From being an Abandoned who had rarely left the Hollowed Grounds, to embracing the call of adventure, to dying and being reborn first as an Ascended and then as an Ancient, Maea has gone through quite the amount of changes in her life. One thing remains common, though, in her attempts to find out just where she belongs; she’s always had a craving for knowledge which has brought her to so many places and to meet so many people here in Caido. We can’t wait to see what else is in store for her!
Congratulations, Maea!
Credits
Court of the Fallen was created in October of 2018 by Odd, Honey, and Crooked.
Skinning and hosting by the epically talented Kaons, and functionality fanciness by the coding magic of Neowulf. If you ever see either of them around, make sure to show them some love!
There was a little cafe on the water in Kaiholo Port that had been recommended to Soh, and on this particular day, she'd decided to finally check it out. It was quaint, little more than a tiki hut, but with beautiful views of the port. It was kind of nice, the hustle and bustle, and Soh had settled in to people watch, happy, for the moment, to let her mind wander. It was easier than thinking, anyway, which was all she'd been doing recently. Thinking, and thinking, and deciding on nothing, which was less than helpful, all things considered.
She missed Jude with a steady ache that wouldn't go away, and so on this particular weekend, she'd fled the apartment that was basically theirs at this point and ended up in Torchline. She'd booked herself a room at a nice hotel with beachfront views, decided that she would take a break from all her worrying and anxiety, and wandered down to the port for lunch. It felt strange to be in Torchline and not be staying with Harper and Jude, but she'd purposefully avoided their usual haunts in order to give Jude the space he'd requested. The last thing she wanted was to cause more trouble by showing up where she wasn't wanted.
What she hadn't realized in her quest for peace and quiet was that Koa was also in Torchline, and so it took her by surprise when, in her people watching, his handsome face appeared. She jumped, sitting up straighter in her chair, rousing Tarak from where he napped in her lap. The griffin stretched before climbing onto the table, shrieking a greeting to Pip from within the cafe. With an apology to the waiter, Soh hurried out with Tarak in her arms. "Koa!" she called, ducking around the people milling through the port. "Uh - hey. Sorry, Tarak wanted to say hi to Pip." Right. That's the only reason, Soh.
"Actually, though, I'm glad I ran into you. I wanted to talk to you, if you have time? Unless, er, unless you don't want to, which would be fair, really," she rambled, her cheeks flushing a deep red. Given the nature of the conversation she wanted to have with her almost-ex-boyfriend, she almost hoped he'd decline. Still, after breaking her nose, surely one little conversation wouldn't be the worst she could ask?
Sohalia occupies a complicated spot in the list of People Koa Would Want To Run Into On the Street. One one hand, the young leader has done a rather expert job of shepherding Koa through some of the most mortifying moments of his life, from her breaking his heart to his breaking her nose and much of what came in between.
On the other hand, it would be a bald-faced lie to say he wasn't still a bit hung up on her. Who can blame him? Soh is smart and gorgeous and has gone on adventures the likes of which Koa can only imagine. Every time they meet it feels like he uncovers a new and shiny facet to her, a hidden layer of the complex prism that draws him deeper in. He's been a fool in love, to be sure, but he'd be a fool not to be a little in love. Or at the very least infatuated.
Which is why his pride doesn't have him running at the sound of her voice, why he stops and turns when she calls to him, his heartbeat stuttering unpredictably against the wall of his chest. "Hey, Soh," he breathes in greeting, copper eyes searching for any sign of lingering injury to her poor broken nose while Pipsqueak scrambles up onto his right shoulder. "You, uh, you look a lot better." He winces self-consciously. "I'm so sorry, by the way."
Pip, not particularly fazed by the tumultuous emotion flowing through their bond, shows no restraint in calling back to Tarak with an ear-piercing shriek and a flap of her wings. Again Koa winces, rubbing his ear. That Soh wants to talk to him fills him with a jolt of excitement that quickly sinks into dread; utterly unsure what this could be about, the boy shifts his hand back to his neck. "Uh... yeah, of course," he agrees uncomfortably, an uncertain smile spread crooked on his face. "Is everything okay?" With the Dragoons, with Stormbreak, with her?
Koa was not the only one for whom a chance meeting was tumultuous. It was easier to ignore her lingering feelings when Koa wasn't around, but when he was standing right in front of her, she was stricken yet again by just how handsome he was, by the memory of his arms around her and his lips on hers; truth be told, she wasn't sure anymore if she was halfway in love with him, or if her feelings were more indicative of lust. Maybe it was a little bit of both.
