In Desperate Need of a Hug [Open]
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,135 | Total: 8,707
MP: 0
#1

Sam didn't know what to do with himself, in the face of so much grief and pain. He had had a brief week of happiness in the murky waters of his life then been dragged back down by the current, was choking as his lungs filled with water.

He didn't know what to do, so he worked.

Taking books on mythology and lore from the shelves he began to make notes for the tome he would make from them. Notes of heroes, villains, creatures, places--

Remi had looked at him with such anger, such coldness in his eyes. Had looked as if he wanted nothing more than to never see Sam again--

He curled the end of a large 'L' into the shape of a flower, doodling ideas for the illumination of the text. This was for a chapter where a lost hero found himself in a garden that thrived, breathed around him--

Isla and Ronin, two people who had been kind to him, were dead. The guilt he felt about his inability to really access his grief was blinding, intoxicating--

What kind of leather would he use for the cover? The softer stuff bent into shape easier, but the tougher lasted longer--

Remi--  

Longnight--

Ludo--

Evie--


Sam pushed the book away from himself quickly as the first of his tears hit the ink and bloomed out into a star of dark blue, staining the page. With a shaking hum of defeat, he put his hands to his face and gave in to the waves, crying at the table with no thought to anyone else in the Atheneum.

Samuel
I'm starting to wake from silent sleep
I'm starting to break and I can grieve
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
Played by: Grant Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,062 | Total: 5,479
MP: 1825
#2
Phoebe
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?

The Atheneum...it was a place Phoebe didn't think she had ever visited before. So much else was always going on, it just hadn't been a priority. But all at once, it felt like everything had ground to a halt. She had been walking aimlessly and found herself there, staring at the doors. A...library. Maybe a book would be good. A distraction from the nightmare that her story had spiralled into.

How disappointed Frey must be. She could join them in their disappointment at least. More than that...her heartbreak.

Silently she entered, pacing the shelves, looking at titles but not really reading them. Her own thoughts were all consuming. What could she have done differently? What else could she had said? It doesn't matter, you're a dumb, disrespectful Outlander." She couldn't change who she was, no matter how hard she tried.

That was when a familiar sound hit her ears. Crying. Brown eyes glanced around, settling on a familiar redhead at a table. "Sam...?" she said, her frown deepening. Was everyone swallowed in sorrow? She hurried over to his side, venturing to put an arm around his shoulders. "What's wrong? What happened?"
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,135 | Total: 8,707
MP: 0
#3

Sam flinched at the feeling of the arm on his shoulders but recognised it quickly as the comfort he sorely needed and did not pull away, just looked up to Phoebe and weakly smiled, tears still freely flowing. It was hard to keep the smile up though, especially when she asked such a loaded question.

So much had happened. It was hard to know where to begin. Sam began to speak, his voice now stutter-less but still shaking.

"Um...w-well, Longnight was hard, after Isla died. I mean I know she came back, but she still died. Then...then Remi and I went to the shrine to have my voice fixed, but I wonder now if it was a mistake? Did I...was that me? Should I have changed it?" He paused for a moment, surprised, not even having known that was bothering him before he said it.

"And then Ludo made Remi..forget me. Entirely. He...he feels nothing at all for me, and I thought for a moment I could make him love me again, if...if he ever did. But now Ronin's dead and Remi...Remi hates me." Perhaps that wasn't the full truth, but it was a good summary for the way Remi had looked at him with all the hardness in the world in his eyes.

"...I...my life..what I had. It's over."

Samuel
I'm starting to wake from silent sleep
I'm starting to break and I can grieve
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
Played by: Grant Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,062 | Total: 5,479
MP: 1825
#4
Phoebe
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?

The tears on his cheeks, still flowing, were in stark contrast to the smile on his face. It made her stomach drop a little, bringing her own mood down even more than it had been. With a frown she sank into the chair next to him, keeping him in a side hug as she did so. She tried to swallow her own emotions for the moment, seeing as Sam was in the midst of an emotional breakdown and she was only on the verge of one.

Her frown deepened at first as Sam began explaining what had him so upset. She had known about Isla, but when Remi spoke of it he had seemed fairly content with what had occurred. But then he went on about his voice and frankly that confused her. Hadn't he been happy to get rid of the stutter? "Whether you stutter or not, you're still you Sam. That wasn't what made you who you are." she said with a small smile, trying to assure him that what he had done was fine.

But then a look of horror took hold of her features. "He forgot you??" she said, the horror on her face coloring the tone of her voice. He continued on and it didn't make matters any better. "Oh, Sam...I'm so sorry." she said sympathetically, running her hand across his back in a soothing manner. Tears had welled up in her own eyes, though she wasn't sure why his situation made her so emotional. "Your life isn't over. Your life is your own. No one can hold that over your head, not even Remi. Besides...I doubt he hates you. Losing a friend...its hard. It's hard to grieve and treat people the way they deserve to be treated...even if you care deeply for them normally."
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,135 | Total: 8,707
MP: 0
#5

Whether you stutter or not, you're still you Sam. That wasn't what made you who you are.

Sam nodded just slightly, blinking his way through the tears. She was probably right. Once, as a child, he had not stuttered; it had been a habit that had grown from the years of anxiety and panic in his youth, something borne from trauma and not nature. If it had been a part of him, it was a part of him he was willing and ready to shed. He had to remember that.

Hearing the word forgot repeated back to him with such sympathetic shock brought a sudden fresh wave of tears from him. Oh Gods, Remi really had forgotten him. What had happened between them, the first love he'd ever known...it may as well have never have been.

"No, he...I saw how he looked at me. Normally Remi is sweet, has this..." Sam gestured vaguely around his face. "Look in his eyes, like everything will be alright. But when he told me to leave...I just saw...cold hatred. That's all he feels for me now. And why wouldn't he? All he remembers is me insisting we had something. I'd hate me."

He shook his head, sighed, wiped at his eyes. "And I shouldn't be saying all this to you. You have enough of your own going on, Phoebe. You don't need to worry about me as well."

Samuel
I'm starting to wake from silent sleep
I'm starting to break and I can grieve
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
Played by: Grant Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,062 | Total: 5,479
MP: 1825
#6
Phoebe
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?

Phoebe shook her head a little. "Sam, Remi is hurting and even the kindest people can lash out when they are hurting." she said, hoping to talk him through the situation to see reason. "It hasn't got anything to do with how he does or doesn't feel for you it's just how he feels right now in general. Don't take it personally, give him some space and time to heal. Remi has been through a lot since coming here..." she said with a little sigh. First Frey's curse, then Ludo's, and now losing a friend... It was a lot of one person to bear. "Just be patient. Wait. And when he is ready, offer to help him again. Just help him, nothing more. For Remi, it's starting over and you have to meet him where he is."

But then Sam switched gears to her, and her surprise was evident on her face. "Ah...no...no that's not true." she said quietly, tears suddenly welling up in her eyes. He had managed to hit a raw nerve which was obvious as her brows furrowed and lower lip trembled. "Everything I was worrying about...left me...because he decided he wanted to be angry at Outlanders like me and because I-I wasn't good enough so...so I-I have all the time in the world to worry after you, Sam." she said, her voice cracking with a small laugh that turned into a choked sob, her hands lifting to cover her face.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,135 | Total: 8,707
MP: 0
#7

Phoebe sounded so rational, so reasonable; Sam wanted desperately to believe her, that with just some time and hope Remi could be right again, that their relationship would be mended and just like a story, love would win the battle. But he had seen the way Remi had looked at him, Phoebe had not. He had felt a sense of finality in the way he had shut the door of the Guildhall, had felt the end of the chapter abruptly push him out.

"Thank you, but...I don't think he'll want to see me again." He said simply with a sigh and shake of his head, the tears being to dry up as his despair settled into a more even melancholy once again. It seemed he was only able to access his emotions in bursts, a little bit before the well was closed back up.

Just in time, too, for Phoebe suddenly took over his tears. Emmett had...left her? Sam did not know the farmer's boy but from what he had known, that didn't seem right. Because she was an Outlander, too?

Sam had his own mixed opinions of the whole Outlander situation, but it was not anything close to hatred or dislike of individuals. How could it be? His best friends, his lover, were all Outlanders. He knew they were not responsible. All he felt was a vague, sickly worry, the same as he felt about most issues.

"That...I'm sorry, Phoebe. Tensions are high right now, with the Spire and things. The people out in the farms, they tend to be very traditional about the Gods and that sort of thing. He may just be..upset, with it all, and then this too. It doesn't help some people like Rory are whipping up the tensions, as well."

Samuel
I'm starting to wake from silent sleep
I'm starting to break and I can grieve
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
Played by: Grant Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,062 | Total: 5,479
MP: 1825
#8
Phoebe
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?

