tangled up in me

and my heart ran away with me

Once upon a time, Remi had been the sort of parent to hover nervously over his children. Even with Seren he'd followed her around the seashore when she'd been a child, like some unwelcome ghost. Now though, with all that he and Ronin had become, Remi was infinitely sure that wherever his children went, no harm would befall them last those who might have intervened in their safety would find themselves facing a very angry manticore. It wasn't the best parenting technique, but Remi had never been the best parent.

Slashing at the roots that slipped out of the jungle to try and slow his progress, Remi snarled a warning at one just as a sentient vine snarled down to try and steal his shirt. More or less successful, the alchemist found himself suddenly shirtless amidst a flurry of green laughter. "It was too hot for a shirt anyway." He grumps at the trees, glad they hadn't stolen the basket he carried which held the picnic he'd brought for he and Ronin.

Raising a hand suddenly outfitted with claws, Remi eyes the jungle menacingly before going about setting things up, hoping to be done before Ronin managed to track him down.

remi

Styling stolen from Sky (obviously)

the things we hold are always the first to go

Ronin isn't even aware of his husband's plans, but he's drawn to him like a magnet from an opposing pole, falling into the tracks left by the alchemist without ever even noticing it. The sentient vines don't try to bother him, though perhaps it would be nice if they would try to peel his shirt off - he's already starting to sweat in the humidity of the jungle as he prowls through it to his snarly other half.

When he finally does spot his husband, it'll be with a pulse of exhaustion and relief that Ronin plods towards him. "Gods, I have missed you today," he whispers, and he'll apologise later if he interrupts whatever thoughtful preparations the other man is in the middle of; the Huntsman moves to wrap himself straight up in Remi's arms, pushing his head into the darkness of his shoulder.

"It was a bad idea," he mumbles. "I tried my best, but it was a bad idea."

and my heart ran away with me

With a blanket rolled out, sandwiches and wine plated and poured, Remi is considering whether or not a candle is necessary, when the sound of Ronin's voice stirs him from his task. With an immediate smile the Lullaby turns, only to be bombarded by an unexpected mass of muscle and upset. "Hey, what—?" Dropping the candle he'd been holding (it was plenty light out, they didn't need it), Remi wraps his arms around his husband's shoulders and holds him tight.

'The...market? Going to the Court?' If there's a tinge of naive hopefulness in Remi's voice, hopefully Ronin forgives him for it. Because Mateo and Ever had run off to do gods knew what, the Huntsman had offered to take Flora with him for his afternoon rounds. Knowing almost for certain that it was this field trip Ronin was referring to, still Remi forces his concern to the back of his throat as he presses a kiss against the top of Ronin's head.

'What happened?' He asks, before adding: "I have lots of gin."

remi

Styling stolen from Sky (obviously)

the things we hold are always the first to go

The grumble that rises up in Ronin's chest and throat is an incoherent mix of blissful appreciation for the picnic Remi has prepared for them (it's punctuated by a wave of the hand towards it to stress the point) and weary apology. "I would like lots of gin," he whispers gratefully into the other man's bare shoulder, pressing a kiss there and shifting to try and kick off his shoes.

Only once he's done and has flopped unceremoniously into Remi's lap does he start to try and extrapolate, Ronin pressing the heels of his palms against his closed eyes. "I thought it was going okay. She... gods, Remi, she's a great kid. We got this gods-awful brooch for Safrin and flowers for Aoife. We rode my nimbus and she hurt her foot, so I healed her up. And then she just started... gods, I don't know. Have kids always been able to go for the throat like that?" He drags his hands down to peer up at Remi.

"She started talking about how you have to choose between seeing her and Enzo, and seeing me. And how she wishes she fit in more, and that she doesn't get to live with you or come to the houseboat, and that I don't like her." He scowls past Remi, up into the canopy of vines.

"If I were more cynical I'd think she was loaded up with all that stuff to say on purpose." Not by Remi, of course. But Flora isn't the only one Ronin doesn't like, as the girl made very plain.

and my heart ran away with me

Tilting his head affectionately, Remi nods. Only when Ronin fusses with his shoes does the alchemist disentangle his arms so that he might reach for their glasses. Pausing for just a moment, he opts for the bottle instead and offers it to Ronin.

Trying to keep the heavy-set lines of skepticism he could feel wanting to form beneath his eyebrows away, Remi focuses intently on each and every word his husband says lest he jump ahead of him in the story. A great kid; good so far. The mention of Aoife, predictably, has Remi inhaling, only to promptly clench his teeth together to hear Flora had been hurt. With his eyebrows raised and an expression of confused worry clouding his eyes, the Lullaby just gives his head a vague shake. 'Ours always have.' He murmurs softly.

