All That Glitters

Sam had not been able to find many excuses to take Remi anywhere. Things they used to do, just have tea to be together, sleep at each others houses, go on walks...they all seemed too couplely and intimate. But anything friendly, purely platonic, would be painful. It had been a couple of days and all he'd managed was an awkward trip next door to ask for some ink. But finally a reason arose, something he actually needed Remi for. Sam had never felt any kind of divine influence in his life when he was away from The Voice, at least not in the sense of visions or signs. But laying in bed at night, staring at the moon...he began to feel an intense need to go. Where, he wasn't quite sure. But somewhere outside, somewhere where he knew he'd find something important. Something necessary. However, no matter the strength of the desire, he knew it was dangerous to go wandering about outside alone. Remi was strong, capable, with magic and animal shifts; it made sense to ask him for company. So he knocked on Remi's door ready for adventure and trying to wear his best 'this won't be uncomfortable at all' smile. Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

He'd forgotten a lot it seemed, but Remi wasn't an idiot. When Sam had showed up, the alchemist could practically hear the thick volume of words that he wanted to say instead of "Can I borrow some ink". Remi had obliged of course, not knowing what he might say instead of, "Yes of course", but the encounter likely left them both feeling the same sort of hollowness. And so when Sam had asked for Remi's assistance on an outing, the alchemist merely thought that it was just another excuse for the pair to talk. However uncomfortable it made Remi, it pained him too, to see Sam acting this way. Remi couldn't imagine what it would be like to love someone, and have the situation turn out like this. Were he a better man, perhaps he would have acted differently. But he wasn't, and no matter how hard he tried, he still felt the tentative weight of Sam's gaze almost too heavy to bear. Sam loved him, and perhaps Remi had loved him back. It certainly seemed as if he had. And now...now he just didn't. Opening his door, wearing an equally pasted-on smile to hide his uncertainty, Remi smiled. The expectation was crushing, and yet the alchemist was helpless to do anything but let himself be pulverized by it. "Ready?" Яemi But now it's happily ever never. I guess now I know better

Sam nodded and after making sure his door was locked (old habits. He'd check it three times sometimes if he hung around his door long enough), began to walk. For a second if he forgot their circumstances it felt almost normal, like he could reach across and grab Remi's hand and smile, and he'd see the familiar spark in his eyes and they'd be them again. But he couldn't forget, not when Remi was so clearly stiff and uncomfortable next to him. Sam sighed and looked up to the dusk sky. He did not care for the dark, ironically, but it was the easiest time for him to travel. "So...um. I..I wan-want you to come with me...b-because I'm going to the...the Labyrinth." He explained, looking to see if this reveal would have any effect on Remi. "I..c-can't quite explain it, but...I've felt a...a drawing to it. I think m-maybe...something to do with The V..the Voice. I need to go there. I d-don't know why." What had begun as a soft scratching at his heart had filtered through Sam's various neurotic tendencies and need for a goal into a absolute need. He thought it was probably obvious why he wanted Remi with him, but he explained anyway, just in case Remi had forgotten more than he thought. "You...a-are strong, and have...good shifts, and I could...oh." He supposed he couldn't take on the powers himself anymore, not without things getting wildly out of hand way too soon. "...Well. Y-you could he..help me. If things got..bad." Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

"The labyrinth?" The alchemist repeated, concern bright in his pale stare as he turned to look at Sam. Unable to remember all the harrowing adventures the red-head had been through, Remi couldn't help but think that the labyrinth was an incredibly unlikely place for him to go. "I have been to the labyrinth before...a few times now, and it has always ended ... strangely." Perhaps not badly, he and the Launceleyn girl had made it out eventually, boggart or not he and Jigano survived with their herbs, and though he'd fallen into what felt like a glacier, he'd made it out from that as well. Still the labyrinth seemed like a strange place for the bookmaker to want to go. Sam's explanation drew a slight nod from Remi, who hummed to himself thoughtfully as they walked along. Without memories of fingers intertwined and hands softly swinging between them, Remi's mind was free to simply consider other things. "You could..?" The alchemist prompted with a raised brow as he glanced towards Sam curiously. Яemi But now it's happily ever never. I guess now I know better

"Well...I su-suppose at least strangely isn't b-bad." Sam considered, tilting his head to one side. He could deal with strange. As long as it wasn't painful or heart-wrenching or death. Strange was fine. He put his hands in his pockets so they wouldn't feel so strange hanging by his side without Remi's fingers in his own. The warmth he felt made him think of Remi too though, of course; he could not escape him even if he tried. Remi had made a mark on Sam's life that would always be there, always a reminder. Of course, Remi asked him to continue. "Um...well..I su-suppose you remember l-letting Isla bite you? T-to take your powers? We...ha..had a fight ab-about it, actually. Because I fel..felt it was...intimate. And you didn't. But anyway...I used to...use your p-powers quite a lot because I'd bite." Did Remi know of the thrill of pleasure that came with a bite? Did he know what it meant between them? Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

