Let it Rain

The Guildhall was quiet in the aftermath of the victory and the tragedy that had occurred at the Spire. Jigano worked at reading and taking notes on the books retrieved from Safrin’s library, but he was easily distracted and prone to staring at the fire with a furrowed brow, thoughts far from the histories laid out before him as if he could peer into the future instead. A future where Outlanders and naturals were likely going to be at each other’s throats if they couldn’t find a way to heal the breaches that had cracked wide open among those standing vigil at the battle.

Now the lamps had been lit and the rain pattered quietly outside the repaired windows of the medical study and his office as afternoon faded to evening, and he found himself stifling a yawn. The bags under his eyes were growing heavier and harder to hide with the cosmetics that were neither easy to find nor make here, but he did his best to keep his friends from worrying. Eventually he was going to have to speak to Ludo, but the night of the new moon had not yet arrived, and until it did he feared the soul guide’s temper.

Though Ludo had seemed in a fair enough mood at the Spire… on Maea’s shoulders… and wasn’t that an interesting turn of events? He’d have to ask the fair-skinned Loreseeker what had brought that on the next time she came by the Hall.

And then there was Samuel …

As if summoned by his drifting thoughts, he heard footsteps on the stairs and turned to see who was approaching with weary curiosity.

The Atheneum provided a sort of escapism for Sam. Both because it was filled with stories and worlds to lose himself in, and because it had been somewhere he had frequented before his life had really kicked into action; if he spent enough time between the shelves he could convince himself he had dreamed all of it, all of the things that had ended up in pain and confusing ends. He had finished his work for the day, was heading down to the Guildhall to put away his records book in it's spot. As he got to the bottom of the stairs he saw Jigano sat in the hall; he supposed he must have missed him entering. After a pause (for entering social situations was still something he had to prepare for just a little, even now) he took the steps forward into the hall. The records book cradled in his arms he smiled towards Jigano, hoping he found his friend in better spirits than he had been last time (and better spirits than Sam himself was in). "Hello, Jigano. Have you been here long? It's..all been so chaotic lately, I haven't seen a lot of people I know. Have you been busy too? I saw you at the...Spire..um...thing." He realised by bringing it up he would be re-inserting the memory of him curled up and pathetic on the floor into Jigano's memory, but there was no taking it back now. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"Sam," Jigano greeted warmly, relieved to see his friend - and even more to see him smiling. After the way he had looked at the battle, the bard had been worried that the bookmaker was coming apart at the seams. Had it just been the stress of watching Remi fight that had so worried his friend? "I've been here all day," he admitted ruefully, glancing to his open office door and the lack of light coming from the window set high on the wall. "But with so many things happening I'm sure everyone has been busy. Chaotic is the right word for it." He sighed, his smile slipping as he looked around at the empty room. Not that he could blame any of his guildmates at the moment. Most of the Naturals had just had their way of life shifted to a precarious edge and if they needed to spend time with their friends and families and gods, he understood. Of his Outlander Loreseekers, Vai had enough on her hands with the pregnancy and helping Remi and helping the Infirmary, and Caiside... well, the man was trying to re-establish his smithing credentials, and Jigano had been the one to facilitate that. He couldn't be surprised when the ex-demigod was busy with the work he had found for him.

"I saw you as well," he said quietly, pushing his chair back from the great table and rising to stretch the kinks out of his back. "Shall I heat us up some tea? I've been a bit overwhelmed lately..." he stopped, then shook his head smiling ruefully. "No, that's no excuse. I should have sought you out sooner, Sam. We haven't spent nearly enough time together since before Long Night. Will you tell me what has been happening in your life? I would dearly like to hear what has been going on with you, and what you think of these recent events." Not least because of how scared the man had been of them before. Perhaps now Jigano would be able to allay some of those fears, with the Demon finally dead...

Even though the price had been high, and the victory tarnished with the tensions that now ran between the naturals and outlanders.

