endless wasting

Hotaru took charge quite happily, and Alys was content to follow along. She'd never been one for shopping, but perhaps it wouldn't be so bad now that she had someone to share the burden with. Maybe - and this was a stretch, but a hopeful one - maybe Hotaru would even make it fun. If nothing else, Alys was quite sure that she would come out of their foray into the markets more well-dressed than she had been in - well, ever.

Alys followed closely on her new friend's heels as the other woman turned into the crowd of shoppers. "Dinner and a rest sounds lovely," she agreed, though she sensed that she needn't have said anything at all. It just seemed like the polite thing to do, and she did want to make a good impression on her new friend and mentor. "If we find somewhere quiet, I can read your cards," she said firmly. She was determined not to let Hotaru weasel out of their deal. She would start repaying her new friend today, and that was that!

alys glasse

waiting for the right mind to drive insane

she's the kind of girl you can never please

Most of the shoppers part ways for Hotaru, though it's always a toss-up as to why. Respect, intimidation, pity. Hotaru has long stopped caring. If it means Alys can keep comfortable pace without being jostled, all the better.

"Oh, yes! Well then I have the perfect spot in mind. Do you mind meat?" Caido - and especially Halo - is not exactly the most vegan and vegetarian friendly place, but Hotaru has found the highest count to be those more attuned to nature like the Fae and their fellows. The stall she seeks is at the end of a block of sellers, and luckily this one is open-air and quite visible to shoppers. Makes sense given they sell gloves, which most newcomers need quickly. Hotaru gestures Alys closer, and steers her to the higher quality leather ones on one corner of the booth to cut down on time spent perusing. "They have small, medium, large, and extra large for fit - the rest will be entirely your preference. Different linings, seams, grip...best way to explore is to try them on." Hotaru often avoided any with palm seams due to her weapon choices, and was a fan of blinkhare lining, but every person had different tastes. "I can stay with you or go pick up some under layers while you shop. Up to you."

Hotaru

Alys noticed the way the crowds parted for Hotaru, and her estimation of the woman, already high, rose. It took someone powerful and noteworthy to send other shoppers scurrying out of the way, and somehow Alys had earned her favor. It didn't seem quite real, somehow, and as Alys scurried along behind Hotaru, she could hardly believe her luck.

"Meat is fine," said Alys with a shrug as she followed along. She wasn't a meat-or-nothing kind of person, but she also didn't have anything in particular against it. "As long as it's not lamb." There was something disturbing about killing anything that young for food, in Alys's opinion. She'd seen a butcher go after one, once, and it had been enough to convince her she never wanted to see it again.

Hotaru steered her to a shop with gloves on display, and Alys ran her hand over some of the options carefully. "Oh, I'll be fine on my own," she reassured Hotaru with a rare smile. "Don't mind me." And it would give her a chance to pay for something on her own. Alys tried on several pairs, flexing her hands to see how they fit. In the end, she settled on two pairs she was happy with and hurried to the shopkeeper to try to pay for them before Hotaru got back.

alys glasse

waiting for the right mind to drive insane

she's the kind of girl you can never please

No lamb, noted. "Then I definitely have the perfect spot for us," she assures, already mentally planning five steps ahead to what meal she would want for herself and how busy the restaurant would be. Though, as Alys smiles, it brings Hotaru out of her thoughts and back into the moment to appreciate what seems to be a rare expression from the woman. Smiling back in much the same manner, Hotaru touches her shoulder in a barely-there parting touch before heading to the adjacent aisle to get Alys some proper warm under layers.

Luckily it doesn't take long as the colors are basic given they're rarely ever seen anyway and only utilized for sleeping in the coldest seasons or layering beneath clothes when beyond the Citadel walls. That doesn't mean Ru doesn't get every color anyway. Oops.

It means she can arrive just in time to see Alys attempting to purchase her gloves. "Sneaky," Hotaru says from right behind her, smirking with clear approval. "But not sneaky enough. Here, take this while I get these." Handing Alys the second bag to keep her hands too full to barter, the Valkyrie then bumps her hips against the Seer's to jolt her out of the way. "Just these and the bag and the horrible torture of being spoiled is over." Amusement flickers like firelight in her mismatched eyes as she smirks over her shoulder, pleased to make the other woman suffer in such a positive way.

Hotaru

"Sneaky," said Hotaru's voice from behind her, and then Alys was being cheerfully hip-checked out of the way. Hotaru didn't really seem to mind Alys's attempt to pay, though, even sounding like she approved. Alys frowned at the other woman, entirely perplexed. She couldn't decide if Hotaru was infuriating or wonderful (although the answer was probably both), and it bothered her that she couldn't put her new friend into a box like she could with everyone else. Still, she couldn't help a snort of laughter as Hotaru described the experience as torture. "I'll pay you back one day," she promised - or was it a teasing threat?

