safe in my arms

we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall

When your best friend calls, you come. It doesn't matter that, for the first time, you have a secret. It doesn't matter that you've mostly exchanged letters in the past few weeks, finding reasons to avoid him so that he doesn't ask where your eyebrow scar came from. So that you don't have to lie.

All it takes is one request. Please come.

Sohalia didn't even stop to draft a reply to Jude's letter. She simply grabbed a bag of clothes she kept packed just for her excursions to Jude's (yes, they see each other that often, shut up), put up a sign in the window of the shop (yes, she needs an assistant so she can keep normal hours, shut up) and made her way to the skyport to catch the next skyship to Torchline.

And when she arrived, she went straight from the skyport to Jude's house. Not even bothering to knock, she went in to try and find him. "Jude?" she called softly, wondering belatedly if she would perhaps be interrupting some warm family reunion. "I'm here."

Sohalia

Jude

Her avoidance of him has been noted, has kept him up at night wondering if they are somehow already drifting apart or if he has done something wrong or maybe she just has more interesting friends now-

Either way, he hasn’t pushed. The only comfort has been Harper gently telling him she would come around, and something in his eyes had settled Jude’s insides.

Those insides don’t feel so calm right now.

His parents are still with the healer, unwilling to move Maeve so soon. When Sohalia steps inside the house, she’ll find only Jude - sitting on the couch, head in his hands, shoulders tense and heel of one foot bouncing away. At the sound of the door Jude lifts his head, revealing reddened, swollen eyes and a pallid face. “Soh,” he chokes out like a prayer, and stands immediately. He bumps into the arm of the couch gracelessly as he rounds it, grabbing her up into his arms using his taller stature and burying his face into her shoulder as his own begin to shake. “I found her. I really found her.”

stop trying to keep this alive
you're pointing at stars in the sky that already died

we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall

Whatever Soh had been expecting, it was decidedly not this. Perhaps she should have, given the tone of Jude's letter, but for some reason she'd thought that there would be a more cheerful air to the house. Instead, it was dark and dismal, not the sort of scene to be welcoming a long lost family member home. Something was wrong.

Jude was sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, and for a moment Soh assumed the worst - that he'd found his maman, but that she was gone - and her breath caught in her throat, apologies already on the tip of her tongue as she made her way through the furniture towards her best friend. But then he looked up, choked out her name, and in seconds he had met her in the middle of the room, burying his face into her shoulder and beginning to shake.

Soh's arms went around him immediately as she leaned her cheek on his head, rubbing his back comfortingly. She wanted to be a comfort to him, just as he'd always been for her, but for once, she didn't know what to say. How was one supposed to react in this sort of situation? So for a moment, she simply held him, squeezing him close as though to say, I'm here. I've got you.

Finally, reaching a hand up, she stroked the back of his head lovingly. "I've got you," she whispered. "Whatever you need, I'm here."

Sohalia

Jude

She is warm and steady in his arms, and though he is the one holding her to his chest it’s undeniable that here and now, she is the rock keeping him on his feet. Her familiar scent slows the anxious flutterbeat of his heart to something a few shades further from frantic, and as her gentle hands begin to smooth over his hair, Jude’s shoulders begin to relax. His eyes are still leaking tears sporadically, but they are infrequent and unpredictable after days of travel and anxiety. He’s amazed he still has anything left to cry with.

“She’s so sick Soh,” he warbles against her skin, trying to gather both his wits and the bravery to release her enough to talk in more than muffled segments. There is little desire to try given how comforting and safe he finds her embrace. There is not even any room left for embarrassment or second-guessing. “D-Dad is with her at the clinic. They couldn’t heal it without magic.” Traveling had been touch and go to say the least, and Jude had been so very alone the entire time. Trying to be brave, to keep Maeve stable while they flew so her condition wouldn’t worsen. “She was in the Feverlands. I just stopped out of habit, what if I hadn’t?” What if he hadn’t checked that lead? If he’d given up the search? How much longer could the locals have kept her alive?

stop trying to keep this alive
you're pointing at stars in the sky that already died

we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall

Jude's reliance on her gave Soh a certain strength that she'd no longer been sure she had, and as she stroked his hair, her cheek still resting on his head, she realized just how much she'd missed him. She'd made a mistake, avoiding him, and she was keenly aware of how lucky she was that he would still call on her, all the same. But she always was one to learn from her mistakes. This was not one she would make again.

