crystallized

Aurelia

'cause not everything means something, honey
so say the unsayable, say the most human things

It's strange, entering the courthouse now. When things are so much different than they'd been. She'd helped build it, as queen. Now she enters it and she feels... small, as she walks through the tall doors, looking up at the towering columns. She remembers all of the ideas she'd had for decorating the place in Safrin's image, remembers that she'd had to slow down, not get too ahead of herself. It's a courthouse, after all, not a temple.

But now, all of that feels like a long time ago. It's far away and out of her reach and, strangely, she's... relieved. A big sigh expands within and deflates from her lungs as she comes to a stop in the middle of the front room. As she looks around for Maeve, her hand subconsciously goes to fiddle with a button on her jacket.

"Hello...? Maeve?" Her voice echoes and it makes her shoulders tense. She doesn't know what to expect, honestly. Maybe Maeve isn't even here. She's stupid to just walk in here, she doesn't belong here. Her feet stay planted firmly, though, because she owes it to Maeve, the Nightshade, someone who she had once considered her counterpart, to at least... apologize. Explain.

if everything is temporary
I will bear the unbearable

Maeve

The Nightshade walks through the Court of Stars, steps light and airy as they echo through the open front room, but they falter at the sound of a voice she thought last to her. The papers she's holding fall from her hands, scattering across the floor as she snaps her head up towards the Fireheart, jade eyes wide as they settle on the woman who has been gone for seasons now. "Aurelia?" It's an exhale. Little less than a whisper. Nothing more than that. The Nightshade can't make herself move. She can barely draw in another breath, a mixture of relief, anger, and something unknown seizing her throat and keeping her from saying much more.

There is a tremble to her fingers now, heart racing and hammering against her ribs, threatening to shatter the cage that held it. Two people in one season who had been lost to her are suddenly back. How was she even meant to manage that?

There's a room where the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down

Aurelia

'cause not everything means something, honey
so say the unsayable, say the most human things

Her gaze lands upon Maeve as the woman materializes from one of the great halls or rooms, or maybe she had been there the whole time and Aurelia hadn't even noticed. It is such a large place, the courthouse. It's almost overwhelming to step foot back into it after so many weeks, months. A stray paper flits down in front of her feet, landing with a fwip that, in all the vastness of the building, echoes as loud as if it were a textbook instead.

Her eyes follow it until it stills, and she kneels down to scoop it up. Along with the others that have fallen, tucking them all back together. "Here," she steps forward, raising her gaze up to meet Maeve's, and holds out the stack to her, "I hope these didn't need to be in some kind of order..." She offers an awkward, apologetic smile. Her gaze softens at the sight of Maeve's baby bump being gone. But for now, she's so paralyzed by not knowing how to start that she can't think of anything to really say. So she just stands there, chest tightening, waiting for the Nightshade to take back her papers.

if everything is temporary
I will bear the unbearable

Maeve

Aurelia isn't the only one who doesn't know where to start. What to say. Her fingers tremble as she reaches for the papers, shaking her head slowly, "No. No particular order." At least not one that she wasn't capable of redoing herself later. The Nightshade holds the gaze of the Fireheart, words caught in her throat as her brows knit together, a million questions on her tongue and yet nothing pushes past her teeth. Nothing except, "I thought you were dead. What happened?"

It's quiet and pained. Hurt tearing at the edges of her voice, fraying it until it becomes delicate and barely held together, a scrap of lace exposed to the elements for too long. Sun bleached and falling apart from the littlest touch. Her fingers grip the papers like a lifeline, crinkling and wrinkling the edges, pressing into them and ruining the once pristine pages with the force of her grasp.

There's a room where the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down

Aurelia

'cause not everything means something, honey
so say the unsayable, say the most human things

Well! Her brows raise and lower quickly. Apparently everyone thought I fuckin' died. Which is... fair, honestly. Though it feels unfair. And she thought at least one person would've had faith in her. She chuckles, the sound ending on a note that's darker than she intended for. "To your credit, I almost did. Otherwise I would have came back sooner." She brings her hand up to rub the back of her neck, noticing the way Maeve is clutching the papers. She sighs softly through her nose, lips pursing, "Much sooner."

The fragility in Maeve's demeanor makes her chest cave in. Glancing back up at the queen's face, she lowers her hand and shifts her weight. A look of understanding softens her expression as she meets familiar, jade-green eyes that are filled emotion. She didn't mean to cause so much pain. She averts her gaze down and away, "Do you maybe.. want to sit and talk about this somewhere? Unless you have things to do, then I guess we could talk about it later.. I just wanted to let you know I'm back. And I'm alright. Jack.. uh.." she's begun talking and now it seems she can't stop, "Jack's gonna let me back on the Ark, so I'm not here to 'reclaim the throne' or anything. I know it's been a while and.. I've heard that you've been taking care of things on your own. So I won't get in your way. I..." she clears her throat and trails off, eyes flickering back up to Maeve's.

if everything is temporary
I will bear the unbearable

Maeve

Maeve did have faith in her. She held out hope. She asked and asked and asked. The Nightshade had waited. Each passing day had dampened the hope in her chest. That little flame that had burned so brightly for the Fireheart, holding out beyond all reason, beyond all hope that she would come back to her. She did. Except not right away. Not when she needed her. It hurts. No matter the reason for it. The Nightshade can’t help the feeling of betrayal that holds tight like a vice around her heart. It was the same feeling she had when Locke showed back up. Now she was feeling it all over again. Somehow, though, this cuts deeper.