Shopping concluded, Alys followed Hotaru to the spot she'd picked out, and once they had been seated, she regarded the other woman carefully. Now it was her turn to be in charge. "So, about your reading," she said. "Is there anything in particular you need advice on? Some people want career advice, or relationship advice. Some people have a specific question. But some people just want a general reading of where they are in life and where they're going." She reached into her pocket to finger one of her three decks, wondering which Hotaru would choose for herself when given the option.

alys glasse

waiting for the right mind to drive insane

she's the kind of girl you can never please

The calamity is plainly visible on the woman's face, which only feeds into Hotaru's arguably sadistic pleasure over having stopped the transaction in time. The threat is adorable, not unlike a child stamping their foot or a puppy growling threateningly. Still, she concedes the prospect with an elegant tilt of her head so as not to offend Alys by laughing at the idea. Perhaps in time she would after all. Hotaru would love to be surprised.

It is a quick affair to be seated which is a relief given the busy hours are approaching. Setting their bags beneath the table at their feet, the Valkyrie ties her hair back with a small satin bow and perches her elbows on the edge of the wood between them. The fingers of one hand trace her bottom lip in habitual motion of contemplation, considering the options before her. "I have no relationships to speak of, and my career is well-developed. I feel perhaps a little lost in my personal life - is that enough for you to start with?" It sounds like the Seer would fit her best in the general reading. And though that small bit of vulnerability is a far cry from anything truly deep, Ru considers to herself that she still has a long way to go with trusting people.

Hotaru

They were seated quickly, which was a relief to Alys. They'd spent quite a bit of time on their feet, and the respite from shopping was appreciated. Alys considered her companion from beneath her lashes, contemplating which deck would be the best to use. There were three to choose from, and in the end, Alys chose her first deck; it was the one with the most neutral imagery, but the one she'd had the longest and, therefore, often the easiest for her to read.

"Yes, I can work with that," the young woman conceded with a small, encouraging smile. Reading the cards worked better when the querent was open and honest, after all, and that often required some measure of vulnerability. Alys pulled out her deck and unwrapped it gently, lovingly, from the silken scarf in which she kept it. She folded the scarf and returned it to her pocket, where it couldn't be stained or dirtied by anything in the restaurant. Then she began to shuffle her deck, riffling the cards together with a practiced ease.

"We'll start with a simple spread, and then clarify anything we need to," Alys explained as she shuffled. She cut the deck in half and placed the bottom half on top, then drew three cards and laid them face up on the table. "Hmm," Alys murmured as she considered the draw. After a moment, Alys pointed to each card in turn as she explained the spread.

"The first card represents the past: the Three of Swords." The card showed a heart pierced with three swords. "The card of heartbreak and loss. The second card represents the present: the Devil." This card showed a demon standing before a pair of chained figures. "The card of restriction and addiction. And finally, the future: the Ace of Cups." The final card showed a single cup overflowing with water. "New relationships, budding emotions."

Alys drummed her fingers on the table briefly, then drew a fourth card, placing it under the Devil. "The Hermit, reversed." A lone woman, holding a lantern. "Isolation, withdrawal, loneliness." Alys drummed her fingers on her chin. "But perhaps..." She shook herself, refocusing on Hotaru. "It's clear to me that you've suffered in your past. I'm sorry for your loss, or losses," she added softly, reaching across the table to touch the back of Hotaru's hand. "It looks like your pain led you to withdraw, isolate yourself. You're protecting yourself from being hurt again. But you've stayed in the shadows for too long," she said, confident but gentle. "Your past experiences are keeping you chained. It's time to break free, to take a chance. Let yourself learn to feel again."

She glanced up at Hotaru to gauge her reaction, prepared to continue if the other woman desired it.

alys glasse

waiting for the right mind to drive insane

she's the kind of girl you can never please

As Alys shuffles her deck she lets her crossed foot bob in the air where nobody can see, expelling her anxious energy safely. She has known Seers before, and while Alys' magic is underdeveloped and her tarot vaguer, it takes a great measure of vulnerability and trust to submit herself to the draw of the cards. As the first is flipped she can feel her own heart squeeze as if feeling the swords newly pierced. She knows what they imply before Alys can explain, which only lends credence to the woman's abilities.

Addiction in the present is certainly a way to put her current state of mind. Not precisely a complimentary outlook, but also undeniably accurate. Ru isn't anticipating the positivity implied in her future card, nor Alys pulling a fourth; one that hurts somehow more in its plainface honesty. Her eyes remain riveted to the cards, unblinking even as her eyes go dry. Only the soft touch to the back of her hand jolts her into the present.