Fortunately for Soh, Koa didn't flee from the sight of her; in fact, they had a fairly normal exchange of words, which was a surprise given their recent escapades. Soh smiled, relieved, if still a bit unsure, and waved away Koa's apology. "Don't worry about it. It was an accident," she said, a more genuine smile widening on her face, her eyes sparkling with humor. "It was an accident, right?" At least she'd been able to find a doctor with a healing item; her nose had been fixed in a trice, no mark left behind to show that it had been broken in the first place. She'd been pleased. The eyebrow scar she'd gotten when she was attacked was quite enough lasting injury for her vanity, thank you very much.
Tarak clawed his way onto Soh's shoulder, drawing a wince from the young woman as his talons sank into skin. She sighed ruefully. This was one of her favorite shirts, and Tarak was likely to ruin it now that he was excited. The griffin balanced precariously on her shoulder, leaning toward Pip with a playful squawk.
When Koa accepted her invitation, Soh's eyes widened momentarily in surprise. Truthfully, she'd expected him to turn her down. "Oh, great!" she said. "Do you, um, want to come join me at my table for a drink, or some lunch or, I don't know, just to sit?" As for if everything was okay... well, that was a difficult question to answer. "Everything's... complicated," she said after a moment, deciding that honesty was the best policy. And everything was complicated. Especially where Koa was concerned.
07-19-2023, 05:12 PM (This post was last modified: 07-19-2023, 05:13 PM by Koa.)
Koa
Was it an accident? "Of course it was," Koa responds immediately, deeply hurt that she would even ask. Is that how little she thinks of him, that he would respond to rejection with physical retaliation? "I didn't- I'd never--" But he trails off when he meets her glittering eyes, realizing belatedly the accusation is a joke. "Ah. Very funny," he manages shakily, his smile a shadowed echo of her own.
This whole thing is fucking surreal, Koa thinks dazedly as Pip continues to chatter and squawk and smack his head with her unfurled wings. It's almost like a normal day, except that underneath the sparkly façade of two friends reconnecting in a busy street runs a thread of tension strung so tightly as to hum whenever it's so much as looked at. He's beginning to regret saying yes- but of course he cannot give up the opportunity to spend time with her, limited as it may be. "A drink sounds good," the boy agrees, unwilling to commit fully to lunch, figuring that alcohol will help calm his nerves.
"What do you mean by complicated?" Still oblivious to the source of Soh's tension, Koa steps in to walk beside her, concern in his copper eyes as he gazes down to her troubled face. He wants very much to reach out and caress her, but shoves his fists in his pockets instead. "Are you alright? Anything I can help with?"
"Sorry," Soh said with a wince as her joke fell flat. "Too soon?" She'd only meant to tease him (and isn't that fitting, given the course of their relationship?), but it seemed she'd hit a nerve. It didn't bode well for their conversation, in Soh's opinion, but she'd already asked him to talk, now, and to back out seemed cowardly, especially when he'd already agreed to a drink.
"I'll explain, I promise," she said of her comment, her pretty face troubled. She had a feeling that this wasn't going to be a fun conversation, and she wanted to hold on to this moment of normalcy for as long as she could. She'd missed Koa, and continuing on her current path was as likely to send him running as it was to bring them closer. Probably more so the former.
Returning to her table, Soh settled Tarak on a chair near hers and caught the waiter's eye. When the man came over, she said, "Can I get another glass of wine, and then whatever he's having?" she asked the waiter with a sunny smile. Once their order was taken, the waiter hurried away to prepare their drinks. While they waited, Soh shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Honestly? I'm not really sure where to start," she admitted. "Just - can you promise to hear me out? And if you hate me when I'm done, I'll understand."
The waiter returned with their drinks, and Soh paused until he'd hurried away again. She toyed with her wine glass, tilting it this way and that, watching the way the liquid swirled. She took a deep breath, then looked up at Koa, silver eyes tumultuous. "I know how this is going to sound, and it's going to make me seem like a horrible person," she started, setting down her wine glass and hiding her hands in her lap, where Koa couldn't see them shake. "But I - I care about you, Koa. More than - more than I should."
Koa feels rather out of his depth as he follows her to the cafe, depositing Pipsqueak onto a chair (she immediately abandons it in favor of Tarak's) and settling into his own. He orders a (double) whisky sour before settling into his seat, the drumming of his fingers on the table a clear indicator of his nerves. Still he does his best to offer her a reassuring smile, concern and confusion still rife in his face as his eyebrows deepen their furrow. "I could never hate you," he promises sincerely, a surging desire to reach for her hands making his heart ache.
He lets her take her time in coming to the point, though impatience and anxiety are roaring a storm around his poor little brain. Does she want him to leave Stormbreak? Has her new partner hurt her? Has she gotten into trouble somehow, and needs his help getting out? Koa takes a deep pull of his drink, relishing the burn of the whisky and lime as it rushes down his throat, kicking him out of his head and centering him back into the present moment.
Which is good, because her confession is something he will need his whole brain to navigate.