The alchemist nodded. Isla had bitten him .. twice now? Once the night she'd been born, as well as during LongNight. Looking slightly concerned as Sam mentioned that they'd had a fight, Remi stopped entirely as Sam said the words intimate and quite a lot. He couldn't help the way his mouth fell open and the breath that was in the back of his throat sort of gulped out. Looking at Sam, Remi's eyes quickly scanned over his face. He already knew they'd been intimate, but of course even physical intimacy paled in comparison with what a bite could do. It made sense that Sam would have bitten him, in the course of their relationship as well as for protection, but to hear it felt so strange. "Oh." He said, swallowing hard and beginning to walk again. "Of course." Remi added, clearly flustered as he ran a hand through his curls. "So...do you have any of my powers now then?" Яemi But now it's happily ever never. I guess now I know better

"No, I...u-used the last of it to chase...chase you. As a..hawk." Sam explained, the annoyance and sadness in his voice clear in it's tone. It seemed such a waste now, but he had not known at the time he wouldn't have a chance to take the powers again. He hadn't realised how much he'd grown used to being able to transform or use Remi's magic when he desperately needed to, how much he'd loved the security of having those abilities just in case. This realisation made him quiet, his sadness between them creating a tension he could feel. It took the shape of the wall that had grown there since Remi forgot him, reminded him of just how wrong it all was-- No. Sam wasn't going to wallow. He was going to fix. With Herculean effort he smiled politely and asked Remi about recent orders at his shop. This lead them to talk about the awkwardness of some customers, then what was offensive in different worlds, then the social norms of the place they lived...when Sam wasn't trying hard to make things with Remi not awkward, they actually weren't. Finally, catching him almost by surprise, he realised they were coming to the beginnings of the Labyrinth. He had only been here once as a child on a dare and never again, and it looked just like it had in his nightmares, twisting trees looking menacing in the moonlight. For the first time in a few hours he wished he could hold Remi's hand. But he still felt the pulling, the need to enter. With a glance to Remi he tried to look confident. "...Um. So...we sh-should go in." Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

"Ah..yes. I suppose that makes sense." Remi said with an equally polite, but awkward nod. He thought about offering his wrist to Sam to bite, but given that the thought of merely taking the man by the hand or shoulder to offer him comfort caused a wall of panic to arise in himself, he couldn't imagine what it would be to be bitten by another man. The thought was terrifying and in so small part thrilling, but even so, it was not something the alchemist was yet ready to face. Indeed, conversation was normally quite easy for the alchemist. As the subject wandered away from the subject of them, words seemed to flow quite naturally between the two. Having come from a society where trading and bartering had been the norm as well, the alchemist elaborated on some of the stranger things he'd been offered in the past (blushing awkwardly at the amount of times strange sexual favors and devices had been on the table). Halting before the tangle of the hedge, Remi bit the inside of his lip as he glanced towards Sam. He seemed to be mentally chewing on a thought quite hard, his jaw literally clenching as the idea rolled over and over in his mind. "Can you ... can you sense where it is we need to go?" He asked with a tentative breath, the words on his tongue. If he could ... then the smartest thing to do would be to fly. The squirrels and boggarts were ground-bound creatures. But of course, Remi knew exactly what was required in order for them to fly in and it filled him with a sort of cold dread that he could hardly stand. Even so, regardless of whether he had or hadn't loved Sam in the past, obviously he had been someone special. Could Remi really let them walk into danger so easily, even if he was willing to protect Sam with his life even now, when it could be so much easier? Яemi But now it's happily ever never. I guess now I know better

"Um..." Sam closed his eyes to concentrate, to try and pull the faint thread of need into something actually useful like directions. For a moment nothing happened, his mind as blank as could be, then suddenly an idea snapped into his head as if it had been thrown in there. He could see a place, a spot of ground he needed to find where something shone, glittered among the dirt. And he knew where to go. "Yes. It's...th-that way." He said, pointing up and across from them at the North-West of the Labyrinth. "I...d-don't know exactly where, but...it's...somewhere. Near there." Unawares of Remi's plans of flying, he took a nervous step towards the Labyrinth, then another. Before he knew it he was stood at the entrance, a hand gently resting on the trunk of a gnarled tree as he looked back at Remi. "It mi-might not take us..too long to get there. If we go now." Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