She swallows thickly, feeling a sting itching at her eyes, the treat of tears prominent in the glassy sheen of her gaze. Another trembling breath, threatening to shatter her lungs as if they were made of glass, fingers tightening all over again on the papers. ”I waited for you… Everyone said you were dead. Jack said I should let you go. I didn’t want to, ‘Relia. I waited.” The pain of the words sticks in her throat, digging barbs into her tongue as she forces them out, a sharp intake of breath betraying how precariously she was perched on the precipice of tears.

The Nightshade is about to respond to her question, wanting nothing more than to hide away from wandering eyes, to talk to her in private and understand what happened. To know why she had left her too. Except she keeps talking. She speaks of Jack and the Ark and leaving. It’s heartbreak all over again. Something cruel and special made just for her.

”You could never be in my way.” It’s a whisper. A pained confession. One that’s nothing but true. Despite everything, Maeve still has love in her heart for this woman. Her counterpart. The one who was meant to be by her side no matter what. Briefly her mind flashes to Locke, the promise he made her too in the garden that’s just on the other side of these walls, but despite whatever longing might have been between her and Aurelia before can no longer be. It wouldn’t have worked. Not really. Not how Maeve wanted. No, instead she has this and she’ll take it as long as it means the Fireheart stays.

There's a room where the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down

Aurelia

'cause not everything means something, honey
so say the unsayable, say the most human things

Maeve says that she'd waited, and the sentiment holds such little weight that Aurelia hardly even bats an eye in response. The Queen stands before her, still going strong, a mother, a dutiful follower of Safrin; in all respects, successful and blessed.

"Don't cry for me," Aurelia mutters, jawline feathering as it shuts around the question. Had it done anything for Maeve, in the end, to dwell on hope and hold out faith? "Jack was right to tell you that. You needed to focus on Torchline, not some feeble-minded, lost girl in the Wilds..."

She doesn't know whether to take Maeve's words as a sentiment or a challenge, but with a shrug of her shoulders she looks away. It doesn't matter. Aurelia truly had no intention of trying to weasel or ask or force her way back into the public affairs of Torchline, not as Arbiter or as Governer/"Queen". "I've had a lot of time to reflect, Maeve. I don't think I make a good leader, frankly, and... I've been gone too long to show up and pick things up where I left them, anyway." There was no hand-waving that.

if everything is temporary
I will bear the unbearable

Maeve

Faith was a funny thing. The way it made people wait and wish and hope and pray for things that shouldn't ever be. That couldn't ever be. It might not have done the queen any good to hope and hold out faith. Truly it hurt her to wait so long for something that shouldn't have happened. The Aurelia before her wasn't the same Aurelia that had kissed her forehead before she left, telling her that she'd be back soon, not to worry about her. No, that girl had died out in the Wilds.

It's still a slap in the face and Maeve draws in a breath, dipping her head as she attempts to center herself again, digging for that strength she's been forced to call on the last few seasons. "I will cry for you, Aurelia. I mourn the person that I lost when you left." Maeve murmurs, lifting her head and wiping at the stray tear that threatens to slip down her cheek.

While she might have been gone too long to resume being queen, Maeve hadn't held the intention of shutting her out completely, but it seems that Aurelia wants nothing of it anymore. "So you're done then? With everything?"

There's a room where the light won't find you
Holding hands while the walls come tumbling down

Aurelia

'cause not everything means something, honey
so say the unsayable, say the most human things

"The person you lost!?" She feels a bitterness rising within her, like bile, "What about everything that I lost!" She raises her voice, but after the question is aired she settles, lying down the hackles that have risen. She can only laugh softly at all of it, the wins and the losses, the fates that were overturned and flipped upside to show the truth of things.

Aurelia doesn't even understand the question and this shows in the way her expression turns perplexed, the way her arms shrug out at her sides, her hands splaying in a vague gesture. "I don't know, what's 'everything' to you? Because I don't think it's the same as 'everything' for me. I care about all of it, Torchline, the people. But I also care about everyone else, too, and that's something I'm still trying to sort out. The war? We said we'd try to stay neutral but with it getting closer and closer, I know you'll eventually take a stance. I'll have to as well, same as everybody else out there, but I don't do it for myself," she lowers her hands and shakes her head, "no, I'm not done with everything. But as I said, I'm not here to be 'queen' again."

On that note, "Do you know how ridiculous it was? Parading around like queen of the castle?" She scoffs and steps away a few paces, needing breathing room, her fingers stressing at the bridge of her nose.

if everything is temporary
I will bear the unbearable