From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
"Hmm..." was the only thing Lilliane said for a moment as she continued walking with furrowed brows. "Simply based on the facts, it does sound similar to what the followers of the old gods would say about the voice. But you're right, it doesn't feel like this is entirely the case." She left a short pause before continuing to talk. "I think it's that for the voice and her followers, it's not about power. Those I have talked to ascended for various reasons, but more power was not among them. Or at least, not the focal point of it."
Lilliane gave a slow nod when it came to the topic of war. "It's hard to think about. How things might turn out in the worlds we left behind. Because we can't do anything about it anymore." After a sigh, she continued. "Well, I was born after that big war ended, so I only know what I learned from history. I know it took a long time to repair the physical damages. But I think the people were damaged the most. Those who had lived during that time, and are still alive, usually suffer from it psychologically. And even those who weren't alive during the war still felt the repercussions in the repairs which had to be done and the mental state of those around them. But then again, who am I to make assumptions, born long after and only having read about it on pieces of paper."
As for the last part, Lilliane just smiled at Darkeye before returning her focus on their surroundings. She could have spoken about how she hadn't been self-reflective enough to realize the stupidity of what she and Collin had been doing. Or to notice that she had been deceiving herself for all that time. But this certainly wasn't something she intended to share with Darkeye. Not yet, at least.
It's always the first step that's the most difficult to take
"They're all about survival, and to say they should be wiped out is a huge exaggeration in my eyes. The gods should rather fight themselves and let the people rest. But unfortunately, it is not that simple. Such things are always carried out on the backs of the people. Both sides give each other nothing. But I need more information." Darkeye was not satisfied because he saw so many similarities to his world.
Darkeye nodded "The war and its aftermath are what many people forget and in this magnitude, it becomes all the more difficult. Often the salvation of these people is greatly affected. But it's good that it's written down and people learn from these mistakes." The look on Darkeye's face was difficult to interpret, he was in thought.
Darkeye smiled back and walked on with assured strides.
Lilliane sighed. "More information. I always try to get more information. And I hope it will help me understand better. But I think all these things are so complex and long-lasting and personal to everyone involved, that I'll never be able to truly understand." She glanced over at Darkeye. "When you know you don't know enough, but you have to make a decision, what do you do? Do you choose the safest? Or the one more in accordance with your values? Or the one those who are dear to you would appreciate?" Or one of the thousand others.
"I wonder what people actually learn from what is written down. You told me that you write down what happens during wars. How many people actually read it? And what do you think they take from it?" As far as she was aware, it wasn't how to be a better person. But maybe his world was different.
It's always the first step that's the most difficult to take
Darkeye frowned and considered. He gripped his beard. "I do a mixture of logic and gut feeling," he said. "I know that sounds stupid but sometimes you have to act that way your conscience has to be clear. Afterward, you can always explain to yourself that you acted based on the information."Darkeye would never make a decision just because he wanted to please someone.
"As soon as there's a war, there was always a war council held beforehand. That was my people's chance to enumerate the war crimes and what the punishment was. Most of the time it didn't stop the war, but it made sure that people left the innocent alone. There were some who read that and learned from it." Darkeye tried to explain it better, but it was hard to put the work of his God into words.
Although Lilliane nodded, she didn't seem quite sure about it. "I think I get what you mean. Though I think if I act based on my conscience, I wouldn't need to explain that away by logic." She sighed. "I just don't even know which decision I can square with my conscience right now," she admitted. As she walked, she looked straight ahead, thinking.
"As far as I'm aware, there was no such thing in my world." She said with a sad shake of the head. "This procedure relies on the aggressor agreeing to take part in the war council and actually considering the opinions of others. Which, frankly, is rarely the case with people as I know them. Your world must be quite amazing." Looking over at Darkeye, her expression was sad. "It's similar for knowledge about the wars where I'm from. Most people don't take it as instruction on what not to do. And I can even understand. To those living out their normal lives, war seems far away during peace times. And once war is on their doorstep, it's already too late."
It's always the first step that's the most difficult to take
"Sometimes conscience and logic is a good combination." Darkeye smiled slightly and tilted her head. "You'll know when the time comes. Until then, I don't think it's worth worrying about." Darkeye liked talking to Lilliane like she was someone who made him think. It was going to be an interesting journey.
"I am very sorry to hear that."He looked to the ground when he heard that. "That's right then my order traveled to the war camps and tried to mediate as I try to do in this world, it didn't always work. But at least we tried. Sometimes the fronts were just hardened" Darkeye went on shaking his head."I think that every world has to be or is something special. It has its strengths and weaknesses just like this one." Darkeye smiled. But then looked up briefly to search for an answer there. "People who have seen war will prepare for it even in times of peace. People who have nothing to do with the war must be protected. It is not their job to take up arms. But sometimes they think they have to. Most of the time this is a mistake. A trained soldier cannot show mercy to someone carrying a weapon."Darkeye remembered the child who shot him in the stomach with a crossbow because he hesitated. Even today he regrets killing the child.
Lilliane shook her head slightly. "I don't think that answers will just come flying to me once I have to make a decision. If I want to make informed decisions, I need to seek out that information myself. Otherwise, I might regret it later. Because I might not know something important and therefore make the wrong decision."
After listening to Darkeye's words, Lilliane smiled. "You're right. I guess every world is special in its own way. I guess it's the usual case of 'the grass on the other side is always greener'." A phrase she wasn't entirely sure Darkeye would know. But now she had said it.