Remi closed his eyes and tried to focus. To concentrate on what was important, who he was and who he wanted to be. It all felt like a jumble now, how Jigano had interrupted what he thought was a fairly concrete foundation, and now all the things he was learning about himself. But at his core, Remi still cared more for others than he would ever care for himself. Only just now, that wasn't as guiding as it might normally have been. "The hedges tend to shift around. If you only have a vague direction that might make navigating inside rather hard, and a good deal more dangerous. If.." Remi's fingers clenched and unclenched at his sides, as if he were standing at the top of a very high diving board trying to work up the courage to jump. "If we..." He tried again, his gaze shakily rising to find Sam's. If he couldn't even look at the bookmaker, how was he going to let him— —bite. touch. hold "Ifweflew, it might be easier." Remi said finally, the beginning of the sentence all rushing together into accented heap. Яemi But now it's happily ever never. I guess now I know better

Remi seemed to know far more about the Labyrinth than Sam did (Or Ryan) so he fell quiet to listen as Remi spoke of the hedges. He could see why it might be an issue, but...he expected Remi to suggest they cut through the walls or used some kind of trick to navigate, not to imply he should start biting again so soon. He stared while several things ran through his head. He wanted very much to bite Remi, of course he did, he yearned for the closeness it could bring and the taste of Remi on his tongue again; he also knew how bad of an idea it was to introduce that to their relationship at this tender, early born-again stage. "Um..y-you understand..I'd have to...bite you f..for that, right?" Sam asked, knowing the answer but needing to make sure that truly was what Remi had meant. "That...c-could be um...uncomfortable, for you." Remi had been unable to hold his hand only days ago. Sam doubted he was ready for the rush of feeling that came with an Ascended bite. Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

"Yes." Remi said simply, eyes finding Sam's for just a moment before glancing nervously away. He did know what it meant...in a sense. It had felt thrilling and inexplicably good with Isla and Remi could only assume it would be the same. That level of intimacy and those feelings towards another man was not something Remi wanted at this stage, but nor did he want Sam to be in harms-way. "It might be, yes." The alchemist whispered, before clearing his throat slightly and hazarding another glance upwards that he tried his best to hold. Unlike Sam, Remi was not trying to rekindle a romance. He could tell that Sam...was, in a sense, but the steaks for the ascended were certainly much higher than they were for the alchemist. Яemi But now it's happily ever never. I guess now I know better

Remi confirmed that yes, he did understand what he was saying and yes, he knew it might be uncomfortable. Sam stared at him for a moment with an unreadable expression, his eyes moving over Remi's face as he chewed at his lip. Would this be a mistake? Remi was right - it would be safe, easier. But doing this so early could toss them off balance, ruin any chance they had at finding a new normal. But wasn't this also how they'd started last time? Reasoning (or the yearning desire in Sam's chest) finally won out and he stepped forward, gestured for Remi to give out his wrist. It seemed less intimate than the neck, meant they could keep some distance between them during the inevitable wave of pleasure. When he had Remi's wrist in his hand he hesitated for just a moment, warring with the romantic desire in him and the more primal needs of his Ascended self, telling them to make this slow, respectful. "T-tell me. If you need me to stop, at any..any time." He whispered, then leaned down to bite. Samuel At seventeen, I started to starve myself I thought that love was a kind of emptiness And at least I understood then the hunger I felt And I didn't have to call it loneliness

The alchemist merely stood, like some caged animal that knew it had no other choice but to endure. At his side his fingers twitched slightly, and as Sam indicated he'd need his wrist, for a moment Remi looked down dumbly, unsure which to give. Did it matter? Suddenly his mind went blank as the bookmaker stepped closer. Isla had always bitten him on the neck (he'd asked her to, even, given that he needed his hands for his work), and though he couldn't remember it, Sam mostly had as well. Eventually lifting the left, given that he was right-handed, he held it out, flinching slightly as Sam took it. There was a familiarity there that the alchemist didn't feel or reciprocate, and even the closeness with which they stood already felt like too much. Sam held Remi's arm at length, but even so, it all felt fast and overwhelming and— —the white-lightning moment of teeth against his wrist was immediately eclipsed by the dizzying and total dissolution of rational thought into total pleasure. Unlike the first time this had happened when Remi had reached out to pull Sam ravenously closer, happily allowing himself to drown in the feeling, now panic and anxiety grew like wildfire, challenging the blissful euphoria of Sam's bite. This wasn't allowed. This wasn't okay. He didn't know this man (only he did, he knew he did), and he couldn't feel these things for him and— "—nnnnn—" Remi moaned, teeth clenched as were his eyes, until finally he gasped and pulled his wrist free. It had only been a few seconds at most, but Remi was breathless and shaken. His heart hammered in his chest, and the blood flow which had been pulled up towards Sam's lips against his wrist as well as down towards other areas, now sloshed uncertainly in his body, as if unsure what the priority was. "I am sorry." Remi whispered through a shaky breath, his eyes focused unsteadily on the small trickle of blood from his wrist. "I..." He stammered, closing his eyes and squeezing his fingers together as the last of the waves of pleasure slowly receded from him. Яemi But now it's happily ever never. I guess now I know better