From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
Don't try to wake me up Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
Sohalia made her way home from the training ground with her head bowed, hoping and praying that she could avoid anyone she knew until she could get her nose healed. Luckily, there were few people out and about in the light of early morning, and she was able to slip through the streets with no one the wiser despite her disheveled, blood-soaked appearance. When she made it to the shop, she tried to enter as quietly as possible, hoping that Jude might still be sleeping so that she could clean up before he saw her. Of course, her broken nose would still be obvious, but maybe she could avoid the sudden shock of him seeing his girlfriend covered in blood.
It was more than that, though; Soh had a lot of emotions to process, feelings that she hadn’t realized still lingered in her system. She’d thought that breaking things off with Koa would be the end of it, that her feelings for him would simply dissipate. But it hadn’t worked out that way, and during their spar she’d been forced to come to terms with the fact that she still liked him - and she still liked him a lot. Just what was she supposed to do with that information? She loved Jude - that much she knew - but was it possible to love more than one person at a time? And if so, what was she supposed to do about it?
Maybe Jude would still be asleep. Maybe she would have time to take a shower, to get cleaned up, to process her emotions and parse them into something she could share with her boyfriend. It was hard, sometimes, that he was her best friend, too. As her best friend, she could go to him with anything. As her boyfriend, she was terrified of losing him. She felt as though she walked a tightrope, and she couldn’t say she cared for the experience. But Jude had always been understanding and kind, and she had to believe that he would be about this as well.
Right?
Don't believe anything you say anymore In the morn, in the morning
As a morning person, Jude still being asleep is unlikely. He had woken when Sohalia had left the bed, always a light sleeper. He'd murmured a goodbye when she'd headed out for her training, and then had risen shortly after. He's accustomed to having far too much freedom in his days, so he usually has his own structure that he keeps himself to lest he waste away like a lazy teenager. Which is why he's doing dishes when Sohalia comes in. He doesn't hear her until she's walking past given the noise of the water, and the fact that she doesn't call out to him as she always does.
That, and the blood readily apparent on her face, is enough to have him jolting at the sink and lurching away without turning the water off to rush toward her. "Soh?! Oh my gods, are you okay?" Training accidents happen, but why hadn't she gotten medical attention already? Wet hands rise to gently reach for her shoulders to try and stop her in her path and turn her towards him, expression deeply concerned.
But what if I just always dance around on your string?
Don't try to wake me up Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
Perhaps wishing that Jude would still be abed was too much to hope for, but can anyone blame her for wanting to appear a little less gruesome when she greeted her boyfriend? It was bad enough that her face was sure to be swollen and bruised, but to be covered in blood on top of it all? No, thank you.
But Jude was awake and doing dishes when she came in (and gods, did she love him for doing chores in her absence), and she winced when he rushed towards her. "I'm okay," she assured him, offering a half-smile - the best she could do given the lingering pain in her nose. "It looks worse than it is." Sort of. Her nose was broken - how much worse could it actually be? "Okay, it probably looks pretty bad," she admitted, then she sighed. "I was thinking that I should go somewhere with an actual healer - you know, with magic? Will you help me pack?" Maybe Jude would even come with her. This was why they needed Abandoned in Stormbreak.
Don't believe anything you say anymore In the morn, in the morning
He quickly looks over the rest of her, heedless of the wet spots forming on her workout shirt, and is relieved to find no other apparent injuries. Still, he grabs her by the hand and pulls her to the sink where he wets a paper towel and gently begins cleaning the blood off her face as she talks.
"Broken nose, huh?" he murmurs, his dad's ample first aid training making it readily apparent to him. An extremely common, if quite painful, training injury - so he thinks nothing of asking how it happened. "They didn't help you at the training grounds?" The stirrings of indignance form in his chest at the idea. Had they really not helped her further? How unprofessional!
