{se} feels like I'm sleepwalking when you're gone

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

She too could lay here for the rest of the night simply watching him, but the way his thumb curves over the slight protrusion of her hip bone sparks an ember in her veins that is difficult to keep hold of. They should be slow about this, careful. A few kisses and the decision to let him work at - what, wooing her? - doesn’t mean they (she) should fall headlong into anything more. But she is mature enough to recognize that she wants to.

Heading George’s name on his tongue startled her a little, prompting a small laugh that she turns her head to muffle into the pillow that smells just like him. His poker face is truly impeccable, but the bond doesn’t lie. “Maybe you can tell him yourself. I have a letter from him on my desk asking me for another date.” An admission that is perhaps meant to inspire a bit more of that possessiveness, but also a transparency that makes it clear she’d been struggling with replying even before today.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

It’s a closeness that Sunjata doesn’t have any intention of crossing over yet another line, not unless she chooses to want to. For tonight, he’s content to simply hold her, try to catch up on their kiss margins, and let that be the end of it. But he speaks with that masked possessiveness that sparks that laugh from her lips, shifting his seriousness into the twitch of a smile on his unblemished side of his lips, raising that scarred eyebrow when she speaks.

And oh, if she does want to feel more of that possessiveness, Sunjata’s far too comfortable in his own little den to prevent that surprise from letting those figurative Pegasus wings shift to leathery dragon ones, while real and black scales flicker to life along his tattooed neck. Initially, he shames himself for having such a visceral reaction, but secondly, he has to respond and it’s with a clearing of his throat and the continuation of the stroking of his thumb that sparks his next chosen words. “Perhaps we should talk and figure this out before responding to him?” A true showing of just how mature he’s becoming.

The pre-war and pre-Nate version of himself would have no trouble saying fuck it and diving head first into ruining relationships (his own included). After all, he’d slept with Nate when the Ascended was still with Sam (unbeknownst to him at the time), and he himself was married to Phoebe, already a cross from the time he’d spent with the woman in front of him now in his bed.

Quite a long way he's come after all.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

It’s only fair that he’s the one to feel territorial and possessive now, though through the bond he’ll sense how she’s simultaneously plainly charmed by it and attempting to comfort any embarrassment she feels from his side. As his own thumb continues to torment her with that small, comforting motion, her own arm reaches out to gently touch the black scales on his neck while she has the chance. Leaving her hand there to feel the vibrations of his throat as he speaks.

“I think so too,” she murmurs, both impressed and appreciative of the clear growth they’ve both undertaken over the years.

Playing with the slight curl of hair near his nape, Hotaru considers where she wants to start. “I think first we should say what we want, instead of laying out expectations. That way we know if they align in the first place.” While they’re both free of labels or entanglements. Taking a deep breath and realizing that means she’ll have to go first, she doesn’t let herself give into the desire to avert her eyes, keeping his gaze. “For myself, I only want something monogamous. Long term.” Until death or other Caido insanity may they part. “Living situations and such don’t mean as much to me as that. As for work,” here she lifts her hand away to gesture to the House of Midnight at large, “unless Frey wants you personally to be a worker I wouldn’t want to share you.” Never again. Nate had been a perfect triad, someone she’d loved just as equally as Sunjata, but Hotaru knows it will never happen again. “Marriage and children are on the table, but only after proven time f relationship success.” She’s not blind to the way she reverts to a more formal manner to communicate this, because it’s such a presumptuous and delicate topic. But if she could say it all to George, she can say it to Sunjata.

“As for us specifically…well, that depends. You tell me your desires first.” And they can go from there.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

Her hand is warm as it touches the scales on his throat, and he leaves them there despite the way his possessiveness fades, allowing her all the time in the world to run her fingers along each and every bump and ridge they have to offer. And even as she plays with the curl of hair along the nape of his neck, his attention is entirely on her and the words she offers – not letting her terms guide him. They’re her wants, and he doesn’t want to seem like he’s simply appealing to her wants and needs.

But he is pleased to find out that they do align in the majority, though, and it lessens any anxieties and worries he harbors. He does use them as vantage points for himself, however, to offer his own wants in response. “Believe it or not, my playboy days have since passed. Which is the whole reason I made the House of Midnight in the first place.” Feeling like he’s failed as the sex Frey demi in how he wasn’t Caido’s bike any longer. At least, if he made a space where people could indulge, it was like he was associated in some aspect, even if he didn’t participate himself.

“I want to settle down somewhere and have a family again. I don’t… Want to be seen as a villain anymore.” He stumbles over the words but forces himself to keep that captivating dual toned gaze of hers. “I also only want one person to share my bed and to know I’m theirs, too.” A perhaps, surprising admission given his history, but the grey streaks of hair along his head and the newfound wrinkles on his face likely have a lot to do with it. And now, knowing it may spark that possessiveness from her again, he chooses to be a completely open book for her. “I had one fling two years after the war ended. And I have only slept with Isla since then, despite having made this space and despite having the offers to join or seek my own comfort.” His hand lifts from her hip to cover hers at his neck, stroking along the back of her hand.