"Oh." Sam replied flatly to the news that Jigano had been there all day. Had he been so wrapped up in his mind? It was true that he had been very involved in his work out of sheer desperation to get away from his thoughts. The part of him that overworried about every social problem he faced hoped that Jigano would not be offended by his not coming down earlier, but at the lack of an admonishment he tried to relax that fear. "Yes. I have been trying to do my records work when I can, though." He went to put the book away, turned back with a smile when Jigano suggested tea. "I would love some tea. It's...fine. I've been very busy too, and hurt, and stressed, and..." Sam shook his head and shrugged, looking down at the floor. "So very many things." There was a lot to tell about what had been happening. Sam sat down at the nearest table, tried to think about where he should begin. Probably the thing that was easiest to talk of, first. "Well. I suppose you've probably noticed my voice? Remi and I went to the Shrine, and she...for a price, helped me fix my stutter. It has been...liberating, if a little strange." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Samuel being so distracted by books that he didn't notice the people around him was nothing new, and Jigano stifled a small smile at his fellow scholar. "I appreciate that," he said instead, nodding to the chronicle book the redhaired man carried. "Especially in these... exciting times." Historically important, for certain, and precisely the sort of thing it helped to have multiple accounts of, from as many viewpoints as they could record.

Jigano had already begun moving to heat the teakettle on the hob, but his head jerked up sharply as he looked back at his friend in concern. "Hurt?" he asked, seizing on the word that was out of place. They were all busy, and stressed with what had happened at the Spire, but Sam hadn't been fighting, at least not that Jigano had seen... "Have you been to the Infirmary? I have some first aid supplies here, if you haven't gotten it looked at yet..." Once the tea water was taken care of the tea measured out to steep, the bard dusted his hands off and returned to sit near his friend, his brows rising in surprise at the realization that Sam's stutter was gone.

"Forgive me," he said softly, looking at the redhaired man with a searching gaze. "I, too, have been busy and it sounds so natural I hadn't even noticed. You sound more confident now, my friend. I am glad it has made you feel more free but... dare I ask the price the goddess required for it?"

"It's hard to keep up. I'm still trying to write about how the guild itself was founded, and who's in it. But I have notes for...all of the rest." Having to write everything that happened felt like a horrible responsibility sometimes, as if he were forced to be the witness for the world; how he put it down would be how it was viewed by future generations. How could he be fair about something like the Spire attack? Did he have to be fair? He looked up with surprise at the alarm in Jigano's voice at what he had said as a passing comment. "Oh, no. I am not hurt physically. Just...emotionally, I suppose. I don't need any help from the infirmary. But...thank you. For the concern." Everyone was so anxious at the moment, so on edge after the dangers of Longnight; it felt as if he had to constantly announce his health so that he would not alarm any friends. It seemed Jigano had not noticed the difference in his voice. Sam found himself a little disappointed but glad to be able to reassure Jigano with an answer to his question. "It was not so terrible. Just that she wanted me to bring someone to her, someone to Ascend. And a man came to my house. Bastien, his name was. He said he wanted to. So...it was almost done for me." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"I'm glad to hear you're still working on it," the Provost said kindly, though inwardly he made a note - another one, on an ever-growing checklist - to take a little time out of his own work with Safrin's books to make sure his own journal was updated. Things were happening too fast to rely on fading memory weeks or months after things occurred. Perhaps Seiji or Caiside could help take up the slack, so details weren't lost...

"Write down what you saw at the Spire, first," he said slowly, frowning in thought. "I'll have Maea and Vai and Amalia do so as well. We need all the points of view we can get on it, natural and outlander alike." He sighed, raising a brow at his friend in preparation of asking what Sam's thoughts on the matter were, but he was distracted by his concern for the bookmaker, fearing he was injured. Hearing that wounds were intangible calmed him a little, but he still looked at his friend with concern.