"I guess we all can only do our best in whichever way we see fit." Lilliane's expression turned serious as she said it. "I, for example, could never do things the way you do. Mediating between sides." She let out a sigh. "But I'll try other ways to keep people safe. And in the end, how things turn out depends on everyone involved." She made a short pause before talking on. "Though there is one problem in it all. Who has and hasn't something to do with the war is entirely subjective. Those taking up arms probably feel like they have something to do with the war. And some carrying weapons might feel like they have nothing to do with it and only try to protect their families." She looked at Darkeye, her expression sad, inquisitive, and stern at the same time. "All these things are entirely subjective and might change from person to person. That's why it's so difficult to make decisions. At least for me. Because it's all ever-changing and taking every possible thing into account is impossible."
It's always the first step that's the most difficult to take
"Sometimes you don't have enough time to find the right answer," he said. "Then you have to act on the information you have. I've been trying to gather information since I've been here and to be honest, this thing is pretty convoluted. Both sides are trying to stay alive. People who are supposed to be neutral are not. It's about love, betrayal, and faith, which is not a good combination" Darkeye played with his beard again.
Darkeye nodded and smiled at Lilliane. But after the words, you could see question marks over his head. "I'm afraid I don't know this statement can you explain it to me bitterly?" Darkeye wondered, but the words pleased her and had a beautiful sound.
Darkeye listened to Liliane very carefully. "I hope that you will succeed with these plans. Because if I fail, it would be good if your plan works." Darkeye knew that if it went on like this, he could only delay the war, if at all. "At some point, you will have to make these decisions. I'll try to give you as much time as possible. We learn from our mistakes until we don't make them anymore. You will, unfortunately, be forced to make a decision someday because the world will not wait for you."Darkeye looked very sad at this statement.
With a slight smile, Lilliane looked at Darkeye. "It's a phrase we use where I'm from. The long version is actually: The grass on the other side of the fence always looks greener than your own does. It basically means that we always think what others have is better than what we have, even if that is not the case."
Afterward, however, her expression turned slightly sad again. "I know. I know that no matter how many people I talk to and no matter how many things I learn, I will not have enough information to make a hundred percent correct decision. That's always the issue, isn't it? Because there are no right decisions. Only those we can live with, and those we can't." She sighed. But afterward, she seemed calmer, less saddened. "I won't wait for the world either. If all you do is react, you'll never get the upper hand." And she gave Darkeye a small smile. "What are you going to do if mediation fails? Surely you won't just leave it be."
It's always the first step that's the most difficult to take
"A good saying. I will try to use it when you allow it." Darkeye wrote it in the book he carried at his side and closed it again. He was in a good mood.
"No. If all else fails, I will take the innocent to a safe place and punish those who dare to violate their protection. I will take up arms and fight for my convictions because there is no better way to die in my belief." Darkeye seemed sad and happy at the same time when he said this. He smiled again briefly and then said. "You are going without thinking. It took you a long time to walk, didn't it? It is a matter of practice I think. That one makes quick decisions. You are young and can still learn. Everyone has their own speed and you've already realized the most important thing for you." Darkeye smiled broadly now.
Lilliane let out a short laugh, then she shrugged. "I don't think you need anyone's permission to use a phrase." It took only a moment for her to return to a more serious demeanor though. "That's a good thought. Most likely, I will try to do the same thing. And yet..."
For a moment, she remained silent, letting her gaze wander. "And yet it's difficult. Because people are different from one another. And because innocence is a concept. Which, like all man-made concepts, is subjective." She left another short pause, allowing for the words to fall into place. "Tell me, who are the innocent to you? Would I, who intends to protect people but will take up arms to defend them if necessary, be innocent to you? Where does innocence begin and end? What even is it?"
It's always the first step that's the most difficult to take
"I'd rather ask than apologies." Darkeye smiled slightly. And listened to Lilliane words
"Well, who is considered innocent was regulated in my world, but I don't think it applies to this world. As long as people have taken a sword in their hands. That's how it was with me. So no, you wouldn't be innocent to answer the question. But it is difficult because everyone would try to defend themselves. It's like you say, it's a matter of interpretation. It's up to each person to decide for themselves, I think, so I'm trying to talk to the leaders and make it clear that there has to be a safe zone and in order to do that I need their approval. What is innocence a good question but the best answer is a baby because it needs absolute protection and can't have done anything yet." Darkeye wondered what it was like, there were writings from Kor about this, but he had always decided on gut instinct.
For a moment, Lilliane just looked at Darkeye. "How was it regulated in your world?" She seemed truly interested.
But she shook her head regardless. "I understand what you want to say. The reasoning for it and the emotions towards it. Still, it doesn't sit right with me. If you agree that innocence is subjective, how are you planning to talk to the leaders about a safe zone? Even if they agree to let the innocent stay there, how can you be sure they all agree on who is innocent? How can you ensure that nobody will feel slighted since someone they didn't deem innocent is allowed to stay there? Plus, the whole idea hinges on your interpretation of innocence, meaning those who don't fight."
At the mention of the innocence of a baby, Lilliane let out something between a snort and a sigh. "You know, some people would even disagree with that. Where I'm from, there is a whole religion which thought people are born with a primordial sin and have to work against that throughout their life."
It's always the first step that's the most difficult to take
"The gods clearly regulated it, and we who serve Kor had to determine the punishment for war crimes and see who all was involved. But there were gray areas where we had to interpret for ourselves what was right. I only saw these writings once and was able to read through them. A code that was put together by gods and men."
"I'll try to put it this way. I will tell them that if I take people under my protection, they will respect that. People can be taken back, but only by agreement. This right should be earned. Maybe even found a new city who knows. Maybe with a council of people who share the same idea as the two of us." Darkeye smiled slightly but meant the words seriously.
"Babies are innocent and anyone who thinks otherwise has clearly been shit on. These are fascists because a baby can not yet decide on a belief. Such statements make me angry and insult what I fight and work for." Darkeye shook his head and was glad not to be from this world where Lilliane comes from.