Alys' eyes are made of a softer quality this time, dove-grey instead of stormcloud. Compassion and understanding that Hotaru has to force herself not to automatically resent as a defense mechanism. Slowly her hand turns halfway over, her fingertips gently gracing the soft inner skin of Alys' forearm in answering touch. "Do the cards provide guidance on how to achieve that?" Her voice remains blessedly in control, though her tone is quiet and weighted. "I have only just broken free of going through the mechanical motions of being alive. But I don't want to make the same mistakes as before." And she isn't sure which version of herself to pursue anymore; the young woman from Helovia who had taken the world to heel, the socialite who had first stepped into Caido and enjoyed every manner of fling and courtship, or this sad and worn matriarch that wears an ill-fitting facade of confidence.

Hotaru

The cards told a tale of heartbreak, but held the promise of overcoming that which threatened to strangle. Alys peeked at Hotaru from under her lashes, surprised to find that the woman stared at the cards as though seeing into another space. Another time. When Alys reached to touch Hotaru's hand, she could see a woman at war with herself; in the end, the other woman turned her hand over, her fingers skimming the underside of Alys's wrist.

The Seer swallowed hard and, before she could think too deeply, gripped Hotaru's hand in her own. Not usually one for offering support, she was surprised to find that it was almost natural, bracing Hotaru against her past and present struggles in this way. She was even more surprised when Hotaru offered further insight, exposing her fears to someone she barely knew, leaning into the reading in a way that Alys was wholly unused to. Mostly, she'd been met with skeptics and cynics, but this... belief warmed her in a way she hadn't thought possible.

With her free hand, Alys flipped another card and laid it under the Ace of Cups. "The Hanged Man," she said, gently straightening the card, which showed an upside-down man hanging by a foot. Surrender. Letting go. New perspectives. Alys drew another card. "The Emperor, reversed." A stern-looking man on a throne: inflexibility and excessive control. "You have a need to keep everything carefully under control. If you can control things, they can't hurt you. But moving forward means letting go, surrendering. Accepting that things being out of your control is a part of life."

It wasn't a straight answer, but the cards were hardly ever black and white. Alys squeezed Hotaru's hand, compelled to continue, building from the cards' momentum. "Love is hard. Letting people in is hard. I can't tell you what kinds of relationships may be coming your way. It could be romantic. It could be platonic. It could be familial. But you need to open yourself up. Feel your emotions. It's the only way to know that you're alive."

alys glasse

waiting for the right mind to drive insane

she's the kind of girl you can never please

Wherever her mind is, Alys' strong and unrelenting grip brings Hotaru back down to earth, and her own hand reflexively squeezes back in a desperate bid for something she can't name. Companionship? Help? Whatever it is, Alys' touch is like pressure on the wound, staunching the bloodflow of her hurt and vulnerability. Unaware that her own belief was a similar balm to Alys; she wouldn't have understood such cynicism anyway. How could someone doubt when faced with such a reading? One that reveals insecurities, secrets, and trials that Hotaru has told fewer souls than could be marked on her fingers?

Her free hand moves towards the cards as they are flipped and named in Alys' quiet, almost hypnotic tone. Fingertips alight gently on the very edge of the Hanged Man card. The imagery is only barely more tolerable than Alys' intense gaze with how raw Hotaru feels.

"It's the only way to know that you're alive."

"Sometimes I do not wish to be," she confesses in a whisper. The next inhale shudders in her lungs. Hotaru has never perceived herself as particularly brave. Powerful, yes, and clever enough to leverage situations in her favor. But being confident did not make her brave, and that was what was required if she was to make any sort of progress. She would have to be courageous enough to open herself to being hurt again. To living again instead of merely surviving. She had thought she was getting better at it after speaking with Enzo, but with the mirror forcibly up against her face she can admit that her attempts have been halfhearted at best.

Perhaps the bravery has to start here and now.

Hotaru lifts her gaze to Alys sitting across the table, and her hand squeezes again. "Does it ever intimidate you? Seeing into peoples pasts and futures, seeing their pain but not quite comprehending its history?" The comfort that Alys is offering Hotaru is not a characteristic she would have expected from the woman, so how can she carry the weight of so many strangers? Maybe she is still being cowardly for not talking about the cards or the reading just yet, but she can sense the words are slowly coalescing into something coherent in her throat. They just need a bit more time.

Hotaru

Cynics were not hard to find, as Alys well knew; it was the believers who were rare, like diamonds in the rough. Especially in Halo, where folk were slow to trust outsiders, just as Tal had warned her. So to find Hotaru so engrossed, so enraptured - it was a balm to Alys's troubled soul. She'd been worried about making a name for herself here, if no one would give her a chance, but Hotaru was proof that people who would understand her craft did exist. She just had to find them.

