least take of the words to heart. Because they were mostly true. He did admire Remi's bravery but he also feared it, suspected it would be the thing to drive them apart eventually even as it tugged him towards Remi right now. Sam tried to remember what the book had said but before he could say Remi brought up slapping and he looked down shamefully. He had regretted that since he had done it, had seen the origins of that behaviour in his childhood and been disgusted that it had taken any kind of root in him. "I am...sorry. V-very sorry. For how I re-reacted. I will never d-do it again. I just...I was mad and I didn't know h-how to...get it out. But that wasn't th-the right way." But Remi had asked him a question, so he tried to answer it properly: "Maybe...we sho-should try to see each other often, but we al...already do that. And no g-getting attacked by bears. And...hm. Maybe we should..." Sam looked up at the ceiling, suddenly embarrassed, then leaned forward to rest his face against Remi's neck. "We...sh-should probably talk about. What we want um...in...you know, in...in bed." He had been perfectly content with what had happened so far, but it had occurred to Sam that they had gone from pretty vanilla to 'beastly angel fucking in the temple' awfully quickly, and he wanted to know if this was going to be the new normal. Samuel I'm starting to wake from silent sleep I'm starting to break and I can grieve

"Do you know what it means to see someone through rose coloured glasses, Sam?" Remi asked with a gentle, albiet increasingly sleepy smile. It wasn't to say that the alchemist really thought that Sam was so smitten with him that the bookmaker was totally blinded ... and yet... "But you do matter more Sam. Much more to me than he does." Remi added reassuringly. "It is okay." Remi whispered, curling himself around the bookmaker and trying not to let his body sink too deeply into the warmth and comfort provided by the bed and the man he shared it with. Apparently, despite the fact that they'd both just had rather harrowing adventures outside, they were having this conversation now. But Sam was that perfect temperature, and he smelled like snow, and all Remi wanted to do was wrap his arms more tightly around him, hug him to his chest, and fall asleep. Instead though, he chuckled into Sam's hair. "No more getting attacked by bears, I agree. We could even be so bold to say no getting attacked by anything but that seems a bit unlikely." He added with a sleepy laugh, trailing a hand absently against Sam's skin. As Sam leaned against him, he thought that perhaps this time when he closed his eyes, he'd be allowed to keep them closed. His arms wrapped around Sam as the bookmaker nuzzled against his neck. He was so tired and now finally he'd be able to— —..in bed. "Oh." Remi said softly, smiling exhaustedly up at the ceiling. What had happened earlier had only been Sam's second time after all. Though being with men was new to Remi, sex in general wasn't, and in order to maintain his facade of normalcy, the alchemist had in fact become more or less quite well-versed in a great many things, sexually speaking. Wanting very badly to rub at his eyes, though fearing Sam would take that as a sign of frustration, he just hugged Sam against him all the tighter. "I am sorry if early, if that was ... a bit much. I honestly do not know what got into me." Then, with a rather bemused smile, he kissed the top of Sam's head. "Well. I suppose that is not true. I do know." He added with a small laugh. "You." REMI What have I become? My sweetest friend—Everyone I know goes away in the end If I could start again, a million miles away, I would keep myself. I would find a way