"Sure, we can do that. Though I think there are a few healers here with magical items if you don't want a lengthy journey." Unless she is really feeling the urge to get away from Stormbreak, something he wouldn't hold against her. "Otherwise we can just use the Fountain in Torchline." No awkward trip or bartering to be had. Satisfied with her cleaned face, Jude throws away the paper towel and instead gently holds her face with one hand, giving her a tiny smile. "You just say the word."
But what if I just always dance around on your string?
Don't try to wake me up Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
Jude's indignance had her smiling, though she winced at the stab of pain that resulted. She let Jude clean her off, tilting her face up to make it easier for him to see. "It was... just me and Koa today," she admitted, making a face. "He was leading the training." Though she didn't go into details - after all, Jude hadn't asked, and it seemed superfluous at the time - the implication of it having been just the two of them was that it had been Koa that had broken her nose. "He did set it after, and he told me to go see a doctor, but I wanted to clean up first." She gestured towards her shirt, which had blood spattered down the front.
When Jude finished cleaning the blood off her face, she placed a hand gently over his and leaned into his touch for a moment before leading the way to the bedroom. "Let's go to Torchline," she decided as she stepped into the closet, stripping off her blood-soaked shirt, careful not to bump her nose in the process. "It might be nice to get away for a day or two." If she was avoiding Koa, she said nothing of it, pulling on a new shirt and changing into some jeans. When she emerged, she looked much better than she had when she'd come in, though her nose was still clearly broken.
Don't believe anything you say anymore In the morn, in the morning
Jude's hands pause the moment Koa is mentioned. "Oh. I actually just saw him recently, in the Greatwood." And, given he still has no idea the hurt between Sohalia and Koa, he tries for a comforting smile. "I'm glad it was just an accident then." Immediately believing the best of the young man who had so charmingly accompanied him through the Greatwood's winding paths, unaware of just how much he is missing in his understanding of events and relationships. Relationships he is unwittingly part of.
Turning off the sink and leaving the remaining dishes for their return, Jude follows her into the bedroom and begins throwing together a small go-back into their well-used duffel bags. They've done this enough times it's practically habit, and Jude takes the initiative to pack Sohalia's things for her while she changes, accustomed to her preferences. When she emerges from the closet she looks much more put-together, and Jude smiles as he shoulders both bags and extends his hand to hold hers. "We'll go to the fountain first so dad doesn't go all mother-hen on you." Snickering, he pulls her to the front door, oblivious - for now - to her internal war.
But what if I just always dance around on your string?
Don't try to wake me up Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
That Jude had just seen Koa in the Greatwood gave Soh pause, and she tried for a casual air when she asked, "Oh? I wonder what he was doing there." Of course, it wasn't any of her business, but she couldn't help but want it to be. As for her nose being an accident, she was pretty sure that Koa hadn't meant to hurt her - or, if he did, he immediately regretted it. That, at least, was a feeling that she was intimately familiar with, and she sighed. "I think he felt really bad," she said, frowning. "I'll have to let him know once it's healed..." Let him know what? That she was okay? That there was no lasting damage? That, once again, she got to walk away with no consequences while he still nursed a broken heart?
When she emerged from the closet, she already felt better, and she took his hand readily, smiling ruefully. "It wouldn't be the first time," she said without thinking, having forgotten that poor Jude was unaware of her attack at the beginning of Longheat and Harper's role in helping her through it. And just now, she was too involved in her internal struggles to realize that there was probably a better way to break that particular news - that it had happened, that it was why she'd been so distant at the beginning of summer, why she hadn't already told him... There was a lot to unpack there, and had she thought before speaking, she might have picked another time to discuss it. Particularly when there were more pressing issues at hand that they should probably discuss.
Don't believe anything you say anymore In the morn, in the morning
Jude shrugs slightly, clearly unsure what Koa had been doing there. He'd been a little too flustered to wonder in the moment. "I'm sure he did, he doesn't seem like the type to make light of it." Though Jude only knows him as the young man who had defended him that day in Stormbreak, a literal protector of the weak. "I wish he didn't feel so bad though. Training accidents happen all the time; though dad almost cried when I broke my middle finger during a spar." He chuckles slightly, hoping the humor will draw her out of her head.