"Um. Oh." The abrupt increase in Koa's heartbeat has him feeling dizzy. Color rises up his neck, darkening his ears which are roaring as he tries to struggle through what he's just heard. A smile creeps, unquenchable, to the edges of his lips; his eyebrows furrow deeper, hopeful and confused and unwilling to believe what his heart is hoping to be true. More likely she's gearing up to explain why she never wants to see him again.
"Like... Ok, sorry, I'm confused." A nervous laugh, and he rubs his neck, trying to bring coherence to his thoughts. "Does that mean you changed your mind? About the... the other guy?" His breath catches in his throat as he searches for answers in her silver eyes.
Maybe a part of Soh was hoping that Koa would have moved on; that would have made her life infinitely easier, albeit a bit painful to endure. Still, the sting of rejection would have been no more than she deserved. But as Koa's ears reddened and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, she knew that he wasn't going to reject her - at least, not yet.
She took a healthy drink of her wine. It seemed like only yesterday that she had broken things off with Koa to be with Jude, and now she was trying to - what? Talk her almost-ex-boyfriend into going out with her and her current boyfriend? She'd never even been in a relationship before Jude. How was she supposed to navigate this very unfamiliar territory?
"That's why things are complicated," she admitted, not quite able to meet his eyes. "I think you've actually met. His name's Jude. He told me that he flirted with you, and that you were attractive; of course, I knew that already." A little smile leapt unbidden to her lips. She toyed with her wine glass again, unsure how to go about what she had to ask. "I know how this is going to sound, and it's terrible," she warned him again. "But I like both of you. And I think Jude likes you, too. And I, um, well, I was wondering if you'd ever consider... going on a date? With, um, both of us?"
Warmth gives way to cold confusion, as hopes of reconciliation - of being chosen - again are dashed, replaced by a strange bewilderment as the boy isn't sure whether he should be flattered or offended by this latest turn of events. "Jude," Koa repeats dumbly, his brain spinning fast enough that it takes a moment for the name to register with a beauty-marked face. And when it does?
The Dragoon drops his face into his hands, shaking his head as though somehow it might jostle all these pieces of new information into a picture that makes sense. Broad shoulders quiver with unshed laughter, the young man unsure what else to do. Truth be told, Soh now has more real relationship experience than Koa, who certainly hadn't expected his first foray into dating to take so many sharp and unexpected turns.
"Sorry, I'm sorry, it's just..." At last the boy raises his head, a pained, amused expression on his handsome face. "Soh, this is insane." One eyebrow raises in incredulity; he's clearly in the come at me life stage of bewilderment, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
"I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm flattered." A wry twist of his lips suggest that this isn't the only thing he feels. "But like... this is a lot, y'know? And didn't you and Jude just start dating? Does he really want this?" Because sure, the young man had been hella cute and receptive to flirtation, but that's a very different thing than down for a three way date.
Soh expected many things - chief among them anger - so when Koa dropped his head into his hands and began to shake with some kind of other emotion (was he laughing? Or, rather, trying not to?), she was utterly dumbfounded. The next emotion she felt was relief. Maybe he wouldn't hate her, then. If anything, the lack of immediate fury and the fact that he had yet to run away seemed promising for their ability to have some kind of relationship - even if it wasn't romantic.
Regardless, she winced as he told her that this was insane. It wasn't that she didn't know - it was insane, and she knew it was insane. Bemused and unsure what else to do, she snorted a laugh. "I know."
As for the rest... Soh sighed. "Well... to make a long story short, Jude brought up the idea of polyamory first, without naming names. i didn't know what to think of it at the time, but then..." Well, then she'd still had feelings for Koa. "Well, I waited too long to figure out how I felt about it, and by the time I did, it just made it sound like I was emotionally cheating on him with you. He wanted me to figure out how I felt, and see how you felt, and then..." She shrugged helplessly.
"That's why I ask about a date. I thought it might be... I don't know," she groaned, burying her face in her hands. When she spoke again, her voice was muffled. "i don't know what I thought. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just trying to be open and honest." She looked back up, a lump in her throat. "I get that this is a lot, and you don't have to consider anything you aren't interested in, and like I said, I get if you hate me or - or if you don't want to see me again. Just, don't take it out on Jude, when you see him again. None of this is his fault."
"It does kinda sound like that." Emotional cheating, that is. Now that the waves of confusing are breaking, a tired sort of emptiness is left by the ebbing tide. Sohalia's explanation is... not total nonsense, but to the Dragoon it might as well be a treatise on quantum mechanics.
The rest of the drink goes down in one swig as Koa tries to parse the pieces he can, brow furrowed, lips a tight line. His hands lay clenched on the table before him; he stares at them as Soh concludes, expression inscrutable, body uncharacteristically still. Even Pip is alarmed by the change, leaving her play with Tarak to curl, alarmed, in Koa's lap.
