{se} feels like I'm sleepwalking when you're gone

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

It isn't long before Hotaru returns to King's End with a magically-strengthened sapling and a clearer head to pull Sunjata from his work and out into the colorful, early-autumn fields that surround the Dreaming Well. It feels like an appropriate area for Kamaria's tree; one of Caido's few phenomena with only positive legends surrounding it. The rolling fields surrounding it are equally resplendent; perfect for a lone tree to stand out and visit easily.

She'd procured the tree he'd requested, wanting him to have as much control as possible over the monument they would be creating today. As she sets the bound sapling on the ground so they can begin preparing, Hotaru looks out over the fields and the well nearby. "Did you know I planted Enzo's tree because it became an unintentional tradition?" Her hand rises, fingers gently touching one of the spindly branches of the little sapling. "My parents were killed while they were together." She believes she told him once, how she'd found their bodies in service of her Goddess, who had decreed she destroy all evidence of the perpetrator. Even with her own parents' bodies before her, Hotaru had followed through. "When they died, two trees magically grew and intertwined where it happened. Clearly distinct, but thriving even when utterly bound." Her smile is far-away and consumed by memories as her hand falls away from the fragile little branch. "I sat beneath their tree countless times; on days I missed them, or wished for their guidance, or merely wanted to remember that a love such as theirs existed." Turning towards him, she picks up a shovel and holds it out his way. "I followed Halo's traditions for Enzo's funeral, but it felt right to plant a tree as well." And she has similarly sat beneath it many times on days she missed her son more than the human body could seemingly stand.

"Anyway. All that to say I'm glad to see someone else continuing the legacy, even if Kamaria isn't really gone." Out of reach, yes, but still safe in her mother's realm. A different kind of grief, but one that brings some small measure of comfort.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

The tree he’s picked is nothing too out of the ordinary. Perhaps in this particular spot, but the red maple would stand out around this time of year once it’s grown more entirely because of the color changing leaves. But for now, it’s just a little sapling, and as Sunjata walks alongside Hotaru, carrying the sapling and tools in hand, he finds his gaze drifting from the tree to her when she begins to speak.

He does remember the bits and pieces of her history, though, of how her parents had died. But he doesn’t interrupt, letting her continue to tell the story as it refreshes his memory at the same time. “It’s a beautiful tradition.” He offers, giving her a small smile. “We didn’t have specific things in Korofi. Just… a funeral gathering and placing the dead in designated cemeteries.” But a thought occurs to him on that topic. “Korofi was known for its flooding, though, so we had to essentially entomb our dead above ground so they wouldn’t wash up when it flooded.”

He never did get to see where Lusea had finally been laid to rest, but he hopes it had a beautiful statue alongside it, flames etched into the marble.

It isn’t that different from the idea of a tree at least, a place to visit above ground. “Thank you for finding the tree and doing this with me.” He offers her a brighter smile, looking back over the area with the well to find a spot somewhat isolated, on the crest of a relatively small hill. Once satisfied with the spot, he takes off the thin jacket he wears, knowing he’s going to get warm, beneath it a simple short sleeved shirt, and he starts to dig.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

She, too, recalls some of Korofi's burial rites, but the details have been lost over the years. Or perhaps she'd simply tried to purge all she could of Sunjata and Nate from her mind in the aftermath and only ended up remembering the most important parts.

"Halo is similar. Pyres, mostly. I personally believe there are better ways to honor the dead - ways both permanent and beautiful." Which was why she'd gone a step further, planting the tree in private and only asking for Evie's help to encourage it to grow beyond natural means. She has yet to tell anybody where it is, or what it represents. Equally possessive and terrified of inviting someone to one of the most delicate parts of her.

His gratitude is accompanied with a bright smile, so she takes her cues from him on the emotion of the morning and merely smiles back. "Of course. Thank you for wanting me here." It would have been one thing to ask for her help in sourcing supplies, or providing him the idea, but the involvement is special.

Given her cold resistance makes her heat up a bit too fast sometimes, Hotaru has to equally strip down to her tanktop, tying her extra layer by the arms around her waist. Beginning to dig alongside him, she wonders if she'll ever have the ability to manipulate earth the way Deimos and Evie can. Neither of them is weak in any sense, but it would certainly make things faster. "Have you ever used the wishing well?" She has not, so it makes her rather curious, and this style of work won't have them too short of breath for small talk anytime soon.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

He spends a moment recalling Bart’s complaint, of him not creating a statue or something permanent to remember Nate by, but he swallows it down with that smile and a low hum of agreement. “That’s a beautiful way to put it.” Maybe he should plant another tree for Nate, then. But for now, Kamaria’s tree is on the forefront of his mind, and as he starts to dig alongside Hotaru, his mind is full of thoughts that he works hard to parse through – ever thankful for her company during this, if only so it makes him think about everything else. “Of course I want you here.” He reassures her with a brighter smile, digging a bit deeper and wider so that the tree would have plenty of space to grow into.