Feeling sucker-punched to hear what Flora had said, it's Remi's turn to grab for the bottle of gin. Taking a long enough drink for his eyes to begin to water, he sets it down and wipes at his mouth with the back of his hand as the burn rises up his throat. "Well...you aren't very subtle about it." Remi says carefully. "And...I think it's made all the more obvious with how you are..with everyone else."

remi

Styling stolen from Sky (obviously)

the things we hold are always the first to go

Ronin does accept the bottle, and he does take a solid pull from it as well, something he'll be grateful for in the coming minutes, because the burning in his throat forces him to pause before he speaks. "What is that supposed to mean?" He scowls. "It's not as though I go hunting them and Hotaru down in the Greatwood." Any more. "I just stay out of their way. You never told me when this happened that I'd expect to play happy families with them."

It's a bitter snap of a sentiment and Ronin knows it, and he pulses a silent apology to Remi even as he sits up from his lap, raking his hands through his hair. "I look at her and see everything Aoife should have been by now. And then she's looking up at me with your eyes telling me I'm the reason you don't get to have that, and I just... fuck, Remi." Swiping at his eyes, Ronin stares a hole in one of the trees.

"I'll make sure I spend a day or two in Stormbreak, each week. Or you need... you should go and stay with them for a couple of days. They're your children, and they love you."

and my heart ran away with me

"And how do you think that makes them feel? Not Hotaru, but a pair of kids who see Safrin's demigod and the Dragon of the Greatwood, gritting his teeth and walking the other way anytime they're around?" Remi asks, trying not to meet Ronin's defensive retorts with the rising paternal anger he feels brewing in his belly.

Scrunching his nose and staring into the sun until white blurred his vision, Remi cages the snappy quips that burn on his tongue. "I know this situation isn't fair." The Lullaby says on an exhale, trying to steady his voice as much as possible. "And you are welcome to the way you feel. We agreed you wouldn't have to play father to them, just as I didn't have to with Seren. But—" Lowering his eyes and still seeing spots as he looked at Ronin, which honestly, probably helped, he continues: "They are entitled to their feelings as well. You don't like her. Or Enzo. Or Hotaru. You can't be upset that they've picked up on it." Having to pull away any skin contact they might share lest the worst of what Remi isn't saying be pulse through to Ronin without his permission, he sighs heavily.

"That's no different than me going to see them where they are. It's worse. Then it isn't even me choosing to see them, so much as visiting because I have nothing else to do." Which, to be fair, was when Remi went to see them most often. But they didn't need to make it official. 'They do love me.' Remi agrees, and though Ronin likely won't want to hear it, they'd promised each other truth. "And I love them."

remi

Styling stolen from Sky (obviously)

the things we hold are always the first to go

So what? Is what Ronin wants to say. They shouldn't even be in the Greatwood. They shouldn't even know about me. It's not my fault their mother fucked up so badly in Halo that here is the only place she can be. But of course he says nothing, and partially it's because if he opens his mouth he'll likely throw up the gin he's just thrown back. "I told her it was nothing to do with her," he growls eventually. "I said it was my problem."

He can't be upset they've picked up on it. He can't distance himself without them picking up on it. He can't even go to Stormbreak to give Remi time with his family, because that's not good enough either. At a loss, Ronin merely shakes his head. "Then what do you - their father - want to do about it?" He asks, raising his eyebrows. "Because so far the only thing that seems apparent is that if I can't give you all space, then my feelings have to change. So if you want me to lie for you, I'll lie. I'll do anything for you, you know that."

He's good at lying. To everyone, including himself. But the lie will rot and fester, and it will come out in other ways.

and my heart ran away with me

Throwing his hands into the air, properly exasperated, Remi turns fully to Ronin. "Of course I want you to lie." He exclaims, feeling his heart thudding wildly in his throat. "They're children for gods sake, Ronin." Hadn't Ronin literally just given him lessons in lying, that one might come across as nice? How could this possibly be any different? "Be as cold as you like to Hotaru and as hateful as you want with me, but gods." They were just kids.