He lets a moment of silence pass, still processing what he's heard. "Ok. Um. Question." His words come with measured slowness, enunciated, grip shifting beneath his copper gaze the only warning of his turmoil within. "If I say yes, but then Jude isn't into it. What happens then?"
Soh bit her lip as Koa agreed, resisting the urge to wince again. She'd really hurt Jude, if even Koa could see his side of things, and she resolved to make things right as soon as possible - even if she didn't know exactly how to do that. It had never been her intention to cheat in any way, and she'd told Jude as soon as she'd realized how she felt. Perhaps she should have just kept it to herself, avoided Koa until the feelings she had for him went away. Maybe that would have been easier.
But she hadn't done that, had she? No, she'd stirred the pot, involved everyone in some insane idea that barely even made sense to her, and all she could see now was the potential to hurt people.
Koa's next question was a fair one, but one that Soh didn't have a good answer to. That he was asking questions at all filled her with a fragile hope, but it was clear that he was still massively unsure of her proposal. She wished that she was more eloquent, more sure of herself, more in control of her emotions; but she was just her, sitting here with Koa, trying to propose something that seemed more impossible by the minute, just doing the best she could. "Oh, um..." she said, thinking for a moment. "If any of us isn't into it, then I... would have to choose." Once and for all. "Everyone has to be on the same page, or it wouldn't work."
And there's the crux, isn't it? Because even if Koa agrees to the date - even if he's up for giving this a try - it doesn't mean anything, not without the third party here to stamp approval on the venture. "And is Jude on the same page?" Koa asks pointedly, copper eyes glinting as they dart back to Soh's silver gaze. "Because you just said he thought you were emotionally cheating by thinking about me - which now that I think about it, maybe kinda nuts?" And, yes, Koa had agreed with Jude's sentiment a minute before. He's young and confused and being offered polyamory, maybe. Cut the kid a break.
At last the young man sighs, slumping in his seat. "Look, Soh- it's not that I have issues with polyamory." He rubs his hand through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts. "But like... you and this guy just started dating. And he isn't even here. And it kinda sounds like... I dunno, man. Like you want to eat your cake and have it, too." He looks back to the girl across from him, shrugging, frank hurt shining in his usually friendly eyes. "And like when this all goes tits up, I'm gonna be the one who gets fucked over. Again."
Soh listened, uncomfortable and something else she couldn't quite name - ashamed, maybe? Because despite her instinctual feeling that it wasn't just that she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, there was some truth to what Koa said. And she didn't know how to explain what she was feeling without it sounding even more like she just wanted everything without having to make a choice.
And the truth was, she didn't know where Jude's head was at currently. He'd been open to polyamory before she'd gone and fucked everything up, but now... would it just be a disaster? Would everything go, as Koa so elegantly put it, tits up? Or was this something that they could have a chance at? Was she just deluding herself?
She couldn't quite meet Koa's gaze, an ache in her chest at the hurt that shone clearly from his eyes. "I understand that that's what it sounds like," she admitted. "But it's - it's more complicated than that." But she knew it was a weak argument. When she continued, her voice was soft. "Look, maybe this is crazy, and I get that, I do. And I don't want to hurt you again." It had been a mistake the first time. If she'd just been open and honest to begin with, if she'd just recognized her feelings for what they were... would things have turned out differently?
Soh sighed. She didn't know what to do with this situation, and her head was beginning to ache from the tension. She had to resist the urge to reach for his hand, as much for her comfort as for his. "If you want to walk away, I understand. If you want to hear from Jude, I understand that, too. It's... you don't have to decide right now, if you don't want to. I just wanted to - to be honest, and to put it out there. And if that was a mistake, then I'm truly sorry."
Koa's fingers tighten in Pipsqueak's fur as Sohalia continues to not really get it. Or maybe she does; maybe it's only the Dragoon who's lost, adrift in a sea of teenage hormones and too-recent heartache, of misunderstandings and words that fail to leave a coherent mark. "And yet here you are, hurting me again," the young man mutters into his lap, not really meaning it but not not meaning it, either.
"I don't get you, Soh." He's stopped looking at her, unable to meet those silver eyes and the promises they dangle just out of his reach. "What do you want? For me to say I still like you? That I still think about you and I wish you'd picked me and it fucking hurt when you said no? Yeah, okay? Yes. It did. You broke my fucking heart. And I'm trying to be cool but now you're leading me on again, because I still don't even know if Jude would be ok with us dating but you've already proven you'd choose him after me so what am I supposed to expect?"
He's breathing heavy, his voice a little loud, copper eyes sharp as they stare into his empty glass and pointedly not at Sohalia's face. "You say you're trying to be honest, but honestly? You're just being kinda shitty. And I can't speak for Jude, but I would rather you have not said anything than find out, again, that I'm almost but not quite enough for Stormbreak's Heart."