But, when it comes to their chosen god, Sunjata hums a soft sound. “I have slept with Frey a few times, too.” Perhaps that would be a make it or break it, but they’re talking about it to find out where their lines are drawn. At the very least, sharing a bed with Frey was leagues ahead of the reason he’d slept with Safrin.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Admittedly the differing textures of scales, skin, hair, even blankets and the warmth from the fire, they all help ground and calm her in ways she’s learned to focus on whenever anxiety threatens to consume her. Right now she feels rather levelheaded, but there’s unmistakable trepidation as she puts herself out there first, heart on the table.

Listening quietly, attentively, Ru tries to keep down her reactions to a minimal and unobtrusive level while he talks even if her heart twists a bit with hope to hear their similarities. She wants to tell him he’s no villain, just a victim of circumstance and a heart pre-designed to sacrifice anything for love. But what good is her opinion? No matter how clearly she sees him, others never will.

At least it’s tempered by the flare of possessiveness she feels, which does make her lip twitch to reveal the verb tips of ivory fangs before she can help it. For a moment that same mix of embarrassment and shame returns, but his hand rises to cover her own and that touch alone has her mind going quiet and placid once more. Even managing a small smile in regards to Frey. “I have as well.” Though only once and likely not as involved as sex between demigod and creator must be. “And of all the heralds to sleep with, I trust Frey the most. But my only line in the sand is deals.” And this is where it gets hard to broach the topic, the oldest and deepest pain lying in wait here. “No major deals without communication. And definitely no children. I can’t - if kids are ever in the equation, they have to be decided on together.” Whether that’s birth or adoption. She can’t handle that level of betrayal again.

But she doesn’t want to linger in the past, she wants to focus on the future. “As for us, if we want there to be an us,” she amends, not wanting to assume even the smallest thing and ruin it all, “would we…start like normal people? Dates, courting?” It seems outlandish given there’s nothing a date would unveil that they wouldn’t already know, but she’s too cowardly to ask how he feels about the alternative.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

It’s quite possibly one of the biggest reasons that’s kept his flame of love for her from snuffing out — she can see him. Even more so now with the attuned bond, that intimate additional moment of hearts connected in ways that Sunjata only ever got to experience before with Nate. A sense that even when he couldn’t get the words right (which are often in his case), the bond would seal the rest of his meanings to hopefully get it in the right direction.

He feels the possessiveness and pulses a sense of understanding from his side of the bond precisely as his hand covers her own, staving off the rest of where her mind could go when she answers his comment of Frey, and delves into — quite possibly — their biggest cracked wall between them. He knows it’s coming, and it doesn’t surprise him as he watches her list out her terms, and it’s something that he nods his head with in agreement.

“Understood.” He murmurs softly, offering her a softer smile. He doesn’t need to elaborate his reasonings for it — because she knows deep down he’d only done it as a means to try and protect Nate from the inevitable. But with them sharing the same herald, it seemed quite unlikely that they would get pinned on opposite sides where such reckless and drastic measures were taken.

Hope does bloom in his chest, however, and he knows it yawns open to her across the bond as she mentions them as an us>, as a couple. And he selfishly doesn’t hide it as he squints a little at her to try and decide just how they should go about it. “I can certainly try to give you my best Korofian courting, but I’m afraid you’ve seen most of it by now.” He’s never done this type of thing, a reignited flame. What was there to learn of each other if they already knew the majority of what made the other tick? And with the ground rules already laid out, it’s evident they already know of each others desires and needs.

But, perhaps it would be fun regardless. “I would like for there to be an us. And I’ll gladly dust off my charm to try and woo you amongst my hoarded treasures.” The dragon scales spread slightly with his teasing, drifting down the back of his neck and shoulder now, creeping toward his spine. And it’s with a lopsided smile that he shoots toward her with hope still sparking through the bond like veins of lightning (the scars of which are etched even into his dragon scales), he asks “seeing as you’re staying the night, would you be interested in going on a date with me tomorrow, Ru?”

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Hotaru hadn’t assumed that he would disagree, but his quiet assent helps calm those frayed nerves worn rough by what - to her, and her only, given her feelings about children and motherhood - had been seen as a betrayal. It doesn’t mean he won’t do it again, but that’s exactly what trust is about; having faith he won’t, because the alternative means not moving forward with what this could be.

