From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
06-07-2023, 12:40 AM (This post was last modified: 06-07-2023, 12:40 AM by Sohalia.)
we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall
As Jude ate his toast, Soh breathed a soft sigh of relief. Her own toast, with its sweet strawberry jam, so different from Jude's, was nearly tasteless on her tongue as worry for her best friend consumed her. She was running out of ideas for what to do for Jude other than just sit with him in silence - and that might, honestly, be all he needed - or try to make him rest. And she wasn't sure that the latter would help just now, if leaving him to stew on his thoughts might just make things worse.
She could always sleep with him (not like that), but the thought left her mouth dry, and she hated herself a little bit for getting so distracted when her best friend was hurting.
When Jude leaned his head on her shoulder, she reached for his hand, twining her fingers in his to let him know that she was there. She was quiet for a moment after his revelation, pondering the right answer, biting her lip with uncertainty. As much as she wanted to say that things would be okay, that it might just take time, that they would go back to normal - the lie tasted bitter on her tongue. In the end, she offered a comforting squeeze of his hand. "Maybe it's okay for it to be different," she ventured. "Maybe she needs you now, instead of the other way around."
Though every small movement feels hard, the curl of his fingers around hers doesn't exhaust him the way every bite had. It's not an easy topic for either of them. Not just because of the uncertainty and inability to make promises that may never come true, but because neither of them exactly has experience with maternal figures - much less ones that go missing and then aren't present for your sudden aging.
The idea that his mother will need him is preposterous to Jude. Not only does it feel wrong because he still feels ten years old in relation to Maeve, but Jude has never felt like anybody needs him or relies upon him. Harper had ensured he never felt the weight of responsibility too young, but it has led to Jude only knowing the feeling of being wanted, not needed. Always the one being taken care of instead of doing the caring. Until Sohalia, he'd never even had a taste of it.
Instead of trying to put that to words - because he would surely fail - Jude closes his eyes and silently breathes in his best friend's scent. "Will you nap with me?" he whispers, vulnerable. Even using the word 'sleep' feels strangely presumptuous, easy to misunderstand. Maybe it's childish to use 'nap' instead, but what he's asking already feels nearly taboo despite how many times they've fallen asleep tangled together on accident.
stop trying to keep this alive you're pointing at stars in the sky that already died
we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall
Perhaps her words were misguided, but they were well-intentioned, and she hoped that it was that feeling that came through for Jude. Though she loved him just as he was, she wished for a moment that he had Attuned so that she could share her feelings through a silent bond, share with him all the love and compassion she held for him, reassure him that though she'd been absent lately, she had no intention of doing that to him ever again. How perilously close had she sailed to disappearing? Although that had never been her intention, if she'd avoided him too long, wouldn't that have just made a wound that she could never heal?
The thought of leaving her best friend alone to face the demons that plagued him was too much to bear, and Soh swallowed the sudden lump in her throat as she considered her actions and words, wishing that there was more that she could say or do to make things better.
Will you nap with me? he whispered, and without a word she stood, tugging him along with her. For a moment she considered returning to the couch, but that wouldn't be very comfortable for him, and she desperately wanted him to get some rest. She could tell by the set of his jaw and the hunch of his shoulders how tired he truly was. So instead she led him to his bedroom, where she hesitated before pushing open the door.
06-07-2023, 01:09 AM (This post was last modified: 06-07-2023, 01:11 AM by Jude.)
Jude
You're blushing your cheeks and I'm falling for it
Jude is none the wiser, though when his mind is clearer he will wonder once more why she had pulled away, why her letters had dwindled and her visits become sparse. Right now none of that matters, because when he had called for her she had come. In the grand scheme of things, all else could be forgiven in his eyes.
Her silence is confusing at first until she pulls him from the stools to guide him to his bedroom. These walls have seen countless hours of talking, snoring, and laughter from the two of them, but somehow it feels sacred and intimidating now as they make their way inside. Jude's insides are tied in knots, his emotions hard to parse, but something anxious and warm sits heavy in his stomach.
Closing the door behind them to give the restless feeling an outlet, Jude pulls his shirt off after only a moment of hesitation. It's far too hot to sleep with it on, and though their friendship has never involved a freedom of skin given both of their shyness, it feels right. Plus it's not like he feels he has much to offer with only lean muscle to decorate a rather slim figure. Dropping the shirt carelessly, he crawls into the bed first and lays on his side with his back to the wall, arms tucked against his chest in front of him to allow some distance between them when she chooses to join him. Big, solemn brown eyes watching her the entire time. Needing to know where she is at every moment.
we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall
There was something intimidating about the silence of the house as they walked through it, something that set Soh's heart to beating faster and faster the closer they got to the bedroom. Though they'd shared a bed before - unintentionally, most times - it had never felt quite so intimate and raw.
When Jude closed the door behind them, it left Soh to stand (somewhat awkwardly) as he pulled his shirt off, watching him with a faint blush mantling her cheeks as he slipped into bed. But his movements were steady and sure, and as she sat on the edge of the bed, gazing squarely back at him, she tried to ignore the flutter in her stomach that most certainly did not belong in this moment.
She laid down beside him, her blonde hair draping across the pillow as she scooted closer, then closer still, until she could reach out to stroke the dark curls that she loved so much. The silence cocooned them, and though Soh longed to tell him to sleep, to promise that she would be right here when he awakened, she was afraid to break the spell that they seemed to be under, where everything felt so comfortable and so easy and so right.
When her arm tired, she let it drop, gingerly stroking his cheek with her thumb as her hand passed by on the way to intertwine their fingers.
You're blushing your cheeks and I'm falling for it
Color in her cheeks has never failed to make his stomach squirm, but this time it feels particularly intense as she sits on the edge of the bed and simply watches him watching her. They're both a little slow on the uptake sometimes, as if neither remembers their age most days, nor what it entails. Innocent in their intimacy, the friendship that has always cemented them side-by-side. Right now though, her hair a spill of gold over his pillows, Jude feels clammy with the realization that neither of them are children.
Her fingers are gentle in his curls, having long since learned how to comb through them without tangling them irreparably. Though the comfort of the motion makes his eyes half-lid themselves, the strange tension of the moment keeps him from slipping away into sleep. It feels like there is a timer ticking down, and even Jude doesn't know what lies at the end.
When her hand pulls back, bumps rise up and down his arms as it caresses his cheek instead. Fingers tangling with hers as naturally as breathing, Jude finds it's the only thing that does, because his lungs feel strangely empty. The late sunlight on her cheek and the ridge of her brow makes her look painted, like something he shouldn't touch no matter how many times he has already indulged.
Jude is too young and unwise to the world to know to ask for permission. Whatever timer had existed is up, and the knot in his stomach reaches its breaking point. There is little grace or romance to what he does next; he simply leans closer across the pillows and presses his lips to hers, chaste but lingering.
we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall
Any other day, she would be calm and relaxed, a bright grin on her face as she laughed and teased until they both surrendered to sleep. But today, she was wide awake, her grey eyes piercing in their intensity as she studied him, almost afraid to breath. Her heart was a hammer in her chest, beating so loudly in her ears that she wondered if Jude could hear it.
She was suddenly intensely aware of everything: the way the light of the sun from the window caught in Jude's eyes, the way his bare chest rose and fell with his breath, the way his hand tightened around hers. She remembered, suddenly, every time her heart had stuttered, every time her stomach had fluttered, every time their fingers had intertwined and their bodies had pressed close, and she realized that perhaps there was a reason for her need for Jude's touch.
She was dizzy with realization as he leaned closer across the pillows; time seemed to stop as Jude pressed his lips to hers. As first kisses went, this, she thought giddily, had to be the best; and as they separated, she paused, only inches away from him, before her gaze flickered back to his lips and she leaned closer again to return the kiss.
