Shining Trinkets of Grief

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get
so maybe we should start all over

Hotaru wakes with the sun. With a bed that is unfamiliar to her and having imbibed a solitary drink the night before, there is nothing to impede her awakening nor entice her to stay beneath the sheets. It was a refreshing marvel to be able to sleep with nothing on her skin, something she never gets to experience in Halo.

Tal rises at a similar hour, and she sees him to his skyboat on his way off to Halo before returning to the inn to begin working on her new project. She'd asked to switch rooms to find one with the most amount of windows, and it takes a matter of minutes to take her small, neatly-packed bag to the new room. They'd been quite understanding given she was remaining longer after her companion left, it made sense to downsize. She leaves her new room number with the front desk for when Sunjata arrives, making it easier for him to find her and easier for the workers to direct him her way without needing to call her down for confirmation.

It takes some work, but at least it keeps her mind busy and off the multitude of events from the prior night. Remi and Ronin, Sunjata and Isla, Dantalion, George...

Shaking her head, Hotaru refocuses on the task at hand. The final touches are mere details and as such easy enough to put into place. Then all that is left is to wait, so she leaves her balcony doors open wide and sits in the sunlight on one of the wicker chairs beyond, watching the waves and nibbling at a croissant for breakfast.

start all over again

Hotaru

i was raised as a scorpion
being pulled by the moon in a high tide

He wakes early as well – despite the fact that Isla still sleeps in his bed. Warmth pours in from the sunrise reflecting through the brightening sky, and like a panging call in his chest he drags himself from the bed, into the shower, and takes the time to put himself back together again. The nightmares had been staved off the night before, though he doesn’t know if that’s from opening himself to Hotaru or whether Isla had a hand in exhausting him out.

Whatever it is, he’s grateful, lighter almost as he leaves a note for Isla on the table and departs to retrieve that note that Hotaru has left – though not without managing to drag down a couple of cigarettes in lieu of breakfast before working up the courage (not having the liquid courage from the night before, nor the desperation to avoid everyone elses conversations).

But he arrives, steel gaze focused on the door at the end of the hall, his hair still lightly damp from the shower curling around his forehead, and with a deep breath of his own inner encouragement (as well as chastising himself for acting like a child), his scarred hand lifts to knock on the door.

the flood

that's why i'm broken, yeah,
am i a villain or a saint?

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get
so maybe we should start all over

She isn't expecting a knock, though she is anticipatory enough to have had her ears trained towards the door since the moment she left her information at the front desk. Rising and abandoning her barely-touched breakfast, she walks on bare feet to the front door and swings it open, aiming an amused, raised brow at the man beyond. "You didn't need to knock," she says with a light laugh, gesturing him inside. Except that the moment he crosses the threshold and she closes the door behind him, the nerves set in fast, and her hands go unexpectedly clammy. Okay, maybe she understands now. This feels far more private, more intimate, away from prying eyes and liquid courage.

The curtains shift in the wind off the ocean by the open glass doors, and Ru admires the way they dance for a moment to find some sort of calm again. It fits the overall theme of the room she had worked to create, so although unintentional, she leaves the doors open and the curtains free-flowing and instead shifts her focus to Sunjata.

"Did you sleep well?" Her tone is soft. Sincere in her curiosity - or perhaps concern - but unused to expressing it after so long apart. She doesn't ask if he has eaten because he was never one for breakfast that wasn't forced upon him, so instead she holds one wrist with the other hand, clasped in front of her. Refusing to appear off-kilter or graceless despite feeling exactly that way.

start all over again

Hotaru

i was raised as a scorpion
being pulled by the moon in a high tide

He doesn’t know how he expects her to answer the door – but any answer that came to his mind would have been wrong when she finally does with amusement on her face and he can’t help but to match her energy with a playful smile of his own. “I do try to be a gentleman here and there.” He replies, as if it was obvious, taking the steps needed to get into the room before he suddenly finds himself swallowing hard the second that he hears the door click.

He half turns to face her, even as he glances toward the billowing curtains, the smell of sea salt in the air paired with her own scent that remind him of home so long ago. He doesn’t look around the room at first, however, choosing instead to focus on her as she holds her wrist, ever so graceful and put together despite how Sunjata can see the small little cracks in her foundation.

