End of Chapter

In the late hours of the night, an envelope is pushed through the door of the guildhall. It is addressed to Remi, and says on the back: 'This is from Samuel. Not urgent, read when you are ready.'

REMI

& now I'm all alone in the dark of night

His senses more keen than they ever had been, the alchemist was suddenly on his feet, his hands quickly becoming claws and magic blooming in his soul. Stalking towards the door, he relaxed considerably seeing the letter laying in the dark. But who would drop off a letter this time of night?

Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes (with hands that were normal again), Remi tiptoed forward and picked up the parchment. Seeing that it was from Sam, Remi could only roll his eyes in a manner with was both relieved and adoring. After the way he'd spoken to the bookmaker he was sure that he owed him a thousand apologies. He still would of course, but Remi assumed that what was written within would be some sort of note of understanding. That Remi had been grieving, was in shock, that Sam hadn't taken it personally and would be around if and when the alchemist was done being alone. Opening the seal and moving to stand in a patch of moonlight, Remi read.

And...then...read again.

And again.

With all the air sucked from his lungs, Remi ran to the door, opening it swiftly and trotted a few steps out into the moonlit street. "SAM—" He called loudly, not worried at all about who heard or what time it was. He took another step forward, eyes shifting into the dark to let him see better. And yet the lane was empty. "SAMMM—" Remi called again, louder. His lungs suddenly felt starved for oxygen, but the alchemist wouldn't let himself breathe. He could already feel the way his sides wanted to tighten against the sob building within. Instead he gripped his fingers around his naked arms, squeezing tight enough to form white lines against the flesh, though his mind hardly registered the pain.

Remi glanced into the darkened doorway of the guildhall and Aoife within.
Sam was probably not far, but he couldn't follow.

Feeling cold despite the Flowerbirth warmth, Remi cocked an ear inside the guildhall to make sure his cries hadn't awoken Aoife, before scanning the note once again.

He read the word obligation over and over again and something inside of his stomach twisted so precisely that he dropped to a knee and clutched at his heart. Obligation. Sam had said that he loved Remi but ... but what he read was not love. His father too had thought of him as an obligation precisely because he didn't love him, and that sudden connection in his mind was more devastating than Remi's fragile and already-broken mind and heart could endure.

Part of what Sam wrote was true...Remi had said he did not love him, had said he needed time ... but was that so wrong? Did love not wait? Remi ran a hand aggressively across his face, swiping at the tears that wanted to form. Anger began to ball up from the shattered pieces, anger that even though yes Remi had lost his memories of Sam, he hadn't meant to. Things were going fine with he and Sam, weren't they? The kiss in the Temple had been...well, the first one that Remi ever remembered having. It was sweet and soft and just the right amount, until Sam's blunder had been a bit much. And then his best friend had been murdered in front of him and he'd inherited a child. Two, counting Sugar.

Rarely did Remi feel sorry for himself, and he would not start now. All of his tears had been shed for Ronin, and the husk of the once sweet and sunny alchemist could take no more. And so, with the pieces of all the broken parts of him, Remi began to build a wall. The wall would be high and formidable, for on this night the alchemist had learned a valuable lesson. Letting himself love someone else was not the only path to heartache. There was another: believing that anyone else could ever love him led there as well.

The moon is shining but I can't see the light