Her following question has him squinting back in the direction of the wishing well. “Think it’s been a little less than a year since I was here last, actually.” He recalls finding Isla there shortly after the last Festival of Lights when she had been able to say her goodbyes to Cal, and promptly spit into the wishing well – an additional tidbit of the story that he doesn’t add. “But no, I didn’t end up using it. Just looked around it, mostly. Have you?” He doesn’t know when she might’ve found the time to do it, but it’s a question he feels compelled to ask regardless, letting his steel gaze lift from the place he’s dug his shovel into to scan along her face.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

She isn't expecting the compliment - though it's for her sentiment instead of anything more tangible - to fluster her, but she ducks her head towards the earth all the same. It doesn't help when he's being so sincere, so warm, even going so far as to reassure her that he wants her here in ways a younger version of her had once longed for. "If you keep flustering me I won't be any use digging," she warns, though it's a lighthearted thing. Luckily her hair is still down (for now, if she starts to sweat it will be sacrificed to the hair tie on her wrist) which helps to conceal the smile on her face.

"No, I haven't. This is my first time here actually. I've only heard stories of it." All positive things of course, so it's likely a good thing he leaves out Isla's arguable defamation of it. Though admittedly it may have merely inspired a laugh from her now that she has met the woman. "Maybe we can make a wish when we're done?" Glancing up after shuffling another section of dirt to the side, Ru grins. "I know that's not part of the legend, but it's better than wishing on stars." Plus there's nothing that says they can't do both; wish for something private first and follow the rules thereafter to warrant good dreams.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

She does wonders at digging him out of the holes he starts to drift into, especially as she offers her lighthearted warning, sparking a snort from Sunjata before he clicks his tongue and has an effortless look to his face as he says a dramatic little “mm, I do think I might be able to manage it on my own,” before shooting her a wink that she may or may not see.

At the very least, it does make the smile become more real as it settles on his face and they talk of the Dreaming Well. At the very least, the stories do intrigue him. “Gods, I’m really out of the loop if you’ve heard stories of it.” A subtle way of saying he hasn’t heard anything about them. Just that they appeared one day, and since then? Well. It was what it was.

“We can certainly try. You know I’ll go to great lengths to keep from wishing on stars.” This inspires a brighter laugh from him as he makes another dirt pile from the hole he digs, shooting her a brighter lopsided smile.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Given she's a sucker for looking at him, of course she catches the way he winks at her, and she wrinkles her nose at him in a vain attempt at hiding how it makes her cheeks go pink. Once upon a time they were on an even keel, constantly antagonizing and flirting, heedless of how strong their love would grow or how painfully it would end. Now, the defenses she once had are obliterated, and her confidence is tainted with her own awareness of how she feels. How he feels. It gives him an advantage in flustering her that she can't overcome without tossing caution to the wind.

Laughing softly, glad she has succeeded in refocusing him - from what, she couldn't tell - Hotaru straightens and begins putting her hair up in a messy bun as it gets in her face one too many times. "Are you out of the loop or am I just far too good at gleaning gossip?" Likely a bit of both, admittedly, but it might make him feel better about his hermit lifestyle.

Grinning when he agrees with her plan, Ru shovels a few more chunks of dirt until they have a decent-sized hole and then sets her shovel aside to crouch next to the sapling, beginning to untie the jute string around the burlap containing its roots with a shifted claw. "I met Isla recently in Torchline," she says instead, the casual nature of it sincere instead of leading. "Did she send you a letter yet?" Hotaru had hoped the Remedy would after their meeting, having intentionally shared that Sunjata was uncertain where they stood in the hopes of fixing what little she could between the two friends.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

There’s an almost proud look that overcomes him at the pink that darkens her cheeks. And if he were displaying any of his shifts (most notably the avian shift in his veins), he’d be preening too. But he settles for simply playing at flustering her, no intentions otherwise, aside from those that she’ll allow him of course.

Her laughter is a balm, however, and he moves more dirt into the pile until he thinks that the depth is good enough, precisely about the time that Hotaru’s pulling her hair up. “Mm, well, I don’t have a daughter that seems to keep the Kaito streak alive of dealing in gossip.” He smirks playfully over at her before his façade fades into a huff of laughter. “And these earrings only work for whispers, so not much else happening in the House of Midnight aside from the obvious.” He lifts a hand to point to the golden earrings that still sit in his ears, pierced up further on his lobe than the holes that Nate’s gift still dangle from.

