but did you die?

Oh if time is a river lets be stones underwater

After his run-in with Isla, Remi had opted to simply return home rather than seeking out the wishing-well-water he'd been planning on getting. That could be saved for another day, whereas this (this, of course being the feelings he was forced to feel), couldn't wait.

Returning home swiftly enough that the sun which had been high in the sky when he'd been in King's End would still be shining for another few hours before being doused by the mountains, Remi lands in the little clearing within which their houseboat sat, happy as can be (the houseboat, that was).

"Ronin...?" Rolling his shoulders in a gesture that pulled his wings into his back, the Lullaby ruffles a hand through his hair with all the slowness of a man just coming out of shock. Indeed his cheeks were quite pale despite the (small) exertion of flight, and his eyes were narrowed in an expression of confusion that made him look rather shellshocked.

you may not want to change
but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway

"Remi...?" Ronin's voice is a lazy sing-song, because his husband had said he had things to do today that involved going out, and that means the Huntsman is the one left all alone to potter around in their houseboat and herb garden. And listen, it's Longheat and there's no war to be preparing for, and all the monsters are afraid of them anyway. And Ronin is never the one left by himself.

So as the Lullaby heads up towards the houseboat, it will be to find Ronin in little more than a pair of thin sweatpants that sit unforgiveably low on his hips, basking in the afternoon sun on their deck. The wine he's drinking has a little cocktail umbrella in it, and his hair is damp and swept back from his face, suggesting he's taken a dip in the waterfall to cool off.

Opening one eye to spy his husband meandering through, while the smile on his face starts as a wolfish curl, it fades somewhat at the subtle but instantly recognisable signs of trouble on Remi's face. Shifting to sit on the steps, he holds out an arm for the other man. "Come and sit."

RONIN

Oh if time is a river lets be stones underwater

Gods but if Ronin isn't a welcomed sight on the best of days, but after what had just transpired with Isla? To come home to this? It wasn't just the shock still clinging to him like a mist, that had the Lullaby's knees going slightly weak, and honestly, he didn't mind it one bit. It seemed to reaffirm something for him, to anchor him in a way that felt reassuring and right.

"Hey." The Lullaby answers with a quick laugh, and despite everything on his mind, Remi still bobs his eyebrows appreciatively in his husband's direction before sinking down next to him. Immediately his right-hand sneaks across his lap to try and steal the glass of wine from the Huntsman, and before Remi can stop it, he realizes that actually he would rather like a sip and simply follows up the movement with an apologetic smile.

"So...I bumped into Isla." He begins, exhaling out her nape and forgoing any sort of game of guess who I just saw.

you may not want to change
but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway

Ronin surrenders his wine willingly (it's far from his first glass), though he does reach out to adjust the cocktail umbrella so Remi doesn't accidentally poke himself in the eye. His free arm curls around the other man and his head tilts to rest against Remi's, giving the Lullaby the time and space to speak when he feels like it. That being said, he's obviously glad not to have to play guess who, but to hear Isla's name roll from his lips is absolutely at the bottom of the list of things he might have expected.

"Oh," he says, accidentally mirroring his husband's verbal constipation. Sitting up a little, he gazes across at Remi as if trying to gauge if he's alright. "It didn't go well, huh." It's a statement rather than a question, because obviously if it had gone well, Remi wouldn't look the way he did. "Did she... what did she say?" Other questions like did she hurt you or how did you feel fight for air time as well, but they're thoroughly unhelpful right now.

RONIN

Oh if time is a river lets be stones underwater

Placing the glass to his lips the Lullaby helps himself to a healthy sip of his husband's wine, just barely stopping himself from finishing it in one go. (It wasn't that he was worried about not leaving any for Ronin, and more that he didn't want the Huntsman to pause their conversation by offering to go get more). "Yeah." Remi agrees, and in leaning against his husband, the Lullaby allows the swirl of his emotions to serve as the preface to his answer.