You're blushing your cheeks and I'm falling for it
It had been easy to put it all down to her being his first friend, his best friend. Even as simple as equating it to the deep admiration he has for her. It's not until he has her here opposite him in his bedroom, in his bed, that he considers maybe every time his hands went clammy or his heart skipped a beat it meant something different. But something about the way she'd come running from an entirely different region has opened up his eyes. When his world had gone completely upside down, she'd been the first person he reached for. That meant something. And she had come without a second thought. Surely that had to mean something in return?
The possibility that he is misreading all of this crosses his mind only in the half-second before he kisses her, because after it starts there is only a pleasant emptiness in his head. No room for doubt or fears. And while Jude has never been much of a romance reader, it feels like something straight off the pages of a book. The distant sound of the birds outside, the golden hour sunlight that spills over them both, their hands which remain intertwined in stubborn reminder of how familiar a motion it has always been.
Of course those fears reemerge the moment he pulls back, eyes slowly opening to hesitantly take in her response. Breath still and frozen in his lungs. Waiting. Hoping.
She leans in, and this time he lets her come to him. It seems only fair. And then his mind blanks again, reduced to nothing but sensation and input until the moment she pulls back again. A bit dazed, he opens his eyes a second time and can't help but smile shyly. His fingers tighten around hers. "Sorry," he whispers through his smile, though it's clear he's anything but repentant. "Felt right."
we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall
Of course it had meant something when he'd called for her - when, despite everything, she had been the first person on his mind when he needed someone to comfort him. And of course it had meant something when she'd come, when she'd dropped everything to quickly and so easily to rush to his side. How had she not seen it before?
Their kisses were sweet and chaste, but they awoke something in Soh that she hadn't known existed, and as her eyes opened to meet Jude's shy smile with one of her own, she scooted a little closer on the bed - close enough that the back of her hand, where it intertwined with his, rested against Jude's bare chest, and she could lean her forehead against his. It was a gesture that she'd done a million times before, but somehow it now felt different. Special. Intimate.
"Don't be sorry," she whispered back. "Don't ever be sorry." She'd be content to just stay here, wrapped up in him, until the end of time if it meant they could bottle this moment to keep forever. So there she stayed, gazing into his eyes, adoration clear in hers, as she considered whether there was anything more to say or if she just wanted to kiss him again, as though now that they'd broken the barrier, they needed to make up for lost time.
You're blushing your cheeks and I'm falling for it
The backs of her knuckles touch his heart, and as she tilts their brows together his shy smile turns into something beaming and brilliant, a perfect mimic of his father's. Each time she has been the only one to not only witness it but have been the cause of it. Jude has always known that he is only ever free of his anxiety and self-consciousness when around her, and though he had not expected it to happen now when everything between them has now irreparably changed and should reasonably cause him more anxiety, Jude nevertheless takes the opportunity in hand joyously.
Luckily, his free hand is not the one against the bed entangled with hers, and he gently moves to lay it on her waist - and goes no further. He wants to stay in this bubble of awe and realization as long as possible. Any other motives or desires have no place here.
Sohalia's insistence makes him laugh quietly, willing to abide by any wish or demand on her tongue. "Good, because I wasn't really sorry," he whispers like a secret, a spark of mischief subtle in his smile. "I don't know when I realized, but I think I've wanted to kiss you for a long time." He'd begun to question how he truly felt about her the day they'd gotten their earrings, but until he had leaned in towards her just now, he hadn't come to any grand realizations or even considered the future possibilities. He had simply known right then and there.
we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall
His hand on her waist gave Soh a little thrill, and she giggled at his assertion that he wasn't really sorry. Truth be told, she hadn't thought he was - nor did she want him to be. Things had been changing between them since that day with the earrings... or did it go back farther than that? She didn't really remember. Their relationship melded together like molten gold in her mind, all shiny and bright and beautiful.
