Let it Rain

"I haven't seen him since Long Night... except at a distance," the bard corrected himself somberly. It wasn't as though they could forget what had happened at the Spire that day, after all. "So I just don't know. I can see how losing memories like that could affect emotions, though. And not just what he felt for the ones forgotten..." Was there any greater fear for a loreseeker than the loss of memories? Of knowledge and experience and all of the things that made you who you were as a person? The Provost shivered, cupping his hands gratefully around his mug. "That is one price not worth paying," he said softly. "Not for all the gold or all the pain in the world." The mementos of his past life sat on a shelf in his office behind them, a quiet reminder and condemnation that he carried with grim determination, no matter the slyly smiling face he showed the world.

A silver brow arched as Sam apologized and drew in on himself, and Jigano suppressed a sigh, lips quirking into a wry smile. "It's alright, my friend," he reassured the bookmaker who was still timid in spite of his steady voice. "You were scared. You didn't want to lose your friends. You listened to your fears... but I'm still here, and so are you," he pointed out gently. "And the Demon is finally dead."

After the talk of death and loss, Rory was the last topic he expected his friend to circle back to, and he sipped his tea as he considered Sam's smile over the rim of his mug. Setting it down with careful grace he let his own lips quirk into a slight smile. "I've held hands with Amalia, too," he pointed out, in a voice that might have been teasing... or might have been mildly pleasant. "And hugged both her and you. But, yes, Rory is a good friend, and I do think well of him." Knight to E6. Sam's move.

"..Mmm." Sam loosely agreed, though privately he thought he actually had quite a few memories he'd like to get rid of. If Ludo had cursed him, he imagined there would have been a struggle to find positives prior to the last year. His memories of childhood were mostly being sat in rooms waiting fearfully for the next thing he was in trouble for, the years after he'd left containing a brief burst of happiness then years of isolation. He nodded to Jigano's reassurances. Honestly, he was slightly relieved. The Demon was dead and the barrier had not immediately come crashing down how he had expected. Perhaps that meant the Spire and barrier really weren't connected. Maybe everything would stay the same. Still...rather than dwelling on all the misery, Jigano gave Sam something to smile about: his expert dodging of the unspoken question about Rory. Sam recognised the roundabout answer because he was an expert in giving them. He raised his eyebrows and sipped his tea, then looked back up and decided to try just one more time. "Well...It's just when I saw you, I thought he may be more than a friend. And I'd be happy if you had that, because you deserve it." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

He had expected Sam to want to talk about Remi more, but perhaps the current situation was too recent and too painful still. The lorekeeper watched his friend for a moment longer, gauging whether or not to press the issue, but in the end chose to sip his tea and let the conversation drift onwards.

Something he might not have been so willing to do if he'd realized that it would eventually wind up at his love life - or lack thereof. What he had with Rory was more than friendship, that much he knew for certain. How much more... they were learning every time they saw each other. Every time they touched, or spoke, or smiled at each other. He had long been willing to protect the hunter, but just how far that went...

Well, his lack of dreams over the past season was an indication of how far, wasn't it?

But Sam's gentle blessing earned a tired smile from the weary bard, and Jigano bowed his head in gracious acknowledgment. "Thank you, Samuel. That means a great deal to me, that you think so, though I might disagree about deserving it." He smile was lopsided when he raised his head to look at his friend again. "You, and Edy, and Rory, and Amalia... and Isla," he said the last name with a hint of sadness, "Have all become so much more to me than I thought I would have again. You are all important to me, and you should know that I care for you all." He glanced down at his tea, his smile taking on its more usual wry cast. "Even when I'm busy and terrible at checking up with you, you friendship is still something precious to me. And I want to thank you for that, Sam. For standing with me and supporting me even before we brought the Loreseekers together. I'm glad to have you by my side."

Jigano was an absolute expert in the art of avoiding questions, it seemed. Sam raised his eyebrows and smiled into his cup, pretending as if he didn't notice (though he too suffered a momentary loss of his smile as Isla's name was mentioned. That wound was still raw). Still, the ending sentiment was lovely, something he was honoured to hear. "..Thank you, Jigano. That's...very kind. I often wondered, when I was a child, what having a best friend would be like. I suppose I know, now." Perhaps Jigano wasn't the magical princess or dragon he'd imagined as a child, but he was just as good. Better, even, because he was real. The mention of the Loreseekers brought another thought to mind. He glanced about the hall, then back to his friend. "Have you thought about what you'll do with the guild? If...if the barrier did fall, and you went out to explore? Would you take it with you? Or manage it from afar?" Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Jigano smiled at his friend, setting his tea down to place a hand over his heart and bow from where he sat in honor of the great compliment Sam paid him. "I shall strive to be worthy of it," he said solemnly, and when he looked up again he was smiling. "And I am very glad you regard me so highly, my friend." Perhaps there was more that could be said, but sometimes words needed time to sink in fully. He had given Sam a charm that was a physical representation of how much the bookmaker's friendship meant to him, but the gift of his friend's words today was one he knew he would treasure in turn.