For the most part, the colours of the Lullaby's feelings are cool and distant. Blues diluted with black and purples that had been muted by grey. There was no sparkle of gold or pulse of vibrant rose to be seen; no indications of love or anger. It was just the indistinct palette of confusion, frustration, and a bit of sadness. "Mmm, she was quite upset." Remi murmurs, squinting up toward the sun before turning back to Ronin. "She said I was selfish, that I made the wrong choice...that I threw her away?" This he pauses to puzzle over a little, frowning down at the cocktail umbrella before continuing.

"She threw a pebble at me, said her life had been rough since everything, and then told me to go."

you may not want to change
but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway

Leaning across to press a soft kiss against Remi's temple, Ronin takes a long moment to let the watercolour of emotions wash through him. It's to be expected, given that he'd given up any golden shimmer of memories with Isla, but he can understand the sadness well enough too. "I imagine she was," he murmurs, kissing his cheek this time before settling back a little, his fingers strumming in gentle patterns along his husband's side.

Wincing to hear the summary of their interaction, the Huntsman sits a little closer to Remi and tilts his head to rest his chin against his shoulder. "I wasn't even sure if she was still alive, after the war," he confesses softly, and wonders whether pre-memory-loss-Remi would have considered having Ronin check in on the Remedy every now and then. But it's too late for that now.

"You did the only thing you thought you could to keep both of you safe," he objects softly. "You didn't throw her away. I know - I was there."

RONIN

Oh if time is a river lets be stones underwater

Letting his cheek angle against the top of Ronin's head once the Huntsman had thoroughly smooched it, Remi sighs softly as he considers their knees as well as the state of his (non)feelings for the Remedy. "I did not say it of course, but ... part of me wonders if we were such good friends, and if she still has all the emotion she says she does, why did she not just...drop by after the war? Even if she was worried about the Voice, she is an Ancient now, so..." The onus of the situation was easy enough to pass onto Isla given what Remi did or didn't feel, but it had struck him as odd that she'd never tried to reach back out. "Even if it was just to yell at me."

Raising his eyebrows and feeling some small sense of relief, Remi smiles into Ronin's wet hair. "I am glad to hear it. It does not sound like the sort of thing I would do." He mumbles, of throwing Isla away. Then again, loving someone almost as much as Ronin and sleeping with a woman multiple times also doesn't sound like the sort of thing he'd do.

"I was wondering whether or not I should go and read the notes I left for myself, or..." He shrugs; maybe he'd just avoid King's End forever, if that's what was best.

you may not want to change
but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway

Ronin wonders that as well, the Huntsman frowning to himself and sneaking his free hand across to steal the wine glass back (and finish the drink for good measure). "Well, she had Cal," he murmurs, knowing Varus only by his nickname. "I would have thought they'd have been building a life together after the war." Perhaps that's why she hadn't come to seek them out? Not that, you know, they had exactly made themselves seekable up in the Cordillera, but he doesn't mention that.

"It isn't. It took you a long time to make the decision, let alone write her a letter and go ahead with it," Ronin recalls, furrowing his brow and setting the wine glass down to the side of them. "...Do you think it would change anything, if you did?" he asks about the notes. "I love you and I always will, but even I can say that you are not the man who wrote those notes anymore. I feel like you won't recognise him either, if you read them."

Or perhaps he would. It's hard to say, from a position of peace and relative paradise (and yes, Ronin means it for the first time in his life, this is paradise) whether he'd empathise with the torturous angst of his past self.

RONIN

Oh if time is a river lets be stones underwater

"I remembered something about that too. Not a name, just that she was with someone." Which, in the Lullaby's opinion, made it even stranger that Isla had been so quick to pin everything going wrong in her life on him. It was how it sounded, anyway. Maybe she'd left him, because she was so upset about Remi? But surely that wasn't the case, so how was it his fault?

Wishing there was more wine, Remi considers Ronin's question carefully. "I am not sure. I was hoping you would know what to do, since...you know the before and after of it all." Pulling in a breath and sighing it out softly, Remi's right hand begins to trace the outline of a heart across Ronin's knee.

"Part of me feels like I owe it to Isla given what we were to one another, to try and understand. Another part of me has no desire at all to trudge through this. Honestly, the reminder that I was with someone in that way, while with you.." Flushing, Remi clears his throat guiltily. "...it is strange to even think about." Wrinkling his nose, the Lullaby sighs again.

