Best-Laid Plans

S A M U E L

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The touch of fingers to his hand was like an electric shock. Regardless of how small the action was in the face of the never-ending crescendo of Sam's affection it was more than he'd had from Remi in weeks and he immediately tightened his hand around Remi's and smiled wide.

But the smile disappeared as Remi spoke of the doomed plan. Sam's mind immediately went to where Remi's did, almost certain in the idea that he would die.

"I...I suppose if the spire goes badly our plans would not matter anyway, but I want us to say all we need to now. Remi...I...I wish you weren't going. It's dangerous and I'm scared I shall never see you again. " He held his tongue before he said something like and if you die I will, but the words were just behind his lips.

"If you are alright after...please find me. Tell me. "

I AM THE OCEAN CLAWING AT YOUR MOON

R E M I Remi inhaled sharply but quietly as Sam's fingers immediately rose around his. He wasn't sure why he'd expects Sam's reciprocation to be just as tentative and hesitant—in fact he had all the reasons in the world to think that it would not be—and yet still he was surprised. Looking down as the slender and freckled fingers wrapped around his, Remi smiled in a sort of befuddled and simplistic delight. To say all that they had to say? Remi felt crestfallen, the smile growing on his lips stalling and then shifting downwards into a frown. He wanted so badly to have something to say to Sam, an I love you, or even an I like you, but this had all been so fast. Remi was just wrapping his mind around the idea that he was now friends with someone who was in love with him, who'd he'd had sex with, without adding in this need for feelings. He felt something of course, something nameless and small but growing, but he couldn't yet call it by any sort of name that would satisfy the book keeper. Not in the face of his possibly immanent death anyways. Remi's fingers curled slightly around Sam's, the touch fresh and inviting (for the alchemist anyways), as he tried to think. If he really was going off to die ... if there truly might not be a Remi that would come back from this quest (and indeed, from all that he and Ronin had talked about there seemed a good chance that he might not), then...then what use was his fear? What use this indecision? This hesitation that had its roots in another world? "Ask me again." Remi said, his voice the barest of whispers now, his gaze still cast downwards, his fingers tightening.

S A M U E L

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There was a smile and Remi's hand curling around his own and in the moment Sam felt perfectly right, that it had all been corrected for just a second. He had to resist the temptation to pull Remi's hand up and kiss it, to hold it to his face.

"Ask you...again...?" He repeated, a confused frown appearing as he tried to work out what question Remi was referring to. But as the realisation came to him his mouth became an 'o' as his heart flipped. Sam took Remi's hand and raised it to his chest, held it there and with a boldness he could not have imagined in himself mere months ago, reached to lift up his chin.

"Remi, can I kiss you?" His voice was cautious yet hopeful, quiet in the large hall of the temple.

I AM THE OCEAN CLAWING AT YOUR MOON

R E M I It seemed so easy and simple in that moment to say yes. If he was going to die in the days to come, why let this be a regret that he felt as his life ebbed away into the desolate ground surrounding the spire? This was not Northaven, this was a world unfathomably apart, and an out of date version of himself had already made this decision, hadn't he? And so as Sam's finger curled under his chin to lift it, Remi met the man's gaze with clear, if not nervous eyes, nodding an imperceptible amount.

S A M U E L

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Remi nodded and Sam immediately let his hands cup his jaw and surged up to kiss him. Gently, lips pressing against Remi's and his body still a little apart, it was hardly a moment of great lust but there was clear emotion and feeling in his movements, passion in the way his lips opened just the slightest touch against Remi's (but not too much, fear of the unknown boundary between them stopping him).

He wanted so badly to wrap his arms around Remi's neck and pull them close, to back up against the wall and feel hands running up his sides...but that wasn't going to happen so after a moment he pulled away, hands softly running across Remi's cheeks as they left his face. "...Was...was that alright?" He asked, his fingers moving as if they were about to rest on Remi's chest but then stopping between them.