She grins at his acceptance of her plan and he’s got half a mind to roll his eyes, before putting the shovel in the pile of dirt he’s made off to the side to help her maneuver the tree into the hole. “She did send me a letter. She told me that she talked to you, too.” There’s a soft tinge to his smile, one that seems almost relieved. “She also told me that you’re a wonderful person and that I should look after you, as well as all my other friends.” He raises a scarred brow to her with a playful smile on his face, boyish in how he reaches for the tree to help her sit it in the hole. "You know, all... Three of them? Do I have that many?"

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Oh, she notices the pride even without a flashy show of feathers or wings, which causes her to narrow her eyes in an even more playful fashion. "Count your wins, Wrenzaok. I'll get my pound of flesh." It's the hollowest threat she's ever uttered and they both know it, because the only way she'll even the scales is by giving into that little ache in her chest that she refuses to look at.

They both relax into the ebb and flow of laughter and bad jokes, and Hotaru's tongue is already curling a response before she can think too heavily about the implications. "See that's the ticket to luxury; have a kid too much like you, hand over all the work to them under the guise of passing on the mantle, sit back in the equivalent of retirement, and rake in the benefits." She flourishes her hand in a showy display of what appears to translate as 'success'. Then she remembers they're planting a tree for his lost daughter, and she has to be grateful for her perfect poker face lest she visibly show the wince she can feel trying to work its way to the surface.

Luckily they're too busy maneuvering the sapling into the hole they've made for her to linger on ever-sensitive topics such as children. Especially when thinking about children and Sunjata is her particular Achilles' heel, and one that has never ended well. It's ironic that sort-of-exes is a safer topic than that. "That's so sweet," she murmurs, a bit taken aback - but in a pleasant way. She'd quite enjoyed Isla's company too and thinks only good things of the Remedy now, but for the doctor to have complimented her and gone so far as to ask Sunjata to take care of her? Sunjata must surely feel the wave of emotion tickling at the edges of the bond, escaping her normally iron grip, because it overflows so readily in her old, sentimental heart. Gods, she has grown soft. "I'm glad she reached out." For both of their sakes. Though it initially made her feel worse for having been even tangentially involved in the Remedy leaving Sunjata's side.

Opening the packet of specialized fertilizing pellets Evie had given her (Ru had just nodded along really) she sprinkles it around the roots before standing to begin shoveling dirt back over the newly planted tree. "I'd lend you some of mine but I don't have much more," she laughs, unafraid to admit it. Likely only three worth mentioning.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

“I’m counting on it.” He teases her back at her threat, knowing her well enough to know that he’s helpless in his attempts to stop her if she so wished. Not like he would want to make her stop, either. But that’s neither here nor there, because the conversation drifts toward children and it’s something Sunjata has always struggled with, long before their intertwined pasts on it. She plays her poker face well, though, and he does allow a soft laugh to leave him, though it’s one tinged with his own internal wince, likely felt at the edges of his own attuned bond.

So he flashes her that same playful smile back, though it doesn’t entirely reach his eyes. “I think I’ve missed out on that luxury.” No children to speak of. Kamaria, up in the stars, and the twins he and Nate had taken under their wings Sunjata had left with one of the families here in King’s End, one he trusted would give them a better life than he could, given the state he was in, even if it had been an excuse to Hotaru why he couldn’t go and drown himself in the sea that terrible day.

At least the subject of Isla comes up and despite the awkwardness he still feels around it, it feels better than his lack of being a successful parent (and the little wound that it opens given the fight that had split them up when he’d told her of Kamaria and the deal that went alongside the starborn child.) “I’m glad too.” She’s been busy on adventures, of course, but at the very least he knows despite everything that’s happened he can still be honest with her and she with him. It’s a comfort he didn’t know he needed.

Hotaru sprinkles the fertilizing pellets into the hole alongside the tree and Sunjata steps back to grab his shovel to start pilling the dirt back on, snorting alongside her laugh. “If one of them is Deimos, I’m sure he’d rather kill me than be my friend.” He laughs a little harder at that, finding no blame to the Sword in that fact. Either way, he puts the shovel aside once they’ve filled it up and patted it down, using his hands to conjure plenty of water for the sapling, guiding it around the base of it to water it and ensure it starts to get a good foothold.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

