responsibilities

Sohalia

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back

Sohalia was not, generally speaking, an anxious person. She was very much a glass-half-full kind of girl, prone to daydreams and happiness and going where the wind took her. Hers was a simple, peaceful existence, full of love and light and fun. And yet...

On this particular morning, Soh paced back and forth in the apartment above her shop, chewing nervously on her thumbnail. She was barefoot, wearing jean shorts and a simple shirt; her hair was in a messy bun atop her head. Her time in Torchline had desensitized her to certain things, her clothing choices among them, and she'd found that when she was at home, she preferred shorts to long pants or skirts. The overall effect of her outfit would have been adorable on someone else; but when she looked in the mirror, it just looked strange. She was always well put-together, but today, she'd been too frazzled to do more than the bare minimum with her appearance.

A large sign in the window downstairs read, "CLOSED," but that was only for customers. The one person she wanted to see had a key, and Jude would be here soon. Gods, how she wanted to see him, needed to feel his steady arms around her. She'd been out of her mind with worry and panic ever since the leadership of Stormbreak had been decided, and it was only getting worse the more she thought about it.

Her letter had been vague, but what was she supposed to say? Her news wasn’t exactly the kind to be shared in a letter. She needed him here, needed to speak face-to-face, and gods knew that her free time to travel had just been shortened. Since she couldn’t go to him - no matter how much she may want to - she’d have to hope that he’d come to her.

Sure, she wasn't going to be leading alone, but what business did she have leading at all? As she paced back and forth, more agitated than she'd ever been, she ran through the meeting over and over again, wondering if there could have been a different outcome. What have I gotten myself into?

There was so much that could go wrong, so much that she stood to lose. She should have said no. She should have let sleeping dogs lie. But Stormbreak had needed a leader - had needed her - and so here she was, preparing to take over with no idea of how to actually... do that. And as much as she hoped and wished and pleaded with the universe that she was up for the challenge, she couldn't help but feel like she'd made a huge mistake.

Exhausted - she hadn't slept since the decision had been made - Soh collapsed into her favorite chair and buried her face in her hands, pressing her palms against her eyes. Maybe if she tried hard enough, she would wake up to find that this had all been a bizarre dream.

Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

There's all these secrets I can't keep
Like in my heart there's a hotel suite

Just as she had done for him, he comes immediately. Doesn't even bother grabbing more than his keys off the hook with a shout for his dad, confident that anything he might need when he lands will already be in Sohalia's apartment. Given they practically swap houses in terms of living together, he has more than enough clothes and items to sustain an emergency visit.

The skyboat ride has him bouncing his leg restlessly, consumed with anxiety as his brain thinks up every imagined reason for the urgency of her letter. It eats at him as he wrings his hands through his curls, pulling idly on them, wishing he could make the boat fly a little faster.

Upon disembarking he shoves past everyone else and just runs. Glad that he runs nearly daily with his father because it doesn't slow him down, his legs don't tire and his lungs don't burn. Ignoring the closed sign, Jude unlocks the door and shuts it swiftly behind him, rushing up the stairs to the apartment overhead. She's sitting hunched over in her favorite chair, head in her hands, and Jude's heart plummets into his stomach as he rushes over to kneel in front of her and gently touch the hands that shroud her face. "Soh? Hey, I'm here. It's okay." Of that he's sure. Whatever has happened, he'll make it okay.

And you lived there so long
It's kinda strange, now you're gone

Jude

Sohalia

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back

She hadn't stopped to consider whether she was asking too much, whether Jude would have things going on that he couldn't leave. She should have, perhaps, what with the return of Maeve and Harper's ascension to the throne of Torchline. But when she'd written her letter, she'd been so all-consumed with worry that she hadn't thought about any of that - she had just known that she needed him here with her, as quickly as he could get here, and she knew that he would come. Of that, she had no doubt.

Still, his arrival took her by surprise; she hadn't been paying attention and hadn't heard the door open, so she jumped when he suddenly appeared at her side, raising her head from her hands to stare blearily at him before launching herself into his arms. It didn't matter that they were on the floor; it only mattered that he was here. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his shoulder, a lump in her throat as she fought to keep things together, at least until she could explain what was going on. It wouldn't do her any good to burst into tears the moment he walked in the door.

"Jude," she cried, her relieved voice muffled from where she remained pressed against him. "I'm so glad you're here. I - I -" she stammered, sitting back to gaze into his eyes. "I don't even know where to start."

Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

There's all these secrets I can't keep
Like in my heart there's a hotel suite

When she lifts her head to meet his eyes he doesn't have very long, but he buries all his anxieties to grant her a reassuring smile. Whether it helps or not doesn't seem to matter because she lungs forward to wrap her arms around him, and Jude falls gracelessly backwards to sit on the floor, knees askew to make room for her body as he wraps his own arm back around her - two drowning bodies at sea.

He's not necessarily surprised by her need to be close, and though they're both rather bony people, Jude doesn't mind the discomfort of the floor beneath them if it means he has her in his arms. What she has to say doesn't provide much insight into the problem that had summoned him here so suddenly but they have time now.

As she pulls back to look at him Jude gently moves the hair out of her face, tucking it behind each ear and then cupping her cheek, dark brows drawn in concern. "First - are you okay? Physically? Are you safe?" It sounds too grown up and put-together for an eighteen year old, but Harper had said it enough times in his childhood for it to practically be rote.

And you lived there so long
It's kinda strange, now you're gone

Jude

Sohalia

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back

Jude brushed the hair from her face gently, and she took a shaky breath. At his question, her brows knitted together. Of course, her vague message hadn't exactly been helpful - it was only natural that he was concerned. "Oh - no, I mean, yes, I'm fine, it's just - I'm just freaking out a little -" She swallowed the lump in her throat, desperation creeping into her eyes. How could she even begin to explain what had happened? Or why it was affecting her so badly? After all, she'd volunteered for this. She could have just left well enough alone, and no one would have thought any worse of her. But she just had to stir the pot.

She'd never stammered like this, never beat around the bush so much, especially not with Jude. It had always been easy to talk to him, but now she was scared, and embarrassed, and feeling quite foolish. "It's - I've just - I think I messed up," she finally managed, her silver eyes searching his face. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment to collect her thoughts. Whatever he was expecting, she would bet that it wasn't what she was about to say.

"You know how Stormbreak has been without a leader for the past two years or so?" she asked nervously. "I got some friends together to talk about it, because things are getting... well, there's some safety issues and some cultural issues and some decisions that need to be made." She thought of her attack, of the fact that Abandoned still couldn't enter the city, of the resources that they were simply not utilizing to the best of their abilities. "And I thought maybe we could figure something out, right? But -" She took another breath. "Well, none of my friends wanted to do anything about it, and I - I kind of - I volunteered to be the leader of Stormbreak." Her voice sounded small and tinny in her ears.

It sounded ridiculous, even to her, and she buried her face into his neck again. "Oh my gods, what have I done?"

Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

There's all these secrets I can't keep
Like in my heart there's a hotel suite

With the notion of her safety secured - though still in the dark of how, once, that had not been the case - Jude relaxes slightly. Mental and emotional dangers weren't necessarily less difficult or dangerous, but at least it was one less thing to have to worry about and helped narrow down what the problem truly was.

She never has stammered and vacillated so distinctly before, and Jude doesn't really know how to handle it. Whatever she hopes to find in his face Jude can't magically put there, but he wishes he could. Instead, he simply tries to project openness and patience, ready to listen.

And it's a good thing too, because she has a lot to share.

Jude isn't sure how so much could change in a single day, but it's immediately apparent why Sohalia is so overwhelmed. Jude himself feels overwhelmed, though he tries not to show it lest it upset her even more. They're eighteen. Flora's insanity aside, nobody their age should be running a region in Jude's opinion.

But also...nobody else was. Without a leader, where would Stormbreak end up in a season? In a year? As she slumps into his neck he gently holds her close with a hand at the back of her neck and sits in stunned silence for a bit as he tries to gather his thoughts.

"Well...I mean, uh..." Gods he wasn't prepared to think on his feet this fast. "Honestly if nobody else was going to step up, what was the alternative?" If Stormbreak is happy with a teenage Queen, surely that was their prerogative...? And anything (aside from like, a fascist or tyrannical ruler) was better than an empty government. "You might not know how to lead, but you want to help. You want to fix things. That's a good start - a baby step. You don't have to make big leaps." Jude believes that much, and he hopes his faith shines through.

And you lived there so long
It's kinda strange, now you're gone

Jude

Sohalia

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back

He was quiet for a moment, and she was afraid to pull back to look at him, terrified of what she might see on his face. She was too young, too inexperienced, too everything for this. While it had seemed like a good idea at the time, looking back, she couldn't believe that not only had she volunteered, but everyone else had gone along with it. Perhaps, later, she could appreciate the faith that her council had shown in her - but for now, she simply marveled that they had been as mad as she'd been to volunteer in the first place.

She took a shuddering breath as Jude tried to reassure her, then sat back up, reaching up to wipe teary eyes with the heel of her hand. She wasn't exactly crying, but it wasn't far off - she could feel the lump in the back of her throat that just wouldn't go away, threatening to strangle her if she didn't let go soon. But she was a leader now, the Heart of Stormbreak - and she could no longer afford such weakness. Not even here, in private, with the man she loved.

"The alternative was to just... keep going the way we were and hope for the best," she admitted with a sigh. "It's just - I've seen the best and the worst of what Stormbreak has to offer. I have ideas to keep the good things going and improve the bad. And I do have a council of advisors - the friends I mentioned. They're all older than me, and they've been here longer. I thought maybe one of them -" But no, none of them had wanted it. And maybe she hadn't either, but she'd been willing to give it a try. Maybe that had just been her youthful naivete in the moment.

"But I'm also eighteen, and I don't know what I'm doing, and this isn't what I had planned. It just feels like everything has to change all of a sudden, and I don't know how to -" Her throat closed, and she huffed in frustration. "I'm terrified," she said frankly. "What if I made a huge mistake?"

Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

There's all these secrets I can't keep
Like in my heart there's a hotel suite

He doesn't mean to give her the wrong impression, it's just so much. It's no wonder she's so overwhelmed and upset, especially when they both clearly feel the same way about the fact she's only eighteen. Jude has full faith in her abilities, yes, but he's wise enough to know they're not well-rounded abilities in the least. Not yet.

The existence of a council is reassuring, though Jude also wonders why none of them had taken the position instead. "Then you've already got people who can help you. Not just emotionally but politically." Jude lifts his hand to gently touch her cheek. "You've got me, and dad, and all your friends on a personal level. We'll support you. But your council is supposed to support the leader. You've got people on both sides." His own opinion on her age and new leadership aside, Jude is meant to be comforting her right now, so he abandons those opinions in favor of trying to find the bright sides.

As she wilts he wraps his arms back around her, the two of them sitting on the floor with limbs tangled together. "You didn't make a mistake. There wasn't another option." Tilting their foreheads together, Jude rubs her back slowly, methodically. "And it doesn't have to be permanent. If there are changes you want to make you start there." Jude has full faith that her early ideas are trustworthy, even if they may need some shaping. "Over time maybe someone on your council will see the appeal of leading. Maybe someone else will be interested. Just...think of yourself as a bandaid." Deciding to take the analogy and run with it, Jude keeps the verbal ball rolling now that he feels he has his metaphorical feet beneath him. "Stormbreak may have been bleeding slowly, but it wasn't stopping either. Maybe you're not the perfect bandaid for it, but it was better than nothing. Either you leading will be what it needs, or it will slow the bleeding down enough to give time for someone else to take over." Maybe she'll grow with the role and never end up leaving it as the best-case scenario. Which feels weird to even think given how young they are - Sohalia making roots here forever as a leader, setting the course of their lives on a path from a young age.