"Sam, what has happened?" He stopped himself from speculating, biting back his guesses to wait for the ginger haired man to explain in his own words. Though he did raise a brow at hearing that the Voice wanted him to bring her someone to Ascend. He was growing worried about her intentions and plans, in spite of his attempts to be impartial, but at the name Sam spoke Jigano blinked and had to stifle a snort. "Bastien? That peacock priest of Safrin? Oh my... He's as fickle as his former goddess is said to be," the bard spoke wryly, but shook his head, half in amusement and half in resignation. "But so long as he was willing, I'm glad no more was asked of you. Now, what is this about emotional hurts? Has your family been bullying you since Long Night?"

Sam nodded along with Jigano's thoughts on recording the happenings at the Spire. It would be one of the most important things the guild would ever do, he was sure of that. Though...perhaps if they recorded what happened after the barrier fell, if it did (and if they didn't die in the process) that would turn out to be a much mightier task. He had no way of knowing. Jigano asked him what had happened and he nearly laughed with the absurdity of it all, that it had only been a couple of weeks since they had spoken and already he had so much to say. That his life had entirely turned around in just that short time. "No, I haven't seen them. I saw Evie in her shop, but...it was civil enough." Odd, for sure. She had been acting...unusual. But she had not bullied him, as such. "No, the issue is more to do with Remi. Ludo...Remi lost something of Ludo's. I'm not sure what, but I know it was precious." His whole body language changed as he spoke, Sam drawing into himself, making himself small by pulling his knees up and tightening his shoulders. "Ludo punished him. By...making him forget me, and our relationship. All of it. I..feel like it was a punishment on me, as well, and I'm not sure what I did to deserve it, but...after that...we tried. I tried. To be close again." Sam chewed on his lip, looked at Jigano with a frown. "But he was disgusted by the mere idea of being with a man. Back...where he's from, that's a problem. Just before the Spire attack, we kissed, then he seemed upset, for some reason. After that, with Ronin dead...he doesn't want to speak to me at all now." While he kept tears from falling, it was clear they were close, his voice wavering between pitches as he relayed the story once again. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"Ah, I finally met her," Jigano murmured, nodding as the name called up an image of a prim and proper red-haired woman sitting in the circle at the Infirmary. She had been among those watching the Battle, as well, fiery and with hackles raised as high as Rory's had been. He hoped the siblings could reconcile, but he was given no chance to follow that thought before Sam moved on to the source of his pain.

Remi. And Ludo.

The bard sucked in a slow breath, using the whistle of the kettle to hide his tension as he crossed the floor back to the fire to pour the water over the leaves held in the tea pot's strainer. "Lost... or had it stolen from him," Jigano muttered darkly, remembering Remi's Rathskeller confession. The boy had been a naive fool, but it was the thief who was truly at fault. He brought the teapot back to the table so they could pour when it had finished steeping, and settled in a chair near Sam again, seeing his friend's body language with concern. It was a change from the way he had been acting when last the Provost had seen his friend, a slide back into the man the bookmaker had been when they had first met, alone and scared and with no sense of his own worth.

"The gods... can be fickle," Jigano said with a sigh, remembering the accounts of Safrin and Frey from the hidden books. "If Ludo was angry at Remi, I suspect you were more... collateral damage, than an intended target. I know that makes it worse, in many ways," he admitted with a grimace. "But please don't think that you did anything wrong or deserving of punishment, Sam. I think you were just caught in the crossfire this time."

In truth he didn't know what to say about Sam and Remi trying to be 'close' again. He hadn't been there to see it, and he had so little romantic experience of his own to draw on. For this, he suspected, his store of tales and ballads was insufficient. This was far too personal and too specific a circumstance for platitudes. With a sigh he poured the tea, nodding acknowledgment of Remi's difficulties with men. "He'd mentioned it to me before, when we first met. That odd hangup in his culture. But..." he hesitated, knowing that his words would bring pain, but not knowing how else to forge ahead. "He had also mentioned having at least one lover before he ever met you. If he's disgusted by all men than I have to wonder... what other memories did Ludo take from him?" A cold chill ran down the lorekeeper's spine at that thought. He desperately needed to find out more information on Ludo, now more than ever...