A pale brow rose as Sam looked around, but Jigano quickly realized that he wasn't looking for eavesdroppers. He chuckled as he, too, looked around their comfortably-appointed hall and settled back more comfortably into his chair. "I have been thinking," he agreed. "And I need to call a meeting of all the Loreseekers to discuss it with you all, but in short... I do intend to go out and explore, but the guild is wherever any of us are, Sam. It is my intention that the Atheneum will remain our home and our base of operations. Loreseekers will go out to gather information, knowledge, news... and bring it back here for recording and adding to the treasure trove of books that this place already contains. But, yes, while I am on scouting trips there should be someone here who can serve as Vice-Provost and oversee the general administration. For that, I need to know who wants to join the scouting teams and who prefers to stay here to hold and protect our homes." He arched a curious brow, toying with his mug idly.

"And what of you, my Chronicler? Have you begun to think about whether you will stay or go? And if you go, will you want to return?" He knew Sam's life had been difficult, and his family harsh, even cruel, even though the other man hadn't shared specific details. He would not blame the redhead for wanting to run and not look back... but this was also a familiar place, with dangers that were well-known and fewer surprises than the world beyond the barrier would hold. There was a comfort in staying with the world one knew, even if it could be painful, too.

"It is hard not to." Sam told Jigano with the utmost confidence, considering the other man rather wonderful (though he was annoyingly good at avoiding questions about himself). He listened with some interest about Jigano's plans for the Guild. Yes, the guild would be wherever they were but...someone would need to stay, look after things. Make sure the books were in the right place and the offices were kept neat, that the lore was being kept correctly...secretly, he hoped the 'Vice-Provost' could be him. Such a title felt too grand on his shoulders but he felt he might actually be able to fulfill the requirements with ease. "I...Well, I was going to explore with Remi. But ah...probably not, any more." He tried to shrug casually, as if this was a simple thing to toss away, but the sudden sadness in his eyes showed it was anything but. "So I will likely stay. The outside of the barrier doesn't particularly call to me, and some of us should stay here so it does not become a ghost town. ...With less people, I might even like it a little more." Sam laughed at himself, glanced up at Jigano. His family, his childhood was here, yes, but Sam didn't think of it that way. He also had his home here, his friends, the locations of his first sold book and first kiss...he had begun to plaster over the cracks with good memories, and was sure with time he could make more. "I do hope I will see you every so often, when you go travelling." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

The lorekeeper's smile was warm and sincere at Sam's kindly compliments, and he bowed his head in grateful acceptance of the sincere words. It was easier, then, to speak of hopeful things like the future of the guild and the chance to explore beyond the barrier. He had no intention of abandoning the guild or moving it away from the Hollowed Grounds. Without knowing for certain what people and situations awaited them outside the barrier it was impossible to plan for that, but the Atheneum held the gathered knowledge of three hundred years of scholars and countless Outlanders who had appeared over the years. It was a treasurehouse of knowledge and not something that he would leave lightly.

Samuel's plans initially had Jigano tilting his head curiously to listen, but the way he spoke brought a  slight frown to his face. "Sam," he said gently. "From what you've told me, he's lost his memories and what sounds like a man who was like family to him all within a short time. He's likely in shock, and not reacting in anything like his right mind. Give him time to grieve, but if your love for him is true, you shouldn't give up on it so quickly. It may take time and patience to rebuild what was lost... but isn't the joy you found with him worth putting in that effort?" Gods, it felt strange to be rooting for the alchemist... but after their talk in the Rathskeller, Jigano felt like it was the right thing to do. And even more to bring back the happiness in Sam's eyes and voice when he spoke of the young man he had fallen in love with. "He loved you once. Take things slowly, and let him learn how to love you again."

The Provost of the guild sat back with a sigh, taking a sip of his tea before he considered what else Sam had said, and nodding thoughtfully. "I think many will stay, in truth. As you say, this is their home." He still hoped that the bookmaker would reconcile with the alchemist, but the almost wistful words of his friend made him chuckle in spite of the gravity of their conversation. "Sam," he said gently, "I'm not leaving forever. I'll be back here regularly, and if you decide to stay I have no doubt that we'll see each other quite often." If the other man joined his ex-boyfriend in traveling abroad that might not be true... but then again, if Remi had just inherited a newborn infant he might not be so keen to lead a life on the road for a few years yet, either.