He says nothing to indicate he can, however, instead simply flashing her a soft, gentle smile as he dips his chin in a small nod. “Oddly enough, I did.” Please don’t ask why. “It’s rare these days.” But he looks a little better – a little brighter, even as the reflection of the light from the outdoors dances across his bronzed skin, pulling out the freckles on his face as he angles his head toward her. “Did you?”

Unlike the night before, he keeps his space – trying to copy her in the way that she doesn’t appear off – but the small talk is certainly a dead giveaway.

the flood

that's why i'm broken, yeah,
am i a villain or a saint?

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get
so maybe we should start all over

Her amusement only increases at his answer, feeling lighthearted and on air after an entire evening of dancing, flirting, and socializing."Oh? That must be a new goal for yourself then," she teases, leaving him for a moment to retrieve her breakfast from the balcony lest a sharp-eyed hel steal it from her plate. It also lets her listen to his answer without needing to feel the weight of his eyes, which are already making her skin burn from the inside. Setting the food on the nightstand, she finds herself yet again at a loss for anything to do with her hands, and as she looks back at Sunjata she has to bite the inside of her lip to stifle her slightly hysterical laughter at finding the tiny signs that he is feeling similarly.

"Better than expected. It was amazing to sleep without sheets for once." She hadn't even needed Tal in her bed to chase away the nightmares this time either, and both had awoken in their respective beds without issue. Though she doesn't expand much further given how it ties into the reason they are standing in this room - that the warmth of the region itself is part of her perfect fantasy. "So how exactly does this work?" Maybe if they get down to it they can work past the stilted, awkward beginnings they're currently trapped in.

start all over again

Hotaru

i was raised as a scorpion
being pulled by the moon in a high tide

“I am constantly learning.” Comes the easier reply, a small crooked smile forming in spite of the sudden awkwardness without prying eyes. He can’t help but to watch her as she retrieves her plate, bringing it in to prevent the barely eaten breakfast from getting stolen by any of the wildlife, and he takes a moment to admire the grace with which she does everything — things so simple that he’s suddenly reminded of the way she’d move effortlessly even with the weight of everything on her shoulders.

Her returned answer is received with a soft smile, a nod. “I can imagine.” He hadn’t slept in Halo very often, but the times he had he certainly couldn’t imagine sleeping without any blankets on. He runs hot like a furnace, and in comparison to Nate, well, he made enough heat between them for the both of them. And it still wasn’t enough in Halo.

But she gets to the heart of the reason why he’s here, and he finally tears his steel gaze away from the Valkyrie to look around, taking in the open windows and the way the room seemed bright and airy, warm and beautiful. “Well, I think I’m supposed to just show up and take note of anything? Dangers or problems it could encounter.” He steps in, putting his back to her as he steps over to the curtains, running his scarred fingers along the light fabric. “Like right now, the potential stray Hel.” He flashes an amusing smile over his shoulder at her.

the flood

that's why i'm broken, yeah,
am i a villain or a saint?

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get
so maybe we should start all over

"Aren't we all," Ru murmurs, though the quirk of her smile makes it clear she is not intending anything too philosophical with her remark. She has no clue to his thoughts even if either of them felt inclined to utilize the Attuned bond, but she can feel the weight of his eyes all the same like a physical thing. It makes the summer heat in the room seem all the more intense, nearly unbearable, and Hotaru surreptitiously calls on her magic to send a breeze through the open doors to curl around her neck and through her hair to cool herself down. Whatever she's feeling is not something she can let influence her right now. No matter what words might be lying unspoken on her tongue from the night before, this is business.

Having reminded him of the same, the absence of his gaze lets her breathe a little easier, relaxing enough to even chuckle at his mention of the hels outside. "Precisely. Personally I prefer a breeze, so screens or other protections would likely be important." Glancing around she tries to determine any other dangers or concerns, which is admittedly difficult considering this is supposed to be her optimal location for intimacy. It is hard to have a critical eye. "Furs can be difficult to sanitize from a health standpoint. I would argue they're worth the effort, but it would depend on if your room turnover is magical or mundane." If the latter, he would need to implicitly trust his workers to ensure high cleaning standards.

start all over again

Hotaru

i was raised as a scorpion
being pulled by the moon in a high tide

It does help to turn away from her, to not take her in fully when she explains her perfect intimate space, and despite the glance shot back her way, his hand drops from the curtains, taking in the idea of screens and how she would prefer a breeze despite it, feeling the light breeze pour through the window, not realizing it was her to have caused it.