"Were he and Ronin close?" Jigano asked gently. He couldn't remember seeing them together except at the fuss with the red-antlered luxere, but if they both came from Northaven it would make sense that they knew each other.

Jigano had met Evie? While he gave no further opinion or insight, Sam secretly hoped that he hadn't liked her. He still held onto the irrational fear that if everyone got to know Evie, they would realise she was the clear victor in their invisible competition and leave him behind for her in a heartbeat. There was something mumbled as Jigano went to pour the tea that Sam didn't catch, but he didn't ask after it. If it was a negative comment on himself he didn't want to know it, and if it was just a thought he was sure Jigano would fill him in later. As he brought the teapot over Sam weakly smiled a thanks, loosened the tension in his posture just a little. "...I suppose you're probably right, but it just feels so unfair." He knew it sounded childish, but it felt good to just complain about it bluntly. It was unjust, that he had suffered for so many years, finally gotten out into the world..then right into his first relationship that ended in such a dramatic, awful way. If it were a story he was reading, he would have stopped by now because it was too depressing. "He seems to have forgotten the other men before me, too. So...I don't know how much Ludo took." Sam shrugged. He didn't know enough about Remi's life to have worked it all out. He had already gotten quite used to the idea he was not the only lover Remi had had, so the mention of it did not bother him much more than he already was. Were Remi and Ronin close? He nearly laughed. "They were like...almost like brothers, I think. They spent a lot of time together. Remi has taken on his child, now. I tried to help with her but...he...I'm worried about him. He's clearly not right, but he won't let me help. And with everything going on...all this...tension Rory's started...I'm worried he'll do something impulsive and be hurt." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"I'm sorry, Sam," the lorekeeper said quietly, with a deep sincerity that encompassed both his friend's pain and their mutual helplessness in the situation. "I wish things had gone differently for you." Whatever his opinion of Remi the relationship with the Hybrid boy had made Sam happy, and Jigano regretted the loss of that happiness. Remi had likely forgotten his promise to not hurt Sam, if he had forgotten everything else about him... and it wasn't as though he'd done it intentionally. Of course, when Jigano had vented his frustrations to the pup he had meant exactly the sort of situation where the people around Remi were hurt by accident like this but...

As Sam said, it wasn't fair. And Remi was already paying his own price, it sounded like, though how he could fully appreciate the pain with the memories at the root of it gone was questionable.

Sam's explanation of Remi's relationship with Ronin had Jigano sighing and reaching up to rub at his temple. "So... the man who has earned Ludo's wrath and has forgotten the men he loved is now raising a newborn baby, and is too selfish to let anyone help?" he summed up grimly, wondering how long the poor child would survive such well-meaning but likely-unprepared care.

Or how long it would be until Remi ran afoul of the next god, and once more brought punishment down on those around him, including the innocent babe.

The sound of a familiar name falling from Sam's lips, however, distracted him and he blinked up at the bookmaker, lifting his cup to blow on it. "Rory didn't start it," he said slowly, staring into the steaming depths of the hot liquid. "He gave voice to it... but it's been building for awhile now. What the four of those Northhaveners were thinking by excluding everyone else from their assault, I'll never know," he added grimly. "But if you're looking for a place to lay the blame for things cracking wide open between outlanders and naturals, I'd lay the fault there. It was something that should have been done together..." he sighed. "And with a bit more planning. But there weren't many interested in that either, when I tried to raise the issue," he concluded, his voice calm but a bitter twist to the smile he aimed at his tea.