"Perhaps I was naive to think that you would be able to heal from this as you have healed from so many things. As I have healed in more or less the exact same situation." Remi is quick to point out. Because Seren, hot on the heels of Aoife, was not importantly different than the twins as far as Remi could see. Shaking his head, Remi feathers his jaw as he considers. "You don't get to forgive me for my mistake and hate them for it instead." He murmurs, his voice suddenly soft and wounded as he stares at the corner of the picnic blanket, considering the thread pattern without seeing much of anything.

remi

Styling stolen from Sky (obviously)

the things we hold are always the first to go

Ronin flinches at the tone of Remi's voice, feeling scales beginning to ripple down over his shoulders and chest even as the other man continues. "I see," he mutters, sniffing and pinching at the bridge of his nose. "Having a dream child with a goddess thrust into my lap with zero warning is not the same," he almost whispers. "We said we didn't want any more children. And then you went to a shrine and you had sex with Hotaru instead of walking away - and you could always walk away and we both know it - and now here we are."

The ringing silence is heavier than the words will ever be, and Ronin makes no attempt to fill it. If he listens closely, though, he hears the fracture worm its way between them, clear as a bell, and he supposes it was only to be expected. It's only you for me is nothing in the face of an innocent child, especially one that's your own flesh and blood. It's how it should be. "I think I'm going to go back to the Greatwood," he mutters.

and my heart ran away with me

"Is it? How is being overcome by the god of sex different?" Remi wants to know, his cheeks growing flushed. "Walking away." He repeats, struggling not to roll his eyes and opting for a slight snarl instead. "We said we didn't want more children but you've fucked other women just the same. You were just luckier than I am." Given Remi had only had sex with one fertile woman as opposed to Ronin's two, it was quite bad luck indeed.

"Oh you are not." Remi grumbles, and hopefully, his tone is enough to keep Ronin in place. "This isn't going away. If nearly killing me once wasn't what you needed, then we're going to sit here until we figure out what is." Because it was Ronin for Remi, and these children were alive and surely everything was not so fragile as to split over that.

remi

Styling stolen from Sky (obviously)

the things we hold are always the first to go

"The god of sex, who's all about consent and making sure everyone's having a good time? Do you want a list, or...?" Ronin's already on his feet, though his expression is incredulous all the same as he gazes down at Remi. "I'm sorry? Did you just try to tit-for-tat me with but you've fucked other people as well? How far back do you want to go with this? Should I be apologising for getting Vanya pregnant?"

It's with blue eyes suddenly darker than the night sky that Ronin crouches down before his husband, with tears that spring unbidden to his eyes, as if the realisation hits him just before he's able to say it to Remi. "I think I want more children," he whispers, like it's a secret or a sin. "I want Aoife back. I want Flora and Enzo to be mine, and I'm furious because they're not."

and my heart ran away with me

"Yeah, a list would be great, considering you weren't there and won't hear a word about it. While we're at it, maybe we can make a list of how you knew your time with Safrin with just a dream. You knew what she was like and how she wanted you." Remi snarls in response, picking at the easiest thread in the tapestry of their misadventures and giving it a good yank.

"The point is, you could just as easily have been in this position. We were still oPeN with our marriage at the time." With wings wanting to itch out of his spine and claws wanting to gouge into his palms, Remi grabs rather aggressively at his husband's shirt as if a mere piece of fabric might hold him in place. "I want that too." Though unlike Ronin's whisper, Remi's is a roar. "I hate that they aren't yours. I hate that there's anyone else. I hate that it's me whose done this to you." Pressing his teeth together hard enough to make whining noises, Remi snarls at the pinpricks of tears in his eyes.

"I can't change it, and I understand your hate, but I don't know what to do." The Lullaby pleads, finding now that instead of his grip being one that bars Ronin from leaving, now it's just merely clutching for him to stay. "I don't know and I hate it and nothing about this is right, and—" Feeling nauseous now that his rage had been replaced by turmoil, Remi's body tenses as his stomach rolls warningly.

remi

Styling stolen from Sky (obviously)

the things we hold are always the first to go

Ronin's what? is barred by a hiccup of noise that he thinks might be a sob, because the tears have already started to spill over his cheeks by the time Remi's words register to him. "Oh for fuck's sake," he manages - just about - and as the other man fights to clutch him close, he'll find no resistance in the Huntsman. "I'm sorry," he whispers. "Gods, I'm so fucking sorry."

His hands reach out to try and steady Remi, and though he's not sure whether either one of them is about to throw up or rage at the world again, Ronin is there all the same. "I don't know what to do either. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to feel like this." His embrace is not the crushing grip one might expect from two demigods; instead it's almost reverent in its gentleness.

"I'll do better. I know they're just kids. Fuck, Remi."