He turns back to run his fingers along the furs when she explains her additional comments, nodding as he listens, glancing back up at her with a small apologetic smile. “Well, I opted for the rooms to change to whatever anyone desired versus the full cleanliness aspect.” In his mind, it made it easier. Walk into a room that was perfectly tailored to you versus the rooms being the same but always clean.

“I will say there’s far less dangers here than the last one I visited.” He can’t help but to regard her more fully — realizing that much like him lately, the need for safety and comfort overrides everything else. Or maybe, perhaps, they aren’t as adventurous as they used to be.

the flood

that's why i'm broken, yeah,
am i a villain or a saint?

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get
so maybe we should start all over

She can't help but watch the path of his fingers through the thick furs, and if she were more inclined to art and poetry maybe she would have an outlet for the wreck of emotions it makes her feel. Which is pathetic unto itself given how removed he is from her right now, she like a voyeur from mere feet away watching him simply exist.

Glancing away, Ru adjusts her head to have her loose hair falling back in a more orderly fashion behind her shoulders and comfortably crosses her arms. Staunchly ignoring how blatant her body language is. "If it changes each time, it implies cleanliness I assume as the items within would be temporary?" Simply popping into existence when called upon and then vanishing once more. Not unlike the summoned animals Attuned could call upon or so she would assume.

"Oh? Just how dangerous could it have been?" Call it nosy or merely intrigued, Hotaru can't help herself when he drops that little morsel. Though her thoughts are not far behind his own - once upon a time she had delighted in the daring of public locations or risky supports; balcony railings, the open ocean, shade tents on the sand. That one had been where she and Nate had first had sex. Now, however, he is exactly right in assuming it is about safety and comfort. A feeling of security instead of adrenaline. And though she is trying to remain somewhat formal considering the nature of this visit, one shoulder shrugs jerkily and her hands tighten on her biceps as she admits, "I almost wish this wasn't my answer, but Frey would accept no deception."

start all over again

Hotaru

i was raised as a scorpion
being pulled by the moon in a high tide

“Some, I imagine.” But likely not all of them — those would be the items needed to be cleaned thoroughly. Which judging by how the House of Midnight is running at the present moment? Nothing more than the status quo.

What he doesn’t expect, though, is her body language, and it’s enough to draw him out of it as he lifts his hand from the furs to face her more fully, brows pinching together ever so slightly. “A cave off the mouth of the ocean. So, you know. Sand, potential flooding…” He starts to list it off, before he abruptly cuts himself off, stepping into her space the second that she speaks again, brows fully pinching now in his curiosity and confusion, his hand reaching out to touch her bare forearm gently.

“Why?” He asks bluntly, invading her space. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of with this, Ru.” Sure, it isn’t what they had previously, but his has changed over the years too. It was life.

the flood

that's why i'm broken, yeah,
am i a villain or a saint?

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get
so maybe we should start all over

Momentarily caught in the combined intrigue of how the brothel's rooms will work and the boldness of someone's answer to have chosen a cave, she doesn't initially register the way he invades her space so quickly. No matter how long ago they might have been, she has lived too many years with him so close to truly startle at it, though it feels like he has stolen the breath straight out of her lungs with how abruptly he does it. Like he doesn't even think twice.

Firmly on the back foot now, slight color rising in her cheeks, Hotaru's arms tighten further around herself like the most insufficient armor that could exist. One that splinters further the moment his hand touches her arm and stays there. "There is plenty to be ashamed of," is her waspish, defensive response, something broken trembling in her chest. It takes a shaky inhale that she holds in her lungs for a moment to restore the composure his sudden closeness had stolen from her so easily. Her eyes slide away to stare over his shoulder as it is the safest option given how rooted her feet feel to the floor. This time, the words come out with a bit more forethought, and her tone has settled once more. "Part of it is adapting and growing older, changing preferences. I won't deny that." Whether it means she is becoming boring or simply old, Hotaru does not have a positive outlook on that angle either. "But all I see is how my fears have forcibly altered a space I am supposed to take comfort in." Not just sexually, because it resonates throughout her entire home these days, even if that knowledge is purely her own. She'd been forced to move from the spa, and then again from the home she'd moved into, unable to bear the layout and how it made her feel.

start all over again

Hotaru

i was raised as a scorpion
being pulled by the moon in a high tide

He takes her by surprise, that much is obvious with how she seems to bristle and his brows remain pinched, his hand starting to fall away from her as she speaks, her tone harboring some of the defensiveness that he isn’t expecting, but he hangs onto her every word, trying to pick apart why she hated the fact things have changed or become more comfortable for her.