Speaking of Harper, however, Jude slowly tilts his head at her as she murmurs, clearly distracted. Something is pinging at his stomach, telling him something is wrong, but he can't think of any logical reasoning for what it could be. Normally when that happens he merely marks it down as his ever-present anxiety sending him the wrong signals. But Sohalia is used to him checking in, asking quiet questions like a touchstone, never exasperated when he asks if she's mad at him or if something's wrong. So this time, he asks.
"Really? I've never seen him do it to you. When was that?" He grabs the keys from the bowl just inside the threshold and leads them out the front door, locking it behind them. The crisp fall air is cooler this high up in the atmosphere, but it will only be colder on the skyboat, so he enjoys the mildness while he can.
But what if I just always dance around on your string?
Don't try to wake me up Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
How was she supposed to explain that it wasn't just about the training accident, though? It was about relationships crumbling where she wished they hadn't, wondering how she could feel things for two people at once, agonizing over whether that was okay or if it made her a selfish person, fearing that if Jude knew he would leave her... it was everything she didn't know how to put into words but desperately wanted to, if only to get the secrets off her chest. It was times like this that she almost wished she could separate Jude the boyfriend from Jude the best friend so that she could get his advice without fear of losing him.
She chuckled weakly at the thought of Harper panicking over Jude breaking a finger; but although she could envision just that situation, she was distracted - over Jude, over Koa, over everything that had happened to her over the summer - and it took a moment for Jude's question to register. And when it did, her eyes grew round as she looked at her boyfriend, stricken with the realization that, without really meaning to, she'd never told him about her attack and its aftermath.
"Oh..." she said, her voice trailing off as Jude locked up behind them, swallowing hard as, suddenly, everything from that night came rushing back. "I... back at the beginning of Longheat, I was... attacked," she said, her voice distant and small in her ears. "I went to Harper after. I couldn't - I didn't want to stay here alone."
Don't believe anything you say anymore In the morn, in the morning
She's quiet. Very quiet. Jude doesn't know any other way to pull her out than what he's already doing, but he feels at a loss. He won't give up - could never, not on her, certainly not when she clearly isn't at her best - but he despairs over not being able to fix it all immediately.
When she does break the silence, he isn't expecting extremely belated news of her having been attacked. Staring wide-eyed and devastated at her as they stand on the stoop of their - her, it's hers still - apartment, Jude feels the first crack of hurt in his chest. "What? Why didn't you tell me?" As her best friend if not her boyfriend? He's glad she went to his father, but why not him? And why not tell him after the fact, when things settled?
His hand suddenly feels clammy in hers, but taking it away would surely send the wrong message. So he thinks only of her and her feelings, and sets his aside to keep his hand where it is.
But what if I just always dance around on your string?
Don't try to wake me up Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
She shifted uncomfortably, fully aware that at this point, her news was likely to be devastating. And she hadn't kept it from him on purpose, really. Maybe at first, when she'd been so afraid of anyone knowing, but as time had passed, she'd simply tried to leave it behind, to not think about it. When she'd seen him after his maman had come home, it had hardly seemed an appropriate time to share, and then after that, they were together, and she'd been so happy, and then she'd become a leader, and on and on it went, a train of excuses that sounded hollow in her mind.
The bottom line was that she should have told him. And she could never take that back.
Sudden tears filled her eyes as she avoided his gaze, feeling deeply as though she was stuck in a loop of only hurting the people around her, already catastrophizing Jude's reaction in her mind. "I - it was all my fault," she told him, biting the inside of her cheek to keep her tears at bay. "If I'd been smarter or stronger, it wouldn't have happened, and I just - I didn't want you to look at me differently, and I didn't know what to do, and I didn't want to worry you, and I just - I didn't know how. And then by the time I wanted to tell you, it just... there was so much happening, and it never felt like the right time, and then it was too late."