Her answering smile is small but charmed. “Maybe I don’t want Korofian courting,” she murmurs, thumb stroking at the underside of his jaw, “maybe it’s time for Sunjata courting. No history, no strings.” Guileless, heterochromatic eyes firmly on his, she knows he’ll sense the sincerity behind the slightly lofty tone affecting humor. Though the promise of things like charm and treasure makes her turn her face slightly into the pillow to hide her growing smile and the warmth in her cheeks. George had been utterly gentlemanly, even suave, but they’d been on equal footing - or even to Ru’s favor - in terms of charm. The Valkyrie knows she has always been utterly weak to Sunjata’s charm though. She knows she’s pleasantly doomed.

Fingertips caressing the edges of his scales, she looks at him in the firelight, with his scent surrounding her and his hand on her hip, and thinks - how could she ever say no? “I’d love to,” she murmurs, and can’t help the way she slightly bites her lip, for once a subconscious action instead of intentional seduction because she wants to kiss him again, but she isn’t sure if they’ve covered all their bases yet.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

His face twitches toward surprise, that scarred brow rising despite the smile that spreads on his face and the snort that leaves him as he tilts his head slightly into her hand as her thumb strokes the underside of his stubbled jaw. “Some of it is one in the same.” He says to start, voice gentler as he picks up the loose thread he’s toyed with in this conversation. “But I will have to think up some new things, then, if it’s to be strictly me.”

Because they both know his initial reaction to anything about himself these days. He doesn’t know what’s exclusively him and what’s not just a ramshackle glass house, cracked and built with what everyone else had wanted him to be. This gives him a chance to start, to figure out what he could do, without any other opinions to weigh in, make him second guess. (Old trauma habits are hard to quit, after all).

But for her, he can do that. He can give her his best. He wants to give her his best. And it’s that optimistic thought that shines like a beacon down the bond toward her when he notices her refraining from increasing her margin, and it gives him the ample opportunity to push forward toward her. But before he can claim another kiss to her lips, he can’t help the gentle rumble that leaves him. “I can’t wait.” It’s a quiet sound, but it gives him the split second of pause before he gets to press his lips to her as his hand finds its way to the small of her back, spreading as he tacks another kiss on his own side of this inevitable losing battle.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Undeniably there will be overlap and muddled lines, but he seems to realize the opportunity she’s giving him, the fresh start of self-exploration and removal from historical trauma. “If nothing else you can always default to your regular charm if you run out of ideas,” she murmurs with a playful smile. It will certainly be difficult, but she has faith in him, in his clear and emphatic desire to be better. Right now it might be for her, but maybe in time he’ll want it solely for himself too.

He moved across the bed toward her, until her hand laying on the bed can press up against his chest, the other still warm against his neck. With him this close she can barely think, but thoughts are overrated compared to the feeling of his lips against hers, and it’s all she needs to encourage her to push forward until their thighs and stomachs are touching. This way, there’s no need to tilt her head or stand on her toes, and it lends itself to a leisurely, exploratory kiss. One she deepens a little hesitantly - she’s comfortable with going a little further, but every decision they’ve made has been collective, like the world’s slowest three-legged race, and she doesn’t want to push past boundaries and barriers so soon.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

“Ah, at least that is something I never run out of.” He murmurs as he slides closer to her, hand splaying across her lower back before it runs up to spread across her shoulders, warm and gentle and inviting as it is with the kiss he presses to her lips.

It’s a strange dance that he isn’t used to, but one he takes gladly — able to allow himself the moments to let rationale come through. Every time before it has been purely off of emotions and a quiet greediness that he’s drowned himself in, but she allows him the chance to swim through them; to figure out how exactly he wishes to be himself without the weight of everything else.

And so, they are in agreement — in a slow motion where everything is met with no demand. Questions upon questions, instead, answered and answered in turn. So as she hesitantly deepens the kiss, he matches her, tongue dipping along the seam of her lips, as an escaped little flare of his possessiveness crosses along the bond toward her as more of his draconic shift shows itself in the leathery wing that wraps around and shrouds them from the outside world, so that they can be just themselves.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Though they’d kissed out near the Well of Dreams, more than once at that, this feels different. Now, they know with certainty that something lies on the horizon, waiting for them. When his hand smooths up her spine and spreads like wings between her shoulder blades, it’s with the knowledge that he’s allowed to touch her this way. When her hand on his chest rises to curl into the collar of his shirt it’s with the awareness that she could ask him to take it off, and it wouldn’t need to be a sordid secret to be regretted by morning light.

She shudders all over at the touch of his possessiveness. This is what she was missing, and it’s like dawnslight cresting over a hill to wash in her eyes. When she’d quietly asked Deimos standing in the snow if she was addicted to toxicity she’d been truly scared, but what she’d been missing with George was this - a spark. True, heady desire. Hands that cling and claw because they want her, they don’t just appreciate her.