She seems to regain herself, though, and her tone evens out even as Sunjata notices the way she grips her arms tight. “You’re more protective now.” He supplies instead, looking away from her seeing as she doesn’t meet his gaze either. “And sure, that’s because of everything you’ve been through. But that doesn’t mean you need to be ashamed of it.” He pauses, frowning lightly.

“I don’t know if I even have an ideal spot anymore. I think for me it’s who is there and not the space.” It’s a bit sad, but comfort and home to him have always been people. Never a place built with walls and stone.

the flood

that's why i'm broken, yeah,
am i a villain or a saint?

'Cause sometimes we don't really notice just how good it can get
so maybe we should start all over

Her defenses have everything and nothing to do with him. He makes it so hard to think, which makes it nearly impossible to control herself or her emotions, as evidenced by her outburst. Even breathing is difficult because she can only smell him. The mending of their relationship is like a blindfold that leaves her stumbling and uncertain of where they stand, what he makes her feel, how she's supposed to feel. After two years of rigid boundaries, a regimented schedule, and intentional isolation it's like a sensory overload.

"Protective or fearful?" It is intended to come out on a challenging tone but it strays wide into something more like fright, like uncertainty. Biting her tongue she drops her eyes to somewhere around their waists, pulse fluttering in her neck. "Regardless. I'm ashamed of how much still lingers, too. Things I can't let go of that mean I can't have this space even if I wanted it." Though her wording is intentionally vague, Sunjata is not a dull man. Certainly not when it comes to reading her. There's a reason these elements exist in tandem, and they both know why. Fur and feathers, sunlight and heat, sea breeze and waves. Impossible to recreate in Halo.

His own admission makes her feel less queasy about her own, and the hard cut of her shoulders softens, the white of her knuckles regaining a bit of color around her arms. "Maybe that's better though," she murmurs, hoping vainly to provide him some small comfort. "Easier, at least." So long as he seeks out that person it means no matter where he goes, that comfort will follow. Finally daring to glance upwards into his eyes, her lips twist into a bitter, wry smile. "Personally when I indulge these days it is both rare, swift, and assuredly only once." Never taking home the same person twice, and only ever strangers. "Maybe I'll visit the brothel as a customer. Halovian numbers are slim." Trying for humor and falling a little short.

start all over again

Hotaru

i was raised as a scorpion
being pulled by the moon in a high tide

“Protective.” Sunjata repeats, turning his gaze back on her when she drops hers to their waists. He isn’t about to let her – this strong, beautiful, powerful woman – succumb to the fear that he knows lingers in her heart. He knows her. He knows her so much that when she continues, he hums a note of agreement, taking a quick glance to the furs and the warm breeze that pours in – all things that could have been made a reality for her once upon a time. But they’ve both lost it, and it’s a loss that burns as it does feel vacant and empty.

A loss that continues to grow into that black hole of a void when she relaxes and tries to offer him comfort – one that he can only respond to with a small smile. “Is it?” He asks, because he certainly doesn’t believe so. “What happens when that person is gone forever?” Then, like her, he’s lost. Incapable of recreating his ideal, because it can no longer exist.

She still offers some more honesty, however, and the wry smile is met with one of his own, his steel gaze meeting her dual toned ones as he remains in her space. He can’t say the same – because despite his reputation, he hasn’t found it in him to cope the way he used to. The guilt continues to eat at him until the only one he’s found that he can is the very same who the night before asked if business partners were all they’d ever be.

And it sparks more guilt, because while she’s grown an attachment, he can’t let himself do it anymore. “I don’t indulge much.” He admits quietly, almost as if it were a secret he didn’t want out. He’s the sex Frey demigod, it should be his usual. And it isn’t. “And when I do I’ve found that it’s purely just… To try and feel something else. Which... Is like before.” To pretend, in his hall of halls, that he wasn’t as lonely as he felt. Because nobody, despite their attempts, would really begin to understand him like Nate had, like Hotaru had started to, like Isla now tries to do. “Only now all I feel is guilt.”

the flood

that's why i'm broken, yeah,
am i a villain or a saint?