Her resulting giggle was soft, very different from the usual bright and sunny laughter that she shared with all the world. This little sound was quiet, secret, specially for Jude, and for a moment she was content to merely close her eyes and revel in the moment.
She'd wondered what it would be like, to kiss and be kissed, and now that it had been Jude to show her, she was quietly ecstatic. "I'm glad that you finally did," she teased, her own smile mischievous, as if she had been longing for him to do just that. In a way, she supposed, she had been - she just hadn't known what that feeling was until just now. Her thumb moved gently across his hand, stroking the soft skin and marveling that this was real. "Is this a dream?" she wondered aloud. But how could it be, when the day had started so wonderfully and so terribly all at once?
You're blushing your cheeks and I'm falling for it
He has heard her laugh a thousand times, but the cadence of this one is different. Or maybe it's just the cloud of newness that hangs all around them, painting everything with gilded edges that make them unrecognizable. Normally Jude is the type to be wary and hesitant around new things. Approaching like an alley cat investigating all angles to ensure there is no trap waiting to be sprung before daring to touch it. Sohalia has always quieted those anxieties, but for once this doesn't scare him. Why would it? It's her. She is the safest thing he knows, the best part of his life.
Which is why he laughs when she asks if this is all a dream. "I hope not. Though it would mean I could kiss you for the first time all over again." A rather bold and dare he say flirtatious thing to say. He doesn't escape unscathed however, cheeks a bit pink, but there is no regret in his warm brown eyes either. "I don't know how I'm going to handle you leaving now," he murmurs, not in an attempt to bring the mood down but to emphasize how happy he is, how badly he wants her to stay.
we might be hurting, but I'm ready for the free fall
Safety had always been something that they provided each other, and perhaps that was why nothing about this felt scary; though some distant part of her would worry, later, that things might be damaged beyond repair were things to go poorly, right now, in the golden light shining in through the window, reflecting in his warm brown eyes, everything was perfect. Everything was right
She smiled shyly at his flirtation, and her voice was perhaps a little husky when she said, "You can always kiss me again." An open invitation, as it were, and perhaps the most overtly flirtatious thing she'd ever said. As much as she loved just being near him, she certainly wouldn't complain if he were to close the scant distance between them to press his lips against hers...
She had almost decided to take the plunge herself when he spoke again, giving her pause. Her thumb stroked against his hand as she murmured, "Neither do I." Not that she was planning to leave soon, but she had a business to run, after all, and she really did love Stormbreak. If it wasn't for that... "You could always come with me." Perhaps it was a selfish thing to say, to try to pull him away from his family at a time like this, when they were finally reunited. Then she bit her lip, considering. "But I'm here now. For as long as you need me."
You're blushing your cheeks and I'm falling for it
Her boldness inspires his own, grin returning as he leans forward to do exactly that, letting this one linger longer as his thumb plays restlessly over her soft, warm skin. When he pulls back this time he stays close enough for their lips to brush when he speaks; “Better?” Though he’d specifically said that he wanted to kiss her again for the first time, he can’t imagine ever turning her down if she offers like that.
While the mood shifts, it isn’t in a negative way. In fact Jude can only snort a helpless laugh as he tilts their foreheads together, grin still seemingly incapable of fading even when reminded that now was perhaps not the best time to move out. “I think dad would disapprove of us moving in together immediately,” he chuckles, brushing the tip of his nose against her own. “He’d probably insist we can just long distance date.” Freezing, his closed eyes open far too wide, all charm and confidence vanishing and immediately stumbling over his words. “I-I mean - if you - that is, I want to - would you? Maybe?” He has to physically bite his tongue to force himself to wait out the rambling until he can form a proper sentence. “If you wanted this to be dating, that is.” A mere whisper, aware that the answer could end up not being the one he’s hoping for. Jude feels he knows her better than anyone, but maybe dating isn’t preferable to her over something more flexible, more mature.