The soft sound of his leathery wing settling over her has her tightening her hold on his collar and boldly letting her mouth fall open to the soft, questioning touch of his tongue, pulling them together with her own undeniable strength until her leg has to rise over his own and settle on his hip to contend with how she forcibly destroys any space left between them. And, answering the call, her own firestorm of possessiveness sparks up the bond in a lightshow of ferocity that drowns his out immediately with how she doesn’t bother to tamper and civilize it.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

There is no need to guess, to wonder, to try and decide whether or not ‘x’ amount of contact is acceptable. They’re in this together, a mutual understanding, adult-talking points to guide them in a show that only seems to prove somewhere in that still shattered void Sunjata has, that he has grown. Because yes, he could be selfish in saying he wanted this, but it was never something he wanted to try and guide her into.

It’s their decision, together, and it only sparks more of that flame of possessiveness as her hand clutches at his collar and the way she lessens all the space between them, opening up to him in ways she had once before when they’d been young and naive about how this world in particular, worked. But Hotaru has never been breakable, to him, never this fragile woman that needed coddling and care. She’s a fire sprite, a whirlwind, a Valkyrie on the waves of a hurricane that he has both felt the calm in the eye of the storm and the destruction the damaging winds have wrought.

So he loosens his hold, the white fire of her possessiveness claws up his spine and he physically shivers with it, pressing into her more as his hand lifts up just enough to tangle his fingertips into her golden hair, leg adjusting to hook the one left open on the bed and not wrapped around his hip, leaning over her ever so slightly now to encroach on her space all that much more. It has the added bonus of allowing those draconic horns to spiral from his skull, another showing of how much his possessiveness grows louder within him, the scales not used as a protection against his emotions this time but for the strength and proof that he wants nothing more in this moment than to call her his, like he had once upon a time, like he had before he’d fucked it up and she’d sunk the blade he’d gifted her into the flesh of his thigh.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine

Hotaru

Somewhere my lifeline still hums and sings
In the mess of all I have thrown away

Even as they both share their unspoken consent in waves, she wonders if this is the right choice. If she should be allowing her heart to lead this soon when it has so often misled her, frequently right into his arms. But she thinks last time, the misleading had been away from him, because it feels like coming home as his hand tangles in her hair and the space between them finally vanishes.

Her heart had split the second she’d left them, but she’d ignored it. She’s tired of ignoring it. She’s tired of not trusting it.

As he leverages forward and halfway over her, she hooks her leg around his hip and revels in the weight of him against her, the way he blocks out the light and the world at large with his shoulders and wings. She doesn’t want to see it, doesn’t want to know anything exists but him. The primordial creature inside her purrs with delight at the showy display, the eclipsing strength that so few people have when compared to her own. Someone who can both contest and protect her. An instinct she’s never had when entangled with him in the past.

Curling her tongue against his, she uses the leverage of her thigh to drag him close and grind leisurely against him, the hand in his shirt collar reaching up to spread across the base of his neck and caress her thumb against the hollow of his collarbone. The other grips his shoulder, content to luxuriate and linger, not rush, but equally wanting him so intensely she can’t bear the thought of waiting any longer. She’s already waited years. She doesn’t want to wait anymore.

Hungry now,
I am gathering new seeds to throw wide

SUNJATA

at another place in time, you were infinitely mine
relatively alright, when berenstein was fine

His heart, too, had fractured the second that she left – a similar place it had been when she’d disappeared when they started to come down with the Climb Fever. But she’s no longer that ghost he and Nate had chased across the cliffs of Aumakua. She’s warm and alive and right here in his arms, exactly how it should have been.

Her leg hooks around his hip and his wings encroach the space further, blotting out the light from the fire and the rest of the room, the space between them a mix of the two of them as they deepen the kiss, as the predator shifts within him grow even more possessive with those thoughts of mine, mine, mine. He’s changed, though, even if his shifts within him want nothing more than to hold onto her like a prized treasure, fending off any who dare come closer. He knows better, he knows she can handle her own, but there’s a part of him internally that’s relieved under the idea that she can always call upon him in turn should she ever need it.

His breath hitches as she pulls him closer, feeling the way she grinds against him at an easy pace. It’s paired with the hand that spreads along his neck and collarbone, over a scar placed there that should have been a wound that killed him over a decade ago, her tongue curling against his, Sunjata shivers yet again and lets out a greedy growl. Their tongues dance together for a moment before he breaks the kiss to peer at her from above her, the faintest light illuminating the spiraled horns and the questions in his now slit steel gaze, careful to not step over any line in the sand. Should we do this so soon? He asks mentally, mostly due to his breathlessness, and because he’s absolutely enjoying the view and the feel of her against him. But his voice through the bond is heavy, deep with his accent, and doing a very poor job of concealing how intoxicating she is to him.

at another place in time, only parallel to mine
the universe was alright, when berenstein was fine