"It was only happenstance we ran into each other, and if she did not even try and send a letter in all this time...maybe I should just leave it."

you may not want to change
but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway

Humming out a note of quiet contemplation, Ronin interrupts his own thoughts with a smile that comes unbidden from the fingertips drawing a heart against his knee. "I think doing anything straight away would be a bad idea," he says. "Let yourself sleep on it. Those notes will always be there. Besides, you kept them for yourself as keepsakes, not as a chronicle to try and make Isla feel better."

Resting his hand over Remi's, the Huntman's advice is to be expected given their current lifestyle, and he's unapologetic about it despite usually being the one to recommend helping others. "And even after you sleep on it? Unless you're doing it for yourself, I would leave it well alone," he murmurs. By the guilt in the other man's voice, he already doubts he'd be looking at those notes for anyone but Isla.

"Don't beat yourself up about being with her, either. You never did anything behind my back," he reminds Remi with a soft smile.

RONIN

Oh if time is a river lets be stones underwater

"And I think doing anything straight is a bad idea." Remi interjects, suddenly sporting a boyish and crooked grin. Genuinely, the most baffling part of all of this was the sexual aspect of it; given the things he knew and felt now, it was almost unbearable to accept let alone imagine.

"Mmmmm." Remi hums, his mind all but made up now. If Ronin was even slightly of the opinion it wasn't a good idea, that more than solidified things for Remi. So long, King's End, you were boring anyway.

"I just...I honestly cannot fathom even wanting anyone other than you. Let alone a woman." The last word is said through lips pulled back in a grimace before the Lullaby buries his face down against his husband's chest as he all but flumps into his lap.

"This is why I don't leave the mountain." He complains into his husband's stomach.

you may not want to change
but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway

"Mmm, it is true. You are very gay," Ronin agrees playfully, more than happy to indulge Remi however he likes as long as his boyish antics continue. And he's not disappointed either, the Huntsman letting out a soft laugh that echoes across their little garden as the Lullaby slides down his chest towards his lap. "Ah, she was more than a woman to you though. She was a lot more first," he reminds him, because good idea or no, that much is still true.

"And come on now, don't blame leaving the mountain for your bad luck," he says. "Remember the good time we had in the Greatwood? Perhaps you should just stop leaving without me," he suggests. Remi had explicitly said, after all, that Ronin wasn't allowed to join him on this adventure, and just look what had happened. "Where did you even go, anyway?"

RONIN

Oh if time is a river lets be stones underwater

Grumbling, his face partially against Ronin's thin sweatpants and the jut of his hip, Remi exhales hard enough that one might think he was trying to give his husband a raspberry. They'd be incorrect though, Remi is merely trying to be dramatic. "I still do not want it." He says in a muffled voice. Whatever Isla had been to him - friend, companion (literally), and lover - the thought of sex with any woman made him feel wildly unhappy.

"Ah, that is true." Twisting slightly so he could peer up at Ronin, the Lullaby frowns ever so slightly. "I bet if you had been with me today things would not have gotten as bad as they did." Or maybe they would have, but Ronin always seemed to be able to sail through even the roughest of seas. "King's End." Remi answers with a vague shrug. He did still want to go back for the wishing-well-water, though perhaps he'd do it as a wraith and pass himself off as one of the spirits that haunted the tombs.

"Isla lives there now, so...I suppose that is the last time I will be heading that far east."

you may not want to change
but the world is unforgiving and will do it for you anyway

"Well, thankfully, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do," Ronin points out, grinning and letting his fingers tease through Remi's mop of curls, gazing down at his husband with all the love and relaxation of someone who hasn't had to fly to and from King's End today. "If I had been with you we would be in Torchline having cocktails," he tells him honestly, that clearly being where his mind has been going even with the Lullaby's arrival.

So he's glad to hear that the islands weren't Remi's destination, though he can't help but chuckle to hear the nuclear never-going-there-again option. "Or perhaps you can just scout the area before you land? And only go there when you need something?" he suggests; given that the majority of their time leaving the mountain has been as tourists, they can probably cross King's End off their list in that regard.

"For now, though, may I interest you in some more wine and a nap in the sun?"

RONIN