Soh waited patiently as Jude choked out the words, holding him comfortably as she waited for him to regain his bearings. She would stay here as long as he wanted her, even as her mind began to list off things she could do to help. She wouldn't be the first to release him - not today. "But you did," she reassured him, her voice strong and compassionate. "You did stop. You found her." Jude had done that - no one else - and it was something to be proud of. 'What if' had no place in the conversation, as far as Soh was concerned. "She's here now, and I'm sure she's getting the best care that Harper can find. You did good, Jude."

Sohalia

Jude

Her firm but gentle insistence is exactly what he needs in this moment, what she has always done for him. Jude has always struggled with self-confidence and anxiety but ever since meeting Sohalia amidst the berries that day she has been like a golden cloud that blocks out all the noise inside his head.

With her absolution wrapping its way around his shoulders, Jude crumbles, and the tears finally come in full. Only this time they are abjectly relieved. “I was so scared Soh,” he hiccups into her shoulder, arms tight around her. “I didn’t sleep the whole flight because I was so scared it wasn’t real, or that she wouldn’t make the journey and she’d be gone if I took my eyes off her.” He can’t even say the word dead, just as he’d never been able to even when debating all the reasons Maeve might not have come home. “A-And now I’m older, and dad is King, and - how is anything gonna be normal again? For her? For us?” Pulling back finally, tears still free falling, Jude looks into her face with creases of desperation lining his own young countenance. Desperate for guidance and comfort.

stop trying to keep this alive
you're pointing at stars in the sky that already died

we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall

For all the strength that Jude had displayed, he deserved to be able to crumble into Soh's arms, tears falling freely as she held him. As his arms tightened around her, she tightened hers right back, so that she was holding him so closely that she was no longer sure where she ended and he began. And then she just listened - rubbing his back, stroking his hair, doing anything she could think to do to reassure him that she was there, and that she wasn't going anywhere until he was ready.

When Jude pulled away, Soh looked up at him calmly, her eyes alight with compassion as she read the desperation in his gaze. She reached up to gently cradle his face in her hands. "It doesn't have to be normal," she told him fiercely. "She won't care if things are normal. She'll just care that you're here, and you're safe, and you're together."

Sohalia

Jude

He doesn’t know how she can be so calm right now when his own mind feels like a veritable typhoon. It makes her rise ever more in his esteem, his admiration eternally reaching new depths. Her hands cradle his cheeks, and Jude turns his face into one of her hands in much the same way Winnie does, eyes falling closed as he takes a slow, shuddering breath.

“Promise?” It’s the lost warble of a young boy, and he knows the moment he says it that it’s unfair to ask her to vow something she cannot possibly be in control of. Instead, he retrieves one arm to cover her hand with his own, clinging there. “Will you stay? Please? Just a few days. I don’t -” want to be alone. Except he wouldn’t be, would he? He would have both his parents under the same roof at last. Opening his eyes, lips brushing her palm, Jude tries to find the right words as the sight of her firm, patient expressions slows his heart to something more manageable. “I need you.”

stop trying to keep this alive
you're pointing at stars in the sky that already died

we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall

It wasn't easy, staying calm, not when she felt like her best friend was breaking into pieces in her arms. But what choice did she have? What use would she be, if she couldn't be his rock when he needed her, just as he had been for her countless times before?

Whatever the strength of her opinion, she knew that she couldn't make promises where his maman was concerned. She didn't know the woman, after all, and after being gone for so long... well, Maeve had missed a lot. Still, if she cared at all for Jude, she had to know how sensitive and tender he was, how much it would mean to him to have her back safe (or safe-ish). If she was anything like Harper, she would want to wrap Jude up in he arms and reassure him that everything was going to be okay. That they would all figure it out together. But Soh didn't know any of that with any real certainty.

Instead, she focused on what she could control. "I'll stay for as long as you need me," she promised, pulling him toward her so she could rest her forehead against his for a moment, closing her eyes as she considered what to do next.

She thought of Harper and what he'd done when she'd been so upset recently. "Have you eaten or drank anything today?" she asked, pulling back to peer at Jude. This, at least, she could do. She could take care of her best friend, no matter what was happening at the healer's, no matter what was to come. She could be here.

Sohalia

Jude

He is relieved when she does not make an empty promise, glad she does not point out his moment of weakness among all the shattered parts of himself he is already desperately dumping into her hands. Jude knows they will be safe there. As she pulls him in, his eyes close and he only has the wherewithal to match the pace of his breathing to hers, the warmth of his exhalations tickling against his cheeks. It is a deeply intimate pose, and it comforts him more than he could have expected. Enough so that when she pulls away, the ground feels a little firmer under his feet. Especially when she promises to stay.