Feeling like he has said more in this moment than he has all week, Jude's steam runs out. "It's not a death sentence. And if they haven't had any leader at all, they'll forgive your mistakes because at least they're made for the sake of progress." Progress that certainly wouldn't happen with an empty seat of power. "And hopefully your council will advise you well enough that you won't make them in the first place." If she trusts them enough to call them friends then they could surely be relied upon.

And you lived there so long
It's kinda strange, now you're gone

Jude

Sohalia

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back

His words were like a balm to her frazzled soul, and as he talked and rubbed her back, she finally started to relax, leaning her forehead against his and closing her eyes. It was like he said: maybe she wasn't the best choice, but she had been the only choice, at least for the time being. And she did have support - both politically and personally. Which brought her mind to another potential problem, and she sat up, suddenly rigid, silver eyes fixed on him.

"Wait - but - will you still want to be with me?" she asked, eyes worried, her mind tumbling down a new panicky rabbit hole. She was suddenly furious with herself for having made a choice that could affect them - both individually and as a couple. What if this was too much for Jude? She could hardly blame him if he wanted to take a step back and evaluate their relationship. Leadership was a lot for one person to shoulder, that was true, but what about for that person's loved ones?

"I mean, you've been unhappy in Torchline ever since Harper was made king and Maeve came back, with everybody talking and being in the public eye. I know it's not exactly the same, but - if I'm leading here, won't that mean - well, people will still talk, won't they?"

Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

There's all these secrets I can't keep
Like in my heart there's a hotel suite

As she settles beneath his hand, slowly calming and almost subconsciously nodding along, Jude feels a tsunami of relief sweep through him. This is an immensely complicated situation and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to truly comfort her or give any sort of advice when he considers her far more worldly than himself. What insight could he possibly offer?

When she shoots to sit up so suddenly it's disorienting, and Jude merely blinks quickly and pulls his hands away automatically, giving her space and ensuring his touch wasn't what had upset her. It never has, but it's an instinctive thing.

Immediately befuddled by her stammered question, he parrots it back to her. "Wha- still be with you?" Where did that fit into the conversation at all???

Luckily she bulldozes forward before he can question it any further, and his expression softens into something understanding and a bit chagrined. "They might. But I - I'm nobody here." Privately he thinks he's nobody anywhere. People just like to think he's important because it makes gossip juicier, and then they meet him and realize he's anything but. "And I don't live here permanently. It wouldn't be the same." Not nearly so intense and invasive as the land he was born in, with all the combined history of all three of his parents so firmly entrenched in Torchline's sands. "Besides, they'll all be looking at you. Not me." As they should, and as most people do (in Jude's eyes). "And all that aside, in the end it wouldn't matter. Losing you wouldn't be worth a quiet life." He'll suffer through any measure of increased anxiety to stay by her side.

And you lived there so long
It's kinda strange, now you're gone

Jude

Sohalia

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back

Wordly? Soh hardly felt worldly. At this particular moment, she felt very small and sheltered indeed. Her immediate panic about a situation she'd put herself in left her feeling foolish and insecure, and, if anything, it only solidified her fear that she wouldn't be good enough. If she couldn't even trust herself, why should anyone else trust her? If she couldn't believe in her abilities, why should anyone else?

In another situation, perhaps Soh would have giggled at the completely befuddled look on Jude's face, reached up to lace her fingers together around his neck and pull him in close for a kiss. But under the current circumstances, she could only watch him worriedly, anxious about whether this decision that she'd made would spell their ruin. But much to her relief, he seemed to relax, reassuring her yet again - so much in quick succession. And she hadn't even managed to greet him properly.

"You're somebody to me," she reminded him, a small, relieved smile quirking up the corners of her mouth. All she cared about was that he was hers. "I just - I can't imagine doing this - doing anything - without you." If it had threatened their relationship, she would have given up leadership in a heartbeat. Nothing was worth that. "You're everything to me," she added in a whisper, leaning closer to him to encourage his touch, reaching up a hand to caress his cheek.

Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

There's all these secrets I can't keep
Like in my heart there's a hotel suite

Who needs proper greetings? They've said hello to each other over a hundred ways by now, and maybe an eighteen-year-old doesn't have a good grasp of the future but he's happy to find another thousand ways to do it. What's one missed opportunity?

His cheeks go a little pink, shy despite how many times she has reassured and complimented him over the course of both their friendship and relationship. "I know," he murmurs quietly, because he does. Jude has never doubted the fervor of Sohalia's love and admiration even when he wonders why and how it exists. But it doesn't change the fact that aside from her he's the equivalent of a ghost in this city, and her new role won't change that.

"You don't have to imagine that, I'm right here." And if he has any say in it he won't be going anywhere anytime soon.

Lifting his hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, he gently brushes his knuckles against the rosy color of her cheek. The shade makes it clear she's upset. He can tell. Just like he can tell when it's because she's sick or frustrated. "And you're everything to me. So you suddenly being a ruler won't change anything in my eyes." Laughing quietly, a little out-of-sorts still from the helter-skelter rush from Torchline to Stormbreak and the weight of the revelations she has shared, Jude shakes his head slightly. "I mean, aside from us having to re-evaluate our living situations and schedules now that you won't be able to visit as much." Which is, hilariously, a far more terrifying thought to Jude than her being a queen.

And you lived there so long
It's kinda strange, now you're gone

Jude

Sohalia

And I could hear the thunder and see the lightning crack
All around the world was waking, I never could go back

How could Jude possibly be so perfect? Soh's eyes shown with adoration as she smiled, finally managing to relax a little as his reassurances calmed her from the frenzy she'd been in since the leadership of Stormbreak was decided. She leaned into his touch, closing her eyes briefly as she simply enjoyed the feel of his knuckles on her cheek, humming a soft note of pleasure at the simple touch.

She knew that he was right; the only thing that had to change was their visiting schedule. She made a face at him before sitting back and levering herself into a standing position, tugging at his hand to bring him along with her. "Come on," she said. "Let's get off the floor, at least." She hesitated for a moment, trying to decide between the couch or the more comfortable bed; after the briefest pause, she led him over to the couch. If they went to bed, she might fall asleep, and she wasn't ready for that. Not yet, anyway.

She pulled him down onto the couch beside her and swung her legs over his so that she was almost sitting on his lap. "I don't want to see you less," she told him, knitting her brows together. "But it also won't be as easy for me to get away now. At least, not for long periods. This summer was amazing, but..." She shrugged helplessly. "It's not a long trip by skyship, so I could probably do weekends." Assuming that she had some way to be reached in an emergency. But wasn't that what she had a council for? Among other things, of course. "But you know you're welcome here any time. All the time, really. Whenever you want."

Cause all the walls of dreaming, they were torn wide open
And finally it seemed that the spell was broken

There's all these secrets I can't keep
Like in my heart there's a hotel suite

It's a good sign that she's ready to rise from the floor in his eyes, because it means she has a clearer head, one that can actually recognize the discomfort of their current seating arrangement instead of desperately reaching for every drop and crumb of comfort his arms provide.

He's not old enough to creak or groan which is a good thing in many ways, but most importantly it means she doesn't have to feel guilty for having kept him on the floor. Rising and keeping as much of her in hand and close by as he can, Jude lets her decide where she wants to be and merely follows in her wake. It's a common pose of theirs, so he lays his hands on her knees and gently begins to stroke up and down her calf, more absentminded than intentional.

"I have no schedule compared to you, so you don't have to come even on the weekends unless you want to see dad." Which she very well might, Jude knows she and Harper have their own bond completely unrelated to him. "But...maybe I should just move here?" It's a big suggestion, and it's clear with how quietly and tentatively he offers the idea even when he supplies his reasoning mere seconds later. "I don't know if maman and dad are going to get back together, and I don't think me being in the house will be helpful one way or the other. Dad would be sad but he already sees me less with all the traveling." The only issue Jude can see is - "But if I take the apprenticeship with Talyson I might be away a lot anyway...?" So then maybe he shouldn't move?

And you lived there so long
It's kinda strange, now you're gone

Jude