She looked up at him pleadingly, begging him silently to forgive her. "I'm so sorry, Jude," she said. "I'll tell you anything you want to know, I promise."
Don't believe anything you say anymore In the morn, in the morning
There are a million excuses, and to Jude that's all they are. Excuses.
Jude has never had a good poker face, and the hurt is plainly evident as he stares down at her, standing there with her on the stoop like an idiot. Fixing absolutely nothing. Had he ever? Had she ever entrusted him with any hurt worse than an ache?
"Is that what you think of me? That I'd see you differently, or judge you?" The quiet ache in his voice rings contrastingly loud in the silence of the end of her words. "How is that any better?" If she'd said something to the effect of only not wanting to worry him maybe he would have understood. In reality, it's a common sentiment from someone with anxiety, but Jude can only feel the hurt of presumed distrust.
Looking into her grey eyes he is at an utter loss. "How am I supposed to know what to ask even if I wanted to? I never could have guessed this." What else is she hiding? And how is it fair to put it on him to ask, when he has no heading or direction as to what he should be asking?
But what if I just always dance around on your string?
Don't try to wake me up Even if the sun really does come out tomorrow
That she had hurt him so deeply cut her like a knife, and Soh didn't know what to do to fix it. If she could go back, would she change anything? Were there things she could have done differently? She knew that there were, but she struggled to identify them; she'd been hurt and traumatized, and she'd done the best that she knew how to do at the time. Hindsight was clearer, and now she saw that by not telling him, she'd done the very thing she'd hoped to forever avoid: hurting him.
"No, of course not," she argued hotly. She thought nothing but positive of him, and for him to think that she saw him as someone who would somehow judge her - that broke her heart into a million pieces, and she knew she would never forgive herself for this moment. "I just - I didn't want to be weak, or stupid, or - or -" How was she supposed to explain that she felt like she deserved his disgust? That she should be seen differently? Don't cry, she told herself firmly. You don't get to cry. "I was - I was thinking all these things about myself, and I thought that's what everyone else would see, too. I was stupid, and I was selfish, and I just wanted - I don't know. I wanted things to stay the way they were."
She loved him and trusted him so much, and she ached for the sudden shift in their relationship. She could see the hurt in his eyes, the guardedness that suddenly appeared, and her eyes filled anew as she fought the urge to cry. "I don't know," she whispered. "Do you - do you want to know what happened?" No matter how much she wanted to forget, she would tell him anything, everything, if only it would make him stop looking at her like that.
Don't believe anything you say anymore In the morn, in the morning
It's no easy thing to hurt her. Seeing her so distraught pulls like a line in his chest, urging him to make things right even when he shouldn't have to. He's glad to know she doesn't see him that way, and he does understand why she might not have told him initially. But why not after? He just doesn't understand why she'd rather stick her head in the sand or pretend everything is okay just to preserve the status quo.
"I get why you didn't tell me at first, and I'm glad you went to dad," he manages to utter, strangled because his throat feels halfway closed. He's trying so hard to remember all those too-adult teachings his parents instilled in him, all with the hopes that Jude would avoid the hotheaded young mistakes they'd made. He tries so hard to make them proud, but his chest burns with the desire to do something stupid and drastic just because he's hurting. After all, impetuousness is the burden of all young adults. But she's hurting too, and Jude's empathy alone is enough to temper that urge. "I just wish you'd told me after."
He considers her offer, only to shake his head mutely. "No. No, I - the details don't matter. You were attacked. You were hurt. That's all I need to know." If it wouldn't help her in some way to tell him, he doesn't want to know, he just wants to focus on how to make it better - his first instinct is always to heal. "You're not...hiding anything else from me though, are you?" The vulnerability in his face makes it clear he doesn't want to have to ask her at all, because it feels like a betrayal, but clearly he has to. And she had told him to ask, hadn't she?
But what if I just always dance around on your string?