"Um...no, just a little water when I got home." He hesitates, casting back through his memories to determine if that's true before nodding absently, confirming it. His stomach had been too riotous to even feel hungry, though he was sure he must be.

stop trying to keep this alive
you're pointing at stars in the sky that already died

we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall

First things first, then: food. Soh gently extracted herself from Jude's grasp, though she kept an arm around his shoulders as she tried to carefully guide him towards the kitchen. "Let's find something simple to eat, 'kay?" she said, trying to keep her voice calm and quiet. "You don't have to eat much, just a little bit of something." Reaching the kitchen, she dropped her arm to grab Jude's hand, keeping a little part of her touching him, as much to comfort herself as to comfort him.

It was hard to know what to say, as she dug one-handed through the cabinets for some bread. That he'd found his maman was wonderful news, the kind of news that should be celebrated. But then... that she was so ill, and that there was so much uncertainty... her heart went out to Jude. She was determined, though, that she would not add to his troubles during such a difficult time. She woudl be here for him in whatever capacity he needed.

"Would you be able to stomach some toast?"

Sohalia

Jude

She doesn't have to do much encouraging since he follows her like a lost, complacent lamb into the kitchen. Needing her physical presence enough to follow it blind. He sits in a bit of a fumbling way, the emotions receding like a tidal wave to reveal numbness instead of wreckage. Maybe he's going into shock, but the cottony feeling in his head is better than the panicking alarms he'd had for hours before it. Jude has always been an incredibly sensitive, anxious young man. Today was his worst nightmare and greatest dream all rolled into one, and his nervous system doesn't seem to know how to handle that.

The question makes him come back to himself slightly, though Jude has to shake curls out of his eyes as he realizes he's been staring at the counter silently. "Um, yeah. I can do that." He'd eat the bread straight out of her hand if she asked him to, toasted or not. Jude has never known a trust stronger than what he feels in Sohalia.

stop trying to keep this alive
you're pointing at stars in the sky that already died

we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall

Soh sat Jude down in the kitchen, lingering by him long enough to run a gentle hand over his dark curls. "I'm right here, 'kay?" she said softly before releasing him, immediately feeling colder than she'd felt only a moment before. But she needed her hands to make him some toast, and he needed to have something to eat. She couldn't magically fix his problems, couldn't spirit him away to another time and place where none of this existed, couldn't do anything to help him forget for a while... all she could do was the next best thing she could think of. And right now, that was toast.

She grabbed a few slices of bread, hoping that he'd feel better if she ate something with him, even if her stomach was tense and roiling with worry. It took only a moment to get the bread toasted and another to butter it before she was sliding a plate in front of him and one in front of the seat next to him, setting a few jams beside the plates in case any of them sounded good. Then she was sitting next to him, sliding close enough that their thighs touched. Even if the close proximity made it harder to eat, she wanted him to know that she was there and that she wasn't going anywhere.

She selected a strawberry jam for herself and carefully spread it on her piece of toast, hoping that perhaps Jude would mimic her motions. Even if he only ate the bread and butter, she'd call that a win. This was all about him and what he needed. He could throw the entire plate across the room if it would make him feel better, and she wouldn't care in the slightest.

Sohalia

Jude

Verbal comfort is a sufficient, if temporary, replacement for her physical presence. It helps that he can watch her, reminding himself with every moment between blinks that she is here even if he can't touch her. Even so, he counts the seconds until she is sitting beside him once more, the click of the plate on the table loud in the otherwise tense, silent kitchen.

He mimics her if only because it's easier, though he picks a tarter blackberry jam because of his preference for less sweet things. It doesn't taste like much in his mouth when he takes a bite but he can't find it in himself to care. Merely silently eating until both portions are consumed, and then leaning sideways into Sohalia's side, head resting on her shoulder carefully so they don't topple off the stools.

"I'm glad I found her," he murmurs, the words coming easier now after some time to think and breathe. "But I got so used to not having her. I don't...know how to have her again." It's gracelessly worded, but Jude trusts Sohalia will understand. "I don't need her the same way I used to." And that sounds cruel, but he doesn't know how to need her again. Differently, now.

stop trying to keep this alive
you're pointing at stars in the sky that already died