Jigano's words on Remi were wise, sensible. Sam nodded to them, took them to heart, not knowing that in a couple of nights time he would toss them away in the midst of a sudden and powerful panic attack, that the seed of dysfunction planted in him as a child would bloom in the worst possible ways and rid him of the common sense Jigano gave him. "...Thank you. I hope he will." He said softly, for the time meaning and believing it. He finished his tea, placed down the mug and smiled at Jigano's promise to return. "I think probably more Outlanders than Naturals will leave to explore...after all, they don't have the connection to the town the Naturals do, I suppose." Would his family leave? Secretly he hoped they would, but he knew in reality they wouldn't; the Wordsworths had always been deeply proud of their town and traditional, would be disgusted by the attempts to take down the barrier. "This last year has been...truly bizarre. It feels like every event that should have happened in the last ten years has happened in one." He was coming up on a decade since he had been kicked out from his home, made his own way; most of the years between then and now were compromised of silence and isolation, days melting into each other. "Do you...still miss your home? Or have you grown used to it, here?" He knew he had once been chastised for asking a personal question of Jigano, but he said it in as gentle tones as he could, more a query of concern than curiosity. Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

Sam's quiet reflection brought a smile to Jigano's lips and he nodded his head, hoping that, given time and patience, things would work out between the two young men. He couldn't know how wrong he would be, and for the moment ignorance was bliss.

"I agree," Jigano said with a wry smile. "And while I know we've arrived in unprecedented numbers, there still aren't that many of us compared to those who were born here." Fewer of both communities since Long Night... "And some will probably stay, regardless. Vai is running the Infirmary now and probably won't want to be traveling with a baby on the way, and Edy has taken over the Rathskeller, for instance. Those who came with them from Northhaven who want to explore will likely be back to check on them, so even if people go out I think many will return, at least to visit."

He listened to Sam's reminiscence with a rueful smile, remembering what the bookmaker had told him in the past and nodding understanding. He had spent nearly four years wandering in something of a haze himself, though he hadn't realized it at the time. Wallowing in guilt and closing his heart off to let it soak in the pain and injuries he had taken during the journey to the Silvermount, he had been too stubborn and too blind to allow himself solace or healing. His wits had still been sharp, but he had been living only half a life, a part of him frozen in amber. In the seasons since arriving on Caido, however, it was as though the clock had begun to move again, and he was instinctively trying to make up for lost time.

"I miss the plains," he admitted softly. "The rolling tundra, stretching a hundred miles in every direction... the deep forests, greener than anything I've found here, with wonders and terrors hidden in their hearts. I miss traveling between towns and cities, never knowing what I'll find around the next bend in the road. I would like us to bring the barrier down someday, so I can know that again..." He trailed off and then shook his head with a sigh. "But not without time for people to get used to the idea. The Spire Demon only recently fell, and too many thought that it could never happen. They need time to come to terms with it, to realize that the barrier can come down, and to prepare for what that might entail." He grimaced, gesturing up towards the Atheneum and the great hole in its side. "I believe that when the barrier went up the first time, that it caused a wave of destruction that created the ruins and damaged many of the structures here. When the barrier falls... we don't know what the release of that much energy will do," he explained. "Maybe it will dissipate slowly and harmlessly... but maybe that energy will be returned to its source. And everyone is so eager to bring it down without thinking it through that no one has made any plans for protecting people if it does end destructively." He shook his head, a flicker of tension making it past his usual mask of courtesy as he tightened his fingers around his mug. "I want out as much as the next person, but I want us to do it safely and smart, not willy-nilly and damn the consequences," he growled quietly.

"Mmm...sometimes, I wish I could be an Outlander. Somewhere else, I mean. It must be nice in some ways to get a new start, or at least it would be for me. It must be harder if you like your home." To be somewhere entirely new, to not be The Failed Wordsworth or The Weird Quiet Guy...the chance to entirely reinvent himself with the skills he'd learnt in the last few years...it was all very tempting, but Sam knew there was no way to make it happen himself. Jigano began to speak of what he missed and Sam sat back to listen, reaching for the kettle to pour himself a little of what was left of the tea. Numerous cities and towns was a strange idea to him; there had always just been Sanctuary. In some ways he thought it would be fascinating, glimpsing a different microcosm of culture at each spot in the road...but terrifying too, to not know what was happening in a town nearby, the chance of an attack or a takeover; Sam wondered if these were normal concerns or a symptom of his paranoid mind. "The Gods seem to want it to come down...so I don't think it will hurt all of us." Some of them, maybe. It depended on which God would be pleased after the fall. "I think some people are in such a rush they aren't considering any of that, though. They just want to get out, like they're in a cage. ...I suppose we are. I just don't mind it." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"I think you would manage well," Jigano said, with a smile of encouragement for his sometimes-timid friend. Certainly Sam would manage better now than he would have two seasons ago, even. "Though you have friends here who would miss you terribly," he added in a gentler voice. "But if you chose to explore beyond the barrier someday... it would be very much like being an Outlander, I think." To go someplace where no one knew him, and he knew no one, where he had only himself to rely on - his own strengths, his own wits - and he could count on no one to help him if he got into trouble... it was a daunting life and not one that would suit most people. But perhaps if Sam went in company with Remi once they patched things up it would be alright. They could both be naive, but Remi had physical strength and magic to get them out of difficulties and Sam might serve to keep the hybrid boy focused more on their mutual well-being.