She doesn't want to bring the mood down, but she watches him with guileless, understanding eyes as he confides in her a sentiment she never thought she'd hear. And yes, some old part of her twinges and stings, recalling how she'd once been the one to be hesitant, to be unsure, only to have Kamaria's existence dropped in her lap like a punishment for her hesitation. But those are all old things. Old, scarred hurts that don't truly hurt anymore. "I get it," she murmurs instead, and though he is focused on the tree her eyes linger on the side of his face. At least until her own confessions bubble up inside her, and she averts her eyes, a coward to the end. "I had hoped the twins would be different. They couldn't have been a more ill-conceived accident, but I felt maybe that was how it was supposed to be. That maybe  this time I could raise them alone." Remi had been adamant about his involvement, but it had been rather minimal given Ronin's understandable issues with the twins' existence. "Not exactly as a single mother, but I saw it as finally being blessed with children without the burden of finding someone I loved and trusted enough to try again with." A perfect soul - or pair of souls - she had once thought could be Sunjata and Nate. "After Enzo...the curse I tried to blame on the world, on others - it became clear it was mine." And how can she doom another child that way? How can she possibly be so selfish? "But I still long for it. I can admit that." Even if she doubts she'll ever be given the chance to try again. Or that she'd reach for it even if it was offered to her - too scared to take it in hand.

Talking of Deimos' hatred for him shouldn't be an out, but she takes it readily, laughing slightly. "Well we share Melita, so she can't count. I have two others on the table, but they're all I can offer you outside of Deimos." Sah and Talyson meeting Sunjata is a hilarious prospect to her, but never let it be said that old dogs can't make new friends. Rocking back on her heels, she watches him water the tree, continuing to shuffle dirt over the roots with the shovel until it is completely even with the grass once more. Then she extends a hand to help him up, knowing it's entirely a sentimental gesture instead of a truly helpful offer.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

If anyone should understand, it would be her. He knows her history, knows the children she bore and loved and lost, and even as he works the dirt around the tree before he waters it, he listens even if he doesn’t focus on her face. “When I first heard, I thought it was an attempt to get back at me after everything Remi had done.” Perhaps this admission of their past flaws and mistakes and difficulties might be easier without all the heightened emotions intertangled with them.

“I understand.” He murmurs softly, casting a glance to her full of sympathy. “I never… Really wanted to have children all that much, but lately perhaps I’m feeling my age.” There’s a soft emotionless laugh that leaves him, a slight shrug as he moves the water around. “Surprisingly, I long for it too.” He looks up to catch her gaze with an open one of his own.

At least, the shift to friends and her slight laugh sparks an easier smile, and he snorts his own laugh as a response as he takes her hand to stand up, towering over her as he always has, keeping his hand in hers to squeeze it gently.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Now is perhaps the right time to talk about these old hurts. Hotaru is admittedly surprised by the admission - she'd certainly never thought of that angle before - and lets the bond open just enough so he can gauge her sincerity for himself. The way she wished she had control over in human form that day in the cells. "No. He came with me to ask for Frey to Attune me because I was scared of what I'd see. Or that I wouldn't have the strength if they didn't show up." Or, worse, that she would be denied when she'd so desperately needed her herald to believe in her if nobody else would. "Their task was to reach orgasm as quickly as possible, and they would Attune me." And though Hotaru had not been coerced or influenced, as a woman very attracted to men she'd taken over the handling of the situation based on her own desires - and it had understandably led to conception with no safety precautions.

She doesn't answer just yet, waiting for him to take her hand and stand beside her as she considers his response. Only then does she squeeze back, going so far as to adjust their hold to interlace their fingers. "Our thirties shouldn't feel old, but they do don't they?" With all they've been through it's easy to forget they're only a third of the way through their lives. More, if he becomes immortal. "It may not mean much coming from me, but just remember that it's never too late." Her thumb gently caresses the side of his own where they're tangled together. "For anything, really. Healing, loving again, having children. Even if it takes five, ten, however many years." Caido may take more than it gives, but it has always been plentiful with new beginnings.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

The bond opens and Sunjata can feel the sincerity on her end, even if his own side feels surprisingly guarded. It’s so much so that her words reach him with a flicker of surprise that ripples through it like a stone dropped into a still pond, his gaze finding hers with understanding for the first time. “Oh.” Is all he can say, because he doesn’t know what else would fit that space where a league of questions would rise to the surface. So he stuffs them all down, aiming for simplicity.

He stands beside her now, though, hand in hand as she squeezes his own back, humming a note of agreement. “I feel as if I should be at least fifty.” He admits with a small, crooked smile, before he immediately shakes his head to her follow up comments, this time a wince actually forming on his features, even if it isn’t as serious as the previous one had been. The subject matter is just as serious for him. “The issue is that I don’t want to do it on my own. And my options are slim. And then I wonder if I would even be a good father again, after how Kamaria left.” He offers her a new, sincere and soft smile, words flitting through the Attuned bond as if he can’t quite form the physical words for them. I’ve actually spent the last couple of months toying with the idea of asking Frey to make me sterile, specifically if I were to start taking part in the House of Midnight. He strokes her hand with his own thumb in turn, even if his mental voice harbors the uncertainty on both topics.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine