From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Doctors don't ask themselves how many hours has it been since I slept last? or when will this end? They just endure, stopping only when doing otherwise would cause harm to those around them. Or at least that's how Tobi operated.
Arriving with deep bags under her eyes and grime under her fingernails, Tobi gently opened the door to Finn's office in the collegium where she'd left him hours before. (How many hours? at least a thousand). After sedating him she'd left him water, a blanket, and a note for him to read explaining what had happened if he woke up before she has returned and found himself disoriented. In a bag over her shoulder she had fruits with high sugar contents, water, and even some chocolate—not that she expected either of them to feel like eating.
He can't even place it as any one thing, honestly. His attic apartment is gone, his home with Tobi is gone. All his first times, his memories from that place, they're all gone. Or at least, they're not gone, they're just clouded by other memories. Ones that should never have been released, of hands and tongues and all kinds of other parts all over him, all the time.
So he can't blame Tobi for sedating him - he might have even asked for it, he doesn't actually remember. And as the doctor returns, Finn won't have moved. He's still huddled under the blanket on the ground, caked in soot and sweat and covered in scrapes and bruises. The creak of the door does finally stir him, though, and stormy eyes peel open to look around, glazed and uncertain. Disorientated, as Tobi had foreseen.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Just because Tobi's smile isn't one that indicates happiness doesn't mean it isn't genuine. "You are in your office. I gave you a mild sedative a few hours ago and you're just coming out of it now. There's water by your right hand." She says softly as she slips into the room, clicking the door shut behind her but not bothering with the light. There's nothing to see, and honestly, both of them look terrible.
Sitting down carefully on the floor next to Finn, much as she'd like to collapse, Tobi knows that her work isn't done yet. "Can you tell me your name?" It starts the way many of their former conversations did, when Finn would be brought into her examination room drugged out of his mind. She wouldn't be so cruel as to ask him what day it was—she hardly could answer that herself. "And what my name is?"
Groaning under his breath, Finn's fingers spider out for the water, though he does little more than hold onto it for the time being. It's something to anchor him, even if it's just to the floor, while he tries to come around. "Finn Rosencrantz," he says thickly, answering her questions much in the same way as he usually does. This might be like any other encounter, if it weren't for the fact that the hospital is gone and their world has gone to hell.
"Your name is October Hart," he continues. "And I love you." That's where the conversation likely differs to the norm, Finn raising his gaze, unfocused as it might be, towards Tobi's face. He wants to cry, but he doesn't even think he has the energy for it at the moment. "Sorry I couldn't help," he whispers.
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
There's a quick inhale on Tobi's part, as Finn says he loves her; a sipping of air meant to hold back the small scream of excitement that explodes in the back of her throat. With round cheeks and shiny eyes, Tobi leans down to kiss his sweat-soaked forehead. "I love you, too." And gods, she thinks she somehow loves him more in this very moment even though it's all probably just a trauma response. Even if it is, so what?
"I have either a chocolate or an orange. We have to eat at least one to keep our blood sugars up." Reaching into her bag, Tobi holds the choices in each of her hands.
Finn can't make himself smile, but he does hum out something affectionate as her lips press to his forehead. He almost wants to cringe away from it, but it's a distant thing, especially in his foggy state. Trauma he might have in abundance again, but he's also built a safety net around himself in the meantime. Hopefully it will be enough to make it through this.
"I would like half of each," he says softly, a little more sense in his gaze as he peeps back up at her. "Would you share chocolate and an orange with me?" His free hand comes up to rub at his face, and with a slow inhale, Finn starts to get himself sitting up. "How are you?"
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
It's such a Finn answer to give, and Tobi finds it all the more comforting because of that. Breaking the chocolate into two even pieces, she starts to hand Finn his half before deciding against it, and offering him the orange instead. Meticulously peeling something will probably have a soothing effect on his mind, she thinks.
'Oh, I'm fine.' Tobi answers quickly as if the question had been something casually asked in passing. The smile which follows is quick and hollow as her long fingers turn a square of chocolate over and over again between them. 'I put Ever on one of the Skyboats headed for the Greatwood a few hours ago.' She adds, hoping that of all the things likely spiralling out of control in Finn's mind, that their son's safety needn't be one of them.
"I am fine too," Finn agrees with Tobi, which is of course the Spyglass's way of saying I absolutely don't believe you. He does take the orange after he's got himself into a sitting position, carefully beginning to peel it so once he's done there's a long ribbon left behind. Pulling it in half and filling the office with the scent of fresh citrus instead of blood and smoke, he offers Tobi out her half.
"Good," he says of Ever, though the next question on his lips won't quite come. Finn has to give it a moment or so, and he's staring down at a segment of orange when he finally does speak. "What are we going to do?"
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
What else says I'm in a committed relationship like letting your partner lie to your face? 'Okay.' Tobi agrees softly, accepting both of their lies with a weary smile and nod. Accepting the orange and trading Finn for his half of the chocolate, Tobi's eyes drift to the peel that the Spyglass has meticulously removed and is surprised to feel the sting of tears.
"I don't know." Tobi whispers, hoping to hide the way her voice wants to tremble. Finn probably won't be fooled, but they say it's the thought that counts. "I always thought the war was going to happen out there." She adds, still staring at the orange peel and resisting the way her body wanted to rock back and forth. "I know it's naive but I was expecting a start to it. One that we all knew about." It was naive, and shame on Tobi for it, but gods something about all of this felt horribly unfair.
Pulling out a single segment of orange, Tobi places it on her tongue but makes no effort to chew or swallow.
Finn isn't able to smile - he's barely able to function, staring at the orange and the squares of chocolate - but he does hold out his hand to Tobi as he hears her voice start to waver. "I thought that too," he admits, pressing his eyes shut. "War was something that was brewing outside of Stormbreak. I didn't expect that..." He sighs. Naive, both of them were. The whole city, perhaps. Swallowing hard, Finn forces himself to take a bite of the chocolate, letting it melt on his tongue.
This, of course, means he's mute until it's gone, lest he risk being impolite and speaking with his mouth full. "The Tower is gone," he says at last. Their apartment, his attic. Clothes, reports, books, their instruments, Ever's schoolwork...
One might think Finn would fall apart at that. But it's a sad truth that this isn't the first time his life has been levelled at ground zero. It isn't even the second time. "Is the city lost?" he asks. "The Order... I suppose it should... do something." And he's still part of it. Right? That's what they agreed in the meeting?
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Sliding her hand into his, Tobi wonders if this is how it felt for him, all those times she laid her palm open for him to take, or not to take. At first she doesn't much want to hold his hand, and the feeling of chilly flesh against clammy skin just makes her want to press her eyes closed. But it's the man the hand is attached to and the lengths and trials he has had to go through and endure to be the sort of man who could sit here, trauma glass broken and a city in crisis, who can still try and hold her hand, that is the true gesture of it all.
"It is, yes." Tobi agrees, not worried about the slice of orange still on her tongue. "I don't know what you mean by lost. The ascended haven't taken it by any means. They're gone, I think." As for the Order? Tobi bites down on the orange, grimacing against the tangy warm sweetness that feels misplaced on her tongue. "I think it's just you, Ronin, and Noah. Falke and I were always a bit.." She shrugs. Peripheral is maybe the word for it.
"Sera died." She says softly, her fingers tightening gently in Finn's. "Luciana too."
His hand closes around Tobi's, even as the other swaps chocolate for a segment of orange, as if the shifting flavours on his tongue will keep his mind occupied. It half works, too, which is a good thing considering the news the doctor is about to deliver to him. Swallowing his piece of orange hard (and only nearly choking on it), Finn inhales a sharp breath that stings in his throat. "Oh," he wheezes. "Oh, gods that's... I'm so sorry. That is terrible." He had liked Sera. And Luciana's death was no less sad for not having known her well.
"...I don't think I want to be a part of the Order any more." It's a whisper, one that comes out laden with guilt and leaves Finn feeling empty and weak. Like he's not good enough, not strong enough for any of this. He isn't a hero and he isn't a demigod, and there's no puppeteer pulling his strings to give him the illusion of confidence now, either. "I'm sorry, Tobi."
when the night falls on you & you don't know what to do
Sera had been one of Tobi's best friends; the one on whose couch she'd cried when she found out she was pregnant and that Finn had left. And now she was just...another name and form beneath a sheet. Nodding slightly, Tobi can do little more than swallow.
"Have you ever really wanted to be part of the Order?" Tobi asks, realizing only after she's said it that it was probably rhetorical. 'I'm sorry too.' She can't say precisely what for, but she is in a way that feels vast, and cold, and dark.
"I think Ronin will stay in Stormbreak. Noah...I think I heard he went to Halo after Morgan's death and will likely stay there." Would Remi leave the Greatwood if Ronin became leader of Stormbreak? Would they leave on that account, or..."I think...we can choose what we want to do next." Tobi says carefully, as if needing time to convince herself of what she was saying. "And I think we should. Choose, I mean."
"No," Finn whispers, and it's almost a laugh that huffs out of him as he tears his eyes back up towards Tobi at last. "I just didn't want to be at Molly's. I don't think I have ever chosen before, for myself." Not when it came to the direction of his life, anyway. Squeezing her fingers, he feels his mouth go dry at the mere prospect, and he presses a square of chocolate against his tongue instead of talking.
Once it's gone, Finn has managed to swallow away his immediate response of what do you want to do, we can go wherever you like and so on. Instead, there might just be a slanted smile on his face as he rubs his cheek against his shoulder, like he's trying to wipe away soot or blood or a blush. "I do not want to live in Torchline," he says decisively.