His own reminiscence was bittersweet with memories he had shared with only a few in this new world, but they led to worries for the future, and he hadn't realized how he had let his emotions slip from his usual control until Sam spoke up about 'not all of us' which... did seem to indicate that he thought it would hurt 'some of us.' "The difference between a cage and a house is in which side of the door the lock is on," he agreed dryly. "But a cage can be less frightening than an unknown world, if that's what you're used to. I'm more worried about what will happen when the barrier comes down... and after. It was made to contain the Voice, and neither Ludo nor Safrin seems happy about her being free." At least, according to Phoebe. "I still don't know whether the old gods are right to fear her as they do, or what really happened three hundred years ago, though. And they're all a bit deliberately vague about it... which makes it even harder to determine the truth. And the course of action we should be considering for the future."

"I suppose you're right. ...It is...odd to think people may miss me. That has never been a concern before." He still wasn't entirely sure that it was, the ill parts of his conscious wanting to convince him that Jigano was just being kind, did not really mean it, that the whole town would be glad to see the back of him. Sam knew the barrier was made to contain The Voice; he wrestled with whether that was a good thing or not. On one hand he was deeply aware she had a power he didn't understand, that the Gods could be dangerous...on the other she had helped him recently, was in some ways one of the most comforting presences in his life. His emotions surrounding his 'bright mother' were conflicting, to say the least. "No one really knows. I am...hesitant to say anything bad of The Voice, but I don't know what she did or didn't do. But...the Ascended aren't evil. Or at least...I'm not. So if it was made to contain us...I think it might be alright?" The other Ascended were...judgemental, perhaps, mean sometimes...but they weren't anything that had to be contained, he thought. "Oh! Speaking of The Voice..." Sam reached into his pocket and brought out a cube, small and made of metal. "I found this recently. I think it's magical, somehow. I can lift it, but no one else can." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child

"Well, it is now," Jigano encouraged his friend, voice still gentle but firmer now.

Samuel's ambivalence over the Voice made sense, given the fate his family had chosen for him and the gifts he had received from her - even though his ability to feel had come from Remi, really. But she had removed his stutter, and he could understand Sam's gratitude for that. "It's not the Ascended mortals I'm worried about," Jigano explained with a slight shake of his head. "I've met some bastards who happen to be Ascended, but people like you and... and Isla. Well. You're too kind to hurt anyone deliberately. No, it's the goddess herself who concerns me. She's acted meek as milk since she was awoken, but there's something... off." He frowned slightly, remembering the day he had taken Isla to the tree that had turned out to be a Shrine. "She's hiding something... trying to drive a wedge between her Ascended and everyone else, I think..." But what could they do about it, if it was true? He chafed at the not-knowing, but before he could chase the thought further Sam had produced an odd contraption and Jigano blinked at the little metal box.

"What? But how... how does that work?" he asked curiously, leaning close to examine the side nearest to him. "Can you turn it on and off? How many people have tried to lift it - and do you know what their races were?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of him as he folded his fingers around his tea mug to prevent them from reaching out to touch the mystery cube without Sam's permission.

"You think so? She...told me that she doesn't have any kind of malice for the other races. She approved of my relationship with Remi, told me there was no plan to hurt anyone." Sam said this with an utmost confidence; he had to believe it or he could not ever follow The Voice again. He couldn't take too much doubting words around her or his current moral justifications for his relationship with her would fall down. Luckily Jigano seemed distracted by his cube, almost more interested than Sam himself was. "I don't think I can turn it on or off...and I've only tried it with...um...An...Abandoned, and Remi, who is both Attuned and Abandoned." He rubbed his arm. "I don't know many Ascended who I think like me, so I don't know if others could...and I don't know many Accepted."{/b} Or at least not any he was familiar enough with to go pushing a cube in their faces. He held out his hand closer to Jigano with the cube in it, a clear invitation to lift. At least he could cross another off his list...but...wait. What race was Jigano? It was a rather indelicate question, but he'd always just assumed he was Accepted. He'd mentioned having magic before but didn't seem to have it now... "Here. Um...I know I should know this, but...what is...your race? So I know who I've tried it with." Samuel He took a step but then felt tired He said, I'll rest a little while But when he tried to walk again He wasn't a child