I ask myself why one too many times
for Sam
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
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MP: 3059
#1
Vai had offered to stay with Aoife while Remi sorted out some things in his shop. Given that he'd already more or less moved in with Ronin before ... well, before, most of his important things were already at the guildhall. However now that it seemed as though he'd be staying, there were a few odds and ends that he wanted to have.

In unconscionable dissonance to how he normally was, Remi walked with his head low, eyes on the ground before him, and his hands in his pockets. His curls were unkempt, eyes hollow and haunted-looking, and his entire demeanor still appeared wholly defeated and empty. Enough tears had been shed that the alchemist was probably slightly dehydrated, but given that he hadn't been eating or sleeping well, his saline-levels were hardly at the top of his list of problems.

With a hard swallow, Remi kept his eyes trained on the path directly before him as Sam's shop came into view. The last thing Remi wanted to see was the not-as-familiar-as-he-should-be red-head in the windows of his bookstore, or anywhere for that matter. It was too much ontop of what was already unbearable. If the world had any grace or kindness in it, Remi would be able to be in and out without seeing so much as a hair on the bookmaker's head.

I fell for your eyes
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
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#2

Sam was working on a book for Maea, something with big letters so she would be able to read it for their first lesson. He'd just gotten to the lower case 'd' of the alphabet when his pen hit the bottom of his ink pot. Dry. Sam blinked at the pot, for a moment unsure of where he'd gotten the ink from in the first place, or where he would go to replenish it.

Oh, there was that alchemy shop next door, wasn't there? Perhaps he could trade something for some ink, or get some on credit...? A promise of a notebook, or something like that? From what Sam remembered of the shop keeper, he was always covered in smudges of charcoal. He probably liked to draw.

Well, he had to get the ink and it wouldn't be any less socially scary to ask a stranger for it any other time, so he stood up and set his pen to the side, went to the door and walked two steps. To his luck, it appeared the man was in (he hadn't been this morning when Sam had walked by, which he'd thought rather unprofessional) so he knocked twice then opened the door just slightly.

"Hello? Are you open?"
Samuel
So now I'm free of this
Get these shackles off my wrists
And show me something, show me anybody please
And here we go, "Hello, floor. Have you met my knees?"
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
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Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#3
At the back of the shop, Remi was half-knelt down, arms in a box apparently trying to sort through it. As Sam's call rang out, Remi's torso stiffened, his searching hands came to an abrupt halt, and the air in his lungs immediately seemed to vanish. Pressing his eyes closed, Remi drew in his lower lip, pressed his teeth against it, and considered what it might be like to lie.

He could say nothing and pretend he wasn't in at all. He could call out no! which would hopefully send Sam back to his own shop. He could, if he wanted, let Sam know absolutely every intimate detail on his mind and how what Sam had done was perhaps the most stinging and unforgivable act that had ever been (intentionally) done to him. His father had, of course, treated him so much worse, you might want to argue. But then, his father had never even pretended to love him.

Exhaling air as well as his lower lip, Remi straightened, running a hand wearily over his eyes. He couldn't lie. Once upon a time he'd promised Sam he'd never lie to him again, and though this Remi did not remember that promise, there was still enough fractured goodness in him that he couldn't bring himself to do it. "Yes." Remi replied in a low voice from the back of the shop.

Turning, Remi made his way into the light, though pretended to busy himself with a few things on the counter.

There was still the chance...the merest of possibilities that Sam hadn't done it.

That it was some...some cry for help. Some way to force Remi into a grand gesture, a pleading for the bookmaker to stay. And if so, perhaps at the last moment, Sam would have stopped. He'd have realized what it was he was doing and just how misguided it all was. He'd force himself to communicate better, to express what it was he wanted or needed from the alchemist and they could discuss the strange new world in which they found themselves.

And even if that didn't happen...there was always the chance the Voice would have said no.

And so, with eyes too forlorn and exhausted to well with tears, Remi merely focused on the cracks and ridges in the counter, waiting to hear what it was Sam was here for.

I fell for your eyes
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
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Posts: 3,135 | Total: 8,707
MP: 0
#4

The shopkeeper (Remi, Sam thought his name was) came to the front, seemed busy and sad but said he was open. Sam supposed it wasn't too surprising he seemed melancholy; the weeks after Longnight were often hard and he knew there had been several deaths then and recently too, after the attack on the Spire. This man was an Outlander, could have had friends in the siege.

"Ah, hello. I'm Samuel, I own the shop next door." He introduced himself with a smile, stepping towards the counter. He had gotten better at introductions since he'd gotten his voice better and increased confidence in his social capabilities.

"This is an Alchemist's shop, isn't it? I was wondering if you had any inks. ..But um...if you't mind my asking.." He couldn't just ask for ink when Remi looked like that. "Is something the matter? If it's a bad time, I could come back later."
Samuel
So now I'm free of this
Get these shackles off my wrists
And show me something, show me anybody please
And here we go, "Hello, floor. Have you met my knees?"
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
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Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#5
i'm Samuel.

One of Remi's fingers had been idly tracing the bottom of the counter, and as the man across from it introduced himself, Remi happened to find a splintered piece of wood below and plunged his finger into it to keep himself from screaming. He probably wouldn't have, and while Remi wasn't normally drawn to dramatic outbursts of emotions, by all the gods he sure felt like he deserved one.

I own the shop next door

And almost my heart once, I believe. Remi thought to himself, nodding gently in response to Sam's words, though he didn't really hear them. In that moment whatever minute crevice in his heart which had not yet been filled with despair finally was, and the light was snuffed out. Gone were the memories. Gone was the love.

Gone was the last bit of something that might have once mattered.

"Pleased to meet you, Sam. I am Remi." He managed after a moment, clearing his throat and rubbing at one of his eyes with the heel of his hand. Politeness would always come naturally to him, even in his darkest moments. But even habit couldn't inject happiness into the words that the alchemist didn't feel. "Ink? Of course. What consistency and colour?" Remi asked, his eyes still on the counter.

However as the man across from him asked if something was the matter, Remi paused almost thoughtfully. Slowly, he looked up, muddy sea-glass eyes falling into stormy blue. In that moment, he painfully wondered if this was how Sam had felt before. As if just the meeting of their eyes would magically spark something back into being, as if memories were just flippant and flighty but the right sort of look could bring them back. For a moment Remi recalled how Sam had cupped his face, how their lips had touched and how he'd wanted more of them, right up until Sam gave voice to that desire and Remi had panicked. It all seemed so impossibly silly now, just as the urge to cry did, and yet Remi felt it all the same.

"I—" He began, voice husky again, and quickly Remi cleared his throat with a light cough, looking away. "My bestfriend recently died. And I—" lost someone else close to me. It was you, actually. He meant to say, but that wasn't quite right. Remi didn't lose anyone. He'd asked for space and instead he'd been abandoned. "—well, I have not been sleeping well." The alchemist continued after a moment with a shrug.

I fell for your eyes
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
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#6

"Yes, Remi. I thought so." Sam sensed that something in this whole encounter was off, that there was something unsaid and hanging between them but...he had just met this man properly for the first time. He was likely imagining it, right? Or his mind was simply working against him as it always was, creating panic and speculation where none belonged. "One blue and one black? And both reasonably thick, it needs to be dark. I'm teaching a mostly-blind woman to read."

When Remi responded to his question his voice was heavy as if clogged with tears and Sam instantly regretted asking. But naturally he leaned forward (stopped just short of touching Remi, though) with concern.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. In the Spire attack, you mean? I heard a man died. And a lack of sleep never helps...my sister is an Apothecary, you know. She could make you a sleeping aid." It was rare he recommended Evie's services, but Sam wanted to help somehow so the man would stop looking quite so sad.
Samuel
So now I'm free of this
Get these shackles off my wrists
And show me something, show me anybody please
And here we go, "Hello, floor. Have you met my knees?"
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
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Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#7
A mostly blind woman? That did temporarily snap Remi out of his tornado of untapped emotions to glance up at Sam. "That is very kind of you. Would something like this also help?" Almost as if it were a magic trick, Remi waved his hand across the counter. Suddenly there were 2 quite large bottles of ink (the glass bottles of which were stamped with a feather, which had come to be like Remi's makers-mark), and a lens. The lens, when raised, would magnify what was beneath. He'd learned much about lenses during his time trying to perfect his telescope, and if what Sam was trying to accomplish was magnification, this would assist greatly.

"Ronin." Remi corrected almost instantly, his voice low, his fingers worked in animated patterns against his palm below the desk as he tried to retain his composure. "His name was Ronin."

Gently Remi shook his head in polite decline of Sam's offer. "No...it is not that. I am taking care of Ronin's child." Remi clarified softly.

Would you like to come meet her properly? I am sorry about before. Come by, with tea, and we will talk. There is a new game Seiji taught me, perhaps we could play? Or have you any children's books? Actually, it does not matter, she can't understand anyways. Bring something and you can read to us both.

That is what Remi might have said, once upon a time. What he wanted to say in the darkened and early days of his anguish, that the pain would not allow through. Of course now though, he kept silent. Now he was just a man who Sam had not only chosen to forgot, but had chosen not to love. He was a man who had apparently been so terrible, that the memories of him had not been worth keeping, never mind the love. Who waiting for wasn't an option.

Once upon a time, Remi had been too slow for another man. He hadn't risen to his touch fast enough and had been discarded. Though there was literally no one in this world anymore who remembered such a thing, the parallels were striking. Once again Remi hadn't been fast enough. He'd needed time and understanding, but the love he sought required haste. It had deadlines, and he hadn't met them.

"Thank you for the offer though. Enjoy your inks." Remi said in as perfunctory, polite, but conclusory a tone as he could.

I fell for your eyes
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
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#8

"Oh! Yes, it would. Thank you." Sam exclaimed, clearly delighted by the appearance of the bottles and magnifier, picking it up and looking at the feather-mark through it. Maea would be delighted, he was sure. "I must pay you for these. I make notebooks. Would that be of any use to you? I can make them any shape, colour...size...anything you need."

Remi's reminder of the name seemed harsh but he tried to calm the automatic tension in his chest with a thought to the grief the other man had to be feeling. "Yes, Ronin. I'm sorry. I did see him a few times, actually...he seemed a good man. I am sure it speaks well of you to be his best friend."

The reveal of the child was brought then immediately, a dismissal. Sam nearly nodded, turned and left, but...there was something keeping him here. Something that felt almost like a thread in his heart, shredded down to the final string but nevertheless taunt, wanting to keep him by the counter.

He was probably just beginning to understand his emotions, he reasoned. Getting in touch with his empathy. And that would be a good thing to encourage, right?

"Well, um. Just..." He lingered, trying to work out exactly what he wanted to say. "You must be going through a lot right now, and this time of year can be difficult for us all, especially Outlanders...this must have been your first Longnight and Flowerbirth, yes? Perhaps if you would like to come over sometimes for tea, or...or I could help you with the child, depending on her age I could even help her to read. I am only next door and I would love to be of help."
Samuel
So now I'm free of this
Get these shackles off my wrists
And show me something, show me anybody please
And here we go, "Hello, floor. Have you met my knees?"
Remi Taliesin
the Bastion


Age: 31 | Height: 5'11 | Race: Demi-god | Nationality: Outlander | Citizenship: Torchline
Level: 15 - Strg: 68 - Dext: 60 - Endr: 100 - Luck: 93 - Int: 3
ORIA - Mythical - Spriggan (Ghost)
Played by: Odd Offline
Change author:
Posts: 10,723 | Total: 16,193
MP: 3059
#9
Thoughts whirled through Remi's mind in response to Sam's offer. He could say that he already could create things out of thin air, what use would he have for the bookmaker's skills? But of course that was too rude, even though it was true. And besides, without Sam pouring meaning into the notebooks—his Sam—they really were just things Remi could create on his own. "No, I am happy to help." He said with a certain shake of his head.

Sam's second offer, so close to the thoughts already whirling about in Remi's head just made the alchemist smile sadly and shake his head. "She is still just a baby. But thank you for the offer." Remi replied, striving towards politeness but feeling his resolve wane. He wanted to rake his hands through his curls, conjure vases to smash, and to scream as if that would somehow alleviate the weight of the gulf of darkness that had become a chasm inside of himself. And it was all because he couldn't do the one thing he wanted.

To ask Sam why.

Why didn't he wait. Why didn't he understand.

Why was Remi not worth it?

"I do have to be getting back to the guildhall though. I hope you enjoy your ink."

I fell for your eyes
Speaks with a thick Italian accent.
Force and magic can be used against Remi without permission.
Samuel Wordsworth
Book maker/seller

Age: 34 | Height: 5' 5" | Race: Ascended | Nationality: Natural | Citizenship: Hollowed Grounds
Level: 10 - Strg: 28 - Dext: 25 - Endr: 27 - Luck: 25 - Int: 1
MIA - Regular - Ragdoll Cat
Played by: lancydulac Offline
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Posts: 3,135 | Total: 8,707
MP: 0
#10

Well, Remi seemed determined to convince him he was satisfied. Sam recognised the signs of wanting someone to leave (because he had frequently gone through those motions himself) and would not push any more. There would always be a next time, he supposed, with their shops being so close.

"Well. Thank you, then." He took the ink and walked to the door, pushed it a crack open then looked back. "I will see you later. Remember: Only next door."
Samuel
So now I'm free of this
Get these shackles off my wrists
And show me something, show me anybody please
And here we go, "Hello, floor. Have you met my knees?"


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