But finding new clients was the furthest thing from Alys's mind as she gripped her companion's hand. As Hotaru was showing vulnerability and strength in trusting Alys, so too was Alys showing vulnerability and strength in supporting Hotaru. This mutual filling of one another's needs was foreign to the young woman, but it would become a moment that she would treasure.

Sometimes I do not wish to be. Alys simply squeezed her hand, the look on her face wholly nonjudgmental at the confession. To admit such a thing aloud spoke to a special kind of bravery, and Alys's esteem for Hotaru rose several notches. But before she could offer any kind of encouragement, Hotaru was speaking again, turning the tide of the conversation away from herself. Alys accepted that. It was hard to open up so, especially to someone you've just met. She was not offended in the least.

Instead, she hummed thoughtfully. "I wouldn't call it intimidating," she said finally. "It is an honor and a privilege to See people clearly."

alys glasse

waiting for the right mind to drive insane

she's the kind of girl you can never please

The lack of reaction is deeply comforting following such an intimate and perhaps taboo confession. The strength of Alys' hand belies the equal strength of her character, and Ru thinks that perhaps this is the first step. Peeling back the persona for someone new instead of a well-formed friend or frequent acquaintance. Admitting hard truths, even if she cannot linger on them long.

"You would make a good therapist if you were not so talented as a seer," she compliments, a tiny twist to the corner of one side of her mouth denoting both sincerity and the struggle it takes to keep conversing with the weight of her own sudden clarity on her shoulders. Shoulders that, unlike Alys, are not nearly so accustomed to the burden of honesty.

"It's true I have kept myself solitary since my son's death." It is spit out with less grace and poise than her normal tone and manner of speech would be found doing, but it's the only way she can face the topic at hand. "Maybe...if you would be open to the idea, perhaps we can meet like this more often? Dinners, shopping - outside of Academy business?" Hotaru has never so blatantly requested the beginning of a friendship before, and it feels stiff on her tongue, but Alys' hand in her own is a rock that she clings to with the hope that she's not reading everything wrong.

Hotaru

It was the first time that being a therapist had been suggested to Alys, and she blinked with surprise, turning a little pink at the compliment. She'd never really considered herself a "people person," the way that she assumed that therapists must be. But then, if she considered it, she supposed that she did often listen to people's worries and give them tools to help them with their troubles. After all, if one can see things clearly, it becomes easier to deal with things, doesn't it?

"Thank you," she said, meaning it wholeheartedly. She hesitated for a moment, but their meeting today had felt so much like fate, and Alys was never one to dismiss such a notion, so she reached out to gently grasp Hotaru's hand with both of hers. "If ever you need a listening ear, my door is always open to you."

A furrow in Alys's brow smoothed at the revelation that Hotaru had lost a son and had thereafter led a solitary existence. That was in line with the cards, and Alys squeezed the woman's hand. "I am sorry for your loss." There was no pity in it, just sorrow - a profound sadness for all that Hotaru had endured.

When Hotaru offered friendship, Alys smiled shyly. She had precious few friends, particularly friends with whom she had bonded as quickly as she seemed to have with Hotaru, and she welcomed the idea of spending more time with the other woman. "I would like that," she said happily. "I have been rather solitary myself. It will be nice to spend time with you." It was, perhaps, a bit awkward, but Alys liked this honesty much better than having to guess where she stood with someone.

alys glasse

waiting for the right mind to drive insane

she's the kind of girl you can never please

It's a weighted offer, whether Alys knows it or not. Talyson is not great with touchy subjects, and while Deimos' ear was well-practiced to her woes, because of that sometimes Hotaru cannot help but feel regretful for burdening him with her pain. He would surely disagree if she ever admitted it, but sometimes seeing him happy and healing is the only thing that keeps her going, and she would never do anything to risk impeding that. Having someone levelheaded and kind to talk to maturely, sincerely...it would make a huge difference in her life.

"Thank you. And the same for you in return, if you ever need it." Part of the reason Hotaru does not tell people her inner secrets and feelings is this exact fear that surfaces as she says it - that Alys, having seen her so vulnerable, would no longer see Ru as a capable woman who could be relied upon for advice or guidance. Fighting that feeling down back into the pits of her stomach, she instead reflexively squeezes Alys' hand back at her condolences, grimacing.

"He was not the first I lost. My third, actually. It is hard not to consider myself cursed; it's why I have stayed alone." Desperate to be a mother, but terrified of losing yet another child. Desperate to be loved, but unable to open herself up emotionally for anything more than one-night stands.

Though it's nice to be so up-front about where they stand, and Hotaru aims her own smile back at Alys, relieved at the reception to her idea. "I live at the end of the lane in Whitebrim if you ever want to visit. My surname is on the outside - Kaito. You're welcome to visit me there whenever you desire if we don't have established plans." Deimos and Talyson were awarded the same benefits, and now Alys could be counted among those ranks.

Hotaru