Jigano's summary of Remi's situation was almost comical, made it sound almost absurdly tragic and foolish. Suddenly he felt guilt for having left Remi at all, having been so weak that he'd let some words push him away from the man who was obviously in a very precarious and terrible situation. But...what could you do, when someone wanted you gone so badly? There came a point when you felt you were no longer helping. "I...don't know if he's being selfish, exactly. I think he's just...upset." Sam finished lamely, unsure of Remi's justifications himself. If he was in his shoes, Sam would have wanted support and hugs from everyone he knew, he felt. Sam sipped his own tea in the moment of quiet, reflecting on the whole situation. It would be easier if he had forgotten Remi too, he thought. Ludo could have at least given him that mercy, if he had to be collateral damage. Jigano seemed quite opinionated about the current divide, and about Rory too. Sam supposed he had seen them stood together when everyone was watching... "Why didn't you join them? I thought you wanted to. And...other people, too. And I...suppose I just thought Rory had begun it because he made a speech, didn't he? I wasn't there but...I heard some Outlanders are scared about what it could mean." He thought of Phoebe, of his conversations with Maea, of the sudden and powerful presence of the new civil disrest in his life. Sam had never had opinions on these kinds of things before but now was forced to and didn't know quite how to voice them. "I hope you know I don't think any ill of you or any other Outlander just for wanting to leave. I...am worried. And...I think the Spire attack was...a bad idea. But I know that isn't Outlanders as a whole." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Of course Sam was defending Remi, given their relationship, but... he was also right, and Jigano bowed his head in gracious acknowledgment. "If he was that close to Ronin, then perhaps you are right. And who knows what side effects the removal of his memories may be causing as well?" he agreed slowly. He still would have preferred the child in Phoebe or perhaps Vervain's care - someone who was a bit more prepared for it or had experience with it already. But it was not his decision to make, and given how little he had known Ronin, it was none of his business of the man's other friends chose to leave his daughter in the hands of a boy who likely had his own pain to deal with.

Hot tea on a damp spring day was a godsend, and he sipped it slowly, savoring the heat as well as the flavor. Alas, the topic of conversation was too dark to take much joy in the moment. He let himself speak freely to his friend, but the question he received in return earned a raised brow. "When did I ever say I wanted to join them?" he asked curiously. "I told you, oh, two or three times, I think, that I planned to witness and record the attempt from a safe distance - which I did. Rory..." He hesitated, then sighed, giving a little shake of his head. "There were a lot of speeches made that day. Rexanna, Maea, your sister... even Kalt. Many people were upset over what was happening, or rather, how it was happening. You were there," Jigano reminded his friend gently. "Sitting on the hill with the rest of us. And everyone is scared right now."

The sudden reassurance came almost out of the blue for the bard. He had never doubted Sam's friendship, though he'd sometimes been exasperated by his friend's attempt to control or forbid his actions. They had already spoken about that, though, and he'd thought the air was clear between them. A smile bloomed across a face that had spent too many hours in grim lines, and he nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Sam. I wasn't the only Outlander who disagreed with how the Spire was attacked, for what it's worth. But... well. What's done is done." He sighed, shaking his head. "All we can do is hope that Ronin's death isn't wasted and that a lesson is learned going forward so we can take the next steps more slowly, and in better cooperation between naturals and outlanders alike."

"...I'm not sure there are side effects..." Sam mumbled, tapping his finger to his lips as he considered it. Unless you considered their whole lost relationship a side effect, Remi had only lost memories. He drank his own tea, wondering if he'd ever be able to taste things without thinking of Remi. The tea was sweet, hot...a pleasure he would not have had mere months ago. Thoughts of pleasure left when Jigano corrected him, though. Instinctively Sam drew a little back into himself, watched him talk over the rim of his cup. "...I'm sorry. I guess I...didn't take it in right. But um..." Sam trailed away and shook his head, clearly not confident enough to say what he was going to right away. Instead he smiled at Jigano's thanks, nod at the sentiment. Caido had always been a sombre place, one full of death and drama but...not this much. Not this kind of chaos. It scared him, and he wanted an end to it. With another sip of tea and a straighter sitting position, he seemed to gain the boldness he had lacked. "Rory...I saw you two holding hands. At the Spire. And...you seem to think a lot of him..." Sam let that be all he said, waiting for Jigano to fill in the rest with an inquisitive smile and a sip of his tea. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child