"You just have to wait and see, Sam. Don't lose hope yet, okay?" Phoebe said, trying to comfort him while she fell apart herself. Sam seemed to see only the worst possibility but she had hope, knowing Remi, that he would come around.

She sniffled, trying to wipe her eyes clear of tears as she shook her head. "He said he can't deal with me, that I am too much. But I was the one taking care of him and Chris and Milly! And it wasn't good enough..." She wasn't good enough in the end. She hadn't been whatever it was that he needed or wanted. And then Sam mentioned Rory and she cried harder for a moment, nodding her head in agreement. "That's exactly what happened! Rory got all mad and then Emmett jumped in too! And when I pointed out that saying all Outlanders are awful he meant me too he just got mad at me!" she said quickly, hyperventilating between phrases. Phoebe shook her head and covered her eyes again, feeling rather hopeless despite trying to inspire it in Sam.

"H-he was my first everything Sam...and he tossed me out like it was nothing...like I was nothing..." she said, hardly above a whisper.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,135 | Total: 8,707
MP: 0
#9

Don't lose hope, she said, but he had none left to lose. Half of it had gone when Remi had forgotten him and the other half when he'd clutched Aoife close as if Sam had intentions of harm. It was over. But Phoebe's problems weren't his own, so he tried to focus on those for a sort of cathartic relief, looking into someone else's misery to deal with his own.

"I think people are scared. Not that it is an excuse, but...they don't know what to do but blame." He had certainly come close a few times himself, but general inability to pin much blame on anyone except himself stopped him.

Phoebe announcing that Emmett was her first drew an awkward sigh from him, not because he didn't want to know but because he didn't know how to help. Remi had been his first too, and he knew the ache that came with that heartbreak.

"I...I was thinking, about myself and Remi, that someone being your first doesn't have to mean they are the best. In fact, sometimes people say your first romance is...usually the worst. Maybe there will be a second, and he will be...better? Perhaps not right away, when there's still...all the feelings. But eventually."

Samuel
I'm starting to wake from silent sleep
I'm starting to break and I can grieve
Phoebe Steadman
the Nightingale
Midwife

Age: 26 | Height: 5'9" | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Greatwood
Level: 5 - Strg: 32 - Dext: 46 - Endr: 41 - Luck: 41 - Int:
PIM - Mythical - Dragon (Electricity) BRANBAST - Mythical - Sear Cat (Speech)
Played by: Grant Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,062 | Total: 5,479
MP: 1825
#10
Phoebe
I've been very hopeful so far
Now for the first time I think we're going wrong
Hurry up and tell me this is all a dream
Or could we start again, please?

Phoebe was desperate to shove all her emotions back into place. But once they started pouring out it was quite the task to accomplish. Her breath came in short gasps and sniffles and she tried to dry her face, nodding a little as he spoke; but with each swipe of her cheek the tears were replaced. Slowly she managed to catch her breath and looked over at Sam. "I know you're probably right...but it hurts like nothing I've ever felt before... like it's hard to breathe."

She sighed and sniffled again. "I'm sorry, I came over here to comfort you and now look at me." she said with a mirthless laugh, finally getting her tears to dry. For a moment she worried her lip before deciding to ask..."Sam...do you believe what Emmett and Rory said too? That...that people like me are all bad?" she asked quietly.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
Change author:
Posts: 3,135 | Total: 8,707
MP: 0
#11

Sam understood the pain of heartbreak. He nodded and tried to comfortingly pat Phoebe's arm. He had never been a massively physical person (or at least, hadn't been until he'd met the exception that was Remi) and wasn't sure what she needed exactly, but it was an attempt.

"It's fine...maybe we both need the comfort." He smiled. Honestly, it was sort of nice to know he wasn't the only one struggling. Maybe if the world wasn't only unfairly tilted against him, it would one day turn back.

There was a pause, then a question that made him immediately shake his head. "No. I don't believe any group of people can be all bad. I don't even..know any Outlanders who I think are bad people at all. After all, nearly all my friends are Outlanders." Remi, Jigano, Isla, Ronin...all of his closest friends with the exception of Maea had been from another place.

"I'm not sure that Emmett and Rory really believe it, either. I think we're all just confused about what's going on. It's been a...strange few years. Perhaps if the barrier does fall, and everyone has a little space, it will all blow over."

Samuel
I'm starting to wake from silent sleep
I'm starting to break and I can grieve


Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)


RPG-D