I AM THE OCEAN CLAWING AT YOUR MOON

R E M I The alchemist could feel his body tensing even as Sam's fingers gently curved against his jaw. Again Remi felt that strange sensation of being absolutely bound by this man before him, despite the disparity of muscle and magic that Remi had on his side. He could stop this in one sense, but in another, he felt entirely helpless. Not caged perhaps, he had asked for this after all, but somehow restrained. But in the moment, that seemed to be precisely what he needed. In another life, another Remi, it had been a different red-haired man who had once asked if he could kiss the alchemist. Remi had said no the first time to him as well. Though there was no one around who could savour the replication of what had happened before, but the balance of it was rather charming. Remi inhaled a shaky breath just before Sam's lips touched his own. His eyes softly closed and he lost himself in the newness of all of this. Of the way Sam's lips felt gentle, how they parted and oh, how his tongue slid forward without forethought. The alchemist leaned forward perhaps an imperceptible amount, the slightest of moans humming up from his throat as Sam pulled away. For a moment Remi kept his eyes closed, his face making soft expressions as emotions whirled through him, before he slowly let his lashes flutter open again. "Yes." He whispered, his cheeks burning with colour as he swallowed down a rush of emotion that had suddenly balled itself in the back of his throat.

S A M U E L

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Remi looked pleased, flushed; he said yes and Sam broke out into a happy smile. He'd heard the moan as they where kissing but hadn't quite believed it til that moment. Remi wanted him; twice he had somehow convinced Remi to like him physically, something he would have thought was impossible once. The temptation to kiss him again was immediate and overwhelming but he held himself back, just squeezed Remi's hand.

"Well...if you come back from the spire, we could kiss each other all day if you wanted to." He promised with a laugh, swinging their hands just slightly. "But you need to come back safe first." It was the kind of promise he'd wanted to make, one where Remi may be slightly more likely to make it because he had...well, not love, but something nearly there to come back for.

I AM THE OCEAN CLAWING AT YOUR MOON

R E M I The alchemist's eyes widened as Sam suggested that they could kiss all day. In the back of his mind he could see Jigano shaking his head, and Remi immediately regretted what he'd just done. He .. kissing Sam had been entirely selfish. If he was never going to come back from the Spire, he did not want to die not knowing what it was like to kiss another man. What he hadn't really considered is what the kiss would mean if he did come back. It was foolish, really. Sam loved him, they had been together only, what? a few days ago? Of course he would read more into the kiss than the alchemist had wanted. The gentle swinging of their hands was a sensation one-passed what Remi's mind could handle, and though he tried to smile and make it seem like it was nothing, he slowly pulled his hand away. "I am sorry." Remi said with an apologetic wince, the pad of his thumb gently touching his fingertips where they'd been connected to Sam, his eyes squeezing shut for a moment. He'd been so naive, and it was all too clear now. How the ghosting of his fingers against Sam's had been immediately grabbed into a hand-hold, how a kiss had turned into the offer of more. He doubted that Sam could ever go at the pace the alchemist needed, and perhaps it was unfair of Remi to even casually suggest that he should. "I...have a lot to do to prepare..." Remi said at least, voice softly trailing off.

S A M U E L

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"Sorry...? What for..?" Sam was utterly bewildered, unsure what he'd done to take them from happy kisses to apologies in barely a minute. Remi pulled his hand away and Sam took a step back with a hurt frown on his face. He thought they had been doing well, that they'd created the kind of atmosphere where they could flirt and kiss and keep going.

But then Remi was making clear excuses to leave, and he'd clearly messed it up but he didn't know where. His chest hurt with embarrassment and confusion as he nodded, looking down suddenly feeling ashamed and dirty.

"...Right. Well, good luck." He finished lamely, walking past Remi to the door. Just before he reached it he turned back and looked to Remi as if he was about to say something, but nothing came out. He just stood and stared then sighed and shook his head.

I AM THE OCEAN CLAWING AT YOUR MOON

R E M I The hand gently feeling the ghost of Sam's against it clenched into a fist as Sam took a step back, and Remi winced slightly in response, his expression turning from one of muddled worry to pain. As Sam stepped passed him, Remi shut his eyes, biting his lower lip and sighing aggravatedly at himself. Raising his fingertips to his forehead, he balled them into a fist, gently nudging it against the bridge of his nose. Noticing that the door didn't open immediately, Remi glanced over his shoulder to see that Sam had paused. For a moment something like hope or optimism sparked in Remi's gaze, his brows raising in an encouraged-arch. But as the bookmaker merely sighed and shook his head, the alchemist defeatedly lowered his eyes and rubbing an uncertain hand against his arm. Regardless of whether or not he made it back from the Spire, this version of Remi was much more amenable to Jigano's advice, adn thought that perhaps he really would hurt those around him. Perhaps it was better to just be alone. A first, or 20th, or last kiss was not worth the hurt he saw in Sam's eyes.